My thanks to Foxpilot for pointing out that I didn't have spaced lines. My upload wasn't working, so I just copied and pasted the document to an already uploaded document, and the thing decided it didn't like my spacing. Well, it's working again, so I can replace the chapter.
Disclaimer: Don't own any of the characters used in this fic.
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It was a wonderful day at Smash Mansion. At least, it was for some people. Master Hand was in a good mood, so the Brawlers knew something major was going to happen. Something bad.
The second clue was when the doorbell rang, Master Hand ran to the door like a little hand-kid thing(?).
DONG DING!
Link had one trembling hand on the doorknob when the hand flew around the corner, shoved Link out of the way, and threw open the door. Outside, a scrawny little man dressed in a mail uniform held out a clipboard. The Hand signed {Somehow} and asked, "Is it being airlifted to where I asked?"
The deliveryman nodded, before stepping away as quickly as he could without being rude. These people were weird. Unfortunately, he didn't see the signs posted all over the front yard reading 'beware Octopus man and kid' with a picture of Dr. Octogonopus and Toon Link above it.
There was a commotion behind the deliveryman, but he didn't bother to turn and look. Unfortunately for him.
"DOCTOR OCTOGONOPUS BWAAAAA!"
When the light faded, the deliveryman was gone, Octogonopus was smiling, and Toon Link was laughing an evil sort of cackle not fitting for a boy of that age.
Master Hand had also left, but his voice was projected through the Mansion.
"Brawlers and guests, please come to the courtyard. If you do not come, you will regret it."
Link shoved himself up off the floor, grumbling to himself and stomping off down the hall. Ahead of him, Game and Watch and R2D2 chattered, beeping gleefully.
"This better be good." Link muttered. As the hero of time sulked down the hall, a girl caught up with him, chattering happily.
"Hey link! Wonder what Master Hand wants. I didn't even know we had a courtyard and yet here we ?" Barbie looked at Link, expecting an answer.
The hero of time blinked once. "Um…yes?" He asked warily.
The girl huffed. "Were you listening?"
Link decided it was best to be honest. "No." This earned the poor abused hero a bottle of perfume in his eyes.
*Utter stupidity will not be described*
"WHAT WAS THAT, PEPPER SPRAY?" Link screamed from the floor. His hands covered his damaged eyes, rubbing vigorously.
Barbie smirked. But her moment of triumph didn't last long.
"DOCTOR OCTOGONOPUS BWAAAA!"
Toon Link skipped up to Barbie and poked her warily with a foot. When she didn't move, he turned to Octogonopus, grinning widely. "TWENTY SEVEN! WE AREN'T TIED ANYMORE, VADER!" He yelled as Octogonopus launched a triumphant 'BWAAA' into the sky.
In the courtyard…The Brawlers and guests had lined up in front of a huge package, waiting for the stragglers. Until they heard Toon Link and saw the blue ray of destruction go up. Dr. Mario walked in, handed a note to the hand, and stepped in the line next to Vader, who was cursing quietly to himself.
The hand read the note:
Master Hand:
Due to unforeseen circumstances, Barbie and Link will not be joining us today. Please accept their apologies.
Dr. Mario.
The hand glared at the doctor, and watched as T.L. and his friend walked and floated (respectively) to the line.
"My friends, I have brought you here today to introduce the newest addition to my torture methods." Here the hand tore off the wrapping on the package. "Let me introduce… THE FANGIRL CAGE!" The room was filled with screaming from the Brawlers, and squealing from the cage.
Master Hand floated smugly from his spot next to the cage, watching the utter chaos ensue. It was amusing to watch his fighters be scared of a cage of girls. It was a shame he couldn't throw Dr. Mario in too, but he'd hired the doctor without realizing he belonged to a union. The hand couldn't do anything to Dr. Mario without giving him a pay raise.
Barbie chose that moment to walk in, wondering why everyone was screaming. Master Hand gestured for her to go over to him. Once she did, the hand spoke.
"EVERYONE BE QUIET!" The screams stopped instantly. "Good… now remember how I said if you didn't show you'd regret it? This is why." The hand dragged Barbie to the huge cage, and opened a hatch in the top, dropping her in. The screaming girls absorbed the screaming Barbie.
There was absolute silence. And then… "Barbie has fangirls?" Peach whispered.
Master Hand looked proud. "I have gotten at least ten fangirls for each of you. Yes, girls. Only one person out here doesn't have any in there."
"Is it R.O.B.? I bet it is."
"How could girls have fangirls? Society is so messed up."
Growing irritated, the hand snapped, "No, fools! The only one without fangirls in the cage is me!"
"R.O.B. has fangirls?" asked King Dedede.
"Everyone has fangirls if you look hard enough, my dear penguin."
Toon Link, who hadn't seemed put off at all, looked towards the far corner of the yard, where a smaller package lay. He and Octogonopus went to investigate, only to be interrupted by Master Hand.
"Don't touch that."
"What is it?" Toon Link asked.
The hand fidgeted, aware of the Brawlers all watching. "It's my… uh…" Toon Link's eyes widened, and he leaned forward on his feet. "My new Mary Sue Vac 2000." Master Hand finished uneasily.
"What?" a confused Toon Link looked at the package.
The hand sighed. He wasn't getting out of this one. "A Mary Sue Vac 2000. It's a new model of vacuum that can do everything. But you have to be sensitive of its feelings, its mother and father were both brutally murdered by evil scientists."
"That can happen to a vacuum?"
"I don't know, I just got it because every time I fix something around here, twenty other things are broken. Now it has to go fix the ceiling where your little friend blew a hole through it."
The hand opened the package, revealing an absolutely gorgeous vacuum. Everyone sighed, the fangirl cage temporarily forgotten, even though screams of pain could be heard. (not that anyone wanted to save Barbie)
The vacuum moved, then pushed itself up with its hose. It tilted the top of its head quizzically.
"Ceiling's broken." The hand muttered. The vacuum jumped out of its box and left with a soft little whir.
The hand followed it, leaving the Brawlers to do whatever they wanted again.
"And so begins Master Hand's evil reign of terror." Marth sighed to R2D2 and Mr. Game and Watch. Unfortunately, neither was listening.
The two made soft beeping sounds, staring at the door where the Mary Sue Vac 2000 had left.
Marth stared at them. "Robot love. Watch this turn into a Disney romance." The Altean shook his head. He has yet to see Wall-e.
Meanwhile, Peach had walked just out of grabbing range of the fangirl cage. Barbie's face appeared by the bars.
"Help me, Peach!" She moaned. A small trickle of blood wound its way down her face.
Peach smirked. "Must be pretty desperate to come to me for help."
"Fine, then don't!" Barbie snapped, before being pulled into the mass of bodies again. Her high-pitched wail started up again.
Samus sidled up to Peach.
"Do you know why Vader's so mad?"
"He was challenged by T.L. and Octogonopus to see who could knock out Barbie the most. He used to be in the lead, but they're tied now, and Team Octogonopus wants the fangirl cage to count towards their total, because they delayed Barbie by knocking her out."
Samus took a minute to soak that in. "Are you psychic or something?"
Peach grinned mysteriously. "Maybe."
"It would explain a lot."
A snarling Snake stomped up to the two. "Yeah, it would explain a lot."
Peach paled.
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This story is going on an indefinite hiatus. I really didn't like the quality of this chapter, and every time I try to write a new one, it feels stretched, forced, and unnatural. Sorry for any inconveniences.
