Note: The holidays are so close and the lights are so damn pretty! Meanwhile, please excuse Jerkward. Thank you to Fran, as always.

Music: Chvrches - The Mother We Share


Opprobrium

Chapter 7: Disturbance

After the phone call with Bella, sleep didn't come easily.

I rolled through one nightmare into another. My body twisted and turned with every scene that occurred behind my closed eyes.

I saw babies with laser beams coming out of their eyes and a Bella Swan with fangs sprouting from her mouth. Then, to top it all off, I was awarded a medal for being the worst father of the year. By the time my disquieting dream carried my mind into a vision of me, as Dracula, riding a donkey, I was able to find my way back to the living.

Breathing heavily, whilst resting on my elbows, I blinked rapidly. I attempted to reassure myself that the phone call with Bella never happened and that there would be no babies with laser beams anytime soon.

"No, I'm not a father," I recited as I was reminded of the strange award in my dream. "It's all in my head."

In the morning, the jolly smile that I plastered on my face while eating cereal was not fooling anyone, especially not the emotions inside my mind. Stupidity struck me in the back of the head as I groaned at the fierce headache he caused.

"I didn't ask for any of this to happen," I whined to nobody in particular.

'But the choices you made led to these consequences,' Carlisle would remind me.

"I am so confused right now," I whispered to myself.

I was either losing my grasp on reality or continuously having a bunch of entities jammed inside my head.

"What am I going to do with her? And the baby?" I desperately asked. I figured I had nothing to lose as I waited for an answer from within my own brain.

'You treat her right and you fix up your poor choices in life,' Carlisle would respond, with a bored expression. 'You should know that, Edward.'

I drank down the milk that was left in my bowl before placing it in the sink.

"I don't even know anything about her. But maybe this is my opportunity," I said to the tap, staring at my distorted reflection.

"What did you do when you first discovered you were going to have a kid?" I asked, speaking to my dead father again.

There was no reply.

Nothing.

None in my ears and none inside my head.

"Dad?"

But Carlisle was gone.


"You boys still have Xbox dates?" Leah asked with a roll of her eyes as she put on her earrings.

"Babe, it's my day off," Jacob said, giving Leah a kiss before winking at me.

"The big, mighty Jacob Black must not be stopped then," Leah replied dryly.

They then proceeded to canoodle with each other.

"Guys, I'm still here," I groaned.

I may as well have been talking to a wall as both of them ignored my presence. They murmured quiet promises for what they'd do to each other later before I broke up the scene, threatening to leave and ruin Jake's day off if they didn't stop.

"You're so pussy-whipped," I laughed after Leah left the apartment.

"I can't help it," he replied, handing me one of the controllers. "Halo or Modern Warfare?"

We ended up playing both games until we were mentally exhausted.

"I think we better stop playing unless we want that Red Ring of Death," Jake laughed, opening a bottle of beer.

"What does it feel like?" I asked, a few minutes later. "Being in love with someone?"

"Well, it's a beautiful feeling," Jake said as he turned off the gaming console. "You realize that you mean something to someone. It's as if all that you've done in life has finally found itself a purpose."

Jacob stared intensely at me before he spoke with a humorous tone, "I mean human beings are made to reproduce offspring anyway, so why not do all of that with some love?"

Jacob wriggled his eyebrows.

"You just ruined it," I deadpanned.

"Nah, you'll understand what I'm saying when you're in my position," he sighed with a gleeful smile. "You're still a young pup."

"I'm older than you."

"Obviously not emotionally."

Somehow, I believed him.


"I think it's a good idea to set up your public profile. It might attract more readers," the man in the suit said.

He was Eli Lang, another member of my management team. Lindsay nodded in agreement.

"How about volunteering at a local orphanage or the children's hospital?" she suggested, typing away.

"But I'm not even famous yet," I stated.

"Oh son, you will be soon. It's good to have an attractive history before you become famous anyway. It'll add authenticity to your image," Eli said, rubbing his mustache.

"So what will I look like if I don't do all of these things?"

"Hmm, probably just like any other phony."

"Oh, don't say that to Edward," Victoria said.

She was a thirty-year-old with sparkling blue eyes and flaming, red curls. It was a running joke that she was a brave one.

"Yeah, whatever you say, Merida," Eli smiled.

"So is that all for today?" I asked.

"Eager to run away from us, eh? I thought your team was like your family," Victoria said with a pout.

"Quit teasing him," Lindsay laughed. "He loves us but he's just too shy to admit it."

After an unproductive meeting, where Eli mainly talked about his wine collection, I made my way down to the local bar, ready for another meaningless night.

"A Manhattan," I ordered. The bartender gave me a sympathetic nod.

I wasn't a troubled fiancé with cold feet or a guy with a cheating girlfriend; I was none of those stereotypes. Instead, I was a man powered by, or had become fueled by internal anger and sorrowful devastation stemming from recent events.

I was no longer a good man, and I had intended to never be a good man anymore.

I wanted to ruin others.

I wanted to ruin her.

But even I couldn't do that to her anymore.

She never asked to be pregnant.

It had been me who got her to this stage.

My terrible decision-making made this entire debacle become a reality.

The bartender placed the drink in front of me. I didn't hesitate to take a sip, bowing down slightly with my elbows resting on the bench as the liquid entered my body.

"I love men who drink cocktails with style," a flirtatious voice said from behind me. I felt her fingertips running from the mid-section of my back up to my shoulders.

"Is that your pickup line?" I scoffed. She threw her head back and laughed.

"No, it's not," she smiled. "But I'll give you permission to use it."

"Sorry, but I don't swing that way," I said, with a chuckle.

Her glossy, black hair sat on her shoulders with controlled grace as her green eyes assessed me. I looked at her toned arms, then to her curvaceous body.

"Like what you see?" she asked with a giggle.

I raised my glass with a tilt of my head.

The car ride to her place consisted of a lot of fondling and kissing. I caught the driver rolling his eyes before he sheepishly looked away after meeting my gaze. The woman in my arms was eager to undo the buckle on my belt, but I told her that this wasn't the best place to put on a show.

"Tiana," she told me while tracing patterns on my shirt.

"What?"

"That's my name, in case you wanted to know what you'll be screaming out tonight," she said mischievously. "Yours?"

"Edward," I answered.

I paid the driver as Tiana stumbled out, fixing her short skirt. Together, we managed to kiss our way up to the door of her apartment. She rubbed me while licking my earlobe. Throwing her on the bed, after a tedious game with the keys on her lanyard, I crawled up her body and pulled down her top.

"Nice boob job," I complimented.

"Thanks," she replied smugly. "Do what you have to do."

After paying attention to her chest, I was about to pull down my pants when Tiana suddenly got up and pulled them down for me. Staring hungrily at the noticeable bulge in my boxers, she didn't hesitate to dig right in.

"Fuck," I cursed. "You're good."

She gave me a thumbs-up while her mouth was full with me. She didn't even bother going slow. Throwing my head back, I ran my fingers through her hair, ruining the neatness of her flawless hair-do.

"Something's vibrating," she said as she let me out of her mouth with a pop.

"Are you sure that's not you," I smirked.

"No," she said, searching around the floor. "I think it's coming from your pockets."

I walked over to where my pants were strewn and pulled out my cell phone. Bella Swan's name lit up the screen.

Great timing.

As soon as I answered the call, Tiana started to wrap her lips around me again whilst kneeling in front of me. Her dark green eyes stared up at me. I nearly fell down from the surprise as I watched her greedily demonstrate her skills.

"Bella," I answered, trying to even out my breathing.

"Masen, I need help," she whimpered through the phone.

Tiana's hungry slurps were reverberating against the walls of the apartment so I pushed her away, which earned me an angry gasp, and walked to the window. My erection was nowhere near diminished.

"What's wrong?" I asked Bella.

She sounded as if she was crying. At that exact point, all the alarms in my head started to go off.

I, just like many men out there, didn't know how to console a crying woman.

"H-he kicked me out," she mumbled shamefully.

"Who?"

"My father," she replied.

"Okay," I said, trying to come up with ideas to help her. "Are you safe? Do you need a place to stay?"

"I'm safe, Masen. I just don't want to be a nuisance. I'm not calling to ask-"

"You have nowhere to stay," I concluded.

She sighed unhappily. "Yeah."

"Stay with me then," I blurted out without thinking.

Where on earth did that offer come from? I questioned myself.

"Are you sure, Masen?"

"Y-yeah, I'm sure."

"Can I come tomorrow?" she asked with a hesitant sniffle.

I started to nod before I realized that she wouldn't be able to see me. I told her it was perfectly fine. After we had hung up, I stared outside, lost in my own thoughts. I wondered if this was another poor choice I was making. But then I found myself feeling slightly more relaxed. It would be easier this way. I'd have her closer and I could get to know her better.

I could assess my target better.

And work my way out from inside.

But more than that, I'd be able to make sure that she was in a safe place until she gave birth. I had never stepped inside her house so I didn't have a clue about her home life. Who knew what Charlie Swan could stir up? Perhaps after we got to know each other better, we could work out a co-parenting deal.

I momentarily forgot where I was until I turned around, only to come face-to-face with Tiana's displeased scowl.

"Get the fuck out of my apartment," she spat, pointing to her door.

I looked down and saw that I was no longer turned on. My erection had magically disappeared. I picked up my clothes from the floor, walked past Tiana, who had mascara smeared under her eyes and closed the door behind me.

A strange feeling brewed in my chest as I realized that I had been a jerk and a semi-gentleman in one night.

I gave myself a pat on the back.


The new UK trailer for the Disney/Pixar film 'Inside Out' reminded me so much of the personified emotions in Edward's head! Also, I've (randomly) pre-written this other story called Lacunar, so there's daily updates over there (if anyone cares to know). Other than that, have a splendid day!

Love, perpetually.