'San?' Brittany's voice still echoed through the apartment from the closed walls of the bathroom.

Santana looked up from the glossy magazine she was flicking through, hearing Brittanys voice she rolled off the unmade bed in her black lace lingerie. Running a hand through her messy hair, she walked across the room to the bathroom with silent footsteps.

'What's up B?' she called placing her perfectly manicured fingers on the bathroom door and pushing it open a little, peeking around she saw Brittany standing in the shower pouting.

Santana slid around the door and couldn't help but let her eyes wander over the gorgeous blonde's slim figure.

'I can't remember if I washed my hair or not' Brittany stuck her bottom lip out even more making her look irresistibly cute.

Santana smiled a little moving closer to the blonde taking a piece of her wet hair and twisting it around her fingers.

'Ohh dear' she sighed a little 'I hate it when that happens'

Brittany nodded her eyes subtly grazing over Santana's chest, Santana didn't miss a beat, she smirked to herself as she caught the willowy blonde staring at her; she bit her lip and stepped into the shower.

Santana's eyes fluttered open, light poured in from the curtains she had forgotten to draw. She stretched her hand out across the bed to Brittany's side; a small sigh fell from her lips when she realized she was alone. Rolling over to check the time, Brittany's photo caught her attention, picking it off the nightstand Santana's heart throbbed.

Why. She thought to herself. Why her. She was the one thing that made me happy. A tear slid down her cheek, the blonde looked back at her from the photo, her bright eyes sparkled and her adorable smile stretched across her face.

Hugging the photo tightly to her chest, Santana shut her eyes tightly as more tears fell. She was sick of crying. She was sure she would run out of tears soon.

She could almost feel Brittany's arms around her, the warmth of her body being so close to her own.

"Come on San, please don't cry" Brittany would always say "there's a beautiful day outside waiting for you" Santana's neck almost tingled where her girlfriend used to kiss her before sliding out of bed.

Opening her eyes, Santana caught a glance of the time. 12.53pm, suddenly she remembered what had happened last night. She knew she shouldn't have run out on Audrey like that. The next time she saw her it was going to lead to her having to explain herself, which Santana was already beginning to dread. She pulled herself out of bed and set the photo frame back on her nightstand. Looking back at the time she suddenly remember she had an appointment with Abigail in seven minutes. She quickly scrambled to wipe her tears and pull on a black jeans and a knitted cream jumper. She pulled on her unlaced boots as she dashed out the door and towards the elevator.

She got to Abigail's office at exactly 1:01, bursting in the door she collapsed down on her usual seat.

"Well good afternoon to you" Abigail said with a chuckle "You certainly look flustered"

Santana took a deep breath "I woke up eight minutes ago" she said

"Oh" Abigail said "Lucky for some, i've been here since 9"

Santana scrunched up her nose "sucks for you" she said like a teenager

Abigail waved a hand in dismissal "All i've been doing so far is talking though, so it could be worse"

Santana bit her lip, wondering what she would be asked today.

"Hows your week been?" Abigail asked

Santana shrugged "fine I guess"

"Anything interesting happen?"

"I made a new friend" Santana said "sort of"

Abigail's eyes widened in delight

"That's great Santana"

"Well, I ran out of her house crying last night so I'm not sure"

"Why was that?"

"She hit a touchy subject"

"Brittany?"

Santana went silent at the mention of her name.

"Ahh" Abigail said

"Why do you think it's so hard for you to talk about her?"

"Because I miss her" Santana said "Because when I talk about her it reminds me she's gone, she's gone and it's my fault"

Santana was surprised that no tears came, just anger and frustration.

"Okay" Abigail said consulting a sheet of paper in front of her "have you been having any of those dreams lately?"

Santana swallowed hard. She didn't want to talk about the dreams.

"Yes but they don't finish how they used to anymore"

"How did they used to finish?"

"She'd die"

"She doesn't die anymore?"

Santana shook her head "I wake up before she does, and sometimes she just doesn't, sometimes they're not even dreams, they're memories and other times I just talk to her, like she's right here, I just get to talk to her"

"What does she say?"

"She tells me not to give up and that it'll be fine, that i'll be fine"

"Do you believe her?"

"No"

"Why not?"

"Why should I? It will never be alright, she's not here"

Abigail twisted her pen around in her fingers "Santana do you take anything before you sleep?"

"I'm supposed to but I don't"

Abigail frowned "Is that because of the dreams?"

"I won't see her if I take something, I can't lose that"

When Santana finally got home she was emotionally exhausted, she pulled on a pair of sweatpants and a jumper and collapsed onto the couch shutting her eyes.

A loud buzzing noise suddenly rang through her apartment a few seconds later. Her eyes opened and she wondered who it could possibly be.

"Just a second" she called out. She ran her fingers through her hair on the way to the door, without looking through the peephole Santana pulled the door open.

"Wha- ohh god" Santana said before she could think. Audrey stood at her door, a her hair was covered in a light dusting of snow, her nose and cheeks were pink and she had a takeaway coffee cup in one hand.

"Hi" Audrey said, almost like nothing was wrong "you didn't come to get your coffee this morning, I was worried" brushing past Santana, she handed her the cup.

Did I say you could come in? Santana thought to herself and took the cup, automatically taking a sip from it.

"I feel like we left on a bad note" Audrey said turning to face Santana "I didn't mean to upset you"

Santana sighed and shut the door.

"Yeah, well I shouldn't have just run out like that"

Audrey was silent for a moment, as her eyes wandered around the apartment, eventually finding their way back to looking at Santana, who was staring at a black and white photo of her and Brittany, that was hanging on the wall.

Audrey followed Santana's gaze, it only took her a second to figure it out.

"Ohmygod" she barely whispered "Santana, I…"

"Don't" Santana interrupted "don't say you're sorry, just don't say anything, you didn't know her"

Audrey took a couple of steps closer to Santana; Santana could feel her eyes on her.

"They say black and white photo's capture the soul" Audrey said after a slight pause "she's beautiful"

"I know" Santana hadn't moved her eyes off the photograph "and it was entirely my fault"

"You shouldn't blame yourself" she said "that's a little harsh"

Santana just shook her head. Feeling her eyes fill with tears "it was my fault, I shouldn't have yelled at her"

Audrey seemed to sense what was coming "hey" she said softly seeing the tears form, she took the cup from Santana's hand and set it down on the table. "You can tell me"

Moving her eyes off the photo Santana looked at the girl in front of her, her green eyes were filled with compassion.

"She died" Santana finally managed to get the words out, Audrey just gave a little nod.

"What was her name?"

"Brittany" Santana said, the name fell off her tongue before she could even think.

"we were in the car, we'd had a fight the night before, I thought she felt something for someone else, she had gotten really sick during the night, so I was taking her to the doctor, and we started arguing again" Santana's voice was shaky, tears fell before she could even say the next part, Audrey suddenly took a step forward and wrapped her arms tightly around the brunette.

"I took my eyes off the road" Santana's fragile body was shaking from the tears "and she wasn't wearing her seatbelt" Audrey rubbed her back trying to provide some form of comfort. "There was a truck coming, and the roads were slippery and….and"

"Shh" Audrey said pulling Santana closer.

"She went through the windscreen" Santana finished Audrey took a deep breath and held Santana close until she was finished crying.

"How long ago was this?" she asked quietly

"Last year" Santana replied and looked down, Audrey cupped Santana's face with her hands and looked into her eyes.

"It'll get better" she said, and Santana sucked in a breath.

"No. it won't" she shook her head "being the reason your girlfriend is dead will never just go away"

"Santana, it will, I promise you" Audrey said, letting her hands fall onto Santana's shoulders.

"just stop" Santana said brushing Audrey off her "you don't know anything" there was a long pause.

"I think you should go" she said and started moving towards the door.

"My parents and little brother died in a car crash when I was 14 years old" Audrey's voice echoed through the room and Santana froze.

"I was meant to be going with them, but I was mad at them and decided I was going to stay home" Audrey continued "I spent years regretting not in getting in the car with them"

Santana slowly turned around, Audrey stood in the same place, her hands in her pockets, no tears, nothing.

"You're not crying" Santana said.

"I've had to learn to live without them" Audrey said and shrugged "they'll forever be in my heart, and it kills me every day to know I'll never get to see them, or hug them again, but at some point you have to let go, I'm sure they wouldn't want us dwelling on the past for our whole lives and not enjoying what is out there for us" Santana frowned "don't say that"

Audrey bit her lip "Why, because it's true?"

Santana shook her head "that's exactly what she would have said"

"Then she was a smart girl" the corners of Audrey's mouth turned up a little, forming the smallest smile.

"You have no idea" Santana said and couldn't help smiling a little herself.

"Well" Audrey said walking towards Santana "this has been…heavy, do you want to go do something fun?"

Santana shrugged a little "why not"

The rest of the afternoon passed in a blur. Santana had forgotten she was capable of having a good time. Especially in New York. Audrey had led her all over the city, to her favorite places, they tried strange food, drank way too much coffee, paid for a taxi in only pennies. It was the small things in life that Santana had been missing. The small memories that make up every day, the small things that make you smile and laugh.

"This is the last place I want to show you" Audrey said skipping ahead of Santana and turning around walking backwards. Her smile stretched from ear to ear. The sun was setting and the last rays of light were slipping between the buildings and a lighting Audrey's face.

"This?" Santana looked around, buildings, buildings, tall buildings and road.

"No" Audrey laughed "up there" she pointed up to the towering building beside them. Santana stood there looking up towards the very top of the building.

"Come on" Audrey said and grabbed her hand pulling her towards the entrance.

"Are we even allowed in here?" Santana asked, Audrey just laughed and pulled her towards the stairs.

"Okay, no" Santana said and stopped walking "I am not climbing a thousand flights of stairs just to get to the top, why can't we take the elevator?" "Because, climbing to the top is part of life, you get to the top, you get a reward, and then you can take the elevator on the way back down" Audrey smiled wide.

Rachel Berry. Were the first two words that popped into Santana's mind. She rolled her eyes and sighed.

"Fine. Let's do this"

By the time they had reached the top, Audrey had successfully sung The Climb 5 times. Santana had almost pushed her back down the stairs.

They burst through the door to the roof, the remains of the sun was hitting the deck making the rest of the city look magic.

Santana looked around, breathless from the hike up the stairs, but also the beauty of what lay before her.

Audrey tossed her hair over her shoulder dramatically and looked around.

"Gorgeous isn't it?"

"It's beautiful" Santana said and walked towards the edge of the building, leaning over the railing and smiling as Audrey joined her.

"I always feel like I'm on top of the world up here, nothing can touch me" she said and looked at Santana, the light in her hair made it glow almost red.

"Thank you" Santana said

"What for?" Audrey lifted an eyebrow

"This. Everything." Santana said looking at her smiling a little.

Audrey laughed leaning on hand on the railing she watched Santana.

"Sometimes you forget how to live in the moment"

Santana watched her closely "are you an angel?"

Audrey rolled her eyes a little "are you?"

Santana bit her bottom lip and caught Audrey's eyes flick down to her lips then back up to meet her eyes.

Audrey leaned in a little, and Santana found she was being drawn towards her, like a force of gravity. She felt her heart start beating faster as Audrey's lips grazed across her own.

She shut her eyes. Brittany. Big blue eyes stared at her in horror, before filling up with tears and turning away.

"No" Santana gasped, her eyes abruptly opening as she pulled away and started vigorously shaking her head.

"No, no, no" she repeated taking a couple of steps backwards "I can't do this" she glanced at Audrey who slumped against the railing and looked down.

"I shouldn't have…" Santana continued

"Its fine" Audrey said "seriously, it's my fault"

"I have to go" Santana said and pushed the door back into the building open, briskly stepping towards the elevator and hitting the button repetitive times until the doors opened.

As the doors where shutting all she heard was a voice calling out in desperation.

"Santana, wait!"

"Leave me alone" Santana was almost shouting as she stormed down the road with Audrey hot on her tail.

"Why are you being like this?" Audrey said her tone clearly frustrated "I said I was sorry"

"yeah, well sorry doesn't make up for you almost sticking your tongue down my throat" Santana said and kept walking, not breaking her pace for a second.

"My god, you really are letting this get to you aren't you?" Audrey said "it was nothing; we didn't even kiss, so just chill out, it's not like you're going home to Brittany anyway"

Santana spun around and took a step towards Audrey who immediately realized she shouldn't have said anything.

"Don't you dare talk about her" Santana growled "ever"

Audrey's eyes were wide, she might have even been scared for a split second but Santana was too upset to care. Audrey just nodded. Santana spun on her heel and kept walking.

"I'm so sorry" a voice followed her "that was completely out of line"

Santana didn't say anything; slowing her pace a little as she approached her apartment building she folded her arms and looked down at the pavement.

"You're not ready, I get it" Audrey continued.

"Can you please just go" Santana said quietly "I want to be alone"

"You don't mean that" Audrey said stopping, leaving a couple of meters between them.

"I do" Santana said and choked back tears, pulling the door open and going inside, she knew Audrey would follow her, the elevator doors opened and closed. Audrey was right in there beside her.

"Can we just forget anything ever happened?" Audrey sighed.

The doors opened and she was out, unlocking the door to her place.

"I just can't" Santana said walking out of the room

"Santana, stop it" Audrey almost whined, as she followed Santana "please, just stop it" Santana stopped walking away and turned around to face Audrey, she lifted her eyebrows expectantly, waiting for her to continue.

"I'm not asking you to love me the way you loved Brittany, because I know that will never happen" she paused seeing the look on Santana's face change at the mention of Brittany.

"Look you can deny it all you want, but you do not want to be alone for the rest of your life" she stopped, her voice softening. "Nobody does, at the end of the day everyone just wants someone to come home to, someone who actually gives a damn about them, Santana I know you will never get over Brittany, what you two had was magic, I can tell, I'm just saying to stop pushing people away" Santana stood there with her arms crossed, she wanted to say something, but she was speechless.

"And you have got to stop acting like you are the only one, who is going through this, because you're not, and you're not alone, everyone experiences loss Santana, and there are a lot of people who have to live with something they will regret till the day they die. It takes an incredible amount of strength to go through alone, so if you have someone standing in front of you saying they care about you and will be there for you, as a friend, why would you want to push them away?"

Santana looked at her; close to tears she ran her tongue over her front teeth,

"Are you finished?" she asked, holding back tears "because if you are, I think you should go"

Audrey stared at her for a moment "fine" she said rolling her eyes and walking back to the door, she looked back at Santana halfway out the door.

"You know where I am if you decide you need me" she said before disappearing.

Santana fell onto the couch exhausted, looking at her phone she saw she had a new voice message from Quinn.

"Hey San" her cheerful voice made Santana want to cry, she missed her best friend so much.

"You're not picking up, again. So either you have a raging social life or you've gone back into hibernation, I just wanted to check up on you and see if you went to see that Abigail lady or not, anyway give me a call when you get this, I miss you heaps gorgeous"

Santana stared at her phone for minutes after the message had finished, tears fell down her face. She couldn't handle everything on her own. She needed someone. She needed Quinn.

Hitting the call button she listened to the ringer for about a minute hoping that Quinn would pick up and she wasn't busy.

"Santana?" a sleepy voice mumbled from the other end of the line

"Q" Santana's voice was shaky she tried to hold back the tears but it didn't work soft sobs escaped her.

"Sanny what's wrong?" Quinn had obviously been taking a nap, Santana heard the rustling of bed sheets as Quinn propped herself up

"I can't handle anything anymore" she sobbed

"Shhh" Quinns voice soothed Santana almost immediately "baby listen to me, it's okay to be a mess sometimes"

"I'm a disaster" Santana managed in between sobs

"You're strong" Quinn said "Stronger than anyone else I know, but no one expects you to be like that all the time"

Tears poured from Santana's eyes as she listened to Quinns words.

"I need you Quinn" Santana's voice was quiet, barely louder than a whisper

Quinn sighed softly "Santana" she said almost pleadingly

"You're the only person I have left" more tears fell as Santana spoke

"I wish I could come and see you but I have to finish my assignments or I'm not going to pass"

"I get it" Santana sniffled "it's fine"

"It's not fine" Quinn said "I should be there for you"

"Q your grades are important" Santana said wiping her tears

"I'll try and come visit you soon okay?"

"Okay" Santana said quietly

"You should get some sleep, we both should"

"Sorry I woke you"

"You can wake me up at anytime San, I'm here for you"

"I don't deserve you"

"Go to sleep" Santana could hear Quinn smiling

"and Santana"

"Yeah?"

"You're gonna be just fine"