Chapter 7

Chapter 7

The next day, Remus woke up early. He got out of bed quickly and got dressed. Last night hadn't gone well, but maybe if he went down early, he could find a way to smooth it out to his advantage. Without paying much attention to his surroundings, he hurried down the stairs to the common room. He started heading towards the portrait hole, but was stopped by a voice from behind him.

"What, so now I don't even merit a look?" Turning, Remus was startled to see James, fully dressed and awake, sitting in a chair in a corner, glaring at him.

"I didn't think anyone else was awake," Remus said, slowly moving away from the entrance to the common room to face his friend.

"Well, obviously, you were wrong," James retorted. Remus waited for him to say more, but soon realized that this was a futile attempt.

"Did you have something specific you wanted to talk about?" He asked nervously. "Because I was thinking I would go down to breakfast early, and…" He was cut off by James.

"How kind of you to ask. Yes, in fact, I did have something that I wanted to talk about." James stood and walked toward Remus, who backed up a few steps instinctively, feeling slightly afraid. "See, I was thinking last night, and I finally came to a decision. I can't talk to Pads about this, but I also can't keep it inside anymore." He now had Remus backed up against a wall, and had one hand placed on either side of his friend's head. "Look, Moony, to cut to the point…I know." Remus felt as though his heart had sunk to a location somewhere near his stomach.

"Kn-know what?" he stammered. There was no way James could be referring to his crush on Sirius, no one else knew that, so…

"Stop playing dumb," James snorted. "I mean about Pads." Remus's world dropped out from under him. His knees buckled, and he felt weak all over. He knew. James knew. Knew the one thing that Remus had sworn to never, ever tell anyone. But…

"How?" He croaked.

"Next time you kiss someone in their sleep," James informed his friend in a low voice, "You might want to check that everyone else is actually asleep." Remus gaped for a moment, struggling to find his voice again.

"You… you haven't…"

"I haven't told anyone, so you don't need to worry about that," James snapped. "I just want to know why, Moony? Why didn't you feel you could trust me, at least? I mean, come one! We've stood by you from the beginning, no matter what happened! Did you really think we'd abandon you because of something like this?"

"No!" Remus said. "No! I-I just… I didn't want Padfoot to know, Prongs, and I…"

"And how does telling me amount to telling him?" James growled in frustration. "Moony, when have I ever been less then a faithful friend to you? I've done so much for you over the past years. I became an Animagus for you. I risk expulsion every single night of the full moon to help you. I gave up an entire night's sleep before Hogsmeade to work on the map because I was worried about you. And it never once occurred to you that I might be able to help? If I haven't stormed out on you yet, Moony, then something like this isn't all of a sudden going to make me hate you!"

"Then why are you yelling now?" Remus said. "I'm grateful to you for everything, Prongs, truly I am! But this… I don't know! It's something I have to work out for myself, with just me and Padfoot! I don't need to have others involved! And I especially don't want you involved!" James took a step back, stunned. Remus put his hands to his mouth, realizing the harshness of what he had just said. But there was no way to take the words back, because they both knew that he had meant them. James took a deep breath. His voice was no longer frustrated. Now it was flat and cold.

"So that's it, then? That's your whole big reason? I'm useless to you?" James shook his head, backing up. "I don't believe this. So all of a sudden you fall in love, and now I'm just a third wheel or something?" Remus opened his mouth, but James cut him off. "Oh, no," he said. "No more. I think I've heard quite enough. Well, it's remedied easily enough." His voice became a hiss of pure, unadulterated anger and hatred. "If that's how you feel, then I guess you don't need me at all, huh?" He whirled and stalked out of the portrait hole. Remus sank down to the floor slowly, shaking.

"So much for planning things out," he whispered to himself, before putting his head in his hands and giving way to silent, body shaking sobs.

James sat perched on the windowsill of the owlery, staring out the window in numb silence. He hadn't meant to lose it quite that much with Remus. But something about the way his friend had stood there, looking all shocked and lost, had infuriated James. And then when the werewolf had blown up at him in turn…

I especially don't want you involved! The words had played themselves over and over in James's head. Somehow, more then anything else, more then keeping the secret from him, the idea of Remus not wanting him, James, around hurt so badly. He had told himself that he would support his fellow Marauders through thick and thin, but this… Suddenly, the door to the owlery creaked open. James was startled to see Lilly Evans carefully closing the door. She turned and gasped when she saw James.

"Oh, I'm sorry!" She said. "I-I didn't think anyone would be up here, and…" She trailed off, turning red. James smiled at her obvious uncertainty, surprised to find that he didn't mind her being here in the least. He stood and walked over to her.

"It's ok," He told her, holding her chin so that she had no choice but to look at him. "Were you going to send a letter?" She nodded.

"For my sister," she said, holding up a small package. "For her birthday. I was going to use one of the school owls to send it to her this morning…" James let her chin go, feeling his fingers tingling slightly where he had touched her.

"I can help you then," he told her. "Since I'm up here anyway." Together, the two of them got the package attached to a golden owl, who then flew out of sight over the grounds. As they watched it go, James felt his hand brush up against Lilly's.

"Sorry," he said hastily, pulling away.

"You didn't have to do that," she whispered. Startled, James looked down into her face. Her large green eyes seemed to draw him in and hypnotize him. He reached down and took her chin in his fingers again, slowly drawing her face up toward him until they were only an inch apart. Without knowing why, he gently traced her lips with the tip of one of his fingers. She gave a small shudder and pushed him away. Startled, he looked at her, but she refused to meet his gaze.

"Sorry, James," she whispered, then fled through the door and down the stairs. James placed a hand to his lips, and was surprised to find that his fingers were trembling.

"What was that all about?" he whispered.

Lilly rushed down the stairs, a hand over her mouth, her face flushed bright red. She couldn't believe what she had just done. She – Lilly Evans – had just almost snogged James Potter. But she had always hated him! And yet lately… lately she had felt differently when she saw him. It was that strange feeling that had prompted her to talk to Black that day, and to Lupin later. She slowed in the hallway on the second floor. She could hear the people having breakfast below in the Great Hall. Slowly, she traced her lips, where James's finger had rested only minutes before. As she felt a warmth flood her body, she tried to work out what was happening to her. After all, if she fancied James Potter, why had she run away?