Castiel paced around his room with the piece of paper from Dean placed on his desk still folded but crinkled from his walk home. Fuck, Balthazar won't be home yet so I can't call him and Anna is still in school so I can't call her either. What do I do? I know exactly what Balthazar will say 'Don't open it you idiot. Throw it in the trash.' But what if it's something important? Anna said herself; he wants to fix this, whatever this is.
Castiel collapsed onto his bed staring at the ceiling his thoughts whirling around in his head. "Fuck this, I'm opening it" he spoke aloud to himself. He stood up from the bed and walked over to his desk and sat down in his chair staring at the note.
His hands started to shake as he reached out to pick it up, hand hovering over the paper before pulling his hand back and resumed staring. What the fuck is wrong with me? I'm too scared to open a note? Worst case scenario he it says he's never going to be with me. Best case scenario -? That he wants to be with me? That he's going to come out of the damn closet?
He reached out quickly picking up the note and unfolding it to reveal the scribble that is Dean's hand writing.
Cas,
I don't even know if you're going to read this, but I really hope you do. I'm sorry. I was a complete asshole from day one but that isn't me. I really hope you give me a chance to show you the real me but I understand if I don't deserve it. There's just something about you. You're always in my head and it scares the shit out of me. I don't even know anything about you but I want to. I want to know everything there is to know. Please. Just give me a chance to prove myself to you.
Dean
Castiel read the note over again and then placed it back down on the desk. "I'm fucked" he said to himself. He glanced down at his watch and noticed school would be over by now and Balthazar should be home. He pulled out his cell and dialled Balthazar's number. Two rings and he picked up
"Cassie? What's wrong?"
"Nothing's wrong. It's just…"
"It's just what? What happened at school? Did you talk to him? Damnit Castiel he's not going to learn anything if you talk to him after he treated you like trash."
"Balthazar stop. I didn't talk to him. He tried when we were in the locker rooms but I didn't turn around and talk. He left me a note."
"Oh God. You read it didn't you? For fucks sakes Castiel. What did it say?"
"He said he's sorry" Castiel replied softly
"Well of course he's sorry" Balthazar gritted back. "What else did it say?"
Castiel read the note out to Balthazar. Once he had finished there was silence on both ends.
"Balthazar?" Castiel asked after a long silence
"Well at least he's admitted he's an asshole. He obviously realised on Sunday what he missed out on when he saw us and now he wants it. Just don't anything stupid when you see him tomorrow. Or the rest of the week for that matter"
"And what counts as something stupid?" Castiel asked completely serious
"Oh, I dunno telling him you read the note?" Balthazar replied sarcastically. "Keep him in the dark for the rest of the week."
"I don't know if I can do that Balthazar. He seems so sincere in this note"
"Look Castiel, I know you really like this guy and he obviously likes you but the only way he's going to learn is if you give him the cold shoulder and play hard to get. Make him chase after you. If he really wants you and seriously can't get you out of his head – one week is not going to change anything. So remember what I said and don't talk to him!" Balthazar ranted
"Ok, Ok I get it. So I just pretend that I never read it and carry on like I did today." Castiel answered
"Yes exactly. If he gives you another note, throw it away." Knew it.
"Alright. Thanks Balthazar. I'll talk to you later."
"Cya Castiel."
Castiel hung up his phone and dropped back on his bed face down into the pillows. Tomorrow is going to be a thousand times harder than today.
-
Castiel sat in common room with Anna not telling her about how Dean had approached him or about the note. He didn't know why he didn't tell her he just felt that she would just contradict what Balthazar had said so chose to leave it. They sat in silence finishing off their homework until Anna spoke "Hmph weird, Dean hasn't shown up. I thought he'd be here trying to talk to you"
Castiel swallowed and looked to his usual seat to see it occupied with one of his teammates but no Dean. His felt a twinge in his heart he's given up. I shouldn't have ignored him yesterday fuck I've ruined everything and then as if Dean knew, he walked into the room.
Mr. Singer glanced up from his newspaper at Dean, giving him a nod, not even caring that he's turned up late. Castiel looked at Dean with a sense of relief he's here so that's a good sign. Anna elbowed Castiel in the ribs and he winced in pain "You're staring." As Anna spoke, Dean looked over to Castiel who suddenly remembered Dean wasn't meant to know he'd read the note and looked back down at his homework.
He heard Dean tell the person in his seat to move and could still feel his gaze burning the back of his skull when the bell rang. Castiel packed up his stuff as fast as he could and headed into the hall running into someone and having all his books drop to the floor and disperse.
"Oh, Castiel, I'm so sorry" a familiar voice said
Castiel glanced up to see Gabriel bending down to help pick up the papers that had scattered. "It's fine Gabriel. I wasn't watching where I was going." He stood up and balanced his books in his arms as Gabriel passed back the papers he had collected.
"Where were you in Gym yesterday?" he asked just as Dean walked passed staring. Castiel quickly looked down at his feet. Gabriel glanced around to see why Castiel was acting strange and saw Dean quickly look away "Dude, what the hell is going on with you and Winchester?"
Castiel continued to stare at his feet unsure if Dean had stopped looking or not. "Uhm… It's a long story" he said hesitantly
"Well I've got a free period right now. What have you got?"
"Maths with Mr. Zachariah... and Dean" Castiel replied
"Well sounds like we're ditching then. Come on let's go" Gabriel tugged on Castiel's arm and pulled him down the hallway ignoring all protests.
-
Gabriel dragged Castiel all the way down the baseball fields where they sat in the bleachers. "I'm going to end up in detention for this" Castiel sighed.
"Oh get over it. Now spill what's going on"
Castiel sighed again and then told Gabriel the entire story from Dean on the first day, to Balthazar, to the game and the contents of the note. Gabriel didn't interrupt him with comments; just let him tell his story taking it all in. By the time he'd finished it was well into second period.
Castiel stared at Gabriel who was silent for a moment before speaking. "So, let me get this straight. You like Dean and he like's you but he's too scared to come out of the closet and instead ran in the other direction into this girl's arms – which by the way her name is Lisa and she's a total babe so I see why he'd go there."
Castiel nodded "Essentially yes."
Gabriel shook his head and laughed "So instead of doing something about it, you take advice from you're ex who is clearly still in love with you."
Castiel frowned at the statement. "He's not in love with me. We're just friends"
"Right, friends that fly all the way down from Michigan, for a weekend, to surprise you and end up helping you with your pathetic love life? Yeah friends, sure. If you ask me, he was looking to win you back but saw that you've moved on"
Castiel was angry now "Balthazar isn't like that – he isn't – he's just a good friend" Gabriel's words rolled around in Castiel's head before what he was saying clicked into place. Fuck, he's right. "Shit. You're right. It makes sense now." Castiel clinched his hands on his knees into fists. "So Balthazar's little plan is all just to drive Dean away so I can be with his cheating ass?"
Gabriel hesitated for a moment deep in thought before he spoke again "I wouldn't say it's the best plan of getting someone. I get that he hurt you, I really do, but in his defence – not that I'm defending what he did – but you weren't exactly 'together'" signalling air quotations with his fingers "So ignoring him is a bit harsh. Maybe you should just go talk to him and hear it from him in person rather than a fucking note. I mean what is this? Middle school where we're all too scared to go talk to the person we like so we send silly little love letters and get our friends talk to them instead? Seriously just go fucking talk to the dude."
Castiel dropped his head into his hands as his elbows rested on his knees and wiped his face. He lifted his head still resting his chin on his hands, staring out towards the pitch. "What would I even say to him?"
"I dunno dude, I don't swing that way so I don't know what he wants, but I guess just ask him about it – hear his side of the story. Just go somewhere and talk, get it out in the open and then just go from there." Gabriel placed a hand on Castiel's shoulder in reassurance.
Castiel turned his head to look at Gabriel who was smiling at him. Castiel smiled in return "Thanks Gabriel, you're a good friend. It's nice to have a guy to talk to about this that isn't Balthazar."
"Hey, no problem man. So here's what we're going to do…"
A/N I hope this is alright :L I'm writing the next chapter now so it won't be a long wait for the next update promise :) Keep the reviews coming I love them all :D
