Long time no see! Well, this took longer than normal, but here is the next chapter, everybody!
Somehow, I felt like I was on my way to my death instead of going to see my old friend. Oh yeah, maybe it was because Nico probably wanted to kill me right now.
Not that I would blame him for it, but it was still unnerving to know that I would see hatred in his eyes instead of warm relief that I was alive.
The thought of it made me pause at the top of the stairs, one hand resting on the plain wooden door that led down the stairs where Nico would be waiting. Was it cowardly that I suddenly wanted to hide myself? No doubt I would stand here all night, locked in my internal conflict if it wasn't for the rough prodding Rowan gave my shoulder.
"Go down there or don't," she said, scowling, "I don't feel like playing babysitting right now, okay?"
I tried my best not to look at her, or else the guilt I was harboring about her would bubble over and I would be left crying at her loss. It was so unfair of me to do this to her, to want to see the man who liked me, while she could never have the only person she'd truly cared about. I was a monster, but the thought was there only briefly before it was swept away by the thought of seeing Nico.
"I'm going," I snapped, going on the defensive because I knew she hated sympathy. She clicked her tongue, tapping on of her boots on the floor.
"Of course you are," she said, her voice razor sharp. She had me beat when it came to intimidation. "Just remember that he will be unchained once you get past the magically enforced bars. Are you sure you don't want to talk to him through the bars?"
"I'm sure," I said. "He's my friend, not my enemy." I fell silent, realizing what I'd just said. Rowan snorted softly behind me.
"You're jusa pice of work, aren't you?" she said harshly, making me wince. Her hands shoved me forward, and I fumbled with the knob before opening it slowly, making it creak.
I stopped when I heard the eerie sound, and flushed angrily when Rowan laughed unkindly at me. Steeling myself, I took the first step down, and the door swung shut behind me, cutting off Rowan's laughter with a sudden, ominous silence. The room became flooded with darkness, before my eyes adjusted and the faint light shone, bathing the room in a sort of soft candle light glow. Magic, I was sure.
When I was down the steps, I could see what Rowan was talking about when she told me that Nico wouldn't be able to Shadowtravel out of his new cell. Half the room was purple, with bean bags and books piled on the side. Separating the room in half was a faint, shimmering wall. Behind it, there was a small bed, a lamp and a room where I assumed the bathroom would be.
Curled on the side of a small couch was Nico, his back to me, hunched over in clothes that were clean, probably given to him by one of the demigods here. Though I couldn't see his face, my heart did a little dance when I saw him wearing bright colors, which I wasn't used to seeing on him.
He wore jeans and a blue button down shirt over a teal T-shirt, his hair messy and uncombed.
I swallowed as I stepped closer to the force field, remembering that Nico had a tag on him that wouldn't allow him to pass through it, but would let me go in and out. It pained me to see that Nico was being treated like an animal, while I was up there getting whatever it was that I wanted.
Sucking in a deep breath through my teeth, I took the steps needed to pass through. It tingled slightly, and I shivered involuntarily. The room darkened slightly around me, as though the force field were taking all the light away from here.
Nico stiffened, as though sensing somebody else in his room with him.
"Nico…?" I asked, softly. He paused, then slowly turned around. His eyes were wild and almost confused when he saw me, like a cornered animal. I tried to smile at him, to put him at ease. The animal look disappeared, and another wilder look took over. Before I could even blink, he launched himself across the room to me, hands reached out for my throat.
"Nico, what-," I managed out before his hands were on my throat, his blood thirsty face just inches away from mine. His eyes were wild, intent on choking the life out of me. I tried to go back to the force field, but he was much stronger than I was. Growling, he pushed me down, hands tightening.
Frantically, I tried to pull his hands away, but my hands were clammy with sweat. Air wouldn't go down my throat, and my gasps were beginning to fade.
"Nico, don't," I rasped out. Dark spots were beginning to appear on the corners of my eyes, growing larger as each second passed. The room was spinning, the walls darkening until all I could see was black.
Automatically, I tried to suck in another breath….
….and air rushed down my lungs so quickly, it was almost painful. My eyes shot open and I was alarmed to see that I wasn't with Nico anymore. My back was pressed almost painfully against the wall in the purple side of the room, while Rowan was pushing something electrically charged through the force field, forcing Nico back.
"No!" I cried out, cringing when Nico hissed. My throat was dry, and I cleared it, trying again for a shout. "Rowan, don't!"
"Don't tell me what to do!" she hissed at me. I wanted to lash out at her, but her voice was almost shaking. "Do you realize how close he was to killing you? Do you realize what would've happened if had succeeded?"
"I'd die?" I said, trying to make it sound mocking.
"No, I'd die," she said, "Kronos would have my head if something happened to his precious daughter because I was being ignorant."
"Oh." I said, unable to say anything else. Because I knew how close he had been to actually managing his goal. My hand leapt to my throat, where I could feel imprints against my neck, stinging whenever I put pressure on them. My eyes watered.
"I'm fine now," I said, "I can talk to him now. You can leave now."
"Hell, no," she said, turning to look at me. Her eyes flickered different colors. "No, you're never going to be alone with him again. You're leaving."
"You can't tell me what to do," I argued, "Kronos agreed to let me see him."
"And what will happen once he knows that Nico tried to kill you?" she challenged me. I fell silence, knowing exactly what she was hinting at and hating just how many consequences I had caused around me.
"Will I ever see him again?" I asked finally, when it seemed like there was nothing else I could say to make things go smoothly.
"How should I know?" she demanded. She didn't say anything after that, leaving me to my own thoughts. I wished desperately that she would say something to me, that she would yell at me, or better yet, let me run away so I could talk to Nico.
"He hates me," I said pathetically.
"Duh."
"No, he really hates me," I said, not knowing why I was saying this to her yet unable to stop. Rowan's mouth tightened but she didn't interrupt me. "He stares at me like I'm a monster, and he wouldn't let me say anything."
"To him, you're an enemy," she said, shrugging carelessly. It hurt me to think of it that way. "Why wouldn't he want to kill you?"
"He was my best friend," I whimpered, pathetically. She stared at me for a second, a look of something close to pity in her eyes, before amusement replaced it.
"Annabeth was my friend," Rowan said, to my surprise. "I took care of her as a kid, and now look. She's changed…and not for the better."
"Neither have you." I said, without thinking. Her eyes narrowed, but she didn't stop walking so she didn't get a chance to fry me alive. Which was good, because I liked having non-charred skin.
"No….," she said slowly. "I haven't changed for the better, either, but her….something is clouding her judgment. For me, at least, this is something that I wanted to do. Nobody influenced me. I chose this. But her, I don't know if she's in her right state of mind."
The idea that Rowan chose to come here willingly was laughable. What we both knew, and what
We would never say out loud was that it was because of Luke she was here. It was because of him she had suffered. And he wasn't here anymore.
We walked without talking, both lost in thought. She stopped in front of my room, waited until I had slammed the door and walked away. I could hear her smooth footsteps in the ground. When she was gone, I sighed and flipped on the lights, not really caring about what my room looked like.
When I had first come here, I was astonished at the size of my room, with a walk in closet with seemingly endless clothes, a fridge full of my favorite foods, and a large bed overlooking a magical window that could show me just about every scenery possible.
Almost every scenery, anyway.
On a whim, I called out, "Show me Camp Half Blood."
Nothing happened. Just like the last couple of times I had tried it.
Feeling defeated, I sat down and stared blankly at my walls, watching as lights played around it. My mirror showed me my own tired reflection, the same sad eyes watching every movement, and I briefly mused about how much better I looked.
Of course, I wasn't trying to sound vain, but a girl couldn't help noticing things like that, especially when it was the only thing that connected me to my old life in the slightest. My auburn hair was longer, I noticed, and the frizz had gone out of it, slightly wavy from being put up so much. My face had grown into its potential, with the sharp cheekbones and curved chins, but my eyes were dark, brooding…endlessly sad, like someone else I knew.
It was startling to see all the changes happening to quickly in my face, to see how mature I was. Standing up, I knew that I was taller than I had been, more slender thanks to the killer hours that Luke had made me train.
Luke…even thinking his name was like a knife wound between my ribs. It hurt to think of him. It hurt me even more to think about Nico, about him down in that cell because of me….
I laid down, my head touching the soft blanket, feeling my mood suddenly shift from bitter to furious. How dare Nico blame me for something that I had no control over? How dare he judge me and not comfort me, tell me that things would be okay? Didn't he understand how hard it was for me to leave me, to leave the camp? Didn't he realize how much I needed him and resented him for seeing me as a cold hearted killer?
Maybe I should give up on him, I thought to myself, floating down into the weightless feeling that came with coming very close to sleep, save myself the headache.
"Oh, no you won't," I heard a voice say and I sat up abruptly, glancing around my room. The weightless feeling disappeared, and my eyes quickly scanned around, one hand rummaging for my knife.
"Where are you? Show yourself!" I demanded, trying to hide the sudden thrill of fear. Then, I smelled it, a delicious scent of roses and lavender.
"You've gotten much prettier," said the voice again, and this time, I knew who it was. I sighed, turning around to stare at the face of Aphrodite. She was smiling at me, her hair long and flowy, her dress showing off the curves of her legs, the slender line of her neck.
"What are you doing here?" I said. "The Titans will catch you if you're in my room."
She chuckled under her breath, a sound that made my own laugh sound downright ugly. "Sweetie, you are dreaming. As the essence of love, I can penetrate through heartbreak without being detected. And it seems like you need my help."
I don't need the help of a God," I said, trying to inflict as much bitterness into my voice as I could. "It's your fault this war is happening."
"Is it, sweetie? Because it seems to me that you're going to be the ones fighting your friends."
'Because you Gods are too lazy to take care of your kids!" I snapped, then sighed deeply, already feeling tired. "What do you want? I already feel like shit, if that's what you're here to tell me."
"Mmmm….I like to leave the cussing to Ares, actually," she told me. "No, no, I'm here to tell you to not give up on Nico."
"Why shouldn't I?" I demanded. Forgetting this was a dream, I placed my hands on my hips and was surprised to feel fabric bunch under my fingers. "We're….," I swallowed, trying to force the angry words up through my mouth. "We're not friends, and we're certainly never going to get closer. He hates me."
Aphrodite regarded me for a second, then sighed in irritation. For a second, I thought she was mad at me, but then she made a face and waved a hand toward the ceiling.
"Drat Zeus," she said mildly. "He can sense that I'm in the human world, so listen carefully. Love always finds a way, and if you give up on him so easily, then maybe you don't care for him as much as you thought you did."
"But I…," I hesitated, unable to say the words out loud. I changed the words quickly. "I care for him. A lot."
"Then try to talk to him," she said. "If you truly care for him, don't let him rot in that cell without telling him how you feel."
"How?" I asked miserably.
"Figure it out," she said, winking. She disappeared soon after, and I sat up, gasping. I hadn't even been aware of having a dream, but as soon as my blankets were off, cold air penetrated through my clothes, and I shuddered.
I huddled next to my bed, shaking with anger and the sudden chill. Staring at the floor in deliberation, I wasn't even aware that I had gotten out of bed and was headed toward the prison until I tripped over the stairs leading down.
It was darker than I realized, and the lights made me cringe, staring around in hope that I wouldn't meet up with Rowan, or worse, Kronos. When I finally got to his cell, he wasn't asleep.
Nico stared at me with cold eyes, arms wrapped around his knees, long hair falling over one eye. His mouth soured as he saw me, and I tried not to act like he was affecting me that much.
Suddenly, as I stared at him and sank down to my knees next to the cell, I couldn't think of a single thing to say. My hands turned numb, and my tongue was too thick to form words. He stared at me for a second, not thawing out.
"Hi." I finally said. He didn't say anything. His eyes didn't shift, just continued to glance at me as though I were a stranger. Resigned to the fact that I would be here for a while, I sat down more comfortably, and stuck my hair behind my eyes.
"I didn't realize how cold it was until now," I said, not really knowing what I intended to say and flushing at the stupidity of my words. "Is it always so cold down here? I never noticed, but then again, I never spent time down here in the dungeons. My room is warm, but I guess that-,"
"What do you want, Jaime?" I jumped at the sound of his voice, the dryness of it. My heart broke at the sharp razor of his voice, because he had never directed it toward me before. I flinched, and mentally hated myself for being so weak in his presence.
"I wanted to talk to you," I whispered. I swallowed, unable to say the next lines without clearing my throat. "I missed you. I missed everyone at Camp, but especially you." There was silence for a second, then I continued when he didn't say anything. "I could never forget you."
The silence continued to wrap around us, but I was scared to say anything else. I couldn't figure out what he wanted, and it seemed cruel to leave him. Minutes elapsed, and neither of us uttered a single word. With each second that he stared at me, my entire being chipped away.
"Please say something," I whispered. He didn't respond, didn't do anything. It was like I was invisible, and too late, I realized that I never should've come down here and tried to talk to him. All it would do was hurt me even more. "Yell at me, call me a coward, but please talk to me."
My voice cracked on the last words, and it wasn't until then that I realized I had truly missed him. I sank my teeth into my lips so tears wouldn't fall, but it didn't work very well.
"Jamie….," I glanced up, my pulse quickening. Nico was stirring, his eyes blazing with life. "You are really pathetic, aren't you?"
What was left of me exploded into a million pieces at hearing those words leave his lips. And I couldn't defend myself against it because it was true.
"I know," I whispered, though I doubt that he could hear me.
"You leave me," he said, his words like ice. "You leave me, and then you tell me that you miss me. You left everyone behind, and you expect me to feel sorry for you. If you had stayed, if you had believed in us enough…if you had believed in me enough, then things wouldn't be like this."
Each separate word was a sting, an arrow piercing me with the undeniable truth.
"What do you want me to say?" I asked, my voice barely above a whisper. "I could apologize a million times over, and it wouldn't change anything. This is just how it has to be."
"I don't believe that," he said. "How could you just leave and come with Kronos?" Looking at his face, I held back the sobs that were threatening to overflow. No, he didn't understand how agonizing my decision had been, and I couldn't tell him, because it wouldn't change anything.
"Nothing would've changed,' I repeated out loud. "This is who I am. If I were to side with you, then they were threat me like I was the enemy. I never fit in anywhere, Nico. This is just the place where they're too scared of me to try to kill me. Where else would I go?"
"You could've come with me," he said, and through the ice in his voice, I heard his own heart break. "If you'd trusted me enough."
"Of course I trusted you," I said angrily. "You were the only one who cared for me, the only one I considered my friend. But, there was nothing you could do for me."
'I understand how it must feel," he said, "With a father everyone's afraid of, and a lineage that makes you wonder how many enemies you have and feeling like everyone's just using you."
I nodded slowly.
With piercing eyes, he said slowly, deliberately, "I felt the exact same way…and then I met you. I thought that I could keep you from feeling the same way, that I could help you, and that you could help me. I didn't realize that you would take my heart and stomp in it until it broke into a million pieces."
"Nico, I didn't-,"
"And now, here you are, telling me that you didn't want things to be this way," he continued in a brisk voice. "Torturing me when I'm down."
I couldn't say anything else.
"If you truly care for me as you say, then leave," he said. "If I have to be a prisoner, then I'd at least want to be guarded by someone who doesn't question what side they're on."
"I'll come back tomorrow-,"
"I don't want you to come back," Nico said, and then said to my horror, "I don't want you, Jamie. You're not the same girl I fell in love with. I never want to see you again."
Tears prickled behind my eyelids. "Are you sure?"
"Yes, I'm sure."
"Okay," I whispered. I got up unsteadily, my hands shaking and my legs trembling. "Okay, then." I made it up the stairs before I ran back to my room, and by then, the tears wouldn't stop flowing, wouldn't stop falling over my face. I curled up on my bed, staring at my reflection, then swallowing at the large lump forming in my throat.
In a few short minutes, I had actually lost Nico. What was left of my heart withered away, leaving me empty.
