I do not own the Fate series or any of the series' used here.

"Alright, you all need to get your shit together." Naruto said bluntly as he looked at the three people in front of him. Cole and Lelouch looked as if they were annoyed with being there while Lupin just reclined on his chair and smoked a cigarette as he grinned. "Contrary to popular belief, this is and actual restaurant and you are all ruining my business!"

"You hardly get any customers in the first place!" Cole argued as he pointed at Naruto. "It's not our fault they…!"

"Let me list how your scaring them off." Naruto interrupted as he took out a slip of paper. "Noise complaints due to loud evil laughter…"

"It's required in order to appear intimidating!" Lelouch informed with a raised eyebrow. "I'm an anti-hero remember? I need something like that to appear at least a little bit villainous."

"The batteries of their electrical devices are being drained because someone needed to cure his 24 hour hangover…" Naruto continued, throwing Cole an accusatory glance.

"Please, they can just recharge when they get back home." Cole dismissed with a wave of his hand. "It's not like I'm frying them."

"Missing wallets…" Naruto then glared at Lupin, who just blinked in surprise.

"They actually noticed?" Lupin questioned, making Naruto glare even harder.

"AND! All the sexual harassment…" Everyone then turned their heads to Lupin, who stared blankly at Naruto for a second before giving his response.

"…I'm not apologizing."

Naruto just glared at all the collective characters that were occupying his establishment, wondering why he even allowed them in in the first place, before looking at the 'screen' and saying. "It's starting…"

Carnival Frenzy

"Hey, Kirei."

"Yes?" A certain evil priest didn't even bother to turn his head to the person who had just addressed him. And really, why would he if his TV was currently showing a rather good porn movie?

The other person in the room was none other than Assassin, for once actually wearing his red and black combat suit and mask. "It looks like we are written by that other guy again. He even put me in my comic outfit because he's too lazy to describe my beautiful face properly."

At this Kirei actually diverted his attention from the TV. With a raised eyebrow he said: "Again? Is that why we are almost an entire year in the past where not a single Servant is around yet? Doesn't that guy have anything better to do, like writing his own stories?"

"Weeeeell, apparently this Omake is actually the result of some of the ideas that keep cluttering up his head. That, and he's currently too depressed to play Dark Souls again. So he decided to write us holding a Servant casting."

For a moment Kirei was silent. He then turned off the TV and rose from his rather comfortable couch. A very disturbing grin spread across his face.

"I quite like the sound of that Assassin. This calls for… special measures."

"You mean the barrels of monkeys you keep behind the church?"

It came as no surprise that Kirei didn't even blink about the strangeness of that statement. "No. …well, maybe later. Now, let us use the off-screen time of the next scene break to prepare a studio and make some calls."

Assassin nodded and answered. "Don't forget to bring some – what, hey, stop, don't cut me o-!

A few hours later in Einzbern Castle:

"Stupid scene breaks, breaking my flow like that…" Assassin muttered to himself, quelling his anger a little by eating a chimichanga, his mask rolled up to reveal his mouth. The former Servant was sitting on a rather comfortable chair behind a large table. He couldn't see it from his position, but he nonetheless knew that on the other side a banner was hanging in front of the table with the words "FATE: STAY NIGHT - REWRITE SERVANT - TRYOUTS!" written on it.

To Assassin's right was Kirei, who was sitting in his chair reminiscent of the pose that was usually taken by a certain winner of the anti-dad award. He wasn't wearing orange sunglasses though.

"Do not fear, Assassin. You know that in the end even Sir Godot will allow you to do whatever you want, if only because he isn't really used to writing Fourth Wall breaking characters."

"… what is going on here?"

This new voice came from Kirei's right, where Saber was chained to her chair. The look on her face showed that she was quite confused how she had gotten there, and also wondered where "there" actually was (it seemed familiar). This became quite unimportant to her however when she saw who else was sitting at the table.

"ASSASSIN! YOUUUUUUU - !"

Her cry of outrage was interrupted by Kirei swiftly taping her mouth shut. "Yes Saber, we know you dislike Assassin here because he trolled you in 'Fate Zero Sense', but please cease your shouting. Well, at least for situations outside the bedroom."

Kirei removed the tape again, not quite gently of course, and allowed Saber to speak again. "Where am I? And why am I here?"

"That's easy, King of the Coconut! We needed another member for the tryout jury, so we chose you. As for how… well, A Wizard Did It. Oh yeah, by the way, Mordred is HOT in short shorts. I was surprised though that she was your daughter after all, I thought she was a man in the original source material…"

Saber concentrated on ignoring Assassin's mindless chatter. She feared that if she listened she might suffer an aneurysm. Thus she turned to Kirei instead, who was in her opinion at least a little better. "I repeat: where am I and why?"

For once Kirei actually complied with a straight answer. "We are at Einzbern Castle, the only place large enough for the tryouts that won't cost us anything as no one's there to charge us for it. And to clarify, we are having a casting for other Servants to fill the roles of the Fifth Holy Grail War you are from. You get to keep your position though, so don't worry about not banging a certain red-head."

Saber managed to ignore the last part by focusing on the more outrageous one. "… you mean you are inviting Heroic Spirits to apply for a chance to obtain the Holy Grail? How can you do this?"

"Because Shut Up. Let's get this little show started, I've got porn waiting for me at home. First group, Archer, come in."

The last part had been shouted with the help of a very familiar megaphone Saber vaguely recalled seeing before. But when the large doors of the castle opened and six people walked in, she opted to study them instead. If Kirei's words were true and all of them were Heroic Spirits she would have to get as much information about them as possible.

However, the moment she saw the Servant, she recognized him.

"Avenger?" Saber exclaimed. "Why are you here? I thought this was a chance for other Servants to be chosen!" The last part had been directed towards Kirei and Assassin, but the answer was given by the Servant who did indeed look a lot like the Servant Avenger Saber had met.

"Relax, honey." Avenger(?) said with a voice that sounded more like an invitation to bed than anything else. He also didn't have the tattered clothes or eye patch Saber had come to know. "I'm not an avenger, I'm a lover. And while I realize you are not the Saber I met before, how about the two of us meet later for… dinner?"

Saber wondered if this Servant possessed some kind of Mystic Eyes – the way his eyes kept sparkling couldn't be natural. But dinner DID sound nice…

"Before our little king/queen here decides to dry hump one of her lover's future alternates, how about you introduce yourself?" Assassin had by now finished his lunch and idly polished his doorknobs, his feet on the table. "You know, so the readers can see who you are."

"But with pleasure." The not-Avenger replied, his eyes never leaving Saber. "I am EMIYA, the hero who saved hundreds of thousands of damsels in distress. However, the more women I saved, the more I realized that there would always be others I couldn't save."

Despite the rather frivolous nature of the Servant, when she heard about his inability to save people, Saber felt a small amount of pity. "EMIYA, as noble as your goal was, you couldn't possibly be everywhere at once."

Now EMIYA's expression turned from "sad and sexy" to honest confusion. "What? No, I did manage that part. The problem was that despite my incredible manliness, some of the saved girls were… more interested in my female companionship."

"Sweet!" This dual exclamation came from Kirei and Assassin, who underlined their shout with a brofist.

Saber meanwhile looked at the Servant with an incredulous expression. "You're telling me you want the Holy Grail to make every woman heterosexual so you can seduce them? What kind of hero are you?!"

"An Extremely Manly Individual of Youthful Attraction, EMIYA for short." The Servant answered proudly while giving Saber a thumbs-up.

For a while, Saber remained quiet. After a while she somehow managed to get a "… next one please" out of her mouth, her form slumping and only held up by the chains.

While the trio of judges were waiting for the next Servant, Assassin was busy looking at EMIYA's status sheet.

"Did you know the guy leveled up his Clairvoyance skill so he could see through clothes? That's some serious dedication, he has my vote."

Saber's answer was an indefinable growl while Kirei merely sipped on some alcoholic beverage he had gotten in the short off-screen moment. "Keep in mind my friend, there are still at least two other Archers, who knows what other wonders await? Oh well, send in the next one! Lancer this time!"

The one who heeded the call this time was a young man clad in purple robes, a Buddhist priest staff in his right hand. All in all Saber got the impression of a serious young man who was devoted to his religion. She could respect that.

But what she could not respect was how the man seemed to almost teleport behind her to caress her butt with his right hand. As Saber was still chained up she tried to bite him in the offending arm, but the young man was quick to withdraw it.

"My apologies," the priest began, not looking apologetic at all. "But your natural beauty made me forget myself for a moment."

Saber narrowed her eyes at the man. There was no way he –

"That being said," the monk continued, suddenly in front of Saber again and holding her chained hands. "Will you bear my child?"

"NEXT!"

"You know Saber," Kirei said after the Servant Lancer had left the room. "You can't just call for the next Servant because you don't like their personality – this Lancer was quite an accomplished warrior with lots of skills against evil spirits, he would have been quite a help later on in the story."

"Yeah, and we know you totally want to be a mother – at least according to some of my doujinshi." The comment made by Assassin was underlined by the many Japanese comic books he had gathered on his part of the table. Naturally, most of them appeared to be adult rated, making Saber's blood boil once again.

'Once I get free of those chains I will slaughter those two. And I will ENJOY it.'

"Send in the fresh meat! Next up, Rider!" Assassin shouted, his eyes not leaving the pages of one of his comics.

The next one to enter was not a young man for once, and due to her recent experiences with them Saber's hope went up a little. The Servant qualifying as Rider was an old man with a bald head, sunglasses and white beard. While he didn't look particularly intimidating with his Hawaii-shirt, shorts and sandals (not to mention the strange turtle shell on his back) Saber was not one to judge by appearances alone.

The old man let his gaze wander through the hall before he focused on the jury, a disappointed look on his face.

"Hey, I was promised lots of well-endowed young women who would give me lots of paff-paff. Where are they?"

Saber's eye twitched.

Once the dust settled, Kirei looked mildly impressed at Saber.

"I had no idea you could materialize the effect of Exacalibur just with your eyes, Saber. Unfortunately our Rider candidate didn't know either, so I fear he's out of question for the next war…"

Assassin, who was busy wiping the dust from his precious adult rated comics, agreed. "Yeah, real shame. The old guy is practically a legend, one of the first to play the "pervy old man" role. He will be missed." With a sniff Assassin wiped away a tear. Through his suit. Somehow.

By now Saber's whole body had developed a twitch that could have been used to shake drinks in a bar, but somehow she managed not to cry in outrage – for now.

"How much longer must I put up with this until you're satisfied?"

Kirei would have patted her on the shoulder, but being insane didn't mean being stupid. She would probably bite his hand off if he tried. "Do not worry, only three remain for now. Of this category, that is. Caster, come in!"

The door exploded from its hinges as a giant of a man stepped through. He had dark skin and long blond hair that was kept out of his face by a red bandana. His entire body seemed to consist solely of ripped muscles.

"Greetings! Jack Rakan reporting in! And what's this?"

He was gone in a flash, and Saber only noticed a short draft before the man called Jack walked past her from behind the table."

"Hmm, a really rare treasure this one." Caster-to-be said with a satisfied smile.

At first Saber was confused. Then she saw what he was holding in his hands. She snapped. Again.

"FUS-RO-DAH!"

At that saying, a massive wave of energy emanated from Saber's mouth and barreled towards the man known as 'Caster'. It his the man like a sledgehammer, and launched him out of the castle through the wall behind him.

Unknown to either of them, behind that specific wall was one Kayneth Archibald. The man had hoped to spy on the Einzberns and gain an advantage over them.

Unfortunately, he did not see the wall collapsing being a potential safety hazard.

As the body of 'Caster' crashed through the wall, a brick flew towards Kayneth's head. The man didn't even have time to cry out as the brick smashed into his temple, making him flop onto the ground. As blood pooled under him from the wound and darkness clouded his vision, he heard Kirei and Assassin's voices.

"Kayneth just died!"

"Who the fuck cares?"

Two Hours Later:

"You know," Assassin began. "If this goes on Saber will eventually become a character just as broken as the one she just sent flying. I know she can be considered a "Dragonborn", but come on!"

"Agreed." Kirei nodded. "At least we managed to calm her down again – somewhat. Make sure to keep the picture of her boy-toy on the table though."

By now the chains around Saber had been doubled and her mouth was once again covered by duct-tape. To further placate her, a large picture of Shirou was on the table right in front of her, which seemed to somehow pacify her.

"Let's get this over with, I can feel the other guy losing his motivation again… Assassin and Berserker, come in!"

Kirei's words had been quite unnecessary as the last two Servants were in the middle of an argument and didn't even pay attention as they walked through the broken doors.

"I keep telling you, flat is the truth! The world NEEDS little sisters!"

"And I keep telling you that they are absolutely NEEDLESS unless they mature in big-breasted women!"

"You wanna repeat that you old fart of a trashy porn writer?!"

"I want to repeatedly punch your face you lolicon!"

Thus the argument degenerated into an old fashioned brawl. For the readers sake it should be pointed out that Assassin was the "trashy porn author" with the long white hair in a low ponytail and the large scroll across his back while Berserker was a tall muscular man with sky blue hair and wearing a black overcoat.

As the battle continued, both Kirei and Assassin-Prime kept staring at the two.

"You know, without Arti exploding and sending them flying this kind of loses its entertainment factor." Assassin-Prime eventually said.

Kirei sighed. "I'm afraid you're correct. Oh well. Unleash the hounds of war and all that."

With that Kirei removed the picture from Saber's gaze and loosened her chains.

At least the bloodbath was kind of entertaining.

After the Castle was clean again:

"Why, why did you pick being a PERVERT of all things as a defining characteristic for the Heroic Spirits?" Saber asked. Her right eye was still twitching, despite the horrendous bodily harm she had inflicted on the last two Servants. It hadn't helped that Berserker had called her flatness a gift from the Heavens.

Assassin merely pulled a large sheet of paper out from behind his bag. The word HERO was written on it in big letters. He then proceeded to rip the paper into two. In his right hand was now only the H while his left hand held the paper with the letters ERO.

"As you can see, a hero is essentially made up by H, also known as 'Ecchi', and ERO, the short form of 'erotic'. So a lot of heroes being utter perverts is sound logic, isn't it?"

"Indeed." Kirei agreed. "You even have it on paper, so it MUST be true. And Saber, please stop breaking the table with your head, it's only loaned and I'll have to pay for it if you damage it."

Somehow this only made Saber bang her head harder.

"But do not despair, Saber. The next selection of Servants should be more to your liking." Kirei continued. "In fact, they are so focused on battle they have little else on their mind!"

The priest's declaration was cut off by a sudden and very loud noise.

"Fбg an Bealach Bitches!"

Saber wasn't quite sure what she was seeing. It appeared to be a battle, but at the same time it looked like one large being consisting of six smaller beings. Either that or it was the world's most demented – and bloodiest – dance choreography. The "battle" moved through the still not repaired door and passed the table.

This is what Saber saw:

A guy in a skin-tight blue bodysuit tried stabbing a white haired man with a red trench coat and two revolvers, the guns being black and white respectively. The red-clad man fired his guns at (presumably) Lancer and the other at what appeared to be a harlequin with orange hair. The bullets were dodged by Lancer and somehow caught in midair by the harlequin, who fired the caught bullets as if he had rubber between his hands. The stray bullets were evaporated by a beam of light a young man with a cocky grin had shot from his fingers, the beam heading straight towards a man in a tattered blue gi. The same man, whose hair was a fiery red and oozed murderous intent, battered the attack aside, coincidentally hitting Lancer in the back. The fist fighter was then attacked by a manically laughing man in a black kimono wearing bells in his hair, his sword old and battered. He seemed to be having the time of his life.

The battle choreography continued, leaving only a slightly smoking Lancer in blue behind, who was beginning to get up again.

"Fuckers, hitting me in the back like that… Hey, where did everybody go? Wait for me damn it!"

"We can't have that, doggy-boy!" Assassin exclaimed as he threw one of Saber's old chains at the Lancer, catching him around the neck like it was the world's strongest dog leash. The blue haired Servant choked a little and fell on his back. "The Hell man?!"

"Now, now Lancer," Kirei said calmly as he walked next to the Servant. "We can't have you leave yet, you are needed for the next chapter of this glorified omake."

"Kotomine?! How the fuck are you alive? And – is that a Mickey Mouse hat on your head?" The Servant's tirade was stopped in its tracks by this bizarre picture.

"Don't ask me. I wish he was dead. Him and Assassin. Their continued existence is an endless torment for me." Saber muttered weakly, her head still buried in the now dented table.

"Saber? What the hell are you doing here?" Lancer asked in genuine confusion, ignoring the third person (who was busy doing whatever Assassin does when he has free time and no screen time).

Saber raised her head and looked at Lancer with bloodshot eyes. "Do I know you? No, can't be, you're too sane for that…" With that she put her head in the table dent again.

"… okay, this is starting to freak me out. Why does Saber not recognize me, and what the fuck is going on here?"

He was patted on the shoulder by Kirei, and actually too confused to do something against it.

"Now now Lancer, everything will be explained in time. I just hope you bring a box of extra-strength condoms for the next time you show up, because when Bazette finds you..."

"What? Next time? And Bazette? What the fu-?"

"Moving on!

The rest, as they say, is history.

To Be Continued…

Omake- Seihai-kun!

"WWAAAAHHH!" Sakura yelled as she ran into Seihai-kun's room and cried at its feet. "SEIHAI-KUN!"

"What's wrong Sakura-chan?" Seihai-kun asked as its purple-colored corrupted contents poured out of its 'mouth'.

"Luvia and Saber are getting more romantic moments than me!" Sakura cried out while waving his arms around. "They even got a threesome with Senpai! It's not fair! I'm the one who loved Sempai first!" Sakura then sobbed into her hands as Seihai-kun looked on.

"Mou, you're so pathetic Sakura-chan…" Seihai-kun chided before dropping a kitchen knife onto the floor.

True Love Creation Kit!

"….huh?" Sakura asked in confusion as Seihai-kun leaned down towards her.

"Just kill them both to make Shirou all yours..." Seihai-kun whispered to Sakura, who just continued to look at the knife in shock and horror.

Note- Wow, two updates in one day huh? First Stay Away and now Carnival Frenzy. But as Deadpool stated, I'm not the maker of this chapter. Sir Godot is the one you guys have to thank. I just made the introduction and the Seihai-kun omake.

Here a list of all the people appearing in this chapter. Who recognized all of them with what little description that was provided in case of the Blood Knights, kudos to you!

Blood Knights:

Archer: Dante (Devil May Cry)

Lancer: Lancer (Fate/Stay Night)

Rider: Yusuke (Yu Yu Hakusho)

Caster: Hisoka (Hunter X Hunter)

Assassin: Akuma (Street Fighter)

Berserker: Kenpachi (Bleach)

Perverts:

Archer: EMIYA (Fate/Stay Night)

Lancer: Miroku (Inu Yasha)

Rider: Muten Roshi (Dragon Ball)

Caster: Shunsui (Bleach)

Assassin: Jiraiya (Naruto)

Berserker: Jack Rakan (Negima)

...Now then, remember to check my profile for my challenges and challenge takers. If you are interested in a challenge, PM me for me to know.

Also, remember to check out Fate:Zero Sense's TV Tropes page and add on whatever you deem appropriate to be on it.

And review! Reviews fuel my muse, so the more reviews the better.

See you, Space Cowboys!