Percy wondered why he even tried. He really wondered.

After hopping in the shower, and then throwing some clothes on, he'd taken Thalia and Nico to the dining pavilion, where they'd barely managed to pick up a pancake before Chiron had trotted over, saying that Argus was ready to go.

Argus had dropped them off in front of a zoo.

"Zoo!" Thalia screamed excitedly. "Zoo! Zoo!"

"I wanted ballet where swans get to be people!" Nico pouted angrily. He turned on Percy. "Where is my swan?"

"Okay, first of all, you're not getting a swan. Second of all, we'll go to your ballet after the zoo. How about that? Maybe we'll go tomorrow or something, and spend the whole day there instead of just part of the day." Percy said diplomatically.

Nico nodded thoughtfully. "Okay. But I still get a swan, right?"

He ran away before Percy could refuse.

Percy sighed and shook his head – he'd deal with that problem when they got there. For now, he had to figure out how to wander through the zoo without killing anyone.

Unfortunately, "anyone" also included his two, lovely cousins.

"Wait! Nico! Thalia!" Percy yelled out desperately as he noticed them rushing away. "Let's get some food first!"

Instantly, they popped up at his side again.

"Ice cream?" Thalia asked hopefully.

"Let's eat shark!" Nico shouted.

Percy blinked. "Shar – uh, let's eat ice cream for breakfast."

Thalia cheered.

Nico punched Percy in the knee in disappointment.

Percy crumpled to the ground, groaning in pain.

After a few minutes of rolling around trying not to cry, he managed to get up.

They walked into an ice cream parlor that had just opened. The lady behind the counter leaned over and smiled at Nico and Thalia.

"Hello, kids. Are you having fun? What kind of ice cream do you want?"

"I'm having lots of fun!" Thalia said politely. "Can I have strawberry ice cream please?"

Percy tried not to choke. Thalia Grace, saying please?

"I'm having a bad day. I wanted to go to the ballet and get a swan, but we came to the zoo again. Do you have any ice cream that's shark flavored?" Nico asked, reaching for a stray spoon on the counter.

The lady blinked.

"He means chocolate!" Percy blurted out. "He calls chocolate shark flavor."

"Well, what would you like, young man?" The lady nodded.

"I'll have blue ice cream, thank you." Percy decided.

Thalia glanced at him. "Nico can't have shark flavor, but you're going to have blue?"

"Blue is raspberry." Percy explained. "There's no such thing as shark flavor."

"Blue is shark flavor?" Nico turned on Percy. "BUT YOU JUST SAID BROWN WAS SHARK FLAVOR! WHICH ONE IS SHARK FLAVOR?"

Percy put his hand over Nico's mouth. "Brown. Brown is shark flavor."

"Oh, okay." Nico nodded and happily skipped over to a table.

Percy breathed a sigh of relief.

He should've known his relief wouldn't last long.

As they were finishing their ice cream, an elderly lady walked in. Her eyes landed on Percy, cleaning off Nico's stray shark flavor ice cream with a napkin, and she stormed over.

"How dare you!" She shrieked, pointing a bony finger at Percy.

"I'm sorry, have we met?" Percy asked in confusion.

"How dare you have two children? What kind of example do you think you're setting for them, that their father was a teenage dad? Don't you teenagers understand that abstinence is the best form of birth control? Aren't you ashamed of yourself?"

Percy glanced at Nico and Thalia, who both looked utterly terrified. Calmly, he stood up.

"Ma'am, if you would please calm down, I'll explain to you that I'm not a teenage dad. As a matter of fact, these two kids are my cous –"

He was cut off by the old lady's huge, heavy purse, colliding with his face.

"GAH! My face!" Percy cried out, landing on the ground. He didn't have any time to get his bearings, though, because the bag continued its assault on him, while the old lady hurled out insults.

"You are the personal cause of slavery, you charlatan! How can you call yourself a father, with the way you treat your children! Ice cream for breakfast? What kind of deadly ritual is that? You are the reason the Civil War started!" The woman screamed.

"Lady…" Percy gasped. "Didn't the Civil War happen before I was born?"

"WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE BECAUSE YOU CAUSED AN ASTERIOD TO COME DOWN TO EARTH!" The woman screeched. Her bag kept up its abuse.

"Um, excuse me, Bag Lady," Nico spoke up calmly. "Are you a swan?"