Hiya Guys!
I'm back! This update took a while and I'm sorry for that... and I'm sorry for the cliffhanger... Haha no I'm not.
Well first of I just wanna thank everyone for their awesome reviews, It's nice to know that you're enjoying the story! You guys make my day! and inspire me to keep writing.
I hope you guys had an awesome christmas and new year!
ENJOY!
DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN THE TWILIGHT SAGA
I woke up to the sweetest sound imaginable, Jared's soft snoring besides me. I grunted in protest when I moved onto my side and discovered in the most unpleasant way that everything hurt; my ribs, my face, my legs, even my freaking stomach. I pushed myself up carefully, so that I rested on my elbows before looking around the room.
This was not my bedroom.
I scrambled around in the bed, trying to push the sleeping Jared off me so that I could take a closer look around. But he wouldn't have that. In a sleep haze; he grabbed me and pressed me flush against his bare chest. I struggled and squirmed but he only tightened his grip further, so I relaxed into him.
My heart melted at how careful he held me, as if I was precious to him, as if I was his. Sleep did wonders for his features, he looked so peaceful with his secretive little wistful smile. Even in sleep he was happy, I felt a pang of jealousy. I also wanted his carefree sleep. Mine was always haunted by the same darken place, with the same scary creature.
It wasn't until Jared rolled over and pinned me under him that I felt the bile rising in my throat. Haunting Images flashed through my mind so fast I couldn't breath. Adam ripping my dress, kissing my neck, slapping me across the cheek, pinning me beneath him. I could feel my breathing quicken drastically to the point that I was gasping for air, tears were beginning to form and fall.
Touching me, hitting me, running, panting, screams bouncing off the high trees. Nothing, empty. I c-couldn't breath, I-I can't- I-I can't. I needed him to get off. Get off. Get off. Get off. I don't want this, I don't want to be here. Let me go, let go, go. I started squirming like a crazy person, pushing him off me crying hysterically while doing so.
"Jared. Get off! I- I c-can't! Jared please" I sobbed out incomprehensibly.
He woke up startled, looking around the room for intruders. When realizing it was me, he scrambled up horrified.
"Kim? Kim, Jesus christ" His eyes wide open, when he saw me, "What's wrong?" He panted trying to steady his breathing. He tried reaching for me but before he could; I stumbled out off bed and ran straight to the corner of the room, away from him. He flinched and his eyes were startled.
I held up my hands to stop him from reaching me. "P-please don't come any closer, please" I pleaded weakly.
He backed away instantly. "I'm so sorry Kim. I'm so sorry. I-I didn't. I d-didn't realize, please forgive me. " He looked crushed, broken and horrified.
"I'm sorry. I'm sorry" I repeated in a whisper over and over to him and to myself. "I-I just need to calm down. " I could see that he longed to comfort me with his touch, but I wasn't ready yet.
It took me a couple of minutes of repeating to myself that it was just Jared, that I was safe before I finally calmed down and let him embrace me. He crossed the distance between us with such speed it left me breathless, and gathered me up into his arm in a gentle hug. He stroked my hair and whispered soothing things in my ear. I pulled away gently, trying not to frighten him further. I gave him all I could muster at the moment, a tiny smile. He looked down at me with sadness and guilt in his gaze. I wiped my wet cheeks clear of tears with the back of my hand.
"I'm sorry Jared." I said weakly in a raspy voice; breaking the silence between us. "I didn't mean to scare you."
"Kim, please don't apologize to me" he uttered as weakly as me. "It was my fault, If I'd just gone to that party with you none of this would've happened. I should've protected you. I-I-m so so sorry."
I stared at him in chock. "Jared. Please. It wasn't your fault." I reassured him.
He looked at me with such anger it made my stomach clench. "I'm gonna kill him. Nobody touches you! Ever!" He was shaking with rage. "Tell me who it was Kim and I promise you he'll be gone by the time you can blink. "
I shook my head in sadness. "No Jared, please don't. I don't want to get you into trouble. Please just let it go" I pleaded with him, fear restricting my vocal chords.
"Are you crazy!? Let it go!? He hurt you, he violated you." He screamed. "He's going to pay one way or the other and I promise you that if you don't tell me, I'll find it out some other way."
"Jared! Nothing happened. He d-didn't. He c-couldn't, I mean I ran before h-he could." I stammered.
"Something would've happened if you hadn't been able to get away! He would've. He touched you. He hurt you Kim! You can't expect me to just let that go, do you? You mean everything to me! What would've happened if you hadn't gotten away?" He looked paralyzed by the last sentence, terrified.
I placed both of my hands on his cheeks, trying to calm him down. "Look at me Jared!" I continued when his teary gaze meet mine."But he didn't. I got away. And yes I do expect you to let it go, please don't make me beg. Do this for me Jared. Promise me you won't do anything. "I pleaded hysterically.
"I- I can't. " He sighed pained. "I just can't Kim."
Rage clouded my vision. Why couldn't he just listen to me!? I growled in frustration. It would only get him in trouble, it would do absolutely no good. It wouldn't take the night away, or the memories. It would only ruin him and I.
"Then what good are you huh!?" I screamed.
"K- Kim, please." He looked so sad and defeated; I almost gave in.
"No Jared! Listen to me! I don't want this, I don't want you to get in trouble because of that dick. " I flinched when my hand grazed my cheek on the way up to my hair. He saw it and his eyes narrowed in anger again.
"Kim, don't ask this of me" He said through angry clenched teeth.
"I'm sorry Jared but I have to. " I sighed. "Please for me, let it go. I need you right now, hugging and comforting me. I don't need or want you to hurt him. I only need… I only need you ." tears were beginning to spill down my cheeks again.
He looked even more guilty now but at least he listened this time. I knew it was wrong of me to play on his guilt for my own benefit, but I just didn't know what else to do. He gathered me up into his arms, carried me over to the bed and placed me down gentle. He started to move away but I grabbed his arm before he could.
"Please don't leave me" I protested quietly. His gaze softened and he smiled."You keep the nightmares away"
"I won't, I promise. I'm right here" He laid himself next to me and out of pure instinct I snuggled closer to his chest. Hi heart was thumping so fast, I was almost scared for his wellbeing. Even though it was hectic it calmed me.
"Jared?"I broke the silence.
"Hm?" he looked lost in his thoughts.
"Where are we?" I asked, fatigue dragging me slowly under.
"We're at a friends house. I didn't know where else to take you last night" he replied sadly.
"Where's my dress?"
"In the garbage" he replied through gritted teeth. "That monster damaged it beyond repair. I'm sorry" he growled slightly, emphasizing the word monster.
"Stop saying sorry. It wasn't your fault and thanks to you I at least had somewhere warm to sleep." I sighed, tired of hearing him apologize. "Who changed me last night?" I blushed, dreading the answer.
"Emily." He said with a tiny smile. I could see that it was forced, because it didn't quite reach his eyes like it usually does."This is her home."
I was fuming, who was this Emily? Were they related? No he'd called her a friend but maybe she was more than that. He hadn't introduced her as his girlfriend, but maybe they just simply hadn't defined the relationship yet. I felt like I was gonna be sick. I stiffened, it felt wrong touching him like this if he had someone special.
"Oh" I replied curtly, scared that I would embarrass myself if I said anything else.
"Kim? What's wrong?"
"Nothing" I shrugged nonchalantly, while turning away from him.
"Kim spill. Somethings wrong I can feel it." He groaned and reached for my chin; forcing me to look at him but I turned my gaze downwards to his bare chest.
"Just forget it" I mumbled annoyed.
"No, tell me."
"It's really nothing special" I muttered. His eyes looked into mine almost as if he was daring me to ask him, so I did. "Who's Emily? Your girlfriend?"
He answered me with a roaring laugh. Seeing that I wasn't kidding or was especially amused, he stopped and turned serious.
"Seriously? What does that matter?" He quirked his eyebrow. I sighed, even for a guy he was kind of clueless.
I shrugged and answered in my most stoic voice. "It doesn't. It was just a question."
He chuckled. "No she's not my girlfriend. That would just be wrong" He shuddered at the idea. "She's married to one of my closest friends and she's like a mother to me, just gross."
"Oh" I blushed. "Well it was nice of her to let me stay here. I should probably go and thank her."
"Oh no you don't princess! You are staying right here and getting some rest"
"I like it when you call me princess" I mumbled, stifling a yawn.
"Sleep princess" He smiled a tender smile, stroking my hair and lulling me to sleep.
"Jared you have to tell her!" A woman's voice shrieked loud enough to startle me out of my peaceful sleep.
The voice had come from downstairs, curious I went searching for it. I skimmed out of the thousand covers Jared had put me under and struggled in the process. Stupid, sweet, considerate Jared. I treaded carefully on the old floorboards, same routine different house I guess. I let out the breath i didn't even know I was holding when I reached the door. This is not spying, this is just me exploring the area, I tell myself. I reached the end of the stairs after what seemed like ages and saw a young woman with a nasty scar that covered half her face talking to Jared in the kitchen. Knowing that I couldn't get any further without them knowing I was there; I sat down at the bottom of the stairs straining to hear them.
"I can't! She'll be terrified. She'll leave and she won't come back, she'll run. I can't lose her" I recognized the voice as Jared's and instantly became curios about whom they were talking about.
"I'm not saying that it will be easy" She stopped as if she considered her next words very carefully."But you can't keep it a secret forever, she will find out eventually and it would be better if she heard it for you first. She'll feel betrayed otherwise. "
"Don't you think I don't already know that" He shouted frustrated. "It's just, I'm not sure she's ready for it that's all."
"Give the girl some faith" She sighed. "I think that Kimberly is something special. And from everything you've told me about her I think she would understand"
"I can't take that risk right now Emily. It's to soon."
They were talking about me? I'm the girl Jared's scared of losing? Oh god, why would he lose me. He kept secrets from me? I felt kind of betrayed. I told him everything; my dad leaving, how it broke everything including me, about my abstinent mother who puts way to much pressure on me, everything. What is so horrible that he felt like he couldn't trust me and that it would make me leave his side. Maybe he killed someone? No Jared is to kindhearted for that. Even thinking that made my stomach churn with guilt. In an attempt to stop my thought from spiraling out of control, I decided to make my presence known. I lifted myself of the cold staircase and made my way to the kitchen where they were.
"God morning" I yawned and stretched, feigning newly awoken.
Jared's face lit up immediately at the sight of me. Knowing about him keeping secrets from me, I couldn't even manage a smile in return. His face fell a little at my brush off but right now I couldn't bring myself to even care. I went over to the beautiful scarred woman and extended my hand to her.
"Hi I'm Kimberly." I shook her hand and smiled politely.
"It's nice to finally meet you Kimberly, Jared's told me so much about you. My name's Emily but please call me Em."
"Oh really? He must tell you more than he does me." I glanced back at Jared annoyed, hoping he caught the hidden meaning before returning my attention back to Emily. "Please call me Kim. " I smiled." I just wanted to thank you for your hospitality"
"Oh shush" She waved at me dismissively, giving me a warm smile that made her brown eyes sparkle. "It's no problem. Any friend of Jared is a friend of mine."
I chuckled. "Then I'll consider you a friend of mine as well."
"Good"She smiled before turning serious. "I was sorry to hear about what happened. I hope that you're okay." She continued sadly.
"I'm fine, a little bruised that's all." I shrugged. "Nothing a little rest and some therapy can't fix" I smiled, trying to lighten the mood.
I heard Jared growl from behind me. "Oh shut up you big bear. I'm tired of your crap" I snapped at him. He looked shocked and a little ticked off but right now all I wanted to do was give him the finger. I restrained that urge of course. Stupid common sense, never let me have any fun.
"Again thank you for your concern and for letting me stay here but I should get home. My mom's probably worried sick."
"I understand" She nodded but behind me Jared made a disapproving noise. "But at least stay for breakfast."
"No that's okay" I shook my head. " I really have to go. But thank you"
"No problem sweetie. But I feel a little bad for letting you leave here with an empty stomach. It's just not the way we do it in my house. Here we have big breakfast with scrambled eggs, bacon, waffles and orange juice before we face the day ahead of us."
"I do love bacon" I hesitated, feeling my mouth water from the thought of it. I haven't eaten anything since yesterday and I was starving.
"Great, then you're staying." She said enthusiastically.
"Well I-"
"Non of that. Sit! the boys will be here soon."
"The boys?" I frowned.
"Emily's husband Sam, Jake, Embry, Paul and Quil." Jared intervened.
My eyebrows raised in shock. "And you're cooking for everyone all by yourself?"
"Of course" She chuckled. "These boys burn water. I can't very well let them fend for themselves, they'd starve!"
I laughed before offering my help, which at first she refused but after a while of pestering she finally agreed. She taught me how to make the perfect waffle bater and how to make the eggs fluffy. She shared all the little tricks and tips she's learned over the years. I actually kind of enjoyed small talking with her.
She was an incredible lady who loved her husband dearly. You could see it in the way her eyes lit up by the mention of him, how her eyes glazed and her lips turned up into a childish smile as if she was reliving a pleasant memory of them. I would never admit it but I envied her; her happiness, her compassion, her love life. She had everything I've always wanted for myself.
Jared's eyes were following my every move which was very distracting. I was still pretty pissed but after a while of muddling through my thoughts, I came to the conclusion that it wasn't fare of me to judge him for keeping secrets from me when I was keeping one from him. So gradually my anger melted to mild distaste. I cringed away from him when he tried to touch my skin or hair, not really ready to admit defeat yet. I think Emily noticed because she stared at me with both confusion and sadness. I wanted to ask her why, but I didn't think she would answer me truthfully, so I didn't.
It was a thundering voice who disrupted the peaceful quietness of the kitchen.
"My sweet and beautiful Em?" A mans voice shouted from the front door.
"In the kitchen" She yelled back. The man ,Sam I think, came running faster than the wind to her side and kissed her with so much passion I blushed. They clung to each other as if they hadn't seen one another for years. Such love and adoration, I felt my heart swell with happiness for the both of them. When they finally broke apart Emily was gasping for air, but Sam continued to leave trails of soft kisses on her entire face. It was an adorable sight.
"I made your favorite breakfast." She giggled like a little school girl.
"Great, I'm starving" He took a seat by the table, which was now covered with food. He tried reaching for a piece of bacon but Em slapped away his hand and gave him a scolding look.
"Wait for your sons" She warned him, raising her spatula at him. He pouted but eventually sighed and leaned back against his chair.
"Honey, this is Jared's girl Kimberly, Kimberly this is my husband Sam." Emily introduced us.
"It's nice to meet you Kimberly, are you joining us for breakfast?" Sam smiled politely.
I hesitated, not knowing if I should correct her on me being "Jareds girl". "Yeah I guess. Emily didn't exactly give me a choice."
All three of them laughed as if it was no big news. "Yeah my wife is a stubborn old lady" Sam chuckled.
"Yeah this stubborn old lady is soon to be your ex wife if you call her that again" She warned him teasingly.
He scoffed. "You love me to much to divorce me."
"I really do." she smiled dreamily. "But don't push your luck buddy or you'll be sleeping on the couch tonight"
"Duly noted my beautiful irresistable wife."
"Now that's better." she smiled pleased. Emily was just about to lean in for a kiss when "the boys" came thundering in, roaring with laughter.
"Damn Emily something smells good." I recognized the boy, it was Jake from english class.
"Thanks, Kim helped me." She gave each boy a motherly kiss on the cheek before directing them to sit down by the table.
"You're actually here, huh" Jake chuckled and gave me a bear hug. I squealed with laughter when he picked me up but quickly shut up when I saw Jared's narrowed eyes.
After Jake set me down; I greeted Embry and Paul, and then introduced myself to Quil, who seemed sweet enough. After the greetings I let Jared take my hand and guide me to my spot next to him by the table.
I felt slightly awkward during the breakfast, not really knowing any of them made me want to act differently. But I pushed that feeling down, joked and laughed with Jake and Quil. Paul didn't really seem like the guy who engaged in friendly conversation so I stayed clear of him.
I ignored Jared the best I could. If he spoke to me I simply nodded or looked at him, nothing else. I didn't really feel like associating myself with liars at this particular moment. Even though they said that the secret would make me run, I didn't feel particularly scared. I didn't feel like I had the need to be. He wouldn't hurt me, I was sure of it but then what was stopping him from telling me? Maybe I was a little clueless to. I recalled the entire three weeks in my head, looking for signs. He was always touching me every chance he got, only if it was to grace my shoulder with his finger tips. He always wanted to be near me, talk to me. I didn't do any of these things, I never told him what he meant to me or that he could tell me anything. I've laid down all my problems on him but have I actually taken the time to let him talk about himself? The sudden realization made my face drop. I've been so selfish! We always did things I wanted to do, talked about things I wanted to talk about. I mentally slapped myself. Of course he didn't want to share his deep dark secrets with me, he didn't think I cared enough to listen.
Determined, I dragged him away to a secluded corner of the house after breakfast, ignoring the smirks I got from the boys and Emily.
He looked at me confused, obviously not catching up with my mood swings. But still he waited patiently for me to speak, like he always did.
"Jared I owe you an apology." I said, sincerity oozing out of me. "I haven't been fair to you. I really like you and you mean so much to me. I know that I don't tell you that enough or show it. I'm not very good with emotional display, but for your sake I'm gonna try. And I need you to know that there is nothing that would ever make me leave or make me think less of you in any way. You can tell me anything, I am you're friend and I will remain that way until you get sick of me. All I'm saying is that I hope you know that you can tell me anything." I rambled on.
"Kim I-" He stared at me with shock.
I cut him off before he had the time to utter an entire sentence. "Jared it's fine, you don't have to tell me anything right now if it makes you uncomfortable. I just needed you to know that you can talk to me without judgement" I smiled one of my brightest smiles, proud of myself for expressing my emotions.
"You didn't need to apologize Kim." He chuckled. His former bad mood seemed to vaporized, which made me really glad but also kind of worried. I can't be responsible for his happiness. He needed other, better resources.
"Yes I did. I've been way to selfish these last couple of weeks."
"Yeah you have. How I've put up with you is beyond me, but hey I'm still here so that must mean you did something right." He smiled teasingly.
"Oh shut up you jerk I'm trying here!" I laughed and punched him in the shoulder. He deflected the punch and grabbed my wrist.
I looked questionably into his eyes, searching for answers. But everything turned blank when I saw the emotion behind his eyes. It was unplaceable and indescribable, but that warmth and pure happiness made every nerve in my body tense and pleasantly spark. He lightly slid his hand across my cheek before cupping it. His other hand landed right below the curve of my back. He pulled me in for a heart crushing, soul shattering, mind screaming hug. I felt the uncommon bubbling happiness run through my body. His actions spoke louder than words. He was making me feel treasured, reassuring me that he could trust me. He was hugging me as a confirmation that he liked the idea of me thinking about him, worrying about him. He didn't need to say it, I could feel it. And it felt wonderful. I breathed him in greedily, missing the smell of grass and sunshine.
"Thank you" I mumbled into his chest. I was thanking him for being here, for understanding, for wanting me. He stroked my hair and kissed the top of my head as if he understood. We parted without any awkwardness or tension, knowing that our relationship was far beyond that point.
"We should do something fun today, like go out or something" His smile seemed nervous and shy.
"Sure we can do that, it sounds like fun and I could use some fun after the day I had" I grinned completely oblivious.
He grinned so widely it made my heart swell with happiness."It's a date." He nodded with a smile, but after a few seconds his grin slowly disappeared.
"A date?" I smiled shyly. My insides were screaming with joy, and I may or may not be dancing in my head.
"Where would you like to go?" He smiled softly, not dismissing or confirming my question.
"You pick. Show me your favorite place"
"I know just the place" He grinned enthusiastically. "When are you ready to leave?"
"Just give me a couple of minutes to freshen up and call my mom." I stopped when I realized that all of my clothes were at my place."I have nothing to wear and I don't suppose I can go in my pyjamas?." I sighed.
"I bet Emily has some old clothes you can borrow?"
"No I can't ask for anymore favors from Emily " I shook my head embarrassed.
"I don't think she would mind really, it's been a long time since a girl's been over so I think she would actually like making you her dress up doll."
Not quite certain of that, I shook my head again. "I can't, she's already been to kind to me."
"Why do you always want to argue about petty things?" He scoffed annoyed. "You wait right here and I'll go talk to her." He was gone before I had the chance to tell him no, I felt like I was imposing enough already. I fumed over his simply disregard of my opinion on the matter, but still, I waited for him to return. He was back a couple of minutes later with a beaming Emily behind him. Without another word, she grabbed my hand and dragged me to her and Sam's bedroom.
She let go of my hand once we were inside. She looked giddy and extremely happy. "What are you so happy about?" I chuckled, enjoying her light.
"I'm just so glad that you and Jared are finally going out on a date. That boy has never had any confident problems before with girls, but with you he's like a shy three year old asking the girl if he can split his cookie with her." She rolled her eyes, but still her smile remained.
I rubbed one of my temples with one hand and dragged the other through my hair. "But why though?" I mumbled more to myself than her. but she heard and looked saddened by it.
"What do you mean?" She gazed at me intently and stopped rummaging trough the big closet.
"I mean he's Jared, and I just don't know what caused him to flick the switch. He never noticed me before, so why is now different? there are a lot of girls in my school who would gladly go out on a date with Jared, myself included. But why pick me? why am I so special? And if he's interested in me more than friends, why hasn't he said anything to me?" I rambled on.
She stared thoughtfully at me and twisted her fingers before she spoke." I'm not sure but people change everyday. Kim don't sell yourself short, you're an amazing girl with a heart of gold and as I said, I think he's scared. Scared of getting hurt or hurting you. Maybe it's fate" She smiled knowingly.
"I hardly think fate wants us "to get it on", I'm just so confused." I sighed.
"Don't be, the fog will clear, you'll see." she brushed the strand of hair out of my face and tucked it behind my ear in a motherly fashion. "Now let's find you something pretty to wear" she clapped her hands together, her eyes focused on me.
It took us about 20 minutes to settle on a pair of tight high waisted black jeans and a short dark green blouse with a flattering waist crop. The shirt was a little to reveling for my taste, with the low cut U. But she told me that the blouse flattered my tiny waste and my breasts, so I begrudgingly agreed to wear it. It took us another 40 minutes to fix the catastrophe that was my hair. She curled the end of it and made it extremely shiny and soft. She chatted my ear of the entire time, it was nice and foreign to me. I didn't usually spend time with my own mom like this, chatting about pointless things such as boys or play dress up. So it was all pretty new to me but still I enjoyed it. When she finally gave me the nod and a smile, I knew that I was ready. Holding my breath I turned around and looked into the body mirror in the closet. My breath came out strangled, I looked elegant, sweet and …..beautiful.
"You made me look beautiful" I struggled through my teary voice, and smiled. She came around to my side and stroked my hair with a sad smile.
"You are beautiful. I see it, Jared sees it, now it's time for you to see it."
"Thank you" silent tears of gratitude threatened to fall but I pushed them away with a half laugh/sob noise.
"That boy won't know what hit him." She beamed, and for a second I felt like what she said could actually be true.
We walked down the stairs, skipping the cheesy slow motion entry and went to the kitchen to find Jared. I heard an appreciative whistle behind me, in shock I spun around and saw a grinning Embry. "Damn girl, you clean up nice." He gazed at me from head to toe, before giving me an approving nod and a grin.
"Thank you?" I said hesitantly, not knowing if it was a compliment or an insult.
"Jared's gonna flip when he sees you."
"That's the general idea." I shrugged before flashing him a beaming smile.
"Well we'd best be going now" She stared at Embry so intently, as if they were having a telepathic conversation.
"But Em I want to see." He whined before pouting. Emily just sighed and rolled her eyes, before dragging him out of the living room by the arm. For a tiny woman of 5 ft 3 she sure had a strong arm. I winced, remind me never to get on her bad side.
I pulled the pants up higher, trying to cover the centimeter of skin I was showing, seeing that it didn't do shit, I sighed and gave up. My palms were sweating so bad; I had to clench my fists to my sides. I took a few determined steps towards the tiny, vintage kitchen and stopped in the doorway when I saw Jared's back. He looked good. His hair was tussled and looked so soft, I yearned to run my fingers through it. He had a nice pair of baggy, worn jeans with a button up gray shirt. I could see his taunt back muscles fletch through his shirt, and I had to stop the drool from dripping on my chin. Platonic relationship, yeah right.. Not from my part at least. I cleared my throat in discomfort. His eyes snapped up and settled upon mine.
His gaze didn't stay there long though. He made a slow once over, before his lips curled up into a soft smile. When he met my eyes again, my breath hitched. His eyes were hooded and electric, gazing into the very depth of my soul. He looked at me with such wonder and appreciation, it made the blush spread all the way up to my scalp. I cleared my throat again before squirming under his heavy but lovely gaze.
"You look absolutely gorgeous Kim" He breathed with a voice so soft, it sent shivers down my back.
"You don't look pretty bad yourself" I smiled coyly. "So where are you taking me?"
"You'll see." He smirked mysteriously.
"Can you at least tell me where it is?" I pushed, hating surprises.
"Now that wouldn't be very romantic if I spoiled all the fun would it?" He smirked.
"So you're aiming for romantic?"
"Well something like that" He hinted.
I groaned. Knowing that he wouldn't budge I dropped the subject and let him lead me to the car. After an argument that lasted for ten minutes, we finally decided on a radio station, playing classic rock. The sun was shining, the wind was howling and Led Zeppelin was blasting through the stereo. Now this was my idea of a good day. I rolled down the window and reveled in the way the wind played with my hair, before releasing a pleased sigh and closing my eyes. After a few minutes of pleasant quietness, with Ramble on playing faintly in the background, I peeked over at Jared. Who was obviously also enjoying himself, his smile was big and vibrating. His entire body was relaxed and at ease. I stared at the straightness of his nose, admiring each curve and dent. Before letting my gaze travel upwards to his big eyes. I stared in wonder at how his eyelashes brushed against his cheekbones every time he blinked And finally, I rested my gaze upon his soft lips. I loved the way they were perfectly imperfect, his cupids bow was bigger than normal, but that didn't make it any less tempting to nipple or lick. Quite the opposite. I longed to sink my teeth into that plump bottom lip of his, then I'd graze my tongue along it after to sooth the pleasant pain I caused. Maybe after that, I'd take his bottom lip in-between mine and suck on it, hard enough to make him groan. God, i sounded like a horny nympho. I wasn't usually this sexually attentive to other peoples attractive features. But god, was he my exception. He looked good enough to eat and I was starving.
"You okay?" He asked concerned, his eyes boring into mine with such heat it made me squirm.
I blushed profoundly after being caught staring. "Y-Ye-." I cleared my suddenly dry throat."I-I mean yeah, I'm fine" I squeaked
He regarded me intently, unable to place the emotion behind his eyes; I turned my gaze forward. "Are we there yet?" I steered the conversation into a new, less awkward subject.
"Ten minutes more, tops" He looked over at me doubtful, willing me to meet his gaze. But I resisted, so he sighed and focused on the road ahead.
"You weren't kidding about being emotionally challenged"He mumbled begrudgingly. I think it was supposed to be a joke, but it fell flat.
"Now what's that supposed to mean?"
"I mean, it would be really nice to actually get to know what's going on in your head."
"I was just about to say the same" I snapped back at him. "To get, you got to give. It's a two-way thing."
"Fine, then let's do this. Tonight I'll be an open book, required you'll be the same" He looked at me seriously, regarding my answer that hung in the air between us.
"You got yourself a deal" I accepted the challenge and extended my hand to him in a friendly action. He grabbed it and shook it but he didn't let it go. He intwined his fingers with mine and stroked my palm with his thumb. And if that wasn't enough, he raised it towards his lips and planted a soft kiss. The lingering kiss gave me goozebumps, I didn't blush until I saw his smirk, confirming that he saw the affect he had on me.
It didn't take us long before we arrived at a parking lot in front of a secluded little building. I gazed over at Jared and raised a brow.
"It's my dads bar. Well it was." He paused and gazed at the little building in front of us. "My dad left it to my uncle after he died, and when I turn 18 he's leaving it to me."
"I'm sorry to hear about your dad."I whispered, " If you don't mind me asking, how did he die?" I placed my hand on his arm in sympathy.
He stayed quiet for a couple of minutes, his face converted in agony. I wanted so badly to reach out and soothe him. He looked so grief stricken, so vulnerable. My heart clenched in sadness for him. He took a shaky breath before he continued to gaze outside the window as if he was a million miles away.
"My dad was walking home from work one night, picking up some flowers for my mother for their anniversary." He took a shaky breath, "He was just crossing one road, one single road. And it all ended. One persons mistake, one persons idiocy robbed my father off his life. But the twisted part of it all was that the drunken driver walked away with no more than a couple of scratches on his head. What kind of a fucked up world is that?"
"I'm so sorry." my voice shook from the pent up tears. "It's not fair"
"You're right, it isn't. I've always wondered if the man who did it got what he deserved."
"You don't know?" I asked hesitantly.
He shook his head. "No, I was only ten when it happened and mom thought it would be best for me not to be involved, to save me the pain I guess."
After what felt like hours I had enough. I moved over from my seat to straddle his lap and wrapped my arms around his rigid and shocked posture. I hugged him with all the strength I could muster. I wanted to crush away his thoughts, to suffocate them; I just wanted them to go away and take all the pain in his eyes with them. It took him a few minutes to reciprocate the action but when he did, he clung to me with such desperation; it made me breathless. I basked in his warm embrace. I inched my face away from his neck far enough for me to stare into his pained eyes. "I wish I could take all of this away. To ease the pain somehow." I whispered. He gave me a tiny smile before one of his hands let go of my waist and brushed a few strands of hair out of my face. The action was so gentle and sweet; I felt my heart flutter in my chest.
"You do that just by being near me" He answered matter of factually. I was flying, I was gone.
"I feel the same about you" I whispered breathless.
The pain in his eyes dulled but it didn't disappear completely. It was still there, just pushed away and in hiding. It pained me to see. I wanted it vanished; I didn't want him to have a corner of his eye reserved for that emotion. It just wasn't right.
Lost in my inner emotional breakdown, I'd been oblivious to the way he regarded me. But now I was wide awake and gazing at him confused. His mouth was curled up into a knowing smile while his eyes were strained on my lips. I licked my lips in reflex and watched how his once clear, but now hooded eyes flickered up to mine.
I noticed how close we were; our faces only inches away. Me, resting on his lap, while one of his hands were on my waist and the other on the back of my head. I let one of my hands travel upwards his arm to his shoulder, watching it doing so. His muscles were so taunt and bulging that i couldn't help but let my hand admire the strength below them. He reacted instantly to my touch and tightened the hold on my waist.
I saw the hidden request in his eyes as he brushed his fingers through my hair down my back. He leaned in slowly, his eyes seeking permission along the way in mine. I tilted my head towards his, eager for him. He was so hesitant and overly cautious, he acted as if he was walking on eggshells.
He lightly graced my cheek with his hand before cupping it softly. I snacked my arms around his neck when he shifted us enough to let him lean in more. He rested his forehead on mine. My lips were twitching for the desired contact. I held my breath, afraid I would start panting otherwise. But there was no need, he stopped.
"Are you sure….?" He gauged my reaction a millimeter away from my lips. My inside were screaming at him to kiss me already, but I told them to shut up.
"Yes" I whispered, inching my lips towards him as an invitation, I begged silently that he would accept. But I didn't have to. The moment the words left my lips, his attacked mine.
No longer prolonging the anticipated moment. He gently took my bottom lip between his, and I took his top lip into mine. He was so soft and warm, like he always was. We reciprocated the actions slowly and gentle, easing into the welcoming feeling of out breaths mingling.
A few innocent and easy kisses later, I felt his tongue grace my bottom lip asking for permission to enter. I opened my mouth a little, and darted my tongue out to meet his. It felt strange at first, but after a few seconds of fumbling, instinct took over. He pressed his warm tongue into my mouth , gently at first but later more forceful. He reacted at the force of the kiss with such vigor, it made my head spin. He did it a couple of more times, within pauses for breath. Unready to let go of each other, we molded our bodies together. Anticipating and shifting against each other in synchronized action. He groaned and tightened his hold on me when I bit into his bottom lip softly. I admired the plump and warm feeling of his lip with my teeth. Before gently gracing my tongue over it.
He pulled my face to him harder, with his hand, and tangled it in my hair. The new kiss was electrifying, ground shattering. I pressed my chest against his, longing .. No aching to be closer. I wanted more.. But sadly I didn't get it.
We parted a couple of minutes later, both gasping for air. We still held onto each other, soaking up the after glow of the swirling emotions around us.
"We should probably go inside" He panted dazed. I looked around confused, before realizing we were still in the car and have been for an hour.
I nodded breathless and made no attempts to hide the big grin on my face when I saw his swollen lips. I licked my lips, enjoying the lingering taste of him.
"Oh no." I shook my head determined, "I won't do it"
"To bad. Cause I already signed you up" He snickered. I looked over at the crowded bar, of course there had to be billions of people on open mic night. I shuddered in horror by the thought of me standing on the the tiny stage across the bar, pouring my heart out.
"If I'm gonna do this. " I raised one of my eyebrow, really hating myself for even considering it. "I'm gonna need a drink"
"Yeah… That's not gonna happen" He dragged out the words with a scowl.
"What, why?" I looked at him confused, "You're uncle owns the place right?"
"Yeah, but there's no way in hell I'm gonna let you drink" He scoffed.
"You're not the boss of me" I snorted unimpressed. "Why did you take me to a bar if you weren't gonna let me to drink smart-ass?"
"Cause you asked me to bring you to a place I wanted to go to" He retorted, "And I wanted to hear you sing so here we are" He grinned smugly. It would be a shame if someones hand just happened to slip and slap the grin off you're face, preferably mine I thought.
"Real convient that open mic night just happened to be today.. Hmm? " I raised my eyebrow in mock disbelief.
He laughed before he answered. "Just luck, I guess"
I snorted unconvinced. "Sure …" I dragged out the words with a frown on my face.
Was it wrong of me to be conflicted by this? Sure my mouth said no but my mind screamed yes. Why was I afraid? All my life I've been scared of other peoples opinions, their thoughts and concern around me. Maybe they weren't the ones who beat me down… Maybe I did it to myself, by believing the doubt, the insecurities that haunted my mind. I've wanted to be brave all my life, independent and strong. And here, an opportunity to be so reveals itself and I'm running away. The words "You are your own worst enemy" popped into my head. It was true, almost painfully so. It was time to stop thinking about being brave and start acting like it. What was worse? regret or a few minutes of discomfort?
I gazed at Jared and silently thanked him for being brave enough to do something I couldn't. He was pushing me, sure.. But he wasn't doing it out of cruelty, but rather kindness.
"When do I go on?" I hesitated and curled my lip in mild distaste of what I was about to do.
He grinned that goofy smile of his again before answering. "Uhm in a about.." He looked down at his watch,"Now."
"Are you serious!" I screeched loud enough for people to turn around and glance at us. I blushed before lowering my voice. "I really hate you" I snarled.
I didn't have anymore time to insult him, because a couple of seconds I heard the dreaded sound of someone tapping on a mic. I turned around, dreading the face of a middle-aged man on stage testing the sound. I felt the pit of my stomach churn at his next words.
"I'd like to thank you all for coming tonight" The man greeted, before clearing his throat and flashing a smile "So as you all know it's open mic night, and my nephew just informed me that there is a girl here who's gonna preform for us tonight. Give a round of applause for Kimberly James."
When I heard the cheering of at least four dozen people, I almost fainted. Oh god, I can't do this. I leaned back a little against Jared, who still had a big goofy smile on his face. I eyed the stage with fear. I couldn't decide what was worse, the walk to the stage or actually performing. I didn't have enough time to back out though before I felt Jared's hands nudging me forward. My heart was beating so fast, I was sure people could hear it. I begrudgingly started walking towards the stage, ignoring all the interested stares I got. I felt the need to flip Jared of, but knowing that it wasn't his fault; I restrained myself. When I reached the stage; the man patted me on the back before whispering "good luck" in my ear. Gee thanks, I thought sarcastically.
I tapped on the mic in front of me, cleared my throat and spoke. "So Umh, hi. My name is Kim… And I really don't handle public embarrassment well, so you'll have to forgive me if I pass out" I mumbled awkwardly in the mic. Everyone in the room released a tiny chuckle that eased my nerves a little.
I glanced back and saw the guitar resting beside the bar stole on the wooden stage. I pushed the stool forward enough so I could reach the mic while sitting down. Then I grabbed the familiar guitar and pressed it to my chest with a thankful sigh. I picked at a few chords; adjusting the sound before I sat down.
"So I'm gonna play a favorite of mine" I leaned into the mic, "It's called Hey Jude and it's by The Beatles." Taking a deep breath, I finally started. My fingers fumbled a little at first but after I got the first F and C chord right, everything started flowing naturally. I
Hey jude don't make it bad.
Take a sad song and make it better.
Remember to let her into your heart and then you can start to make it better.
It was strange but seeing everyones eyes widen in surprise and acknowledging my passion; made my heart flutter. I looked over at Jared and reveled at the sight. I didn't focus on the crowd anymore. I saw only him. I sang only for him, I realized. The song was simple but it had such power in my heart, and sharing that with him felt right. Although I felt vulnerable and exposed, I didn't regret it. I'm letting him see all of me and for once, I felt relieved.
Hey Jude don't be afraid.
You were made to go out and get her.
The minute you let her under your skin then you begin to make it better.
I held eye contact with Jared the entire time, willing him to let the words of the song flow through him. To let the lyrics grasp his heart and make him feel the emotions behind them. About wanting, about striving for something better. This song for me is about sharing yourself with the one you love against all obstacles, against every fear. Leave all your fears behind and hope for-, no, achieve happiness.
And anytime you feel the pain hey Jude refrain
Don't carry the world on your shoulders
For well you know that it's a fool who plays it cool by making his world a little colder
Hey Jude don't let me down
You have found her now go and get her
Remember to let her into you heart
then you can start to make it better…better…better… Better … Better ..Wow!
I raised my octave higher and higher, building up and dragging out the suspense until I was bursting out "Wow". The crowd cheered and some even whistled while clapping they're hands in time with the beat. Only The Beatles can make na na na na na bring people together. I smiled when everyone started joining in on the song, swaying their hands. I repeated the words again before slowly letting the chords fade away. The sudden stillness was deafening but it didn't last long. A few seconds later everyone started clapping, even the bartender.
"Thank you" I beamed and set the guitar back to it's former place before letting my gaze wander to Jared.
He was leaning on the bar and gazing at me stunned? or maybe entranced? He at least looked shocked, I think. A slow smile curved those beautiful lips of his when he found me looking at him as well. I bit my lip in an attempt to contain my grin, but it was an unstoppable force. I giggled softly; finally letting my happiness shine through my stubborn shell. He looked so utterly relieved and happy that I couldn't contain myself anymore. I ran off the stage as fast as I could and slung myself into his arms. It wasn't as romantic as I thought it would be… The movies had it all wrong. In some unfoumbtable way, I managed to head-butt his nose and punch him right in the chest with my elbow. So… Not how I pictured this moment happening.
He backed away with a yelp. "Goddammit that hurt like a mother-" He stopped short. I strained my neck to see his face. I gasped, his eyes were all teary from the blow to the nose.
"Oh my god! " I screeched embarrassed, "I-I'm so sorry. I thought it was a good idea.. Hollywood lied about this being romantic."
He wiped his eyes and gently poked at his nose, checking for broken bones.
"You were trying to be romantic?" He quirked up, obviously not giving a damn about his nose anymore.
"Well I wasn't jumping into your arms to put out a fire that's for sure." I dragged sarcastically.
"Hmm I like that you're trying to entice me Kim." He smirked before cupping my cheek, in his hand, " You do you know?" He paused, "You bewitch me, charm me, captivate me." he whispered, in a low sexy voice,"That voice of yours. I swear, I've never heard anything more beautiful in my entire life. "
I blushed at his compliment. "Stop" I squirmed uncomfortable.
He kissed me on my crimson cheek before dragging his arm across my shoulders. "You hungry?" He asked, as if he didn't notice my hyperventilating.
"Yeah" I nodded dumbfounded, "Do they serve food here?"
"Yeah, grab a booth and I'll be right there. Just give me a sec"
I grabbed the booth closest to the door and waited patiently for Jared to return. I needed some time alone anyways to gather the thoughts that had been buzzing in my head none stop these three weeks. Amoz,, Jared, my so called brothers, the elders. It was all to much sometimes, so much I needed to figure out but always managed to push back. Which was pretty fucking stupid.
First thing first, Amoz. Was he only a figment of my imagination? A recurring dream? No, I told myself determined. I am not crazy. He is real, I know it. When I woke up from the last dream of him, I discovered scratches on my hand from the thorn bush. I completely freaked out of course. But the more I thought about it, the more sense I gathered from it. I asked my mom about my dad they day after, she looked so terrified and refused to talk about it. I became more uncertain after that. If she refused to speak about it, then you knew it was something very serious. I think that's why I didn't try to contact Amoz anymore. Some part of me didn't want to know. Maybe I should just let him go?
Why did my stomach churn at that thought?
Not wanting to think more about him, I moved on to the next subject, Jared.
What were we, Friends? Girl- and boyfriend? Were we taking it slow? Did I wanna move fast? Did I want this? So many questions in my head, and they were all firing at the same time. I didn't know if he liked me or if I just was a passing fling for him. I shook my head at that absurd thought. Jared would never do anything to hurt me, I know that. But what if he didn't want the same things I wanted? We kissed and it was amazing, I didn't know much about kissing in general, I've only kissed a few boys when I was like thirteen. But none of them could even compare or compete with that kiss. I wondered if he liked it as much as I did. If he felt the butterflies I felt. I needed to talk to him. I was going to ask him straight out what he felt about me. But there were still so many questions unspoken, like more importantly what did I feel about him?
An uneasy creeping feeling along my spine broke me out of my train of thoughts.
I frowned and looked up; searching for the gaze of the observer. My eyes landed on an old man sitting in a booth across from mine by the bar. He stared at me intensely, as if he was searching for something hidden beneath my skin. And the only thing hidden beneath my skin was the crawling sensation he'd caused.
I fidgeted under his heavy observing gaze, silently willing him to take his uncomfortably probing stare else where. But he didn't. He kept regarding me, even when my eyes met his. I shot him a heated glare which he answered with a tiny smile, but it wasn't warm or inviting. It was cruel and.. Evil. There was something terribly off about him.
Wanting to get as far away from the man, I leaned into the seat as far as I possibly could. But that didn't make the uneasy feeling in the pit of my stomach go away. Frustrated, I was just about to get up and call it a night. But before I was able to, Jared's face appeared around the corner. He had a big grin on his face, but it fell when he saw my expression.
"What's wrong?" He asked worried when he arrived at the both and sat down.
"It's nothing really, just that man over there keeps staring at me." I forced a strain smile.
"What man?" He turned around; looking for the man of whom I was talking about, "There's no one behind us Kim."
I looked around flabbergasted, he was right. The man had disappeared into thin air. " He was right there"I pointed at the now empty booth, "There was a man there! I promise!" I exclaimed.
"Did he do something to you?" He asked tense.
I shook my head, "No he just, I mean he was just weird. He just kept staring at me. I don't know. I'm just being silly, forget about it"
"If you're sure…" He dragged unconvinced.
"Yeah positive, let's eat" My nerves settled once he smiled.
After a few minutes of glancing at each other behind the menus while smiling coyly, he settled on a bacon and cheeseburger and I on a caesar salad. The waiter took our menus but not before he complimented my singing earlier, I thanked him for his kind words and Jared, well Jared just glared at him.
"What?" I snapped at him after the waiter left.
"Nothing" He shrugged feigning nonchalant.
"Spill. You said tonight that there would be no more bull shit so cut the crap and spill."
"I didn't like the way he stared at you that's all"
"And how did he stare at me?" I asked annoyed.
"Like he wanted you." He growled.
Ha!, I thought. This guy has a sense of humor. I rolled my eyes before answering him in a sarcastic voice. "Sure he was"
"I'm serious Kim" He glared.
"Why do you even care?"
"Because.." He snapped.
"Are you?" I realized, "Are you jealous?" I laughed.
He didn't seem to appreciate the laugh, "Let's say hypothetically that I was, what would you say?" he asked carefully.
I muddled over my next words, "I would tell you that there would be no reason for you to be, but it's only hypothetically right?" I leaned into him.
"And why wouldn't I feel the need to be jealous?"
"Well for starters, I kissed you not him. Good enough reason for you Jared?"
"Yeah but that was only a kiss." He scoffed.
"Only a kiss!? only a kiss. " I exclaimed angry, "You're an asshole!"
"Kim I didn't mean it like that." He pleaded.
"Well what did you mean Jared!? I don just go around kissing guys if that's what you mean, and I feel insulted that you would ever think about me like that" I screeched.
"Kim let me explain!" He snapped, "That kiss meant everything to me. You don't know how long I've been wanting to do that. How many times I've day dreamed about holding you, touching you …. kissing you. And to finally being able to do that, I-I've never been this happy! Don't you get it? I'm scared that you don't feel the same way I feel, that you'll find someone better."
I stared at him shocked and in loss for words. I stared at him along time, admiring the passion behind the words. Before I finally had some coherent thoughts in my head. "And how do you feel about me Jared?" I held my breath waiting anxiously for his reply.
"I've never felt like this about anyone Kim. You are the first girl I have ever liked this much, don't you see that?" He sighed
"I-I didn't realize. I thought you just wanted to be friends?" I gasped aghasted
"I'll be whatever you want me to be." His gaze burned into my soul, "If you want us to only be friends than that's what we'll be and if you want us to be more than I want that to." His gaze turned serious, "I only want to be in your life the way you'll let me."
"I-I don-" I stuttered before being interrupted by the waiter, who was returning with our meal.
"Here's you go, is there anything else I can do for you?" He turned towards me.
"Emh, no thank you I think we're good." I cleared my throat.
"No! Now leave" Jared growled at the waiter.
I turned to him flabbergasted, "Jared!" I snapped. The boy flinched before hurrying aways so fast, he left vapor trails. "Was that necessary!?"
"Yeah, he interrupted us." He stated firmly.
I huffed, "Just eat your dinner." I stabbed at the salad, feeding it all my aggression.
"Kim…" He sighed sheepishly before I interrupted him.
"Why do you always act like that when there's guys around?" I asked in a harsh tone.
"I don't." He stated, he carried on when he saw my disbelieving frown, "I just don't like it when people interrupt me."
"And that's all there is to it?" I frowned.
"Yeah, I promise you." He reached out and grabbed my clenched fist, before rubbing circles on my palm, "Now you owe me an answer"
I bit my lip and fiddled with my salad, feeling his intense stare penetrating my every move. "I'm surprised that you haven't noticed."
"Noticed what?" He frowned confused.
"That I like you" I blushed before turning my gaze towards my plate.
"More than a friend?" He asked slowly and unsure.
"Of course more than a friend!" I snapped embarrassed. "How can you not-" I let out a squeal in surprise when his lips crashed onto mine, clipping my sentence short.
I moaned in surprise when his warm, soft lips molded onto mine. God he can kiss me forever if he liked to.
I felt his hand grasp my neck softly, before twisting itself into my hair. I moaned in satisfaction. My senses were flooded by him. His smell, his taste, by the soft groans he released. I grabbed a hold of his neck and pressed him closer to me. He let out a noise of approval which goaded me into becoming braver.
He nipped my lip gently before he released me.
I smiled with my eyes still closed before licking my lips in satisfaction. When I opened them again, I found him staring at me with the most peculiar expression.
"What?" I giggled.
"You're really beautiful when you smile like that" he said with a soft smile curving his lips.
I smiled and tucked a strand of hair behind my ear and returned to eating my food. Why did I pick the salad? I scolded myself. Jared's burger looked so tasty, that I kept eyeing it every time he took a bite.
"Do you wanna switch?" He chuckled after a while.
God yes!, I screamed inside my head. "No it's fine " I said begrudgingly, cursing my politeness. But Jared sensed my inner turmoil, and took my plate and switched it with his.
"Thank you" I mumbled shyly.
"No problem princess, we all make sacrifices. Even tasty once"
The dinner went by in a flash of laughter, knowing glances and soft stolen pecks. I completely adored every second of it. We didn't have another deep talk but it wasn't necessary anyways, the most important questions were already answered. He liked me, and I liked him. We battled over the check, and I lost which was not surprising.
He led me out the door of the bar, all the way home to my door. Before kissing me goodnight and leaving m with a smile on my face.
They had their first date! YAAAY! AND they finally defined the relationship! It was driving me freaking crazy!
I'm starting up on the next chapter now, and it's really challenging... Because that's when it's all gonna explode and finally things are gonna move onto the adventure..
I'm having a pretty hard time right now.. So I don't know when I'll update, but I promise you that I'll try do to it as quickly as possible!
Hope you enjoyed it!
Review!
Sincerely Feelexplosion
