TG…..Oh I F***ed Up
Unbelievable.
I've got the hots for Masaomi!
The condo was quiet. Everyone had left to their evening activities. Azusa and Tsubaki to a voice recording session. Subaru to his job. Ukyo to his office to prepare for trial. Futo back to the studio and he dragged Louis with him. Yusuke had to go to a cramming session if he was going to improve his grades and Wataru had gone over to a friend's house to play video games. Iori had gone to an evening lecture.
So it was only Masaomi and I for the night.
Standing side by side I washed dishes while he dried and put them away. When'd he get so tall? As I focused on the bowl in my hands, felt the warm water rushing over my skin, my mind kept wandering back to him. Our elbows bumped and I went still but he didn't seem to notice. Really? The question resonated in my mind louder than I wanted it to. I felt nervous and jumpy and my heart was racing ever so slightly with him being so close.
"Lex?"
I looked up. His kind face was smiling that same soft smile I recalled from childhood making his brown eyes deepen.
"I think that bowls clean now." He chuckled.
Looking down I saw where I'd started to polish the finish off. Quickly I handed it over to him and grabbed another dirty dish.
"Lost in thought?"
I nodded, "Yea. A little."
Well, at least I can form coherent sentences. I still had some sanity.
"What's so serious that you should think so hard?"
I shrugged but didn't answer. Uh, maybe it's because I just realized I have the hots for you.
"Worried about school?"
"Nah."
He smiled, "Well that's good. You're doing very well from what your instructors tell me."
I smirked a little. Masaomi set down his dish and stood up stretching his back and sighing. He'd just spent three days at the hospital watching over a near-fatally injured patient. I imagined he was very tired.
"You know if you want to go upstairs and got to bed that's fine. I can finish up dishes." I offered.
He shook his head, "I couldn't-"
"Masaomi you've been working a lot lately and if you don't take care of yourself you know you're gunna get sick. Just go up and sleep." I looked up into his face, "I doubt these dishes are going to lead a revolt any time soon."
That made him laugh.
"Alright." He yawned, "Have a good night."
"Good night."
As I looked back to my work, listening to his fleeting footsteps-
"Lex?"
I looked up from the sink across the bar and he was leaning on it smiling at me.
"It's nice having you back. It got kind of boring without you around." He told me with a warm smile.
Something warm bubbled up in my chest.
"Thanks. I missed you guys too."
With that he turned and walked towards the stairs. I quickly went back to the dishes. Is this really happening? It was hard to tell as stupid as it sounded. Grabbing a plate I scrubbed at it under the sudsy water with vigor. Maybe I wasn't attracted to Masaomi in a lover's sense. I mean we are both opposite genders. Nature just following its course. I set the plate aside in the drainer, the motion sent a sharp pain up my back, and I froze. The stab resonated up to the base of my skull making my vision squeeze and darken.
"No…"I breathed.
Turning I took a step, lost my balance, and fell bringing the drainer down with me. Porcelain smashed against me and shattered across the tile floor sounding like thunder in my ears. Rolling onto my stomach my palms felt the biting sting of pale white shards and the living room opposite flickered like it was stuck in a strobe effect. No. No. NO! A horrid heat overtook my skin as if I'd been engulfed by fire and threatened to drown me. Every nerve writhed with pain.
"Lex?"
Not now! I could hear Masaomi coming back his footsteps sounding like a giant to an ant. I tried to push myself up off the floor, to hide what was happening, but the effort set off a blaze of cooking pain in my bones.
"Alexis!"
Masaomi was suddenly kneeling in front of me, blocking my skewed vision, and he grabbed me by the shoulders.
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"
Instantly he let me go as a scream tore from my burning throat filling the silent condo with the presence of Death.
"Lex what's wrong?!" he asked urgently, "I'm calling the hospital!"
As I he stood up I grabbed his ankle with a shaky, pale, sweaty hand and rolled onto my side curling into a ball.
"D-Don't-"
"Lex let go-"
I knew he wouldn't understand and in this state I wouldn't be able to explain. If I went to the hospital the doctors and nurses wouldn't know what they were looking for. I'd just die. In some small way a part of me wanted that. To just die. But it was cowardice and I wasn't going down like that!
"THEY CAN'T DO ANYTHING!"
Masaomi stared down at me with fearful eyes. I knew my appearance was deteriorating quickly.
"I-If you send me I'-I will die. H-He-help me. Please?" I asked weakly.
"Tell me what to do."
His face suddenly set in a determined, professional way and I realized this was Doctor Masaomi.
I reached for him, "B-Bath. I-Ice."
Gently he scooped me up and even though his touch blasted across my skin like hot steel I managed not to scream. Swiftly he marched upstairs to the landing and hurried down the hall towards his room at the far end of the wing. It was the closest bathroom other than the one on the floor above.
Kicking in his room door I heard it bang loudly against the wall. He took me to the bathroom, laid me in the porcelain tub, and turned the water on. I flopped back, my muscles made useless by this being-cooked-from-the-inside-out sensation, and tilted my head back panting for air.
"Lex." Masaomi called in warning.
I could feel the cold water touch my toes and I stiffened as the fire that was melting me turned to something else. A cold burn.
"I-I-Ice." I panted.
As I closed my eyes, focusing through the pain, I heard his footsteps fly away. The water reached my ankles and I felt my jeans drink it up. My pills had run out faster than normal. Seconds later Masaomi returned and I felt him dump ice over me, heard it splash down into the water, as its frigid tendrils began to work around me. The water slipped over my stomach and began to lift my head off the bottom. Masaomi gripped my hand with his and, even though it hurt, I felt a strange sense of calm in this storm.
It was unlike anything I'd felt before.
The water abruptly covered my chest making me gasp in a deep breath. I was nearly covered! The ice was forcing the burning fire to slow, stalling it, and bringing the agonizing pain to a lull. The tap was turned off with a high pitched squeak leaving nothing now but my panting in the silence.
"Alexis?" he called to me.
In my mind I was drifting away in the comfort of no feeling but I managed to open my eyes even if I could only stare at the white ceiling.
"I need you to do something else for me." I muttered.
"Lex open your eyes. Please. Open your eyes."
I was wrapped up in something plush and I could feel warmth radiating from my hand down my arm. The smell of citrus and disinfectant filled my nose and a deep, sultry voice rumbled at me from somewhere beyond. As much as I hated doing it, just wanting nothing more than to stay here in this world of darkness, I didn't want Masaomi worrying any more than he already had. Slowly I opened my eyes adjusting to the dim light of the room.
I was wrapped up, in his bed, and Masaomi was sitting on the floor holding my hand resting his head on my arm. My eyes drifted to the clock on the nightstand to find the neon numbers blinking 1:30 AM. I looked back to Masaomi. His touch, his death grip on my hand, wasn't hurting me anymore. The medicine had worked. I eyed his hand…..how it eclipsed my own making it look very small.
"Lex." He sighed.
Slowly I reached out with my free hand and buried my fingers in his dark brown hair. It was soft and fluffy.
"M-Masaomi?" I rasped.
My throat had been torn raw from screaming. His head lifted and he stared at me with red rimmed eyes. Has he been crying?! I saw his breath hitched in his throat, his brown eyes looked so faded, and then they came to life. With one gently swift movement Masaomi pulled me from the bed into his arms.
"Oh Lex." He breathed shakily.
The fluffy grey blanket had tangled around my legs limiting my movements but as Masaomi held me against his chest I did manage to hug him back. His heart was racing, pounding like a race horse, and his body heat was rolling over me in waves making me sleepy.
"I-I'm sorry. For what it's worth." I muttered in his shirt.
His hand snaked up my neck burying itself in my hair, "What's wrong Lex? What happened?"
I sighed against him. I knew that would be the first thing he'd want to know and I didn't blame him. If the situation was reversed I'd be asking the same questions.
"You have to promise not to say anything to ANYONE. That is the one condition."
"Lex?"
"Agree or don't. But you'll never know the truth unless I tell you."
I'm sure he was fighting internally now. The doctors oath and morals and all that.
"You have my word." He said after a moment.
Much to my surprise I sighed in relief.
"I'm dying."
His heart lubed painfully to a slow pace.
"A year ago I was told I had cancer. The doctors said that I had three months to live because the cancer was a radical kind they'd never seen before. It was born in the marrow of my bones and quickly spread riddling me with it. The pills you gave me they keep the disease dormant and the ice bath just stops the pain so the pills can work."
"Those pills were one thousand milligrams and you took seven." He breathed, "How-"
"I started taking one and that worked but every couple of months I have to increase the dosage or…..well what just happened starts to happen."
Holding me close I could feel Masaomi shaking a little but I couldn't tell if it was from fear or anger.
"Why didn't you tell anyone?"
I sighed and relaxed against Masaomi, "Why? It will only make everyone sad. I'd rather enjoy my life as if it is normal."
For a long time we sat in silence with Masaomi holding me making me drift off to sleep.
"Alexis…"
