The chords filled the room; notes to a song that had spoken to him for the longest time.
I wanna be a bottle blonde
I don't know why, but I feel conned
I wanna be an idle teen
I wish I hadn't been so clean
Lloyd could feel Kai's eyes boring into him, but he wasn't nervous. He sung the words easily, truthfully, and his hands didn't shake as he moved towards the next pattern of chords.
I wanna stay inside all day
I want the world to go away
I want blood, guts, and chocolate cake
I wanna be a real fake
He heard Kai hum, soft, barely there, but it sent chills down his spine. The words stuck a chord with him, because he'd been acting them out all his life, but the words seemed to be a bit harder to say as he got to the chorus.
Yeah I wish I'd been, I wish I'd been, a teen, teen idle
Wish I'd been a prom queen, fighting for the title
Instead of being sixteen and burning up a bible
Feeling super, super, super! Suicidal
He knew the words almost as well as he knew himself; they had rung true from the day he had first heard the song-and now was certainly no exception to this.
The wasted years
The wasted youth
The pretty lies
The ugly truth
And the day has come where I have died
Only to find, I've come alive
He wasn't exactly a stranger to death-he had watched his best friend die, held his body. Murders weren't necessarily uncommon in his neighborhood, and once or twice some popular girl put a gun to her, pulled the trigger, and brought almost half the school with her. It was easy to say that they threw their lives away, but he had experienced, saw what happened when they purposely popped one pill too many, and it had made him see things a lot more clearly.
I wanna be a virgin pure
A twenty-first century whore
I want back my virginity
So I can feel infinity
He was one of the few kids in his school who hadn't had sex-most of them would do it in the empty classrooms that made up more than half the school. The teachers didn't care-most of them were in some sort of relationship with the kids, anyway. But he wanted that feeling of being taken; of trusting someone with something that you could never get back.
I wanna drink until I ache
I want to make a big mistake
I want blood, guts, and angel cake
I'm gonna puke it anyway
One of his friends had been anorexic; nine times out of ten what she ate came right back up. He'd watched her shrivel away, and sometimes, when he looked in the mirror, he'd see her, and he'd be shocked back into a reality where he was supposed to live-where he was confident and in control of his own body.
Yeah I wish I'd been, I wish I'd been, a teen, teen idle
Wish I'd been a prom queen, fighting for the title
Instead of being sixteen and burning up a bible
Feeling super, super, super! Suicidal
He began to sing through the chorus again, trying to ignore the dull ache pulsing in his chest.
The wasted years
The wasted youth
The pretty lies
The ugly truth
And the day has come where I have died
He felt like he had wasted so much time singing this song; so much ambition wasted on self-pity. It made him sick just thinking about it.
Only to find, I've come alive
Come alive, I've come alive
Oh oh, oh oh, oh oh, oh oh
Oh oh, oh oh, oh oh, oh oh, oh oh
Kai watched Lloyd carefully, the ever-so slight change in expression not slipping past his notice. The lost-puppy look in his eyes, the way his lips turned down slightly...Kai worried his lip between his teeth, forcing his eyes towards Lloyd's fingers.
Adolescence didn't make sense
A little loss of innocence
The ugliness of being a fool
Ain't youth meant to be beautiful?
Lloyd let the words simmer, shuddering as he heard them echo slightly in the small room.
Yeah I wish I'd been, I wish I'd been, a teen, teen idle
Wish I'd been a prom queen, fighting for the title
Instead of being sixteen and burning up a bible
Feeling super, super, super! Suicidal
Kai heard the chords for the chorus, turning his attention back to Lloyd, who looked close to tears. The younger's voice powered through it, sounding louder and stronger than Kai had ever heard it.
The wasted years
The wasted youth
The pretty lies
The ugly truth
And the day has come where I have died
Lloyd was trying hard not to slam the keys as he continued, feeling emotion swell up inside him.
Only to find, I've come alive
Feeling super, super, super!
Feeling super, super, super!
Feeling super, super, super!
He had always been a terrible liar-while his face might give nothing away, his tone of voice always did. Someone once said that he had gotten it from his mother, to which he had nearly cussed them out and left the room with the desire to forget everything that person had ever told him. Kai was looking at him like he had a gun to his head, and when he turned to look at the teen, he finally noticed how blurry his vision was. "I'm...crying?" Lloyd reached up to wipe up at his eyes, and he heard Kai laugh.
"You started about halfway through the final chorus-I've never met someone who didn't realize they were crying."
"Shut up," Lloyd mumbled through a laugh, rubbing harshly at his eyes. "Like you're any better."
"I'm not crying. I'm...I'm..." Kai began, glaring at the now laughing teen. "God, we're so stupid. Jay would probably find a way to put it into his next comedy routine if he saw us."
"Jay does comedy?"
"Jay tries to do comedy," Kai corrected. "Now scoot over, I'm gonna teach you how to play something happy for once.
Kai's version of a happy song ended up being a rather poorly played version of Katy Perry's "Dark Horse". Lloyd didn't really mind that Kai could barely play, or that he barely understood the notes; he was just glad that Kai was laughing with him, joking with him, talking to him. He felt warm all the way through, and when Kai's hands moved to put his in the correct spots, Lloyd couldn't help but let a shudder run through him. He knew that he was probably only infatuated with Kai, as most young love was, but something about what he felt for Kai was different than what he had felt for his long string of childhood sweethearts. And he wasn't stupid to think it would last, either. He had read Romeo and Juliet like the rest of his eighth grade class; he knew what happened when a moth got too close to a flame.
But for once, he didn't care. He wanted to play with fire. Lloyd never was the smartest kid in school, but even he knew that he shouldn't play with fire. But when the flames come in the form of a phoenix with dark brown eyes and a smile that could make him forget for a little while, maybe just this once he'd play the game. Because god knows he needed to forget, and maybe, just maybe, he wouldn't have to remember anymore.
