Disclaimer: I obviously don't own the twilight saga.

Author's Note:

Before I begin I would like to thank 'Wonders Of My World', 'Mackenzie L.' and 'Fadeaway Windwaker' For commenting/reviewing and also I would like to mention how flattered I feel that people have 'favourite-ed' this story.

But I am kind of confused by the stats on my story; how come there are so many reading it but hardly anybody comments/reviews it?

Please people out there who read my story can you kindly grace me with your thoughts on the story so far? Is that too much to ask if less than 1% (actually less than 0.5% to be even more accurate), of the people reading are commenting/reviewing? I would really like to hear more of your thoughts please, I have started on the next chapter already but I might hold off on publishing it if I don't feel people actually want to read it. What I am trying to say is please give me more feedback.

Now on with the chapter. I hope you like =]


Chapter Six:

The next morning after running and doing muscle building exercises I performed my now usual rituals before hoping on the scale and returning to my room to record the weight; 99.6. I groaned. I did not want to hit a platue in my weight loss; I enjoyed losing weight too much now. But an idea struck me before that could get me down. I almost ran to my room after showering and started up the computer. I forgot all about preserving as much of my metabolism as possible in my haste to lose weight. I mentally sort through my files of knowledge on the subject as I skipped into the kitchen to take my pills and down a glass of tap water.

By the time I had gone back upstairs and dressed for work Charlie had gone and my computer had started up, and managed to connect to the internet. Not wanting to waste any time before work my fingers flew across the keyboard and I found what I was looking for just half an hour before I had to be at work.

I dove under my desk and retrieved my little black book; 99.6lb was not the only set of numbers I wrote onto its lined pages. I jotted down the formula for BMI and other facts I already knew; the amount of calories/kilojoules in a gram of protein, fat, carbohydrate and alcohol, how to convert height and weight into metric for easier use in formulas and the amount of energy tax required to make the calories usable depending where they came from. There was one formula I knew of, but hadn't bothered to find out until now which I quickly jotted down at the very top of a fresh page; "Harris Benedict eqn. Woman= 655.1+(9.6xkg)+(1.8xcm)-(4.7xyr)."


Mike seemed very enthusiastic when I arrived which wasn't unusual but what was, was how I felt happy enough to be enthusiastic back. It was a great four hours of work Mike and I had fully rekindled a decent friendship and every now and then when Mike forgot his place he would flirt with me. I giggled a lot in that hour too. We both knew once I started to mock flirt that we were bullshitting ourselves and ended up laughing even louder, me more on the hysterical side.

"So Bella, it is good to have you back. I-we thought we lost you. I-I missed you even though we are only friends," Mike uncharacteristically blurted out whilst I buckled my seatbelt and he lent against my wound down window; we were chatting for an hour like this in the overcast weather. I blushed and gulped back tears; someone actually cared. I couldn't however hide the genuine smile of relief which flooded my thanks in combination with "thanks Mike that really means a lot to me."

As I drove home I felt slightly less alone but still abandoned why did Jacob and Edward leave me? (Because you are a selfish pathetic fuck.) The two people in this world who I love the most didn't want me. I gripped the steering wheel a little tighter at this thought and roughly backed my old truck into our driveway coming to a jolting stop.

"Fuck!" I screamed out loud as I bruised my knuckles trying to break down the front door before stomping upstairs like a tantrum throwing toddler would. This found me in the bathroom looking into the full length mirror hanging off the back of the closed door.

I stood frozen in place. I had stripped down to my underwear. All I could see was me in the mirror. How come they left me? - You are pathetic. - There has got to be something wrong with me. - Yes there is. - There has to be. - Dam straight oblivious one. - Edward is too perfect and I am... am... But I couldn't finish the thought I felt too stupid. I knew what I had to do to fix this. – Stop being so pathetically selfish. - I started by having a refreshing rinse to calm me down; Edward wouldn't let petty things get in the way of progress. After pulling my baggy top over my head I pulled out every folder and book that was required for the year and got to work.

I worked hard only stopping to sip iced water every ten minutes to keep up my metabolism up. I worked harder than before. By the time dinner had rolled around I had completed all my homework and wrote out all my assignments ready to type up. My brain would normally fizzle from the amount of study and school work I was doing but that didn't stop me. There was no way I would give up the one thing I know I can make perfect.

I needed just A+ and I knew I could do that. Unfortunately I will have to not shut myself in my room too often or Charlie will suspect something so that meant that I would have to use all the free time at school I had to do more work and exercise more to have an excuse to be out of the house and still be productive. I broke the pencil I was holding; I was determined. However I was also starving.

I trudged down into the kitchen and slipped two strips of extremely strong minty gum into my mouth; I generally wouldn't chew on something that strong but I found it helped me from picking when I was cooking. Normally I wouldn't bother but tonight it felt as though if I gave in to the slightest of pleasures I wouldn't be able to stop. Besides, I thought, I'm making creamy penne and if I start there won't be any left for Charlie; but deep down I knew the real reason was because of the immense quantity of calories every bite would cost.

You become less selfish every time you resist what you clearly do not deserve.


Halfway through cooking, I was just adding all the ingredients to the cream, a loud banging on the front door caused me to swallow my gum in fright. I took three deep breathes to steady myself then turned the stove down to the lowest setting before tentatively approaching the front door.

"Bella! Open up!" a gruff but familiar voice demanded; it sounded very familiar so I hurried to the door and checked to see who it was.

"Jacob!" a loud high pitched voice shrieked which I realised a split second later was my own.

"Jac-cob-bbb" I began to cry and before he could protest I had dragged him into the kitchen and sat him down on one of the high stools near the bench so I could cook and talk at the same time.

"Bella I-" Jacob began before turning away from me.

Was it disgust that littered his face? I wondered as I self consciously mixed in the cream more carefully; it was almost done.

"Jacob, stay for dinner. I miss you so much! How are you feeling? I have been so worried..." I trailed on as I took the food off the heat to thicken and cool before adding it to the pasta. I looked down at it. There really wasn't enough food for Jacob, Charlie and I, but I didn't mind having leftover salad or nothing if it meant I could be with Jacob. I didn't look at Jacob for some reason as I finished making and serving up dinner for Jacob and Charlie's empty seat but eventually we couldn't avoid each other any longer.

Once that was done I turned and really looked at my Jacob. The first thing that grabbed my attention was his hair; it was gone and replaced by a short military style crop covering the top of his head in black glossy silk. Then my eyes saw how his face had changed; Jacob looked tighter, harder and more aged. My Jacob looked broader in the shoulder and thicker in the neck; everything about his frame was slimmer and more muscular. Tendons that belonged to a twenty something year old bulged under his russet skin where his hands gripped one another. Jacob also looked to have grown half a foot since I last saw him which seemed impossible given the short amount of time. But to me the physical changes were insignificant; it was his angry torn disgusted expression that plagued his face which shocked me. The sun I normally saw in my Jacob was blocked out by a raging storm.

"Jacob?" I cautiously whispered and my voice cracked as panic/worry began to swirl within me.

Jacob just stared at me his eye's gaze was tense and angry. For some reason it didn't feel like we were alone; it felt like someone else had possessed my Jacob. I felt angry, desperate and weak in comparison to the angry expression on Jacob. I wanted to take a swing at this thing. No, I wanted to do more than that. I wanted to be fierce and deadly; deadly enough to rip and maim this thing apart. I wanted to be a vampire.

The desire caught me unaware and I almost toppled emotionally as it siphoned the oxygen right out of the air I breathed. That wish, this wish, was completely taboo to me because it was the most pain inducing wish I owned. It symbolised all the things which were virtually impossible when Edward was around and everything that was unattainable to me now; lost like a grain of salt on a sandy beach.

Scrambling to take back control of myself to stop the hole in my chest from bursting open was near impossible and without me noticing I was hyperventilating and gasping for air as Jacob's unnaturally strong looking hands eased me onto the lounge chair before taking a seat next to me and turning to look at me. For a brief moment I saw my Jacob; concern laced his face.

"What do you want?"Jacob demanded in a gruff voice after my breathing returned to a normal safe pace, his expression growing increasingly resentful as he watched the showcase of emotions dance across my face. I took a deep, long, almost unnecessary breathe before answering.

"You know what I want to know." I said unnaturally calmly. Where the hell have you been? What happened to you? Why are you like this? Are you avoiding me? Am I really that repulsive...?

"Bella, it isn't what you think," his voice was weary, "it wasn't what I thought either ...I was way off..." Jacob trailed off as I stared at him. None of my questions had been answered it just created a whole new line of questioning. What the fuck are you talking about? I screamed at Jacob in my head.

"What is it then Jake? I do not understand," I said.

He studied my face in a calculating way before saying; "I can't say." Great, real helpful. "But I can't tell you or be friends with you unless..." Unless what? "You have to guess." Jacob finished his jaw clenched in restraint.

Huh?

"What!" I shouted uncharacteristically high and sharp.

"I love you Jake. You are my best friend in the whole wide world. Don't leave me please..." I was begging and slurring my words as my mood suddenly shifted to one of fear and desperation.

"How am I supposed to guess if I haven't been able to see you?" I whispered. Jacob's face unexpectedly brightened.

"I know you can do it Bell's. You guessed what Cullen was... shit shouldn't have said that." Jacob looked thoroughly torn between happiness and guilt before rushing to the door and pausing.

"Bella please try. I love and miss you too. It will be better if you guess so we can be friends again..." Jacob trailed off sounding like he might cry as he disappeared out the door and into the night. I rushed to the open door to watch him pull away in his Rabbit or on his motorbike but he did neither he had already reached the edge of the forest trail which we ran together on. Well used too...

I shivered as I watched my Jacob do the most peculiar thing; Jacob stripped and continued running. No it is freezing out I told myself and it is too dark to see anything so how can you be sure Bella? I told myself as I shut the door and walked over to my plate that was meant for Jacob. I covered it in glad wrap and as I was carefully placing it in the fridge I heard an eerie howl from deep in the forest. All traces of an appetite left me for the rest of the day showing no signs of reappearing.


All of Sunday I was jogging, running or doing house chores and occasionally I went over to my desk to do an assignment, homework or study only to remember I had completed everything already. I had no appetite or longing for food even though my logical side kept lecturing me on the affect it will have on my metabolism.

Even knowing that I had lost weight and was down to exactly ninety-nine pounds didn't persuade me to treat myself let alone nourish it; the only nourishment my body received was water, oxygen and double the normal amount of the supplements I take, along with my pills. The whole time I thought about Jacob and the little insightful clue he did not mean to drop for me to pick up and use.

Since I am in love with a vampire that despite not loving me, even exists, allowed me to coin with many supernatural notions in relation to Jacob. It seemed logical to think along those lines considering I heard about the Cullen's, *wince*, from him. Even as I felt my head rest against the pillow that night I was thinking about the Cullen's and Jacob; I heard it from him.


The forest that surrounded La Push was all around me; I was near the beach. If I could get to the beach I would be able to see the sun and everything would be okay so I began to head in the direction where the sound of gentle waves were washing up and down the beach could be heard in the distance. As I trudged through the humid forest Jacob appeared.

I was glad now that Jacob could guide me but something was wrong; he grabbed my hand, pulling me back to the blackest part of the forest, the place that I didn't want to go.

"Jacob what's wrong?" I asked.

Jacob looked at me in reply, a scared look appeared on his hardened youthful face; I noted that his hair was beautifully long again. I peered into his eyes feeling confused as he yanked with all his might but I resisted his efforts surprised at my own strength even in this all too familiar dream that seemed to have changed somehow; I now knew where to go and it was different somehow. I didn't want to go into the dark so I kept on resisting his wasted efforts.

"Run, Bella, you have to run!" Jacob whispered in a terrified voice that sounded as if it wanted to shout and scream.

A light was coming for me from the beach. I could feel his presence. I tingled with excitement at seeing Edward, knowing that he would be walking towards me any second now. Right on cue Edward came walking through the trees his skin glowing faintly and his eyes black and dangerous. Edward smiled at me, beckoning to me with his divine perfectionist beauty. Edward was as beautiful as an angel as he came closer and smiled his teeth looked sharp and pointy, like a real vampire.

Before I could react Jacob yelped and fell to the ground.

"Jacob!" I screamed as true fear seeped into my foggy brain. But Jacob was gone and in his place was an enormous russet coloured wolf with dark intelligent eyes. Those dark intelligent eyes looked up at me expectantly, even Edward stopped to wait for me to see the obvious. I felt stupid and thick as they both stood there waiting. Jacob's eyes peered at me from within the wolf's and Edward's from the vampire's. They both looked at me as realisation dawned on me. Jacob was in the wolf. The wolf was in Jacob. Jacob was the wolf. I screamed in horror.


Beep! Beep!

I kept on screaming until I screamed myself into consciousness, shaking and sweating, before turning off the alarm clock and heading out to run on the forest track. The morning was still young and semi-dark; I called Jacob until he woke up and said in an all commanding voice; "Let's go for a run, now."

It didn't take Jacob long to figure out what I wanted, I had barely started running when Jacob was by my side running topless; he had a hard set of abdominals and chest muscles. I was impressed; I knew he had a six-pack before but now he looked even slimmer with the addition of about thirty pounds of muscle and the subtraction of all visible body fat.

My eyes popped as I took in just how much stronger and taller Jacob had grown in a matter of days that should take years to develop. Jacob grinned at me but I couldn't tell if it was because of my admiring eyes or that he figured out that I now knew.

I looked at my watch, it was almost 7:30; I had been running with Jacob since 5:30. I instantly wished I didn't look at my watch it made me realise how much pain my body was in and how physically exhausted I was. Jacob on the other hand looked like he could run for days before feeling fatigued. As I came to a stop and collapsed gasping onto a damp log I wondered if he ran here and if unnatural stamina and speed was part of what Jacob was. I groaned.

"So Jacob," I gasped as I caught the last of my breathe, "you are a...a... werewolf."

Jacob's grin widened and I gulped fresh oxygen which burned my parched throat.

"Close enough for me to tell you what I am Bella; I knew you could do it. But right now I think I should get you back to my place the woods may not be safe anymore." Jacob's voice darkened slightly as he spoke the last phrase.

"It will be quicker if you let me carry you-" Jacob started before I interceded with my dwindling oxygen supply; I felt kind of feint and black splotches appeared in front of my eyes as I got to my feet to protest. This situation was so déjà vu. But for some reason words didn't find my mouth and the world began to sway. "Bella?-"was the last thing I heard before I was carried into a blissful land of black as strong hands caught me.


I awoke from the blackness to find myself in Jacob's closet of a room in Jacob's double bed which took up most of the space. I was still in my exercise clothes. My eyes were still closed as I could not muster effort to open them so I was left in a state without light.

"Hi, Bella." Jacob's voice came from close by, rousing me from the darkness. I blinked furiously as I saw his silhouette materialise sitting on the edge of his bed. My throat felt dry and needy; I needed water but I couldn't because I hadn't weighed myself yet...

"Wow Bella you look like shit!" Jacob joked as soon as he was sure I was fully conscious.

"Ha ha," I couldn't be bothered with words as I shakily got to my feet and sighed when I was sure my vision wouldn't be flawed with black splotches like before. I turned to go but Jacob stood blocking the door to his bedroom giving me a look that said 'what just happened and aren't you forgetting something?'

It took me a while to bring coherent memories forward in my mind.

"Yeah, I remember the story and...and –" but Jacob silenced me with his hand but I finished what I was going to say anyway, "So what are you if you are not a werewolf?" Jacob then allowed me to pass him; he knew I wanted to go back to my place even if he didn't know all the reasons why. Luckily Billy wasn't home and my clumsy footsteps made the wooden house creek as Jacob and I walked in silence through the house then to his old Rabbit.

"Didn't take you long Bells now did it? I knew you would remember sooner or later. I knew you could figure it out." Jacob announced as he flopped on the couch and looked at me expectantly. I still felt tired as hell. Thank god for doing all my school related stuff before.

"Thanks Jake," I smiled as I said that to him wanting to ask more but I felt disgusting and the sweat all over my body was giving me goose bumps.

"Jake can you wait here while I go have a shower and get in to clean clothes? I am freezing and feel all sweaty." I said in a much happier relaxed tone than before.

"Just go Bella – if I hear you fall I'll come in – besides you stink!" Jacob said in a very sunny tone that made me feel like everything was going to be alright.

"You can't talk," I grumbled as I reached the top of the stairs and heard a chuckle in reply.

I still felt very shaky as I skipped into the bathroom carrying a fresh pair of clothes. I hadn't had any water or my pills or the supplements I bought yet today and I had been awake for almost four hours I realised as I looked at my watch which read 9:21am.

I really wanted to weigh myself and every time I thought about not bothering the shakes would get worse. This made me feel good and bad; I knew this was becoming an obsession but the relief was just such a good feeling that it was too good to pass up.

Stripping and then dumping my sodden clothes in the laundry hamper, making sure its lid was shut evenly, I looked in the mirror for a brief spell before picking up my brush and brushing my hair very carefully, all the while making sure it was just me who would be getting on the scale. Taking a deep breath I stepped up onto the scale, zeroing and making sure it was in the right spot before I did so. As I lowered my eyes and read the number on the scale I had to contain my happiness by grabbing my mouth. I had lost over half a pound in a day and I was now 98.8 freaking pounds! I smiled getting into the shower and let the hot water belt me for a good ten minutes before I bothered to wash myself; I deserved it.

I knew I could take my time because Jacob wouldn't go anywhere without speaking to me first, so I enjoyed the blissful shower. I bothered to comb through the conditioner and let it soak in whilst I scrubbed my body with an apricot soap that had moisturiser in it, I even bothered to shave my legs and underarms with care not to miss a bit.

Looking in the mirror as I got out into the misty warn bathroom I realised that my hipbones were slightly visible when I turned on my side and that I could see a very feint outline of my bottom few ribs; also my collarbone seemed slightly more prominent than it was a few weeks ago. I smiled. I don't know why this pleased me slightly but it did and it felt so good to smile at my slimmer physique. The sudden uplift in mood made the time spent drying my incredibly long hair fly by and I soon found myself in my baggy black tracksuit pants and a man sized top the colour of washed out maroon, skipping into the lounge room to find Jacob lightly dozing with his mouth hanging open on the couch.

"Jake..." I cooed softly to him and watched him stir but not awaken. Huffing and slightly annoyed I tried several times again but Jacob's body was too persistent in staying asleep so I stole a glance at my wrist watch and almost feinted in fear. It was Monday and I wasn't at school!

Fear and anxiety seeped through me trying to squash my good mood as my thought process went into overdrive. I was torn and was in too great of a mood to wake Jacob up; I didn't want to lose him again. Eventually I reasoned that I would turn up at school late because the teacher I had first loved me especially since I had "so much motivation for education" recently and would write Jacob a note explaining where I went and not to leave until I came back home after school.


As I was rushing around the house getting dressed and preened I realised I would have to drive and a strange feeling of guilt mixed in with dread emerged but I couldn't figure out why and pushed it into subconsciousness as I accelerated as fast as my Chevy could go in the direction of school.

But the feeling came back at lunch time as I rushed off in the direction of the library to avoid people and eating. It was sickening and all I knew was that the feeling was connected to driving to school and an irrational thought popped into my head that I should never drive to school again unless I wanted to feel even worse next time, except this thought and feeling felt like a threat, a warning by some unknown force within; it scared me slightly so rationally I ignored my concerns.

For the rest of the day I felt like I was choking on this strange guilt riddled feeling as more and more stupid thoughts followed, mainly talking to myself; silently begging my body to stop the release of whatever stupid chemical that was responsible for me feeling this way.

I was actually glad as the bell sounded ending gym class. I could afford not to do the extra after school practice with Coach Clapp since I had started running in my spare time. A sliver of hope that my good mood might emerge again today shone brightly in my face as I rushed off to my Chevy and once again found myself pushing the old thing to speed trying to get home, no scrap that, to get to Jacob.


"Jake! Jake! I'm sorry I had to leave you but I couldn't bear to wake you... Jacob?" I said then asked as I ran into the living room breathless with excitement. Jacob wasn't where I left him. Where was he? Oh god...

"Jake..." I trailed off into a deflated sob and sunk to the floor hitting my knees hard.

My mood change was so sudden that I couldn't stop the river of tears escaping me.

He left me. No one loves me. I'm so selfish, who wouldn't leave me? I questioned.

That's right, you see what happens when you are as selfish and pathetic as you are, of course he left you.

"Bella? Are you okay?" a familiar voice inquired; Jacob!

Before I could stop myself I had launched myself into Jacob's un-expecting arms and sobbed pathetically for a few minutes before recovering my composure.

"Jake, Jake Jake. I thought that you left me... I thought you didn't love me anymore... Oh Jake I'm so happy you are hear." I half sobbed half hiccoughed into his muscular chest.

"Bells, honey, what's all this? Of course I love you! What brought that on!" Jacob inquired whilst rubbing soothing circles into my back and guiding me to the couch.

I blinked back the remaining tears and hiccupped once more before turning away from Jacob's concerned face. I could feel blush flood my cheeks as an almost maniacal laugh escaped me. Jacob stopped rubbing my back and forcibly turned me around to face him as we sat on the couch; a look that worried for my sanity briefly crossed his face before he sighed. We needed no words.

"Bella what are we going to do with you?" Jacob asked not expecting a serious answer allowing me to keep some dignity, he ignored my little moment.

I felt silly as we discussed what we originally came here to talk about this morning. I kept asking dumb questions reminding me of when I first figured out what Edward was. Things like the full moon was one of those stupid questions but Jacob sensing that I was a little fragile today didn't laugh too hard at my 'silly' mistakes. However I did learn a lot of knew information about the werewolves and that Jacob wasn't the only one.

"Let's see there is Sam, Paul, Embrey, me, Seth and Leah, Qui-"Jacob listed but couldn't finish as I looked up into his eyes with a presumably stupefied look upon my face.

"Hold on are you telling me that Leah Clearwater who I only recently saw is a werewolf?" I asked almost too loudly and comically shocked.

Jacob laughed before explaining.

"Yeah no one expected her to turn mainly because there has never been a female werewolf before. But technically when you saw her she was still 'human'. I think she turned because she freaked out over a slice of pizza or something. But it is strange she is incredibly well controlled. Leah has never phased when one of us is a wolf. I think she is just freaked out about us blokes seeing inside her head or vice versa."

"So Sam never makes her phase ever? Is it because of what happened?" I queried in a soft but curious voice.

"Yeah I think so. Sam does tend to bite anyone's head off if they say otherwise. I think he still feels quite bad for what happened after all they did love each other very much..." Jacob trailed off as he let out a much needed breathe. I also felt air escape me as I realised how long we were talking for.

Poor Leah I thought.

"So what is it like to be a wolf then?" I quipped to lighten the mood a bit.

"Oh it is freaking awesome when the pack isn't phased. I love the speed and raw power but the whole mind link thing is really annoying and kind of blows privacy out the window. Also it was embarrassing when I first started to learn to control phasing; a lot of the time I would end up naked..." Jacob exclaimed as I giggled a bit starting to feel my uneasy feeling lessen.

"Is that part of the reason that Leah doesn't have to phase when the rest of the pack is do you think?"

"Probably. But I think it is whole jumbles of things mainly love as I said before. So Bella how has things been for you? You look like you could use a decent night or two's sleep," Jacob said smoothly diverting the conversation elsewhere. I obliged I knew my Jacob and it was probably annoying to have to explain the obvious to me.

I finally felt like I could stop holding my breath so hard, Jacob didn't leave me after all. Sighing like a contented kitten I snuggled into Jacob's broad shoulder allowing him to aimlessly play with my hair as we sat there on the couch in the lounge room for the rest of the afternoon just staring out at the raindrops which slid down the glass window shining like diamonds.


I am so sorry for the wait everyone the internet was down and the chapter is sort of rushed because of the information dump in it. Sorry!

Please give opinions (criticism and complements alike). Read and Review!

Till next time =]