While Buffy and Willow talked wardrobe choices at the Espresso Pump, Giles was sittting alone in his apartment, a glass of scotch close at hand, wishing he could drown the revelation that had come to him the night before, just let it sink down to the depth of his subconscious. It kept getting tossed back up to the surface of his mind, however, that damning realization,
I'm attracted to Buffy.
And as if that wasn't bad enough, he had almost kissed her.
He didn't know what it was that had possessed him to try it. It was as if his reason, common sense, restraint, ethics and morals had all decided to take their leave of him at once simply because the warm summer air had been sweet and inviting and the full moon was bright, calling upon the whole world to do wild things. Then there had been that moment when it seemed as though something had possessed Buffy as well, quite literally, and her eyes sparked at him in a way he had never seen before, and it was as if something behind them was calling him closer, inviting him to discover what it was, inside her...
Giles knocked back his drink and reminded himself how she had then run inside, run from him, no doubt horrified.
But
she hadn't run right away, a different corner of his brain
reminded him. She had made sure we were still on for tonight
first. That must mean… something…
No.
Giles shook his head, clearing it of such ridiculous thoughts. No, if
she noticed, then she was horrified, and just too polite to show it.
Either that, or she was in denial herself, trying to explain away her
Watcher's behaviour. God damn. How could I have let this
happen?
Of course, Giles had always found Buffy attractive, because she was. He had never tried to pretend she wasn't, but she was still such a child when they had first met there was hardly any danger of him becoming attracted to her. But then, children grow up. Buffy had matured, become more level-headed, started carrying herself less like a girl, and more like a woman, though she still possessed that youthful vitality of spirit that had always brought some brightness into his days–
Damn. What am I doing? He had to stop thinking of her fondly. It did him no good. The factors that had previously kept Buffy strictly off-limits – her age, her single-minded love for Angel, that Giles was her teacher and her Watcher – were gone and he had to rely on his own self-control now to keep from doing something stupid. Any advances on his part would be stupid. Girls become women, but old men just get older.
The phone rang, jolting him out of his self-pitying reverie. He picked it up.
"Hi Giles!" It was Buffy. She sounded unaccountably cheerful.
"Oh. H-hello," he replied uncertainly.
"I was just thinking about tonight..." She was going to call it off, he knew it. "We should do something fun."
"Pardon me?"
"Not that patrolling isn't fun." Her tone lacked the expected note of sarcasm. "But summer is almost over, and I'd like to do something that isn't all about vampires or demons, but just about us."
"Us?" There was that word again. Doesn't mean anything, Giles told himself. Just a perfectly common first-person plural pronoun.
"Yeah. Us." Buffy's breathy tone made it sound like something more.
Giles could see her smiling shyly as she said it, her eyes lighting up the way they had last night… He shook his head, trying to rid it of the image.
"You know, some Buffy-Giles quality time," she continued casually. "Maybe spent in the dark… not talking…"
Giles' mind was coming up with images he dearly wished it wouldn't.
"…with popcorn."
"Oh!" Giles' thoughts returned to reality. "You want to go to the movies?"
"Actually, I do. Glad you asked," Buffy teased. "Pick me up at six?"
"Um, alright." Buffy had sprung the question on him so quickly he didn't have time to think about it.
"Great! It's a date!" Buffy said happily, and hung up.
Giles stood by the phone, rather in shock. He had no idea what had just happened. Perhaps Buffy hadn't actually noticed how close he had come to kissing her last night. Perhaps she had and was trying to show she was willing to ignore it and move on. But why the movie? The thought that this really was a date entered Giles' mind very briefly before he dismissed it as impossible. At any rate, it was clear that she wasn't angry or upset at him, and Giles was happy for that. Yet not knowing exactly what Buffy was playing at also left him worried, and a little fearful. But there was nothing he could do, he'd just have to go along with it.
xxx
Buffy looked over the makeup laid out on her vanity table and picked out her "Bubblegum-Chic" lip-gloss. It went perfectly with her halter-top, which was baby-pink and draped elegantly at the neckline. It was all part of her overall, precisely engineered look: pretty yet casual sophistication.
When Buffy looked back up at the mirror, she saw the reflection of her mother standing in her bedroom doorway.
"You look nice," she said.
"Thanks, mom." She had better look nice. It took hours of conferring with Willow to come up with this ensemble.
Buffy applied her
gloss carefully. Her mother remained standing in the doorway,
watching her. It was a bit unsettling. Just a bit.
Finally, she
spoke, "You know, when I was in high school, I had this huge crush
on my geography teacher."
Buffy felt a pang of surprise or guilt or fear. Had her mom actually started noticing what was going on around her? She had ignored vampires for years, why couldn't she ignore this? Buffy felt indignant at the injustice of it. But she tried to hide her feelings and casually replied, "Uh huh. And you're telling me this, why?"
"'Cause I never told anyone before. At the time I didn't even tell my best friend. I thought she'd think I was weird or icky or something for liking an old man."
"He was old?" Buffy found she was a little bit interested. Maybe this Electra thing was genetic.
"Well, forty-five. Old for us."
"Doesn't seem so old and icky from this side of adulthood, huh?" Buffy smiled as she continued to apply her make-up. It was a big age gap, obviously, but it would get less big with time. She was growing up now.
Her mom didn't smile back. "Well, he'd be seventy-two now, so actually, even more old and icky."
Buffy frowned a bit but didn't reply.
There was a knock at the door.
"Oh! That's Giles! Can you tell him I'll be down in a minute?" Buffy asked, snapping shut her eye shadow and reaching for her mascara.
Her mom nodded and left the room.
Buffy breathed a sigh of relief and hoped that whole exchange could just be chalked up to the regular mom-weirdness. If her mom were on to her that would just add a whole new level of awkward.
Anyways, by the time I get to mom's age, Giles won't be seventy-two. He'll just be… sixty-seven? Buffy put down her mascara and picked up her hairbrush. Well, it doesn't matter. Not as if I'm going to live that long anyhow.
xxx
Giles knocked on the door of the Summers' house and waited. He felt very odd. He was wearing jeans, having finally decided to capitulate to Buffy's fashion advice. He was also tie-less. He now went most days without a tie, but today the open shirt collar made him feel strangely vulnerable. So, needing to maintain some level of formality, he also wore a blazer. He took off his glasses and thought of stowing them in his pocket until the movie started. Then he realized just what he was thinking and felt very foolish for being so vain. Then the door opened and all thoughts left his head. But it wasn't Buffy who answered the door.
"Oh, ah, hello Joyce."
No, this isn't in the least bit awkward at all.
"Please, come in," Joyce smiled. Giles
noticed the smile didn't extend to her eyes. "Buffy's still
getting ready, but she'll be
down soon."
"Ah." Giles nodded as he stepped inside. Buffy is taking her time getting ready; surely that's a good sign. Or a bad sign. It is bad sign. Very bad. Or maybe it isn't a sign at all and I'm just being stupid. Actually, that's the most probable explanation of all. He was feeling very foolish. The silence that was stretching out between him and Joyce certainly didn't help.
"So, um, h-how have you been?" he asked awkwardly.
"Oh, alright," she smiled, but again it didn't reach her eyes, and her easy-going manner seemed forced. "Things have been getting hectic lately of course, what with Buffy leaving for college next week."
"Right. Of course."
"I don't know who's more excited about it: her or me," Joyce continued. "She's going to have so many opportunities open to her. She'll be meeting so many new people. I remember when I met her father in college… I just hope the slaying won't limit her at all." She looked at Giles pointedly.
"Ah, no. No, we have discussed that, and, erm, she's made enough progress that her training schedule can be significantly cut back once her classes start."
"Good. I'm glad to hear that," and for the first time Joyce's smile seemed genuine. "And you'll be able to get back to your life as well."
"That's true," Giles smiled weakly, not disclosing that since he moved to Sunnydale Buffy was his life.
"Not that I'm not grateful for all the time you've devoted to her. It's nice to know that there's someone else looking out for her. And she admires you so much, almost as a father."
Giles smiled at Joyce, but cringed inwardly.
"A father's
love for the child…"
No. Not a
father's. A Watcher's. But never a father's. She had a
father already, even if he was never around. She didn't need anyone
else to treat her like a child, and indeed, he never had. He didn't
tell Joyce that, of course.
"Well, you know, that's what I do. But she is very capable of taking care of herself. She's growing up."
Joyce nodded, understanding everything "growing up" entailed, and her expression hardened. "Yes… but she's not grown up. She's still vulnerable in many ways. I still worry about her."
"Uh-uh, o-of course…" he stuttered, taken aback by Joyce's aggressive tone.
He heard a door close and quick footsteps in the upstairs hall. He looked up to see Buffy heading towards the stairs and he gulped. Giles couldn't tell exactly what she had done that was different, but she looked especially attractive today. Damn. He was thinking she was attractive. This is definitely very, very, bad.
"If anyone ever hurts her, I think I'd kill him," Joyce said softly, so only he could hear.
He turned towards Joyce, realizing that he had been staring at her daughter, and that she knew it, and was absolutely appalled and mortified with himself.
"Y-y-yes, right, uh, o-o-of
course, I-I-I understand…" he stuttered, trying to communicate to
Joyce that he knew this had to stop.
"Hi Giles! Ready to
motor?"
A bit startled by Buffy's sudden appearance at his side, Giles merely nodded, and allowed his Slayer to lead him out the door.
She wished her mom goodbye and waved over her shoulder.
Giles didn't look back.
