Okay please don't kill me for not updating I am sosososososo sorry, I'm not going to bore you with my excuses about being busy and school because I know that you really just want to read, but I'm sorry! Anyways I hope you enjoy this, I didn't really enjoy writing it, I just kind of had writers block I guess, anyways here is chapter 6 :-)
Chapter 6: It Was One Of Those Days
Jace
I had wanted to do that since the day that I met her. To have her lips on mine, it felt right. She was so mysterious, so intriguing. I had no idea why but I just felt like I had to know her. I don't really know how I went so long without knowing her, the thought of losing her now was like the worst most agonising slow and painful death you could think of - yes you could call me cliché - but I seriously don't think I could live without the fiery red-head who just so happens to be wrapped in my arms asleep.
She looks so peaceful, happy.
When she's awake that's a whole different story, she acts so strong but on the inside she is slowly crumbling away. I can't even begin to understand what she went through, yeah I lived in some pretty rough homes and got a few beatings but they were all from strangers, random people I didn't care for.
It wasn't my own father.
How Clary's father could do that to her is beyond me. He went out of his way to make her suffer and he didn't even care. He caused her more pain in one day then anyone should ever have to go through in a whole life time.
Knowing that Clary went through 6 years of torture without telling anyone, I just don't know how she did it. And to think, Clary trusts me enough to let her know that painful part of her life, it makes me feel good.
Not as in good that I think her past is good, hell, that makes me feel sick just thinking about her father, it just feels good to know that someone else cares. That she needs me, someone to just be there for her. That I can be that person for someone makes me feel insanely good.
It was almost 2am and I knew I had to go, if I stayed Clary's mum or even Luke would probably have a heart attack and I don't want to get Clary in trouble. I carefully get out of the bed, not wanting to wake Clary and I slowly make my way towards the door after quickly writing out a message on a free page in her sketchbook knowing she will see it. I quietly walk down the stairs trying to avoid an incredibly awkward moment, but as I pass the kitchen I notice a light and someone's footsteps coming towards me. Before I can hide Luke is looking straight at me with a glass of water in his hand.
"Jace? Seriously, what the hell are you doing!?" his voice came out as a whisper but still I could hear the hardness in his voice, "Uh… um, well, I was uh just was helping Clary through something, um yeah," I could feel the uneasiness in my voice, what I said was kind of the truth really, I wasn't going to hell him that I had kind of made out with the girl he considers his daughter, I'm not that stupid.
After a few minutes he let out a sigh before speaking, "Next time you don't have to sneak around okay, I know you're the one helping her through this, not the therapist, not her mother, not me. She needs you and I'm not going to be the one to ruin her happiness, just don't do anything stupid alright?" his voice was calm but I could feel a bit of the uneasiness I had sounded like before, I'm guessing this was his first father to daughter's boyfriend talks – whoa, did I just say boyfriend? – "I um, yeah okay, sorry for not telling you, it was kind of a last-minute call, um thanks," I really had no idea what to say. "Okay, good we got that sorted, not used to the father type talks okay," he let out a forced laugh before continuing, "Now get out of here before Jocelyn catches you, that could be a different story," His voice was now calm and friendly, I could tell he was a good guy and why Clary appreciated him so much, he was the father she missed out on. I let out a chuckle and spoke, "Thank you, for, um everything…" I was hoping he got the second reference, "No problem Jace, you're a good kid." I gave a small smile as I nodded and walked towards the door. It was good to know that we had an understanding, to know that he and I both cared for Clary and wanted the best for her, that he thought I was good enough for Clary. It made me feel like I was and I hoped to god that I was, that I didn't screw this up.
Clary
I woke up without the warmth I fell asleep with, the loneliness came creeping back. It was 7am and by the looks of the clouds outside my window today was going to be a drag. I got up and found my way to the shower. Once I felt I was awake I got out, dried myself and found my painting clothes. It was one of those days. With a blue oversized sweater and three-quarter length black tights I made my way to the back yard with all my paints, a new canvas and my sketch book and somehow managing to grab a piece of toast on the way out.
I sat on the edge of the balcony looking out at the clear sky, this was one of the good things about living on the outskirts of Manhattan, there were no tall skyscrapers in the way, no apartments, no buildings so close the only view you had been brick and concrete. No we had wide open back yards, beautiful views with lakes and trees, green grass everywhere and instead of foggy air and dirty fumes you could actually see the sky and the air was fresh. I loved it.
Living here instead of that crappy little box I used to call a home was so much better than anything I could imagine. I had no idea how long I went without this place. It felt like luxury.
Using my sketch book first to think of some ideas, I found what should have been a free page but instead I saw a small message right in the middle. I knew exactly who it was from and my heart went a little faster.
I really didn't want to leave, but, I kind of had this feeling
that if I stayed and your mum found us things could get awkward,
thank you for tonight, it meant a lot.
Xx
P.s you look cute when you sleep.
I knew I had some goofy grin on my face but I really didn't care, it was the first time that someone actually cared for me in this way, I mean, he was my boyfriend now, right?
Whoa,
I had no idea what this was, I mean I like him I really do and I know that he likes me, doesn't he?
It meant a lot.
What the hell does that mean?!
Ha, weird. Who would have thought after what I've been through that my biggest problem right now was over a boy and whether he liked me the same way I liked him,
Seriously what is actually happening to me?
The day went slow and I finished painting the view of the overcast sky, it captured the day perfectly. You could say it was luck that as soon as I finished painting rain began to sprinkle from the sky but we all know that I am not lucky and that this was just a mere coincidence. I packed up quickly and carried all my things inside, sitting them on the bench just inside the door before heading to the kitchen to see what's on the menu.
As I walk in I see my mother and Luke sitting down with some kind of chicken and vegetables on their plate, yum. "Hey, is this mine?" I ask as I gesture to the plate on the bench, "Sure is sweetie," Luke said as I sat down beside him, across from my mother. "How was painting today?" my mother asked, "Good actually, it was the perfect day to paint," I smile at them but it quickly fades when my parents glance at each other and I can tell something's up. "What is it?" I ask them, my mother just stares at me, "Well we were both just thinking that maybe we should talk about going back to school," my stomach twisted at the word.
School?!
I can't go back, can I? I guess it might be different and I suppose I never really went plus when I did I tried to stay in the shadows avoiding the popular crowd.
Jace would be in that group wouldn't he? Of course he would, he's gorgeous and he's an athlete. What would everyone say if they saw him with me? Are we even together? Can I handle school? What if everyone finds out? I don't think I can handle any more pain.
Questions and thoughts are all that run through my head. I don't know what to think. I don't know anything!
It's my mother's voice that brings me back to reality, "Honey, it's okay if you're not ready, we don't want to push you into anything you don't feel you can handle, it's okay." Her voice was gentle and caring, "We just thought we should at least talk about it, see what you think or what you want to do, okay?" she must have noticed my uneasiness. "Also your therapist said it might be a good thing, you know to get back into everyday things you know," Luke said, "Yeah um I guess, I don't really have anything else to do, uh I'll think about it?" I didn't really want to think about it, but I thought it might be the best thing to tell them. "Sure honey, whatever you want to do." They both smiled at me and I returned it, "May I be excused?" they both nodded and I took my plate to the sink, heading straight for my room.
I collapsed on my bed with all the same thoughts rushing through my head; I had no idea what to do. I grabbed my phone off of my bedside table and unlocked it, no new messages. Damn. My mind went back to my thoughts and I knew I had to get some fresh air, clear my head.
I headed down the stairs straight towards the door passing Luke on the way, "Just going to get some air, to think about stuff, clear my head," I tried to sound okay but I knew my voice came off a little shaky, "Okay, just be careful." his voice was calm but his eyes told a different story. I could tell he was worried about me and I felt bad for that. I don't want him thinking that I'm going back to the way I was, not talking to anyone, breaking down. I really want him to know that this isn't the same, that I want him in my life, that I need him in my life.
Before I walked away I gave him a small hug, "I'm okay Luke, just my mind tends to over think things," I give him a small smile and he sighs, "I know but I just, just don't shut us out okay, if you won't talk to us, just, talk to him, he's a good kid and I know you need him," I knew he meant Jace but I was a bit taken aback by his comment, "I-I um," he let out a small chuckle, "I caught him sneaking out last night, don't worry I was nice," I smiled still a little confused, "Oh, uh sorry I didn't tell you," "It's fine Clare, he's helping you and that's what I care about." I smile and hug him again, "Thank you," I whisper and walk out the door.
I walk for what feels like hours but it's only been like 15 minutes, I find myself walking the same path to the park, normally my head would be sorting itself out by now, but nothing. I'm still so confused and the thing is I don't even know what I'm confused about. It's like I'm all of a sudden some girly love-sick teenager with no clue about anything. This feeling is just so freaking random.
And then there's going back to school, is it really a good idea? Will it help me? Or will it just make everything harder? Will I still be invisible? Or will rumours start about my past? Bullying? Will Jace be there by my side? Argh so many questions, I just have no idea!
Without even realising I had reached the park, I had walked past the spot where I had met Jace, past the park on the left and was nearly past the soccer fields when I saw a familiar sight of gold. He was running laps of the field, lost in thought.
I found myself sitting down watching him run round and round for what felt like ages when a voice brought me back to reality, "You know watching me run around is kind of creepy," his voice sounded out of breath and his face was red and covered with sweat but still managed to smirk. I give him a small smile, I wasn't really in the mood for banter. When he realised I wasn't going to say something back his face masked with concern, "What's wrong?" his voice a little stern, "Mom and Luke asked me to go back to school," I said with a sigh, "Really? Are you gonna go?" he asked me, I could see the excitement in his eyes but he tried to hold it back knowing I wasn't happy about it. "I don't know, everyone keeps saying how good it will be for me but I don't know if I'm ready to go back, back then with my dad I thought going to school would help me get away but it added to my pain, there was so much stress and I just, I guess I just don't want to go back to the old Clary." I dropped my eyes to the ground as Jace sat down beside me, he pulled me into his embrace and spoke, his warm breath on the back of my neck, "It's your choice Clare but you're gonna have to go back one day, why not do it now? Get it out of the way?" his voice was so gentle, "I guess," I say with another sigh. Jace pulled away from me and looked into my eyes, "And this time you won't have to do it alone, I'll be there." I smile at him and pull him back into a hug. He pulls back after a few seconds and places his lips to mine.
The kiss was sweet and gentle, both of us pulling away at the same time. Confusion hits me again, what is this between us? Are we together? "Jace?" I ask looking up to his eyes, Yeah?" "What um, is this?" my hands gesturing between the two of us, "I mean, I like you so much and I'm kind of new to this and I just want to know if you feel the same," my voice was a bit shaky, it was the first time I've had this conversation. "I just don't want to get hurt." "Clary I have never felt like this for a girl ever, this isn't some silly little fling that I'll get sick of, no. I care so much for you Clary, there's just something about you that makes my heart beat a million times faster every time I'm with you, I would never hurt you Clary, ever. You're so unbelievably different to other girls, I guess what I'm trying to say is, uh, will you be my girlfriend?"
I could feel the fire burn through my cheeks, knowing that this boy felt the same as I did was the best feeling I think I have ever experienced. Grabbing his cheeks I crashed my lips with his, a little rougher this time but still sweet, it was like our lips were made for each other's, wow talk about cheesy Clary. We both pulled back and rested our foreheads on each other, "I guess that was a yes?" he whispered, his warm breath tickled my face. "Well duh," I giggled, he smiled and said, "Well girlfriend would you like me to walk you home, it's getting dark." "If you don't mind boyfriend" he chuckled and offered me a hand to help me stand up, I grabbed it and didn't let go the whole walk home.
0kay so what did you think? Tell me pleaseee, oh and if anybody wants to give me some ideas for this story that would be great! Thank you! Kd xx
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