Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto (yet).
A sleep-deprived knucklehead, a bleary-eyed medical-nin, a quick-tempered sannin, two silent, brooding prodigies, and a beaming, overenthusiastic Green Beast… Tenten groaned as she skidded into the Hokage's office at a quarter past eleven (appallingly late according to Neji-time). These were the last people with whom she wanted to start her morning off.
Naruto waved weakly and opened his mouth to greet her, but a huge yawn escaped instead. Sasuke gave her a short nod, his gaze never even flicking toward her. Sakura looked over, her green eyes sharp and analytical, but a friendly smile tugged at her lips nonetheless. Lady Tsunade nodded warmly, the amber flecks in her eyes dancing in the late morning light. Lee flashed her a blinding smile and an energetic thumbs-up, as if he'd been practicing the move all night just to show her.
And Neji…
Their eyes locked. Something intense flickered between them, and neither could find the strength to look away. It seemed as if a spark of electricity was crackling through the air, like a paper bomb at the end of its fuse, about to explode in a burst of white light.
Tsunade noticed, and chalked it up to the hormonal imbalances of young adulthood.
Lee noticed, and chalked it up to an overabundance of youthfulness.
Sakura noticed, and chalked it up to Neji's disapproval of Tenten's newfound fangirl tendencies.
Sasuke noticed, and chalked it up to the fact that the Hyuga was an even bigger blockhead than he'd thought.
Naruto, being Naruto, didn't notice a thing and cheerfully carried on with life.
Tenten walked stiffly to the other side of the room, as far away from Neji as she could possibly get. The spot she finally stopped at just so happened to be right next to Sasuke.
Two pairs of eyes flashed – one white, the other green.
Tsunade leaned back in her seat and laced her fingers together thoughtfully. No wonder Gai had put in the request. Six elite shinobi who had mastered an astonishing array of jutsu…and yet they seemed to have zero people skills when it came to each other. The intensity in the room was so palpable she could probably conduct chakra through it.
Setting her elbows on the desk in front of her, Tsunade eyed the two teams of ninja. "Your senseis have requested a joint mission for the six of you," she told them.
At the mention of "mission," Naruto immediately perked up. Wiping the drool from the corner of his mouth, he met Tsunade's gaze excitedly. "A mission?" he exclaimed, hopping excitedly from foot to foot. "What kind of mission?"
Lee was already punching and kicking the air in exhilaration. "Yes! Please tell us about the mission! It must be a difficult and dangerous one if it requires the skills of all six of us."
Even Neji was intrigued. Missions rarely called for more than a single squad of three. For this mission to require six high-level shinobi…well, it must be a risky one indeed.
"Is it B-rank?" Naruto asked in anticipation. "Or maybe even A-rank?" His blue eyes suddenly turned round. "Is…is it…S-rank?" His voice lowered in hushed reverence.
"Actually," Tsunade said, smiling at the six ninja assembled before her. "It's D-rank."
Her cheerful statement was met by a row of blank stares.
"It's less of a mission really…" Tsunade continued, ignoring Naruto, who was due to explode any second now. "…And more of a…hmmm, how should I put it?" Her eyes scanned the ceiling, as if searching for the right words.
"More of a what?" Sakura demanded, impatience creeping into her voice despite herself.
"More of a…team bonding activity," Tsunade finally said.
"Team…bonding," Tenten repeated incredulously. Couldn't they have "bonded" over an A or B-rank mission? What was the point of all six of them wasting their time on a D-rank mission that should have been left to a squad of genin fresh out of the academy?
"You might be wondering why I'm wasting your time with a D-rank mission that should have been left to a squad of genin…" Tsunade said, looking straight at Tenten.
Tenten's head snapped up. Sometimes, the Hokage's powers of perception were terrifying.
"I assure you," Tsunade continued, waving a dismissive hand in the air. "I personally wanted to assign you all to a higher-ranked mission." She paused to glare at the mountain of paperwork threatening to topple off her desk. "I mean, you might as well have been of some use. But Gai had to have it his way." A beleaguered sigh escaped her lips. "He insisted that going on a D-rank mission would give you ample opportunity to 'find the bloom of youthfulness in each other's hearts' or some other self-help sales pitch crap like that."
"What exactly does this…team bonding entail?" Neji asked, his question tinged with uneasiness.
"Well…" Tsunade deadpanned, glancing anxiously at Naruto and Lee, "your mission is to…ah…bake a cake."
Sasuke raised a sardonic eyebrow. Oh, the downfalls of being a Leaf Shinobi…
"And after you have successfully completed that task, you are to deliver the cake to the head of the Wasabi family in the Land of Tea, which is about a two days journey from here on foot." Tsunade smiled cheekily at the ninja assembled before her. "It should give you plenty of time to get to know each other better."
"Hold on a minute!" Naruto interjected loudly. "You're saying that because of Gai-sensei's stupid ideas, I have to spend four whole days with Bushy Brow and the bastard on a freaking D-rank mission?"
"Naruto!" Lee reprimanded. "Do not malign Gai-sensei in any way! He is the most brilliant shinobi the world has ever seen, and the fact that he has bestowed his splendid ideas upon us is something to be cherished and –"
The Hokage held up a hand, stopping Gai's protégé mid-sentence. "Keep in mind that, though this was Gai's suggestion, Kakashi has agreed as well."
"But…why would Kakashi-sensei agree to this?" Sakura said, asking the question that was on everyone's mind.
Tsunade rolled her eyes. "Easy. The new Icha Icha movie is coming out this afternoon, and he didn't want Naruto to drag him off to training."
There was a murmur of "he would" (from Sakura), "old perv" (from Naruto), and bored silence (from Sasuke).
"Okay!" the Hokage said, obviously eager to wrap things up before Naruto went into a full-scale rant. "Sasuke has kindly volunteered his kitchen for the first segment of this mission –"
"What?" Sasuke protested with uncharacteristic emotion. "I did no such –"
"…and I expect all of you to be there at 2 o' clock this afternoon." Tsunade's words ran right over Sasuke's. She looked up into five irritated faces (because Lee, of course, was never ever irritated) and beamed. "You're dismissed!"
-x-
Tenten tapped her foot as Ino rummaged through her closet. "Well…? Have you found anything yet?" she asked the blond girl. "You've been going through my closet for an hour and a half! I need to get to Sasuke's house by 2 o'clock."
Ino shot her a disgruntled look over her shoulder. "My job would have been so much easier if I hadn't had to wade through this." She held up a pair of baggy cargo shorts and a wrinkled oversize T-shirt, dangling them from the tips of her fingers like they were diseased. "Didn't you own a single piece of girly clothing before I took you shopping the other day?"
Tenten shrugged, mentally going through her entire closet pre-Ino. "Uh…no?"
Ino let out an aggravated sigh. "And you expect me to put together a cute outfit for you by 2 o' clock," she muttered. "Hopeless."
Tenten bit her lip guiltily, regretting her lack of organization. After Ino had taken her shopping, Tenten had thrown all her new clothes in with her old ones, not bothering to sort them out. "So…you haven't found anything remotely acceptable?"
"Be patient!" the blond ordered, her voice muffled by the avalanche of clothes around her. "I have the perfect outfit in mind. Casual and light-hearted, but with enough oomph to take away the breath of whoever it is you're trying to impress. Now, if I could only find it in this mess…"
Ino suddenly straightened, banging her head on the shelf above her. "Ow!" she shouted, rubbing the back of her head while shooting Tenten an annoyed glare. "Not only are you trying to kill me with your atrocious fashion sense, but also your horrendously-placed furniture."
"Sorry, Ino! You know I –" Tenten began, but stopped when Ino held up a piece of flimsy green silk and something black and disconcertingly short.
"Are you sure about this?" Tenten asked apprehensively.
Ino grinned. "Of course I am! I've got Shikamaru eating out of the palm of my hand, haven't I?"
-x-
"How long have you been sitting on that tree branch?"
Kakashi sighed and looked up from his book. Damn – he was just getting to the good part. The heroine had been about to betray her lover for another man, who was actually a disguised assassin aiming to slit her and her former lover's throats. "Hello, Gai."
"Well?" Gai prodded, staring up at his greatest rival from below the tree branch. "How long has it been?"
Kakashi shrugged, returning his gaze to his book. "Two hours?" he estimated.
A blinding smile immediately stretched across Gai's face. "Ha! It looks like I have bested you yet again, my rival."
"Hm?" Kakashi murmured, not even looking up from the page. "Did you say something?"
Gai clenched his teeth, but refused to let his rival's indifference get to him. "I had been sitting on a tree branch just like this one on the other side of town for two hours and five minutes," he announced proudly.
Kakashi turned a lazy eye toward the other jonin. "You must have forgotten that it takes at least ten minutes to get from one side of Konoha to the other, even at your speed. Which means that I have been sitting on this tree branch for at least two hours and ten minutes." He glanced briefly at his watch. "Two hours and eleven minutes, now."
Gai's shoulders slumped in defeat. "Unerring logic, as usual! Just what I'd expect from my strongest rival." He straightened abruptly, flashing a thumbs-up at Kakashi. "Well, nothing to it. I'll just have to do 250 handsprings as my punishment…on top of every roof in Konoha!"
Kakashi raised an eyebrow (not that it was visible with his headband slanting across his forehead). He slipped his book back into his pocket, steeling himself for the inevitable moment Gai would declare another competition between them…
"Kakashi!" Gai shouted, right on cue. "I've got an idea for our next contest!"
"Yes?" Kakashi said wearily.
Gai leapt onto the tree branch and crouched down. He whispered his proposition into Kakashi's ear. When he finished, Gai leaned back and looked expectantly at his rival. "If, in four days time, all does not occur exactly as I've outlined it, then I will –" He paused, gulping, before continuing on bravely. "I will shave my lustrous, gleaming hair into a mohawk."
Kakashi assessed Gai's unfortunate haircut. Even a mohawk would be a step up from that… He leaned back against the tree trunk and crossed his hands behind his head. "If you dye it purple on top of that…then you've got yourself a deal."
Gai blanched. Purple mohawks did not go with green jumpsuits. "A consequence like that cannot go without a mirror consequence. If things do turn out as I have predicted, then you have to…to…wear a green jumpsuit to the Cherry Blossom Festival next weekend!"
Now it was Kakashi's turn to whiten. He had an image to uphold, after all. But then again, he didn't really have much faith in what Gai was proposing. Which meant that Gai was almost certainly going be sporting a purple mohawk in four days time.
Behind his mask, a smile touched Kakashi's lips. "It's a deal."
Author's Note: So many burning questions! What outfit did Ino pick out for Tenten? Will the six shinobi be able to bake a cake without killing each other in the process? And most importantly, what will we find in four days time – Gai with a purple mohawk…or Kakashi in a green jumpsuit? The plot thickens…muahahaha.
You guys have been so encouraging in your reviews lately. Thank you all for being the most loyal and enthusiastic and generally awesome (read: ego-stroking) reviewers ever!
