Hello darlings! Here we are at chapter 7! Yay! I am a little sad at the fact that this story has received over 3k hits yet only has 17 reviews... but in retrospect, that's still a lot of people reading so I won't complain too much :p

Here is another update for you guys. I am still sick but I found a bit of time to write. Insomnia is great for that. I hope you guys enjoy this chapter. In the coming week or so, I will be opening a blogspot or livejournal or tumbler or something where I am display various things from the story; i.e. Jesse's penthouse, important outfits, banners myself or my good friend Val makes or anything related to the story. Please feel free to make your suggestions, I am open to hear em! Anything I can post video's (or links to videos) or whatever in would be great!

A note about Rachel's song, I wont give it away just yet but if you want to hear it when you get to that part it is based off the Casacada candlelight remix of the song. I felt it fit Rachel so much better than the original.

Please read and review!

I own nothing but the story!


Chapter 7:
"A Song for a Heart So Big, God Wouldn't let it Live"

Upper East Side, NY

This was it. Reaping day with Madame Tibideaux. The four of them seemingly had the class together this year. With Santana off at Julliard, the four of them, along with Rosalie and Shelby stood in a show circle in the middle of the living room. For three of the NYADA students - this could mean the end. The tension in the room was thick enough to be cut. Shelby looked at the faces at the four students and smiled. These kids were truly devoted to their craft. All stars in the making.

"I want all of you to look at each other and remember everything you have been through together," the three Lima students studied each other while Jesse kept his head down. Shelby gave him a look. "You two St. James. The tragedies these three have faced May not have directly affected you but you have been a huge support and friend. The rock is just as important as everyone else."

Jesse smiled at Shelby and with his best game face on he looked at the group with pride. "You three have taught me a lot since I've been around again. Your strength and resilience is unheard of. Especially you, Rachel. I don't know how I would be able to function let alone continue to shine had I suffered such a loss."

Blaine nodded and squeezed Rachel's hand. "Nor do I. Kurt is my reason for breathing. I wouldn't be standing let alone living. Your strength is admirable. You're one of my role models."

Rachel smiled at Blaine with tears glistening in her eyes. "It's all of you and Santana that are getting me through. Without you guys here in New York I probably would have let myself go down with that building. I was a wreck being in New York on my own when I first came here. Dealing with a blow like that on my own would have been my undoing," Rachel's eyes met each one of them as she spoke. "I love you guys. Each and every one of you. You are my family. As long as we hold onto that, we will get through this together. I've got a long way to go. A long way until I can truly know what happy is anymore but this right here is what Finn would have wanted. "Her eyes met Jesse's and she smirked." Even you." The group laughed. "Now it is my turn to repay all that you have done, all of your strength that you've given me. When you all go up there and you feel like you're ready to puke or pass out, look at me. I'll give you a smile and my strength." Rachel looked at everyone lovingly. "This is how it's meant to be..."

"Don't you be having a show circle without me," Santana called out running from the elevator, sliding in beside Jesse and Shelby. "I forgot my toe shoes."

Everyone shared a chuckle. "This right here ... All of us... We are all the unit that is meant to take New York and the world by storm. The power team. This is the first step for all the great things as a family we will accomplish

Santana smiled at Rachel and put her head on Jesse's. "Aight, no one can top that. Let's bring it in. You too Shelby and Rosalie. One..."

Kurt looked at Santana then Blaine with nothing but love. "Two..."

Blaine smiled at Kurt, then Rachel who shared a look with the two older women. "Three..."

"AMAZING!"


NYADA.

The four of them stood around Madame Tibideaux's famed room awaiting the arrival of their dean. The anxiety was evident on Blaine and Kurt's face while Jesse and Rachel kept theirs well hidden. There were a few freshmen present in today's class. Some looked sick while others looked over confident - those were the ones that usually failed. Last year, Madame Tibideaux kicked out eight freshman through this class. She had only let in twenty five. This class was often the reason that classes were combined. Not that it was a bad thing. It gave freshmen something to inspire too and made upperclassmen push themselves in the event an underclass men was better. Rachel spotted a few girls from her dance class. The ones that loved to torment her with comments about Finn. The one on the right, a carbon copy of Quinn... her name was Nikole... She was the worst. While Rachel never wished harm on anyone, she wouldn't mind watching her fall flat on her face. Like Kurt, she was a second semester freshman. She still stood a good chance of being destroyed during the reaping. That's not to say upperclassmen don't get cut - they do, it's just less likely and you usually have to screw up big time. The ones who are usually cut past their freshman year are the ones Tibideaux warned, told them what to improve on and if they failed to meet her requirements they were sent packing. Rachel had won the winter showcase; something no other freshman had ever done before. She was almost certain that she was safe, however, she knew she had to keep herself together. If she was unable to remain professional despite her recent troubles, she knew it could be her down fall. Broadway didn't care about life problems. The show must always go on.

Madame Tibideaux came into the room and all the students found their seats. The group found a row in the middle and waited anxiously as their dean made her way to the front and centre of the room.

"For Freshman, welcome to NYADA and to my returning students, welcome back. You are all aware of how this master class works. This is your chance to shine. The majority of performers I scout for my Winter Showcase come from this very room. If you are unaware of how this class works then you're about to learn." Her voice was firm, calculated. "I would like to ask the winner of our previous show case to come up. The last Winter Showcase was the first in NYADA history where a freshman took the competition. Rachel Berry, would you like to start us off?"

Rachel swallowed hard. Her nerves were going to be her undoing. She kept her game face on and walked to where the dean stood seconds ago. She waited for Madame Tibideaux to take her seat in the front and took a deep breath.

"My name is Rachel Berry and I am a sophomore here at NYADA. Today, I will be singing a slightly altered version of Rachel Flatt's song, 'What Hurts the Most'"

Madame Tibideaux raised her hand before the music could begin. "Rascal Flatt's isn't what I would have expected from you. Why this song?"

Rachel looked at Jesse as panic began to set in. He gave her a reassuring nod and Rachel turned her focus back to her dean. "In light of recent events in my life I feel this best reflects what my soul as a singer wishes to share with the world."

Madame Tibideaux nodded. "As you were, Miss Berry."

Rachel sighed in relief as the music behind her began to fill the dome. The music was slower than the original. The strings played a beautiful melody along with the piano. This caught Madame Tibideaux's attention. She looked at Rachel curiously. It was apparent this version had been completely redone to make it better suited to her vocals. Rachel locked eyes with Jesse before the first vocals left her lips. She was forever grateful for what he had done with the song.

I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house
That don't bother me
I can take a few tears now and then
And just let them out
I'm not afraid to cry
Every once in a while even though goin' on
With you gone still upsets me
There are days
Every now and again I pretend I'm okay
But that's not what gets me

Rachel looked around the room and noticed everyone was locked on her, this gave her strength to keep going. She locked eyes with Kurt who had tears in his eyes, mimicking her own eyes.

What hurts the most
Was being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
Never knowing
What could have been
And not seein' that lovin' you
Is what I was tryin' to do

She knew for this next part, she was going to have to take her eyes off Kurt and locked them with Jesse, which proved to be a bad idea as the memories of Finn singing 'Jesse's Girl' came to mind. She looked up to the ceiling and closed her eyes. This time, she was going to let the feeling of Finn's presence wash over her.

It's hard to deal with the pain
Of losing you everywhere I go
But I'm doin' it
It's hard to force that smile when I
See our old friends and I'm alone
Still harder
Gettin' up, gettin' dressed

Livin' with this regret
But I know if I could do it over
I would trade, give away all the words
That I saved in my heart
That I left unspoken

What hurts the most
Was being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
Never knowing
What could have been
And not seein' that lovin' you
Is what I was tryin' to do

She had allowed herself to be fully engulfed in the music and even though Jesse never included this in the arrangement she felt it was a good way to push her voice and let her emotions out. At this point, she didn't particularly care that tears were streaming down her face.

Ooohhhh
Yeaaaahhhhh

With a quick glance at Jesse, she could see he approved. She smiled to herself and closed her eyes again, wrapping her memories in Finn.

And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
Never knowing
What could have been
And not seein' that lovin' you
Is what I was tryin' to do

Rachel opened her eyes and slowed the power of her vocals down. In the corner of the room, she could see the anguish within Brody's eyes. The realization of what she was going through had finally dawned on him.

What hurts the most
Was being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
Never knowing
What could have been
And not seein' that lovin' you

As the final words of the song slipped from her lips, the tears had slowed a little but the pain in her voice was evident. To anyone hearing this performance, you would have felt the pain and regret she had within her.

Is what I was tryin' to do
Is what I was tryin' to do

The music died out and everyone in the room, other than Madame Tibideaux and Nikole stood to give her a standing ovation. Rachel bit back the tears and smiled in appreciation. She bowed and waited for the crowd to calm down and get Madame's feedback.

Madame Tibideaux raised her hand to silence the class. They all settled into their seats as the woman studied Rachel.

"I was concerned regarding your choice. I felt you were selling your vocals short and not giving yourself a chance to showcase your talent," she said point blank causing Rachel to look concerned. "However, this arrangement was simply remarkable. The usage of the piano and strings were flawless and your vocals were breath taking. Then there's your heart and emotion." She took a deep breath and gave Rachel a soft look. "When I consider taking a student into NYADA I look for talent first and foremost after that I look at a performer's heart. That performance you just graced us with was full of such emotions and pain that it was enough to break my own heart. That was superb. Thank you, Miss Berry."

Rachel smiled and bowed in appreciation of the critic. She walked over to her friends and hugged Jesse tightly, whispering a thank you in his ears. Kurt and Blaine sandwiched her causing her to laugh.

"Jesse St. James." Madame Tibideaux said motioning towards centre stage.

"Break a leg," Rachel whispered.

Jesse took a deep breath and walked to centre stage. He looked at Madame Tibideaux and gave her his best show face.

"Mr. St. James, that arrangement you did for Miss Berry was remarkable," she said simply, not looking up from her paper causing Jesse to stamper on his words. "It has your signature written all over it. One of the reasons I gave you that second audition and allowed you to transfer here was due to your talent with musical arrangement. I am fully aware of the work you have done as a silent coach of Vocal Adrenaline. It was you who did the arrangement for your 2010 regional arrangement of Bohemian Rhapsody was it not?"

"Yes ma'am," he replied.

"I wanted to give you kudos for that flawless arrangement. When you came to me in Chicago to plead Miss Berry's case I wasn't aware of how well you knew her voice. You showcased it perfectly."

Rachel shot Jesse a surprised luck. He spoke Madame Tibideaux in Chicago after her performance? But why would he do that. The memory of when he promised to make all her dreams come true played in her mind. She smiled with shock running through her eyes. He could have plead his own case and instead he chose hers. Jesse really did always have her back. She could tell her was avoiding her gaze at all costs. She understood that he was probably freaking out inside, worried as to how she would take this little discovery. She would talk to him about this eventually, when the time was right.

"Thank you, Madame," Jesse said sincerely.

"What song will you be performing for us today?"

Jesse took a deep breath, "The Show Must Go On by Queen."

"Challenging choice, please go ahead," she stated.

Jesse nodded and the strings began to play the opening for the song. Jesse put on his St. James attitude and lost himself in the performance, as he had any other time he had performed.

Empty spaces - what are we living for
Abandoned places - I guess we know the score
On and on, does anybody know what we are looking for...
Another hero, another mindless crime
Behind the curtain, in the pantomime
Hold the line, does anybody want to take it anymore

He glanced at Rachel quickly and winked at her as he began to walk around the room, making his performance as intense as theatrical as always.

The show must go on
The show must go on, yeah
Inside my heart is breaking
My make-up may be flaking
But my smile still stays on

Whatever happens, I'll leave it all to chance
Another heartache, another failed romance
On and on, does anybody know what we are living for ?
I guess I'm learning (I'm learning learning learning)
I must be warmer now
I'll soon be turning (turning turning turning)
Round the corner now
Outside the dawn is breaking
But inside in the dark I'm aching to be free

He took centre stage again and as he sang the chorus he slammed his foot into the floor as he sang 'the show must go on' yet other than that, he never once stayed still.

The show must go on
The show must go on, yeah yeah
Ooh, inside my heart is breaking
My make-up may be flaking
But my smile still stays on

Yeah yeah, whoa wo oh oh

He darted around the room again, this time ending up beside Blaine, he leaned against his chair as he sang with intensity, despite the slightly softer turn to the music.

My soul is painted like the wings of butterflies
Fairy tales of yesterday will grow but never die
I can fly - my friends

Jesse headed centre stage once again, this time engaging the crowd as he did so. While he performed, he notice Rachel watching intensely with an amused grin on her face; he also noticed Nikole watching him as though she was undressing him with her eyes. He threw her his cocky grin that he knew made girls all sorts of crazy; he swore he saw her swoon at the action.

The show must go on (go on, go on, go on) yeah yeah
The show must go on (go on, go on, go on)
I'll face it with a grin
I'm never giving in
On - with the show!

Ooh, I'll top the bill, I'll overkill
I have to find the will to carry on
On with the show
On with the show
The show - the show must go on!

With a power final note, the class cheered loudly. Nikole jumped to her feet like she was at a One Direction concert, which caused Madame Tibideaux to look back at her as though she was possibly insane. Rachel and the group, however, opted for a more subtle standing ovation in support of their friends 'brilliant' performance, as Rachel had noted to the pair of lovers. Even Brody, though hesitant, stood up and give him the applause he deserved. Jesse stood in typical St. James form and awaited Madame Tibideaux's feedback. He had absolutely no anxiety or worry on his face, he knew he nailed the performance, hands down.

"Well," she said with a sigh. "As an individual who has the absolute deepest respects for Freddy Mercury and the brilliance of his work, I do not say this often, or at all for that matter, however, that performance could give Freddy Mercury a run for his money. Welcome to NYADA, Mr. St. James, you have reassured me that I will not regret my decision to let you in here."

Rachel squealed and hugged Jesse as he walked over to the group. Kurt gave Jesse a hug as well in congratulations while Blaine opted for a more subtle pat on the back. The group took their seats and sat through a series of performances, none of those who could compete with the first two. Three freshman had been cut and Madame Tibideaux was losing her patience. She even lectured the freshmen saying that if they cannot adhere to NYADA standards to spare her the torture and leave now. When they were told to take a fifteen minute break, Nikole decided to take it upon herself to come over to the group.

"Hello Jesse," She said in her most seductive voice, as she bit her lip.

Rachel turned around and raised her eyebrow, "Um, can we help you?"

Nikole shot her an evil look. "Don't you have another guy to drive to a suicidal drug addiction? I am here to talk to Jesse, not you."

Kurt went to say something but Jesse put his hand on his shoulder to silence him. Rachel bit her tongue, knowing Jesse wanted the dig in this one. "Oh is that so? What makes you think I want anything to do with you?"

She laughed flirtatiously and put her hand on his chest as he sat on the back of a chair, "Because I am easily the sexiest, richest and most talented woman in this school." The group snickered. Jesse hid his amusement. "It would be an honour to be with me and I want you, Jesse St. James. Your voice is like sex and I want a taste."

"You're Nikole Mason, correct?" Jesse took her hand and peeled it off his chest as though it was diseased and stood up to lock her eyes with her. "I'm a St. James, sweetheart, my Park Avenue penthouse is worth more than your family's entire fortune and then some. As for sexiest? You have got to be kidding me. I don't like my women plastic and talented? I've heard you sing. The only reason you are in this place is because daddy probably paid your way in. I'm going to enjoy watching Madame Tibideaux throw your ass out of here."

Her jaw dropped. She huffed and stomped away from the group and over to Brody, who seemed just as turned off by her advances. The group of friends continued their conversations cheerfully. Madame Tibideaux came back into the room with a coffee in hand and took her seat at the front of the room. The class all scattered into their seats and waited quietly.

"Nikole Mason, you're up."

With a smile, Nikole made her way to the front of the class and gave everyone a megawatt, though very fake, smile, "Hello everyone, my name is Nikole Mason, and in celebration of the upcoming revival of 'Funny Girl' I will be singing 'Don't Rain on My Parade."

Rachel raised her eyebrow, Jesse laughed quietly while Blaine and Kurt bit back their amusement. Madame Tibideaux gave her a curious look and nodded slowly. The music started up and Nikole took centre stage.

Don't tell me not to live
Just sit and putter
Life's candy and the sun's a ball of butter
Don't bring around a cloud to rain on my parade

"Stop! Please just stop." Madame Tibideaux called out. The music stopped. Nikole looked at the dean in shock. "What on earth was that?"

"I don't understand..."

"That was simply... Rachel, come here please." Rachel looked at Kurt then hurried to the front and stood beside Nikole. "Miss Mason, I am sure you're aware that Rachel was casted in the revival."

Nikole laughed. "As what? Tree number 3?"

Madame Tibideaux gave Nikole a look of utter annoyance. "As Fanny Brice, Miss Mason. Now, Rachel, can you please show Miss Mason how that verse is meant to sound."

Rachel nodded as the music began. She belted out the first verse and smiled when the music stopped. Nikole looked at the floor, she knew this wasn't going to end well.

"Miss Mason, are you living on campus or with your parents?"

"Campus, Madame."

"You have until Friday to be moved out of your dorm. You can apply for re-entry in November." Madame Tibideaux said simply without looking up from her paper.

"You can kick me out! I'm the best dancer in the freshman class!" She shouted as Rachel slid back to her seat following a signal from her professor.

Madame Tibideaux looked up at the student. "Your major is Musical Theatre, is it not?"

"Yes."

"And your breath work was brutal in the opening of a fast paced Broadway song and your vocals as they are, are not cut out for a lead role," she snapped back. "NYADA has a reputation to uphold. I will not tarnish that by allowing a student who isn't of our standards to remain in our school. If dancing is your strong point then please apply to our dance program of find yourself a place at Tisch or Julliard. Now please get out of this master class and out of my school. Blaine Anderson, please give me faith that some of my freshmen are worthy of being here."

The group whispered him well wishes as he walked to the front. Nikole huffed out of the room in tears and for a moment, Rachel almost felt bad for her. Almost. Jesse on the other hand, along with Kurt, were holding back laughter while whispering god knows what to one another. Rachel rolled her eyes, leaned her head against Kurt's shoulder and sighed as she watched Blaine.

"My name is Blaine Anderson. I am from Lima, Ohio and I will be performing "Hear You Me" by Jimmy Eat World."

Madame Tibideaux raised her eye brow and nodded to the musicians to begin to play.

There's no one in town I know.
You gave us some place to go.
I never said thank you for that.
I thought I might get one more chance.
What would you think of me now
So lucky, So strong, So proud?
I never said thank you for that,
Now I'll never have a chance

Blaine put his whole heart into his performance. Much like Jesse, he used the length of the makeshift stage as he sang.

May angels lead you in.
Hear you me my friends.
On sleepless roads,
The sleepless go.
May angels lead you in.

Rachel wiped her eye as her friend sang. Jesse took her free hand into his and squeezed tightly while Kurt wrapped his arm around her and held his best friend close.

So what would you think of me now
So lucky, So strong, So proud?
I never said thank you for that.
Now I'll never have a chance.

May angels lead you in.
Hear you me my friends.
On sleepless roads,
The sleepless go.
May angels lead you in.
May angels lead you in.
May angels lead you in.

The emotions in Blaine's eyes were obvious. He may have been the strong one since Finn has passed away but his feelings regarding his fallen friend were clear as day. His eyes glistened with tears yet not a single one would fall. His passion was captivating, in some way, it moved everyone present in the dome.

And if you were with me tonight.
I'd sing to you just one more time.
A song for a heart so big,
God wouldn't let it live.

May angels lead you in.
Hear you me my friends.
On sleepless roads,
The sleepless go.
May angels lead you in.
May angels lead you in.
Hear you me my friends.
On sleepless roads,
The sleepless go.
May angels lead you in.
May angels lead you in.

As the music came to an end, Rachel was holding back a sob. The song was beautifully done. Blaine was met with applause. Madame Tibideaux looked pleased.

"As I was with Miss Berry's selection, I was concerned," she started. "However that was brilliant. Your pain for your lost friend and your passion for what you were singing were simply moving. Your energy on the stage is something that few people can have. Welcome to NYADA."

"Thank you," Blaine bowed with a smile and k to his seat where Kurt's arms embraced him.

"Kurt Hummel," Madame Tibideaux's voice called out. Kurt headed to the front and smiled proudly. "What can I expect from you today?"

"I will be singing a version of Faith Hills 'There You'll Be' arranged by myself and Mr. St James. It is in memorandum of my late step brother."

Madame Tibideaux nodded with a slight smile. "Please, go ahead."

A haunting melody of strings and piano filled the dome. Rachel looked at Kurt supportively, she knew this was going to be hard on him. She also knew this song summed up both of their feelings. His eyes gave away the tears he was fighting so hard to keep in check.

When I think back
On these times
And the dreams
We left behind
I'll be glad 'cause
I was blessed to get
To have you in my life
When I look back
On these days
I'll look and see your face
You were right there for me

His voice was full of such emotion that it got Rachel's emotions fluttering. Finn would be so proud of everyone, she thought to herself. Kurt looked at her and their eyes locked. The pain that no one besides the two of them never truly understood was clear as day. Kurt's voice was angelic fitting perfectly with the song of choice. She took the hands of Jesse and Blaine and squeezed them tightly; the men both leaned their heads against her and she smiled proudly at Kurt.

In my dreams
I'll always see you soar
Above the sky
In my heart
There will always be a place
For you for all my life
I'll keep a part
Of you with me
And everywhere I am
There you'll be
And everywhere I am
There you'll be

Well you showed me
How it feels
To feel the sky
Within my reach
And I always
Will remember all
The strength you
Gave to me
Your love made me
Make it through
Oh, I owe so much to you
You were right there for me

The music slowed right down, just a gentle breeze of sound from the strings remained.

'Cause I always saw in you

My light, my strength
And I want to thank you
Now for all the ways
You were right there for me
You were right there for me
For always

The music stopped momentarily, allowing Kurt to carry the note for a moment.

Everywhere I am
There you'll be.

As the music came to a stop, the class showed their enthusiasm. Madame Tibideaux shook her head with a grin that she tried to stifle. She stood at the front of the class to say a few words.

"Normally, I do not allow applause in the round room, however, the performances I have seen today there were quite a few who deserve them. Tragedy can strike our lives at any time and to anyone. Part of the harsh reality of this business is that performances wait for no tragedy. The show must always go on. The three of you have shown that with excellence. Be proud of what you have accomplished." she stated as the applause stopped instantly. "As for your performance Mr. Hummel, that was hauntingly beautiful."

"Thank you, Madame Tibideaux." Kurt said with a teary grin and ran to Blaine and practically threw himself into his arms.

The four friends stood in a group hug. The three new students to NYADA not only survived but got good feedback from Madame Tibideaux. The friends paid homage to their friend in the way they knew best – through song. Wherever Finn was now, Rachel knew he was smiling at her with love and with pride. She also knew, that if he could, he would be blushing for all the love they had been expressing towards him over the last while; especially in this class. It was going to be a long, hard road for all of them, there was no doubting this but for the first time since Finn's death, the three of them were stronger than they had been. They were finally taking steps towards the rest of their lives. Even though their lives continue on, one thing will always be certain – Finn would be with them every step of the way; for this, Rachel could smile.


And there you have it. The next chapter is going to take a bit of a time jump, but nothing major. I don't want to start getting repeatitive or anything like that and lets be honest, the show jumps now and then. Let's not get stale. A special thanks to Val for helping me with every aspect of these chapters, including the song selection. I was having a bit of a difficulty with a few, including Kurt's.

Now, I know in the first few chapters I mentioned that Jesse prepared was a Carrie Underwood song. This song WILL make an appearance at some point. Sooner than later, however, after the work was destroyed in the fire, Jesse and Rachel decided to go a different direction. This is actually a planned conversation I have lined up... you'll see what I mean as the story continues.

Til next time!

Songs:

What Hurts the Most - Rascal Flatts (original; version used was Cascada's candlelight remix)

The Show Must Go On - Queen

Hear You Me - Jimmy Eat World

There You'll Be - Faith Hill.