A/N: If you didn't read the last chapter because of the smut, here's a recap. Last Friday Lester and Steph spent all night shagging like bunnies; in the morning everything went to hell in a hand basket. Steph refused to leave Joe or move out of his place. Les got a little angry, told Steph to get dressed and leave, and he stomped off in a rage.
Thanks to everyone who has reviewed. My muse has gone – vanished, so this chapter was written sans muse. Hopefully I should have enough pennies for a new muse soon – the good ones ain't cheap – let me tell ya. The last one cost me two bottles of rum. Hmmm…
Can You Have Your Cake And Eat It?
Chapter Seven
Ever since I'd left his apartment on Saturday morning, Lester had refused to take my calls, so after the fifth attempt, I stopped leaving messages on his voice mail. All it did was make me sound even more desperate than I was. I wanted to talk to him, explain my actions, but deep down I knew that it would do no good at the moment. He was angry, and no doubt hurt; hell, he had every right to be. And me? I was a total and utter idiot.
By Wednesday I was at my wits end, I'd developed a plan and it was time to put it into action. I had a night shift at the shelter, and I thought it was the only way to make him talk to me. I'd made a pot of coffee and brought a bag of donuts; couldn't see Lester eating them, but I knew I'd be needing them myself. And as the clock struck two AM, I tripped the shelter's alarm systems, sat down at the desk in the office and waited.
"I thought it would be a false alarm."
I looked up suddenly; guess I must have nodded off. "Bobby?"
"Hey, Steph. That coffee still warm?"
"Should be, help yourself." Where the hell was Lester?
Bobby gave me a sad smile and sat down opposite me at the battered wooden desk. "He figured you'd try something like this after you stopped leaving him messages. When the control room called him, he asked me to come instead. Sorry, baby, but he doesn't want to talk to you."
"I'm so sorry," I choked out as I reached for an emergency Boston crème.
"So am I," he replied quietly. "But I did warn you to look before you leaped."
"What am I going to do, Bobby? I'm made such a mess of things."
He shrugged. "For once in my life, I've not got a clue. Les is really angry; he feels used."
"I should have listened to you," I whispered as I tried to hold back the tears.
"Maybe, but what's done is done. I take it you're still with Joe, and that you didn't tell him what happened?"
I choked back a sob. "I tried so hard when I got home to be the woman he wants me to be, but he didn't even notice."
Bobby raised an eyebrow in response, took a sip of coffee and snagged a jelly donut.
I pressed on. "I know what I did to Lester was so very wrong. I guess that part of me knows that he'll never want anything to do with me ever again, so I did the only thing I could do, I tried to be what Joe wants. But it didn't work."
Bobby waved his hand for me to continue as he chewed thoughtfully on a mouthful of fried dough.
Shit, this was harder than I'd expected it to be. I poured my own cup of coffee, not that I wanted to drink it, but it meant that it gave me something to hold onto. "I cooked, I cleaned, I ironed. Fuck, I did everything a good Burg housewife is supposed to do, and do you know what Joe said?"
Looking me straight in the eyes, Bobby gave me a wry smile. "Nothing."
"How did you know?" I demanded.
Bobby shrugged. "Educated guess, based on what I know of Morelli. He didn't even notice, did he, honey?"
I bit my lip in a last ditch attempt to stop the tears; they leaked out anyway. I shook my head sadly.
"So now what, Steph?"
"I don't know," I sniffled.
"You going to leave him?"
"And do what? I have no life, no job, no money, no car that's in my own name, no place to go. Damn it, Bobby, I have nothing, except a hamster and a freaking cookie jar!"
"Okay, let's look at this another way," Bobby said, looking thoughtful. "What do you want to do right now, if you could do anything?"
"Apologize to Lester."
He rolled his eyes, "Other than that."
"Get a life," I responded instantly.
"Right, that's a start. How are you going to do this, what's the first step?" he pressed.
"Leave Joe," I whispered, almost afraid to say it.
Bobby nodded. "So you take it one step at a time. Leave Joe, and then worry about anything else once you've done that."
"Where am I going to go?"
"Look, Steph," he gritted out, "Take control of your own damn life. If you want something enough, you have to work for it. If you want to leave Joe, make it happen. Or you can just stay with him and be miserable. The choice is yours, it always has been and it always will be. Guess you've never figured that out, 'cos it looks to me like you're always waiting for someone to make the tough decisions for you. How old are you?"
"I don't see what -"
"You're about thirty," he continued. "Thirty years is a long time to let other people lead your life. You want to fly, then you're gonna have to get over your fear of heights."
"It's not the height, it's the fear of falling," I murmured.
"So you're gonna live your life by everyone else's rules 'cos you're scared that you could fall flat on your face? Real clever, honey. Look where that got you with Les, you jumped at the chance to sleep with him, and still ended up flat on your face. Maybe you should learn how to free fall and go with the flow. Look I've gotta go, but call me, okay," he said as he handed me his card.
I nodded dumbly as he stood and left.
Shit, my life was a mess. Was Bobby right? Did I wait for people to make choices for me? Guess I did. I waited for Ranger to step up, and I suppose he was really waiting for me to get my act together and decide who I wanted. I let Joe push me into being a housewife; listened to him when he suggested that I didn't look for another job. But I did work for Rangeman the other day, I took the leap, made the choice myself, so it proves that I can make my own choices. So what now?
Wonder Woman was feeling a little bruised, but it was time to look for somewhere to live. And maybe I should look at getting a job too. Time to end this pity party.
With the money in my checking account and the cash from the distraction job, I had enough for a deposit and a month's rent and bills if I mooched food off my parents. And if I found a job, then I'd be able to eat too. I topped up my cup of coffee, grabbed the paper from my bag and turned it to the for rentsection. Crap. There were a lot of apartments to rent within my budget; if I didn't mind Stark Street, that is. I circled a couple that looked promising-ish, glanced at my watch, figuring that I could still grab a few hours sleep, go see a couple today, swing by and pick up take out on my way home and even be back tonight before Joe. He'd never know that I didn't come straight home. Sounds like a plan to me.
At ten to five, my father dropped me off at Joe's door; giving me a ride back after I'd returned Big Blue to the garage after my apartment hunting quest. There was no sign of Joe yet. I popped dinner in the oven to warm and mulled over what I was going to say to him tonight. I was now the proud tenant of a two room, top floor apartment on Stark. The building had been recently done up, and it seemed okay. Plus I'd never picked up any skips there, or in the buildings either side – which should hopefully mean that no one would recognize me. I could live without every low life within a twenty block radius knowing where I lived, and banging on my apartment door to welcome me to the neighborhood right now.
I was going to borrow the Buick again tomorrow; wouldn't need a van to move my meager possessions. Then I'd need to hit some thrift stores for a few items I needed, but I should be done in time to have dinner at my parents. It was going to be tough going for a while, but I was planning on spending the weekend job hunting. It was strange, but it seemed like yesterday when I blackmailed Vinnie for a job. I wonder if that would work again?
But I still had to deal with Joe. Wonder Woman had vanished, and I really didn't want to talk to Morelli. Crap. What to do, what to do? Procrastinate. I let Bob out into the back yard, stood on the doorstep to watch him tinkle on the dried lawn and pulled out my cell.
"Hi Bobby, it's Steph."
"Hey, honey. You okay?"
"What? Oh sure. Look, I just wanted to say thank you from last night, it meant a lot to me."
"No worries. You spoken to Joe yet?"
"No, I still don't know what to say to him, but I can't put it off forever. I'm moving out tomorrow – got an apartment on Stark. And I'm going to look for a job over the weekend."
"Wow Steph, that's great. Well, I'm not sure I want you living over on Stark, but I'm so pleased that you're taking control. How are you off for cash at the moment?"
I sighed. "Not great, but I've got a little put by, plus what Rangeman paid me for that job. Gives me enough time to get a job before things get difficult."
"Look, we're pretty busy right now, and I can throw some surveillance shifts your way – if you're interested, that is?"
"Won't Lester be mad if you did that? I mean, he's still angry about the other night."
Bobby laughed. "Lester knows how short staffed we are, and I'm sure he'll be able to give you some work, because it means he can take a night off."
"Okay. Look let me get settled, and I'll give you a call tomorrow night."
"You need a hand moving your gear?"
"I thought you were busy, Bobby? I don't want to take up your time."
"Never too busy to help out a friend, Steph. What time do you want me to come over? I'll bring my work truck."
"Umm…I'm not sure. The sooner the better, hell tonight would be fantastic," I said with a laugh.
"Look, you can borrow an apartment on four tonight if you want. That way I can run you over to your new place first thing in the morning – gives you all day to get settled in. What do you think?"
"That would be great, Bobby. I'm just waiting on Joe to get in from work, so I'll tell him over dinner. What time do you finish?"
"I'm off now, so I can come over whenever. How about we say eight PM, unless you call me and tell me otherwise."
"Yeah, sounds good to me."
Bob had finished the inspection of his territory, he ambled back across the yard, and let out a bark of greeting at the same time as I noticed that the kitchen light was casting my shadow on the ground outside and that another shadow was standing behind mine in the kitchen doorway. I turned around slowly, phone still in my hand and looked up at Joe. His arms were folded across his chest and he looked very angry. Oh crap.
"Hi Joe," I said weakly.
"Shit! Steph, you okay?" Bobby demanded.
Joe said nothing, just stared at me.
I flipped my cell closed and tucked my hands in my back pockets. How much of that conversation did he hear? "So, I got takeout – Pino's. It's in the oven keeping warm."
Joe didn't move.
"Good day?" I tried. Shit, talk to me, Joe!
"It was," he growled, "Up until one minute ago. You want to explain to me what's going on?"
I bit my lip and shrugged.
"Who's Bobby? Is he one of Ranger's men? And what's this about you working for them? I thought we discussed that the other week over dinner. I said I didn't want you working for those maniacs. And why is he coming over to pick you up?"
Whoa –waving a red flag in front of the bull here! Wonder Woman finally stepped up to the plate. "No, you didn't talk about it, you were too busy eating your damn dinner! I'm leaving, Joe, tonight. I've got a new apartment and I'm going to look for a job," I yelled.
He grabbed a hold of me by the arm and dragged me into the living room. "Sit!" he spat, as he shoved me in the direction of the couch.
I wobbled, but kept my footing, and poked him in the chest. "I am not a damn dog, Morelli. Don't you dare order me around."
"How long as this been going on? How long have you been working with them?"
I shot Joe the Burg glare and refused to answer him.
"Damn it, is Manoso back in town? Are you running back to his bed?"
"I was never in his bed, Joe. And no, he's not in town," I ground out.
"You must be leaving me for someone, Steph," he sneered. "You're not just going to leave me for the hell of it. That would take back bone, and you haven't got any left."
My hand shot out before I'd even registered what I was doing, and I slapped him hard across the face. "I've found my back bone again, Joe. I am leaving you, tonight in fact. I have my own place and I'm going to get a new job; I don't need you to hold me back any longer."
Joe let out a bitter laugh. "I'll give you two weeks before you come crawling back here, begging me to take you in."
"Ain't gonna happen, Morelli," I shot back.
Joe opened his mouth to yell some more, but was cut off by a loud banging on the front door. Zero burst into the living room from the kitchen, gun drawn, just as a well aimed shoulder burst the front door open and Manny half fell into the room.
Both Rangemen had their weapons trained on Joe. This could get real ugly, real fast.
"You here for the whore?" Joe asked calmly.
"We're here for Ms. Plum," Manny replied.
"Take her, I don't want her. Couple of weeks, you think, Cupcake, before you're back here begging? Let me tell you this, don't even bother; it's over. I'm not taking Manoso and Rangeman's sloppy seconds ever again," he sneered as he pushed past Zero and slammed the back door shut.
I felt numb, drained, and collapsed on the sofa.
"You okay?" Zero asked as he re-holstered his Glock.
I looked at him and Manny, bewildered. "Where did you two come from?"
Manny dropped down next to me and flicked ESPN on. "Bobby put out a 911 on you, and we were the closest vehicle."
"Oh." Thank God for Bobby. This was not how I had planned on Joe finding out. Okay, when the going gets tough – eat. "There's some meatball subs in the oven. You guys hungry?"
