Sorry, for the long wait once again! School really keeps me busy! =( And soon there'll be my A-level-exams and I'm hellishly afraid of them!
Star Tae: I'm still trying to wipe out all typos, it will still take me a while to get that finished, I hope I didn't make that many in this chapter. However English isn't my mother tongue, so that's a bit difficult for me =/
Disclaimer: *sighs* Same as everytime, folks! I'm not male, not a genius = I don't own Disc's Death
I'm not male, not a genius, not dead = I don't own Middle-Earth or any persons running around there
But I am myself and thus own Mary and Lilian. The former may however be killed in any painful way you can think of.
The word "Feth" is borrowed from the Gaunt's Ghosts series by Dan Abnett, taking place in the Warhammer 40k universe.
So Mary got an entrance, that would have suited a sappy romance movie with a happily ever after. But luckily, this wasn't such a movie and I was there to keep it that way.
Oh, and luck or fate finally decided to be on my side for once:
Legolas seemed to be strong-minded enough to endure a dreadful attack of the Sue, once he knew about the threat and Lord Elrond, well, let's just say, that he's an ancient elf with more than enough experience of life. And he had already fought along side Gil-Galad in the Last Alliance. He simply knew about the horrors Sauron could unleash. Thus Mary had no chance of infatuating anyone just like that.
"Would you please explain your behaviour? And tell me about your name and purpose." Wow, quite impressive. Mighty elf-lord, indeed.
Mary blinked. She surely hadn't expected that. I could almost see how her mind tried to cope with what had just been said. No praise of her beauty, no pledging of 'eternal love' or anything. Just a demand for her name and purpose.
"Uhm, I..." Mary broke off, staring at Legolas, as if she expected him to jump to her rescue.
She cleared her throat. Here we go. I should force Valar to improve my body, instead of just giving me my life back for taking care of this little piece of ... err yeah.
"I am the Lady..." She stumbled, thought and went on "I am the Lady Bainiel Gollwen err..." WHAT? You are neither beautiful nor prudent! And you are surely no elf! Every elf would be ashamed for being one, if you were! And since when are you able to understand elvish? I didn't know then, but later it hit me. Bloody stupid sueism!
"But you told me you were Mary Sue! If you are not Mary Sue then, I'm utterly wrong here!" I cried out in faked confusion.
Lord Elrond looked sternly, firstly at me, then at Mary or 'Bainiel'. Legolas decided to remain silent.
"What is your name, then? Bainiel or Mary?" If I had been Mary, I would have spun around and dashed away at that demand. Elrond can be really scary and intimidating!
"Uhm, well, you see, ahem." Mary fell silent again, obviously even the tiny bit of intelligence, that she had, understood, that it was a very bad idea to try to lie to Lord Elrond...
"MyrealnameisMaryandI'!" She blurted out, not in the least bit understandable.
Both elves just stared at her. Okay, I admit, I did so, too.
"Repeat what you just said, but slower this time." I would do as he not really asked, if I were you, Stupy ah Mary. I barely managed to suppress a broad grin. Mary at the mercy of an uninfatuable elf-lord, quite a sight, believe me!
"Uh..."
...As in 'What did I just say?'...
"My real name is Mary and I'm from a different world and I wanted to - ... hmm... right! - blend better in! I thought a name of this world would be better." No batting your eyelids? I must say I'm disappointed... Not really, but - oh.
There it was the obligatory batting of her eyelids. Turning invisible, the palm of my hand met my forehead.
"Now I know your name. But still you didn't name your purpose."
"Where did my fairy go?"
It looked a lot like Lord Elrond's patience was wearing thin. Very thin.
"Name your purpose of being here."
"I want my fairy!" Mary pouted. Then she realised, that she hadn't asked with whom she was talking. "Who are you, by the way?"
"I am Elrond, Lord of..." He didn't get any further. Mary's insolence knew no bounds.
"El Rond? So you're that Mexican guy? You surely don't look Mexican! Real Mexicans wear big hats.."
Sombreros, Mary! Sheesh you don't get anything correct, do you? Oh, well, I hope you land in the dungeons - wait, does Imladris have dungeons? I surely hope so! - for that!
".. and talk with a funny accent, you know? Just like the guy at the taco diner!" Still invisible, I pulled a face. That just hurt! And Mary just continued to chatter about stupid and unimportant nonsense! And I shall spare you the rest of it.
"Enough of that!" The Lord of Imladris finally demanded, after regaining countenance. And Mary looked utterly surprised, nearly shocked.
"But what did I do wrong? I was just getting at how Lucy - you know, her parents named her Lucretia, but that's soooo outdated! So we call her Lucy - dumped her boyfriend in a taco diner. And I tell you that was so kewl! She just took her drink and..."
"I said enough! You shall now finally answer my question about your purpose of being here, otherwise I have no other possibility than throwing you into the dungeons..." YAY! "...of Imladris!" Lord Elrond thundered. I would have made a run for my life, but Mary not.
"But dungeons are just for nerds! You know? This stupid game called 'Dungeons &' - what was it again? Something with 'D'... Dolphins? No. Oh, it doesn't matter! It's just for nerds and geeks and not for famous persons like me." She chattered happily on. Looking at Lord Elrond's face, she finally remembered to answer his question.
"Oh, yes, why I'm here, why didn't you just ask in the beginning, if you want to know?" She sighed theatrically and made a dramatic pause. "I am here to pledge eternal love with... "
Just about every male you get to see?
"... Legolas, my beloved." I balled a fist... and bit down on it, in order to keep from shouting out loud with laughter. That was simply and utterly ridiculous.
Lord Elrond was caught utterly surprised and Legolas' face drained of all colour and he looked, as if he might go running away any moment now.
"Isn't it that way, sexy?" Mary giggled, looking at Legolas.
"No." He managed to get out. I closed my eyes in horror.
But Mary didn't even listen, she was so engrossed in her own, little, pink, glittering world.
"See! We even plan to marry in a few weeks, that's going to be soooo kewl! And..." She would just chatter on for hours, if she was allowed!
Fortunately Lord Elrond prevented this: "You may go now and move freely in Imladris. You shall be given a room to stay."
Mary's eyes turned big like saucers: "Can I share a room with Leggy?" She nearly drooled and said prince just shook his head in pure horror.
The Lord of Imladris arched an eyebrow: "I don't know, whether that would be custom in your world, but in this it isn't."
Mary blinked: "Do all these fancy words mean 'no'?"
"Exactly."
"That's unfair! I want to share a room with Leggy! We are going to marry anyway! So where's the problem?" Mary whined. I pressed my hands on my ears and hummed in my head the tune of 'Calculate The Apocalypse'.
When she realised, that whining wouldn't get her anywhere, she snapped "Fine! We still have the days, right, Leggy?'
This time Legolas just ran.
"Wait for me, my beloved!" Mary screeched and chased after him. I didn't care to tell her about elves being much faster than humans, having better reflexes and everything. I was just glad to be out of her reach for now and turned visible again.
"Uhm, I want to apologise on Mary's behalf for all that stupid talking, my Lord?" I tried and Lord Elrond sighed.
"Is she always that difficult?" He asked me.
I gave a helpless shrug: "I'm glad to say: I don't know! Normally I wouldn't spend three minutes in her company, but this is a... special... situation."
"What did she mean with 'pledging eternal love'?" Oh, okay, so he wanted to cross-examine me about the behaviour of that big pain in the ass.
"Uhm, well, that's sueism."
"Does this word describe the behaviour of the beings you call Mary-Sues?"
I nodded eagerly. "As I said, horrible stories, in which infatuation equals true and eternal love."
"What is a Mexican?" Come on! I want to enjoy Imladris' beautiful gardens!
"A person from Mexico. It's a country in my world. And because your name starts with 'El' she assumed you to be one, because 'El' is an article, like in 'El Diablo' or something."
He shook his head. "You may go now."
Gratefully I bowed. "Thank you, my Lord!" And hurried off.
Well I would have, if time hadn't stopped once again!
/_/_/_/
"Great! What is it yet again?" I groaned, even before I looked.
There stood Valar, looking slightly uncomfortable, and Death. Wait! What's Death doing here?
"Uhm, it's not that I mind seeing you again, Death, but I'm annoyed as hell because of Mary! And that Valar over there." I nodded in Valar's direction.
"THERE IS A PROBLEM, CONCERNING YOUR ACCIDENT." I love that voice, still it sent shivers down my spine. Yet I got suspicious.
"What kind of problems?" My eyes narrowed and locked on Valar. A dreadful idea tried to creep into my mind, but I refused to let it in just like that.
"I could alter you into keep running, but it seems, as if I'm unable to..."
I closed my eyes, not wanting him to go on, yet the same time wanting nothing more than gaining that knowledge.
"... get you out uninjured. In this world that wouldn't be a problem, however in your world, I don't have much that much power."
I stared at him in horror, not wanting to believe what I had just heard.
"No." I breathed and lowered my head.
"DON'T WORRY, I COULD GET YOU A NICE REBIRTH ON THE DISC, IF YOU STARTED TO BELIEVE IN THAT.' Ah, so that was Death's whole purpose of attending that 'meeting'. Offering me something else, instead of getting my real and rather nice life back.
I shook my head: "That's not fair! For what can the grain hope, if not for the care of the reaper man? That's what you said, Death, isn't it?"
Well, I have a tendency to replace sadness or grief with anger. And that's basically what I did.
"And you said as well, that it was not my time to die there and then! So where the feth is the justice in that? I mean, you once said, there's no justice, there's just me!"
Only then did I notice, that I had my very own shape back. I would take advantage of that!
I angrily stalked over to Valar's position and tried to shove him a bit back.
"And don't you think you get out of this, just like that! That's all your bloody fault! You will find a way to get me back into my normal life! Without being an invalid! Otherwise you can shove your I-taking-care-of-Mary up your ass, did I make myself clear?"
What did I care, that I was talking to someone's god? I did not believe in him, and believe is the main source - more the only source - for a god's power and existence!
"And that fairy-body is just ridiculous! It's tiny, it's weak! It's bloody useless!" I made a step back, flopped on the ground and crossed my arms.
Well, Death's look didn't deviate, but he had just a skull. Valar, however, was very displeased with the outcome and looked angry himself.
"What now, Valar? Do you want to threaten me with the prospect of dieing?" I faked a gasp of surprise. "Wait! That's not possible! I freaking am as good as dead!"
He opened his mouth to say something, but I was faster.
"Or do you want to threaten me with something utterly horrible. No, wait! You already did give me the most horrible job imaginable! So what do you want to do? There's nothing you could do, to make me obey!"
His jaw was set firmly, and his gaze blazed with anger, just as mine did. We both stared at each other, none of us relenting.
Death sighed, but I didn't care.
"AND DISCWORLD IS REALLY NO OPTION?" Death tried to negotiate, maybe I had hit him a little by using his quotes, but in that moment I simply did not care at all.
"No. Not even close to an option! That bloody Valar just got me to take care of her annoyingess by announcing to get me my life back! There's nothing else I could want. Even if I'd love to meet Commader Vimes in person." I still stared at Valar.
"You shall do as I say, human!" His voice was very low, but cold as ice.
"You shall do as I say, human!" I aped him. "As I said before, you have nothing to offer, that I could want. You can't threaten me with anything, I'd be afraid of!"
"Your behaviour is very childish."
"Oh, and yours is not? You are the mighty deity of some poor idiot. I'm barely out of childhood! Compared to you I have every right to be childish!" For a second I thought about sticking my tongue out at him, but decided against it. I still had a little bit of pride, after all!
"Don't worry, Death said, you would survive your accident. Did the prospect of being a burden to those around you, not frighten you a lot, human?" I swear, if he calls me 'human' once again in that tone, I'll rip him apart!
"I'd rather be a burden than jumping at your command without any reward! Not even a dog would do so! And as you pointed out, I am human!" I snarled at him. "One of my kind made you and this whole world up! You gods were invented by sentinent beings, not the other way round!"
A second later I realised what I had just said. I regretted it somehow, but I couldn't give in! He had lied to me! He had taken my life from me!
The end for now again. Sorry for taking that long, and sorry that this chapter is slightly shorter than the others. I just have so much to do! I'm really sorry =(
