8-8-04
Sigh.
Sunday mornings suck.
There's nothing to do when I've finished all of my videogames and I don't feel like restarting any of them. I'm definitely not doing my homework if I can avoid it, and Mello's at Mass so I don't get to bug him till lunch.
I don't know if Mr. Edman would want us writing in the journal on any other time of the day but at night, just before bed, but I don't care anymore. It's ten A.M. This is the only thing I feel like and can do that won't bore me or kill me. I actually enjoy blabbing on and on about my life in here. It's fun. I get to talk about myself, and come one, who doesn't like to talk about themselves? Okay, well, pasts. But. Hmm.
My train of thought hath left without me.
Bah. I don't see why Mello has to go to Mass every damned Sunday. All he's doing is sitting in a church singing to a magical being in the sky that probably doesn't even exist. I don't get it. I mean, I respect his religion and all but damn, it seems so stupid to me.
Oh, and in case you hadn't realized, I'm an atheist. And that's not in the annoying teenage boy, "Derp, I'm a rebel and I don't believe in God," without actually believing that. Science has just uncovered too much, the Bible too contradictory, and everything just too fantastic for me to believe. Even if there was a god somewhere up there, I just don't think he's worth worshiping like people do.
We're not allowed to play god, (*ahem* Kira) so why should some mystic fellow in the sky be able to? It's like there's someone up there who's playing the Sims with free will on in some households, but it's off in others. If he's really as mighty as everyone makes him out to be, he could at least give us some solid proof that it's him up there doing all of this crap we thought we solved with science. A book that's been edited and changed over the last two thousand years or so isn't proof, either.
So, why should we have to adhere to every single rule some unknown author stuffed in a special book? According to the Bible, dozens, no, probably bordering on hundreds, of things I do in my everyday life are sinful. Swearing, eating ham, premarital sex—hell, throw in homosexual tendencies if you want.
To be clear, I didn't lie yesterday when I said I wasn't gay. Bisexual? Maybe. I still like girls, but Mello…?
I wouldn't say it to his face but I'd totally shag Mello if he ever comes out of the closet. I mean, he's like a negatively charged magnet surrounded by other negatively charged magnets when he's with girls. His own force just pushes himself away. Whether he wants to do that or not, who am I to say? But yeah, he's cute.
It's just pretty obvious he's not attracted to girls. I mean, I'm attracted to pretty much anything with a human heartbeat and a three-digit IQ. Preferably over 200, but I can't really get that picky.
It doesn't really matter, anyway. It's not like I'll get married. If I don't die before then, I'm planning on joining the twenty-seven club, right up there with Jimi Hendrix and Kurt Cobain. I don't care if I'm not a musician. My sex life for the next thirteen years will be just fine with one-night-stands and fuck buddies.
Huh. I feel weird talking about a sex life at fourteen. Eh, whatever. Times are changing. In six months, I'll be fifteen, then in another year, sixteen, and seventeen, and so on. It's not unheard of.
Anyway.
I wonder how many times I'm going to use the word "anyway" as a single line when I get myself off topic in this journal. What the fuck, it's just a journal. No one cares if I get off topic because I'm the only one reading this and I FUCKING LOVE GOING OFF TOPIC. Okay, done with obnoxiously scribbling over and over those words…
Rules suck. Why the hell do people still follow them? I mean, I understand how people will just go around raping and murdering everyone in case of anarchy, but why can't we all just use our fucking common sense and not do that? Why can't people be trusted to, oh, I don't know, not be that asshole. If everyone could live peacefully together without some superimposed government or rule, then I think that would be fucking dandy. Utopian and ultimately impossible, but who cares? A kid can dream. I just kind of wish I was some Enlightenment kid so I can write a book about that and have it be wildly popular and actually become reality over the years. People tend to follow (and-or live by) those Enlightenment fellows. They had good ideas.
My English teacher would be appalled with my choice of paragraphs. That thing took up almost a full page of this notebook. Well, uh, my handwriting could have helped that out, but that's beside the point.
That's all religion really is though. A bunch of rules put together that people generally follow without regards to anyone else's opinions. If you're religious but allow moral leeway, then here's a big hell yeah for you! Like Mello. He may be the stereotypical church-going Catholic, but he's done and said things utterly blasphemous by most religious people's standards without a bat of his eyelashes. He's open to all sorts of things people generally reject. But maybe that's just because he's a Wammy's kid, like me.
… Wammy's seems to be made up of a bunch of liberals.
Except Roger.
Roger's a grade-A fucking pious-ass wanker.
But I guess that's just his job as caretaker. Hate kids but work with them anyway because you want to control the future's best and brightest. Get money. Be important. Know people. I have a feeling that's his mantra whenever I (or anyone else, really) get in trouble and end up in his office. I swear, if that man doesn't have the patience of a saint, I don't know who does.
Well, lunch is going to start being dished out soon and food food food oh my god food.
What can I say, I'm a growing teenage boy.
Food.
~addicted atheist
P.S. Fuck, I'm coming up with some fucking epic screen names.
A/N: Man, I am just having so much fun in the last day or two writing Matt confessing his love for Mello. x3 To be clear, I just put out the beginning of a collection of oneshots in which M&M come out of the closet called "But It's Warm In Here." C:
/self-advertising
Happy Friday! And good luck to those of you participating in NaNoWriMo. I don't know how well I'm going to be doing this year. I'm not as into my story as I am into writing M&M fanfiction, lucky for you. ;)
Thanks so much for reading, and I really hope you enjoy!
