Chapter Seven: "In Other News"
Summary: Even a quick shore leave on the Citadel turns into mayhem when a certain little kitty decides to explore this brave new world. However, it turns out the he's not ready for the Citadel...nor the Citadel of him!
The three of them sat in their chairs like children who had been caught misbehaving and were now waiting for the principal to dish out their punishments. The had yet to meet the officer whom they were going to be defending themselves too, and Shepard was not looking forward to the imminent inquisition.
Grunt, who was seated on the other side of Garrus, turned towards Shepard, the little chair creaking under his massive weight. He whispered urgently "Shepard, we've got to get outta here and go find—"
She whipped around to snarl at him. "Not another word, Grunt. Not another word! I don't want to hear about it!"
Grunt immediately became defensive. "But what if he—"
"He didn't," Garrus said, caught in the middle of death-glare match between krogan and commander, trying to stop Shepard from killing Grunt with his calming words. "I'm pretty sure I saw him climb out. He was soaked, but unharmed."
"And now we've lost his trail. We had him!" said the krogan.
"Yeah, we had him until you started to throw punches!" Shepard hissed. "Fuck!" she snapped, slamming her hand on the desk they sat before.
"Hey!" said a voice. Grunt, Garrus, and Shepard turned to see a blonde-haired human walk into the office, data pad in hand. "Don't make me add vandalism of law enforcement equipment to the list here, Shepard."
"Officer Bailey," Shepard said, surprised to see the officer again. He had been kind enough to help her and Thane find Kolyat and stop him from assassinating a turian politician.
From the look of tired annoyance gracing his features as he sat behind the desk before them, he probably wouldn't be so nonchalant this time.
Bailey stared at them, his eyes wandering over Grunt's bruised eye, Garrus' scuffed armor, and Shepard's beet red face that seemed to be trying to blend into her hair. He was unsure whether it was red from embarrassment or anger, and currently didn't care which it was.
He pulled up his data pad and began reading. "At the moment, the charges are: Public displays of violence, initiating violent contact, disturbing the peace, vandalism, terrorist activity-"
"Terrorist? What the hell do you mean terrorist?" Shepard snapped.
Bailey looked up at the angry commander with a calm, collected glare. "You're sporting Cerberus colors, Commander. From when we first met I didn't really think you were the type to be so….radical. I would especially not expect such behavior from a former C-Sec officer himself."
Garrus ducked his head instinctively. Former vigilante or not, bowing to a superior was second nature to a turian. He even seemed to mutter some sort of apology under his two-toned breathe, but whether this was too Shepard, Bailey, or his ancestral spirits no one really knew.
"I'm not! Why does everyone assume that I'm working for them because I have a choice in the matter? I don't!" Her voice had raised a few octaves as her anger got the best of her.
Bailey put down his data pad and laced his fingers together. "So, what, you started a public brawl with a few passerby krogans just for kicks?"
"He attacked my krantt first!" Grunt cut of Shepard's reply, pounding his chest for good measure. "It was purely defense," he growled.
Bailey raised an eyebrow, and leaned back in his chair with arms akimbo, frowning. "Krantt? I wasn't aware of any other krogan in that area at the time except for the two you attacked. And I haven't had to deal with any other mercenary krogan turf battles before today, either, so do you mind explaining to me what krantt you're talking about?"
Shepard pinched the bridge of her nose; the pounding headache forming there was going to be a real bitch of a migraine later.
"Look, Shepard," Bailey started, leaning towards them. "I'm pretty easy-going when it comes to personal problems, like your drell's wannabe assassin son. As long as it doesn't hurt anyone on the Citadel or cause any security risks, I'll probably let it go. The less paperwork I have to fill out the better. But I've got higher-ups wanting me to make this incident go away, lest in turn into some sort of krogan gang war. Just tell me what the hell is going on!"
"Officer Bailey?" Garrus started, deciding to spare Shepard the initial embarrassment from describing what had led up to the knock-out, drag-out fight between Grunt and the two krogan males in the Presidium only moments ago. "Have you been watching the news today? Been keeping up with the story of the 'strange creature' running around?"
Bailey turned the turian, and shrugged. "The tabby cat? Saw a few clips here and there, thought it was a particularly slow news day. Feel bad for the two Asari it attacked, too. Actually heard through the grapevine that they have hired a volus lawyer to sue whoever owns the cat. Apparently asari lace is priceless, especially when it's shredded."
He has a damn fetish about that stuff! Shepard couldn't help thinking.
"What does that have to with anything?" Bailey asked, looking between them.
The commander sighed steeled herself for the laughter she knew they were going to have thrown at them and sighed heavily. "His name's C.O. And he's Grunt's…. 'krantt member,'" she said without inflection, pointing towards the krogan. It was obvious she wanted to do more than sink through the chair, floor, and out into the void of space.
Bailey, bless him, was able to keep his laughter to himself, but couldn't stop his eyes from growing almost as large as dinner plates. "So, let me get this straight…the cat that's been running around and causing trouble on the Citadel news is part of your crew?"
"I don't know how he got off the Normandy," Shepard admitted, giving Grunt a pointed glare as she spoke. "All I know is that we've been trying to find him all day."
"What the hell has been going on on my Citadel, Commander?" the C-Sec officer asked.
The Normandy barely shuddered around them as she became connected into her docking bay at the gentle behest of her pilot.
"She's docked, Commander," Joker said smugly, turning his chair around to face his Commander. A grin spread across his face, one that was probably shared by many of the crew; the docking of the ship meant it was officially shore leave, one that had been awaited for for many weeks.
Shepard kept a straight face, even at her pilot's contagious eagerness. "Make the announcement, Joker. Remember, this is just a rest stop, 24-hour shore leave. We go in and go out without any trouble or even any raised eyebrows, understand?"
Joker looked offended at her pointed remark. He started counting off on his fingers. "You not only have a Cerberus crew, but you also have a squad consisting of a tank-bred krogan super soldier, a convict biotic, a rebel turian officer, a drell assassin, and quarian and a geth, a cat, and I'm the one told to behave? What am I going to do, hobble too fast and get ticketed by C-Sec?"
"I think I can arrange that," said the smooth voice of the 'rebel turian officer.' Garrus was walking up next to the Commander and winked. "Advantage of having friends on the force."
Joker stuck his tongue out at the turian. "You're still a stick-in-the-mud, you overgrown turkey, no matter how cool you act," said the pilot.
Shepard held up her hands. "Boys, behave. I'm not going to let one more minute of this leave be taken up listening to you two bicker. Garrus, you're coming with me. And you," she pointed towards Joker, "try not to break anything important, that's an order."
"Aye, aye, Shepard!" he saluted. To Garrus' retreating back he flipped the bird.
Grunt shuffled from one foot to the other, obviously a bit nervous as he stood in the docking bay between the ship and the actual deck of the Citadel, waiting for the scanner to allow the shore party through.
Shepard noticed the krogan's nervousness and glanced at Garrus, who shrugged.
"Nervous, Grunt?" she asked. This is the first time he's ever been on the Citadel, she realized.
Grunt looked at her with a steely gaze, and stopped his fidgeting. "I'm not nervous," he objected.
Garrus noticed the young krogan's slight discomfort, and so began giving him some tips for the trip. "The Citadel isn't that tough to navigate. Don't start trouble with any other turians or krogans unless they try it with you first. And if someone offers to sell you a cheap synthetic krogan quad that can 'get the job done,' tell them off gently."
Shepard shot a glance at the turian. "They really do that?"
"I must have written out stacks of fucking paperwork involved with those," the former C-Sec officer lamented.
"Jesus, no wonder you became a vigilante," Shepard chuckled.
"Yeah, and that was some of the more interesting of my caseloads."
"So, what exactly do we do on a shore leave?" interrupted Grunt.
"It's a small break. Can't keep people on a small ship for too long, they go stir-crazy and uncomfortable. So we," she said, throwing an arm around both Garrus and Grunt's waists with a grin, "are going for a few drinks. You're a man now, and we are celebrating your Rite of Passage, Grunt. How does a bottle of ryncol sound?"
Grunt looked at his Battlemaster, a giant grin spreading across his face. "That sounds great, Shepard."
"So you came up for drinks, supplies. I fail to see where the renegade cat comes into play," Bailey said.
"Far as we can tell, he probably snuck off the ship to follow Grunt, but got lost," explained Garrus. "While having a few drinks down in the Wards, we saw the news report, and the subsequent footage of the 'gray-furred creature'attacking the asari diplomats."
"Cerberus so desperate for cannon fodder they're now training attack cats?" Bailey said without a hint of humor.
"It was probably the lace," Shepard sighed, covering his eyes with a gloved hand unable to look at the officer's facial expression to such an idiotic-sounding statement. She waved away the officer's follow up question, already knowing where it was going. "Please don't ask, Bailey."
"Fine. So what happened after the asari attack?"
"We went to see if it was C.O., and if it was we were gonna take him back to the ship. Of course, he managed to get himself on the news…again."
This time, the "strange gray-furred monster" from before was currently wondering in and out of shops trying to "illicit non-consensual touch from passerby."
The footage showed the little cat trying to rub on people, many who were aliens and having never seen a cat usually ran in the other direction or jumped over him. He plopped down in the middle of the walkway and starting meowing pitifully.
Shepard could just imagine the cat yelling "Grunt! GRUUUUUUUNNNNNT! Where are you! I'm lost, help!"
When the three of them arrived at the location of the most recent news report, C.O. was once again gone. However, as they started poking around in the shops in the area, they were able to find him before the reporters. As they scoured the area they found a Salarain standing outside of his aquarium shop and yelling obscenities at a fleeing gray figure. The cat looked quite content as he ran out, dragging a large and flopping eel behind him.
"You know, I have a report of that eel's estimated value, Commander," Bailey said, pulling up the report on his data pad. "The Salarian was determined that someone was going to pay for their pet's 'tastes'." He showed the pad to the Commander, whose eyes grew large at the price before her.
"You've got to be kidding me! Who the hell would pay that much for a damn fish!"
"You will be, if the shop owner presses charges."
"Don't worry Shepard. We'll just send the bill to the Illusive Man," Garrus said with a grin.
Before either the shopkeeper or the ground crew could get to the cat, C.O. looked up from his prize to see his master, a large krogan, standing off by one of the many artificial lakes in the area. Apparently overcome with joy at finding his master, C.O. bounded over to the krogan in question, who was talking to another male, and starting climbing up the krogan's leg, as he usually did with Grunt.
Before the cat realized what had happened, the krogan plucked the invader off of his body and threw him, hard, in a random direction, and after several hundred yards C.O. landed—right in the middle of the lake.
C.O. had not chosen the right Krogan. The unfortunate male, who had just been attacked by the strangest little creature, had only reacted instinctually. He turned to speak to his comrade about what tried to crawl up his leg, and instead meet with Grunt's right hook smashing into his face.
It had taken almost a dozen C-Sec officers to pull the three fighting krogan apart. Garrus' armor got scuffed as he helped pull Grunt out of the fight. It was a miracle no civilians or officers were hurt by the krogan.
Bailey was pacing behind the desk now, shaking his head at the story he had just heard.
"A damn cat…." The officer lamented. He gave a look to the three soldiers. "I've seen some things during my tenure here, but this has to take the cake. I've got supervisors looking to put the blame on someone for all this trouble, and I can't exactly tell them the fugitive their looking for is four-pawed and fuzzy! Where's the cat now?"
"I don't know," Shepard said. "Garrus said he saw him climb out of the lake, wet but alive. He could be anywhere now."
"Well, we haven't had any new reports, so wherever he went he's lying low for a bit," said the officer.
"I'm so sorry, Bailey," Shepard apologized. "I wasn't trying to cause you any trouble. This was an accident, that's all. I'll make sure to kill Grunt later so you don't have to fill out the paperwork for a homicide too."
Grunt looked at Shepard with a mixture of hurt feelings and betrayal, but Bailey did chuckle. "Thanks for the consideration."
"So, what now?" Garrus asked.
Bailey ran a hand through his hair and sighed. "Still trying to figure that out. Obviously, if we can find your cat and get you back to your ship, I want you to stay away from the Citadel for a while. Let everything cool down, especially the reporters."
"We understand," said the Commander. Even a temporary ban from the Citadel was annoying. The Normandy was going to have to find supplies elsewhere for a while.
"And your supervisors?" she asked. "What about them? And the damages?"
"Well, I'm the only one who knows that the cat is the link between the civilians, the krogan, and you. A cat running around on the Citadel is a novelty, and a stray can occur. I'll give the order to let the other two krogan go. Can't exactly keep them locked up for defending themselves. As for my supervisors, I'll just make sure you aren't tied to all this."
This caught Shepard off-guard. "You're clearing us?"
"Last I knew Commander Shepard didn't have a cat on her ship. You were just trying to stop a stray and ended up in the wrong place at the wrong time. Krogan mercenaries can be moody, especially if their "job negotiations" aren't going very smoothly. Your krogan looked like he could handle himself, so they decided to see that for themselves. Case closed."
"But, why?" Garrus had to ask.
Bailey smiled at them. "Because you gave me a great story to tell my yet-to-exist grandkids! Do I really have to give you a reason?"
"Thank you so much, Bailey!" Shepard exclaimed, feeling a weight fall off her shoulders.
Grunt, however, was not so jubilant. "What about C.O.? He's still missing!"
"Damn, forgot about that," Garrus grumbled.
"I'll round up some volunteers to start a search grid," the C-Sec officer said. He suddenly held up a finger as a call came over his headset. "What's going on? Uh-huh. Right. Oh, really? Well, keep him calm, I'll be right out."
Bailey looked at the three with a small smile. "Think I just found your missing Tabby."
The visiting elcor diplomat was pretty calm throughout the whole incident. He had been standing on the other side of the lake when the brawl between the krogan had broken out, and noticed something sopping wet climb its way up one of his tree-trunk like legs and perch on his back.
The elcor, unfortunately, couldn't find anyone tall enough to see what had decided to use him for a sleeping couch, and after exhaustingly begging every passerby for assistance with no help dislodging the hitchhiker, he had slowly made his way to the closest C-Sec office.
"Exceptional panic. Will someone please remove whatever is on my back?" the elcor begged. "Increasing fear. I cannot remove the hitchhiker on my own. Please help?"
The officers in the room were mostly human with a couple turians, and they couldn't see what the elcor was talking about. Bailey arrived from one of the offices, being trailed by Grunt, Garrus, and Shepard.
The elcor turned his large, almost doe-like eyes to the three new strangers. "Sudden realization. You are Commander Shepard, who saved the Citadel. The elcor appreciate your dedication to preservation of the Universe." He turned his head toward Grunt. "And you are the krogan who started the fight with the others."
Grunt looked at Bailey, who shrugged. "There were extenuating circumstances, sir."
"C.O.! Front and center if you're up there!" Grunt barked suddenly, making everyone jump, including the cat that had been sleeping atop the slow-moving alien. Quick as lightning, he bounded to the elcor's shoulder and jumped right onto Grunt's with perfect grace. The cat was mostly dry now, and started meowing and rubbing on the krogan's neck and face, obviously ecstatic to be back with his master.
"How cute, reunited at last," said Bailey with a note of sarcasm. "Now will you please get off my Citadel so I can do some damage control? And next time, Commander, leave the pets at home."
She turned the small box over in her hands repeatedly as the elevator continued its slow crawl into the bowels of the ship. It was a small box, one that had held engine parts at one time, but now held something else entirely.
Shepard was still incredibly angry about the recent Citadel fiasco, and hardened space soldier though she was, she still blushed an angry red whenever someone brought up the recent episode. However, the barest hint of a smile graced her lips as the event replayed in her mind. Joker was right, as he had a bad habit of being: when it wasn't you, it was bloody hilarious.
I'm setting a terrible example, she reprimanded herself. He's been grounded, yet here I am with a present in tow. Well, it's more of a preventative measure, really.
Grunt had been remanded to his quarters for the past several days for the Citadel incident. It was really less to do with Grunt as it had to do with Shepard cooling her heels for a bit as to not eject a certain feline companion on the next moon they passed. She was also hoping that something else more interesting was holding the news reporters over so that this story could die down. In time, the public would forget the spectacle and move on with their lives.
Except for Bailey. He'd never forget this.
Nor that shopkeeper.
Or those krogan.
Or the unfortunate Elcor diplomat.
Those two are going to be the death of me long before we ever catch up with the damn Collectors!
The elevator finally stopped its slow decent, and Shepard strode purposefully towards Grunt's quarters in the cargo hold. She tucked the small box into her belt at her back so Grunt wouldn't see it, and came to the door.
"EDI, is he and C.O. still inside?"
"Affirmative, Shepard."
"Open the door," the soldier commanded, and the locks opened before she had even finished the sentence.
Grunt was sitting at the desk, and appeared to be dismantling one of the standard-issue assault rifles from the armory. C.O. sat on the edge of the desk, grooming his gray tabby fur. Several pieces were scattered on the desk, and she watched with interest as he seemed to be trying to figure out how it all worked together.
This caught Shepard by surprise. I never thought Grunt was mechanically inclined. He always seemed like the kind to—
With a roar of frustration, Grunt tossed the rifle hard at the opposite wall.
C.O. didn't even flinch in his grooming. Apparently he was used to such outbursts.
Despite her grumpy mood, she almost laughed. –to do something like that.
The cat looked up from his grooming and meowed loudly to greet her. Grunt turned and saw Shepard at the door, and stood to face her. "Shepard," he said in simple greeting. He could tell by her attitude she was still mad, and was not looking forward to the verbal wallop he was about to receive.
She gestured at his right eye, the skin around it showing the barest hint of a bruise. "That krogan really clocked you, didn't he?"
Grunt cracked his neck, a typical sign of intimidation, but quickly turned his head so she could only see his unhurt eye. "No big deal."
Not the most elegant segway, but she took what she could get. "No, Grunt, it was a big deal. A great, big, embarrassing deal!" Shepard wasn't yelling, but she was talking quickly, and sternly. She was getting ramped up, and hers was the kind of angry that was quick but furious, similar to lightning strikes.
"It was supposed to be a quick op, get in and get out. We're supposed to be flying under the radar," she was pacing now. "Get some parts, complete some errands, have a few drinks. Instead, we end up chasing a stupid cat all over the Citadel!"
C.O. looked up from his grooming to glare at Shepard in a typical teenager's fashion. He knew when he was being talked about, and he knew she wasn't showering him with praises.
"It was an accident. He got out. He's crafty and sly. Just like an infiltrator is supposed to be," said Grunt.
Shepard gave him a look. "Are you actually trying to take credit for this?" she said incredulously.
"If I am? It was another successful training exercise. Imagine the chaos and distractions we could create with the enemy if we have him better trained, to go anywhere and do anything we need."
The utter seriousness of Grunt's statement was the only thing stopping Shepard from laughing at him. She did, however, sigh heavily. "I was hoping he would keep you out of trouble, not make more for the crew," she said. "Listen, Grunt, if you can't keep him in check I will have no choice but to get rid of C.O."
The silence filled the room with a sense of dread and tension so thick she probably could have cut it with a knife. Grunt didn't look shocked at the blatant threat—it was a challenge.
He nodded once. "Won't happen again, Shepard."
Shepard nodded. It felt like she had just kicked a puppy, but she had to remind him that he was a soldier under her command. This was a suicide mission, after all. One mistake could kill them all. She could not jeopardize the mission because of a cat.
Reaching behind her back, she pulled out the box. "Here's something to help you with that," she said, giving it to the krogan. He looked at her suspiciously, but took the tiny package. It was almost too small for him to open, but a quick rip and the paper was shredded. He opened it and pulled out a small length of a cord, on which dangled a metal piece. "What is this?"
Shepard took the piece from Grunt to show him how it worked. "It's a dog tag, made with the same specs as standard Alliance issue. Back in Earth's history, soldiers wore these to help identify their bodies if they were too damaged to do so visually. Of course, now we have genetic fingerprinting, but we like to keep some traditions alive. It has the wearer's name, blood type, and squad."
It was a little rectangle of metal, with the corners rounded. She flipped it over to show the back had a red horizontal stripe on the top and bottom, with a white one in the middle. "Legion offered a piece of his—well, my—old armor for the tag. He and Jack worked together to make it the right shape."
She turned it over, and Grunt could see letters engraved in the duller gray metal. It read:
C.O. VAS NORMANDY SR-2
KRANTT OF URDNOT GRUNT
SQUAD OF COMMANDER J. SHEPARD
"Tali engraved it, obviously from the 'vas Normandy' thing. And Garrus programmed a special little tracker unit inside the tag so we can always find C.O. if he gets lost again." She grinned a little. "No more news reports. Oh, at the tag is made of a special Kevlar material. No way he'll be able to slip the collar, or have it torn off."
"I, uh, thank you, Shepard," said the krogan. He wasn't sure what to say. The fact that so many of the squad had helped with the tag was pretty impressive, though.
"Come here, little kitty," said the Commander. C.O., sensing a good ear-scratch was in order, padded over to her with no hesitation. She locked the collar in place one-handed and scratched his back with the other, him purring the whole time.
She stepped back, and the two of them inspected the new piece. C.O. mewed and scratched at it a bit, shook his head a few times to get it off, realized he couldn't shake it and simply accepted it. He went back to grooming, the tag swaying gently from his neck.
If he wasn't an official member of the Normandy yet, he most definitely was now.
A/N: Sorry for taking so long with this chapter! Every time I tried writing it, it just never "felt" right. I must have started this thing like 10 different times. Eventually, I decided to just drop the chapter entirely, but I'm glad I was able to stick with it and finish it. Thanks to Joanna for drawing the little doodle of C.O. with the dog tag—she gave me the idea to write this chapter.
Only have a few more chapters left for this fic! Thanks for reading, and stay tuned. It's about to get crazy!
