With Big Shells and Wings
Summary: Bowser's brother decides to pay a visit, while the Koopa Bros. must figure out what to do now that their plan has failed.
Reunion
Bowser was inside his castle, trying to fix a broken coffee machine while talking to his brother, Trowzer. He looked exactly like Bowser, but all his colors were exactly the opposite. His shell was blue and his spikes were green, while Bowser's shell was black with white spikes. His hair was yellow instead of red-orange, like Bowser's. In fact, Trowzer was only a couple weeks older than Bowser, so they were practically twins.
"Look, I know you want in on this deal--"
"I'm your older brother Bowser. Anything that includes you includes me too."
His voice was a little softer, yet more menacing than Bowser's. He didn't yell as much, but that doesn't mean he wasn't as bad, if not worse than his brother.
"What does that mean?"
"It means that I want to help you kill this Mario character."
"Why?"
"Because I--"
"OW! Piece of junk!" yelled Bowser when the machine shocked him.
"Because I already know how to and cause I want to be at your side when you finally take over this kingdom. All these other rulers think that peace is the way to go, but no…that's not how I see it."
Bowser screamed when the coffee machine zapped him painfully.
"GOD, MY HAND!!!"
Bowser growled and dumped the machine out the window, hitting a koopatrol guard on the head.
"What the (censored)?!"
"Sorry Steve!" yelled Bowser.
"Like I was saying, everyone thinks we should be peaceful to all the other races out there and align with their treaties. But frankly, I think we need to just…destroy them."
"…What?"
"First off, we kill Mario. Then we start gunning for the current leaders of the Mushroom Kingdom. After that, you'll instantly become the ruler of this nation and can do whatever you want to."
Bowser smiled. "That sounds good."
"I wasn't finished. With the power you'll posses, we can take over ANYTHING we want. Isle Delfino, Rogueport, hell even Dinosaur Land! We'll be able to do whatever we want and no one will stand in our way!"
"What if they do stand in our way?"
"They die. It's that simple. They can join us or die after we finish this."
Bowser smiled devilishly and chuckled evilly.
"I finally found someone with the perfect idea! And all this time, I thought you were the stupid one in the family!"
Trowzer growled deeply without opening his mouth.
"What about the kids?"
"What kids?"
"I got eight kids; they gotta be included in my--"
"OUR." growled Trowzer.
"Right, OUR master plan."
"Fine, but no one else. We gotta keep this secret before the public catches wind of it."
"Hey, kids, wanna meet your uncle? asked Bowser.
All the kids looked confused.
"We have an uncle?" asked Junior.
"Yeah, a long lost uncle I've never mentioned till now."
"Cool! What's his name?"
"His name's Trowzer." said Trowzer, walking into the room.
Lemmy laughed. "Trowzer?! Like the pants?"
"Yeah, like the pants. Get over it."
"Well, you look burlier than Dad does; that's a plus in my book." said Roy.
"Hey!"
"Dad, most of it is just fat alright? If you just sat on someone, you'd kill them."
Trowzer laughed.
"Yeah, that's true. My brother ate constantly when we were young."
"Don't push it bro…" warned Bowser.
"Calm down Dad. Least his breath stinks worse than yours!"
Bowser laughed.
"Wait, what?! Who said my breath stinks!?"
"Who doesn't say your breath stinks Bowser?" asked Trowzer.
"Okay, subject change. Trowzer's got this awesome plan to conquer the world and I think you should hear it."
"Right. You kids have all your troops deployed all around Dinosaur Land and other islands, yeah?"
"Yeah." said Wendy.
"Okay then, you keep the troops there while my brother and I figure out what to do with Mario."
"We already planned that." said Morton.
"You didn't plan the aftermath. After Mario's dead, we're gonna use the rest of our soldiers to invade the other islands and conquer even more land. Pretty soon, we'll be able to rule this whole planet. Who knows, maybe we could even travel to other planets and conquer those too."
"Ooh, that sounds good! Dad, why didn't you think of that?" asked Ludwig.
"Wh--I DID!"
"Yeah, well…it didn't work." said Trowzer.
Bowser growled at him, ready to punch Trowzer in the face.
"I'll go get the troops ready while you guys continue discussing your plans. See you later."
Trowzer walked out the room and locked the door.
"Okay, I need you guys to be 100% percent honest with me: Does my breath stink?" asked Bowser.
"If by 'stink' you mean smells like gym socks and month old eggs, then yes…your breath stinks." said Lemmy.
Down in the sewers…
Red and Black had been submerged underwater for over 65 seconds, not showing any progress of returning to the surface. It seemed like the blooper had dragged them too far underwater and devoured them. Or maybe Red killed the blooper and saved his brother, but he wasn't able to hold his breath long enough to swim back up and drowned. Either way, things were looking grim. Suddenly, two bubbles popped on the surface of the water, followed by four more. Then a whole series of bubbles exploded and Red appeared on the surface, breathing heavily and groaning.
He swam weakly towards the surface of the sewer and slowly crawled onto it with his subdued brother. Red lay on his side (making sure he didn't fall on his shell) and started coughing violently. Then he vomited up a bunch of sewage water and ink, feeling completely terrible and weak. Red walked over to Black and started performing CPR, trying to revive him.
"Damnit Black, wake up! You are not going to die on me now!" he yelled.
But no matter how many times he pressed down on his chest, Black wouldn't open his eyes or start moving. Red started to get angry and frustrated and started pounding on his chest with his fist.
"WAKE THE (censored) UP!"
Red was two clicks away from jumping on his chest, but he couldn't deal with the fact that he inadvertently killed his brother. Red sighed and rubbed his head, not knowing what else to do. Then he groaned when he looked at his mouth. The only way to revive him was by clearing his airway with mouth-to-mouth procedure.
"Goddamnit…" muttered Red.
Red shut his eyes and quickly blew hard into Black's mouth, reviving him. Black screamed and quickly jumped back, coughing up some water.
"Black! You're alive!"
"What are you, a fag?!" yelled Black.
"I just saved your ass and you're accusing me of being gay?!!?"
"You were kissing me!"
"I was giving you mouth-to-mouth! Jeez, will you calm down?"
"NO! You put you slimy lips on me!"
"Y'know what? Fine! I'll just let your ass drown next time!"
"Thank you!" said Black, wiping his lips.
Black started wiping off his shell and noticed a lot of black sticky stuff was on it.
"How'd this ink get on me?"
Red started wiping his shell to and noticed a bunch of ink was on him. He had to travel inside the blooper's mouth in order to save Black, and he wound up coming out with a bunch of ink on him. At least, that's what it looked like…
"That's not ink…"
"Well, what is it?"
"It's not ink…"
"Dude, it smells like oil! I'm pretty sure it's ink."
Red sighed. "It's not ink…"
Black looked confused. "So what is it?"
"It…is not…ink."
Black grumbled. "Whatever."
"Let's just get back to the surface and find Green and Yellow before another blooper tries to kill us."
Back at the castle…
"What're we gonna do? What the hell are we gonna do Green?!" asked Dix.
"Calm down! We're gonna try and reason with Bowser and see if he'll give us a second chance."
"What if he fries us with his breath?" said Yellow.
"Just--let me take care of it, alright? I know what I'm doing."
Green walked up to Bowser's door to his room and started thinking about what could happen.
Plan A
"So, how did the plan go?" asked Bowser.
"Great. Toads are dead, Mario's dead, they're all dead." said Green.
"Nice! I'm promoting you to my second-in-command!"
"Nice! Can I have five million bucks?"
"Sure! Here ya go!"
Bowser threw Green a giant moneybag.
"Yay! I'm rich!"
"No, that won't work." muttered Green.
Plan B
"Listen bitch, I'm gonna give it to you straight forward: We failed. It's over. But that's too bad, because we got an even better plan that'll blow your mind. And if you don't like it, you can just shove it up your ass and we're walking!"
"…I'm mad…but the fact that you honestly told me what happened means I can trust you. You can stay with the team. In fact, how bout I make you my second-in-command?"
"Damn straight I'm your second-in-command!"
"Okay…plan C."
Plan C
Green walked over to the wall and grabbed an axe from a broken photo fame, ready to kill Bowser.
"Don't do it kid." said Bowser, who saw Green get the axe.
"…I never had a choice."
Green threw the axe, but Bowser simply caught it and laughed. Then Green yelped and ducked when Bowser threw it back in his direction.
"Hey, Green, how's the plan--"
The axe impaled Yellow in the head and instantly killed him.
"You (censored) killed him!" yelled Green.
"NO!"
Bowser lashed his claws at Green's throat. He started bleeding heavily and began groaning and gagging, slowly dying from his neck wound. Then he fell down and bled to death.
Green was outside, inhaling and exhaling out of a paper bag, sweating like crazy.
"So I take it you didn't talk to him?" said Yellow.
"PISS OFF! You guys never would've done it!"
"We can't sit here pissing our shells like little koopas still in our eggs guys!" said a Hammer Bros.
"So what do we do?" asked Yellow.
"I got it! Doesn't Bowser have an older brother named Trowzer?"
"The one with the blue shell and stinky breath?"
"Yeah, him! He's a lot calmer than Bowser is! Maybe I can talk to him and see what happens."
Meanwhile, in Trowzer's chamber…
Green was trying hard not to shake or sweat, but it wasn't doing too good. His brother wasn't providing any comfort, since he almost wet his shell when they walked in. One of Trowzer's main lieutenant's, a shady Russian koopa named Kirzvolitken, was standing next to him.
"Why are you bothering me right now again?" asked Trowzer.
"Um…see w-we kind messed up on this job and um…" started Green.
"You want me to tell my brother about it and persuade him not to kill you guys?"
"YES! WHEW! I am so relieved! Now, if you could--"
"Who said I would do it?" asked Trowzer.
Green gulped hard and started sweating.
"But-but you said that--"
Trowzer laughed. "I'm just kidding. I'll go tell in a couple of minutes and see what he says."
Green sighed. "That's great."
Just as Green and Yellow were walking out, Trowzer stopped them to make an offer.
"Tell you what: How's about you guys join my army ranks and I don't even tell Bowser what happened?"
Green raised an eyebrow.
"Really?"
"Sure! …Just as long as you don't screw up again. All you gotta do is wear blue and make a green lightning symbol somewhere on your body."
"Great, that's-that's great!"
"We're gonna go now." said Yellow.
"Yeah, see ya."
Green and Yellow ran out of Trowzer's room.
"Green! Wait a second!"
"What?"
"…I think someone just peed in my shell."
Green sighed. "That's a relief; I thought it was mine."
"You really want those bozos on our team?" said Kirzvolitken with a thick accent.
"It doesn't matter. Those guys are too stupid to be valuable and are more worthless than chain-chomp (censored)."
"This is true. So how long until you get rid of them?"
"I only need them to help me kill Mario. Like I said, they're stupid. Just like my brother. They don't deserve to be involved in my new world that I will rule. The minute that Mario dies, Bowser is…"
Kirzvolitken suddenly stared at Trowzer.
"…"
"…"
"…What, uh…what do you mean by that?"
Trowzer smiled and chuckled.
"Nothing. I meant nothing by it."
Trowzer walked out the room, chuckling to himself, while Kirzvolitken just looked at the door, puzzled at what he just heard.
