May 15, 2011

Emily sat on the steps of the canal not far away from her hotel. She'd done the same thing for almost two weeks since she'd found out Doyle had found her. She'd been scared at first, really, honestly scared, but after giving the situation some serious thinking, she'd decided to meet him.

She'd realized he'd let her know he knew she was alive and where she was because he wanted something. Declan, she thought. It was the only thing he could really want that depended on her. She obviously didn't know where he was, for safety reasons, to protect both her and the kid. If he wanted to kill her it wouldn't really change much for her, she was already dead to almost all the people she loved and, even though she'd promised to Clyde to stay away from Doyle, after all she caused she might as well put an end to all of it, eliminate Doyle and try to make it out alive.

Of course, that had been her plan last time too, but apparently it hadn't worked. Her alone against Doyle's army, definitely unfair game. This time it would be her and him.

But in her opinion he wasn't going to kill her. He'd almost killed her because he'd thought she'd sold his son and got him killed. He'd been bothered about the fact that she'd slept with him for over a year when all she had to do was get info. She'd seen it in his eyes, he loved her, Lauren, he still did. He wouldn't kill her not ever. Not now especially that he knew she'd saved his son's life and although he knew that meant the chances of him seeing the boy again were slim, he knew he was safe.

If he'd contacted her it meant he wanted something from her. Torture her, most likely.

She sat watching the sunset for the umpteenth time that month. She'd initially waited in a dark alley, dirty and awfully horrible. After a couple of nights he hadn't shown up she picked a better place. It was beautiful, the buildings reflected the sun, particularly orange at the time she arrived there. She usually watched the sun set, she was smart enough to know Doyle wouldn't come into the daylight and risk to be seen, but she'd nothing to do anyway. She waited every night until one, if he didn't show up, which he never did, she would go back to the hotel. She knew staying in a hotel might have looked suspicious, but after he'd found her she'd not bothered to find her own place.

As the sun hid behind the city she leaned back against a forgotten boat that was there covered in ivy and other plants. She wasn't bothered by the dirt staining her pants as she sat it was basically sand, but it was dusty. She was wearing a well worn pair of jeans, black converse, she'd never liked those shoes, but they were so comfy, and a sweatshirt. It wasn't a specific dress code, just her idea of casual look.

She took a casual glance at her watch and noticed it was past nine, the sun was setting later and later. She let her eyes fall close for a few seconds and jut feel the breeze. It was hot, but being halfway through may, not so hot. When she was younger she sometimes closed her eyes and imagined being somewhere else, or just try to relive some good memory. In that moment her brain was at Little Creek, with Morgan and Reid, when they all spent Thanksgiving with Rossi. They'd been happy, had a good time. It was one of the memories worth reliving. It was at least two years old, but recently nothing had been worth remembering.

After what she thought was not more than twenty minutes she heard footsteps not far from her. She opened her eyes, it wasn't by any means unusual, she'd picked a abandoned place to stay, but some fishermen still went there. She looked around carefully, she'd heard some twigs snap at her left so her gaze was pointed in that direction.

She held her breath for just a moment when she didn't hear or see anything she just leaned beck on the boat.

She went back to her peaceful environment until she felt something, someone, sit right next to her. Her heart nearly skipped a beat. "What the hell!" she screeched.

She felt a hand to her shoulder. She'd looked up, but it'd gotten to dark so all she could make out was a big figure, bigger than her, next to her. "Surprised?"

The thick Irish accent and the tone of voice made it creepy easy for Emily to know who was sitting next to her. "Ian." she deadpanned. "I wish I could be surprised."

"Too bad."

She took several deep breaths, she'd been preparing for weeks to meet him, and still she felt a bit agitated. Once she calmed down she made a move to sit a bit further away from him. "How did you know I was alive?"

He smiled, although she couldn't see him, she felt it somehow. "You did it once, so when I found out you were dead I first checked you were dead for real, which you aren't by the way."

"Well spotted." she bit out. "What do you want?" she paid careful attention to put no emotion at all in her words. No love, no hate. He would have loved it if she hated him, she truly didn't feel anything in his regard, besides an urge to hurt him she barely resisted.

He sighed and adjusted the leather jacket. "I wanted to see how you were doing."

"This trip to Italy was what I really needed, thanks for your concern." She snorted. "Come on! Really? You know how I feel."

He chuckled. That was exactly what Lauren would have told him. "I don't really, have never experienced it on my own skin. Usually prefer to watch people fall apart not destroy myself."

He was irritating her, she was seeing a very very dark shade of orange, soon turning into red. "No beating around the bush. Tell me what you want and get over with it."

He smiled smugly, enjoying seeing her squirm. "Is there someone expecting you?"

She felt her chest getting heavier every passing moment. She was angry, but her brain was still flying back form Virginia, he was provoking her. She knew it, she knew he was a sadist and even if he hadn't caused all of the situation in that moment he was almost there. "Just do it or I'm going back to the hotel to sleep. Do you want to hurt me? Fine. Do you want to kill me? Fine. You want to psychologically torture me? Just. Do. It." she said exasperatedly. She had felt tears form into her eyes and he'd probably seen it too as the streetlights made her watery eyes shine in the dark. "Please." her voice cracked.

He scooped closer, trying to ignore the fact that she was most likely crying, something none of them had planned. He went from loving this woman, to hating her guts, to feeling like he owed her for saving his son, which was the main reason that had kept him from finishing her. "Okay. I came because I thought we could work something out together. I need something form you. You can ask something back."

"How do I know you're not just playing with me?" she already did. She knew him enough to know he didn't play games to get what he wanted, he simply got it.

"You're a better profiler than that."

She nodded, he couldn't see, but he could feel it. "What do you want? Is it Declan?"

"No, you wouldn't tell me anyway." he reasoned. "I couldn't torture it out of you."

"You're damn right I won't." Nodding she tried again. "Lauren?"

He blew out a breath. "I want what you took from me."

Wow. She should have known. No direct answer, so he could twist it to his own will.

Emily shut her mind and tried to concentrate the quickest possible about the possible meanings of that request. Partially he was helping her, because there was just so mu she'd took from him, knowing he didn't mean Declan. His business, Liam, Lauren, seven years of his life and so on. "I think you need to be more clear than that."

"Lauren. The life I had with her. I want her back and you're the only way that's happening." he whispered.

Emily found herself nodding. "You do know that she was an alias, right? I don't have a multiple personality disorder."

"Yes. She was a part of you though, it shouldn't be hard."

"What would I have to do?"

He thought for a second. "You'd come to live with me. We'd be living exactly the same way as when you were undercover, just you won't be working." his finger caressed her cheek gently, which had her flinch and pull away from him immediately.

"Mmm" her heart was hammering in her chest. "And I can ask for anything, right?" as soon as he nodded so many things passed through her brain. So many things. She had to focus on the most efficient way to keep everyone safe until she got a chance to kill him. She had, needed, to kill him.

She didn't realize how much it took her to come up with something smart. It was in fact after over ten minutes that he nudged her slightly.

"I don't want you to hurt anyone. At all. No one for any reason. Ever."

"Until you keep your word?"

Seemed more like it. "Yeah. Think you can do it, eh?"

She could almost see his eyebrow twitch. It was odd to think he had a nervous tick and it had taken her all but two weeks to notice it back then. The first time she'd seen him, in the flesh, she'd felt relieved. The orders weren't to seduce him, not directly, they'd told her to do anything she could to get in his good graces. He wasn't that bad after all, in her mind, he was quite good looking, better than most men she'd dated anyway.

"You keep your word and I'll keep mine." he shrugged.

She nodded. "Can I think about it?"

There was silence, not an awkward one, one that scared the crap out of Emily. She hadn't thought before asking him, which probably would have been smarter. She'd just let her brain take over her and work on its own.

"In two days here. Same time. You'll give me your answer." As he finished he stood and left just as silently as he'd come, leaving her behind.

She started picking at her nails, not really caring how ugly they'd look afterwards. Since she'd left the hospital, she'd tried really hard not to do that, unsuccessfully, obviously. Her hands were shaking, literally and she was trembling.

She wanted to scold herself for almost crying while talking to him. She used to be the queen of compartmentalization. This offer, it was more a request to have her instead of kidnapping her. But, on the bright side, it meant she could keep an eye on him all the time, she was sure that after giving her his word he would keep it, but she couldn't be sure, as much as she knew him, she couldn't trust a terrorist, dealer, killer. She barely trusted anyone outside the team, it would be ironic if she trusted him.

In fact she knew what he had in mind was far from just having Lauren back, she knew him better than that. If all he wanted was to have Lauren back he could have kidnapped her and have her do what he said, the fact that he'd "asked" it, meant he needed her consent, he couldn't push her, couldn't trap her. Sure he knew he'd leverage because in case she didn't keep her word he would kill just about everyone she was trying to protect right now.

She honestly thought for just a moment, she deserved it. She didn't actually, but in her head now she did. When a few months before he'd hunt her down and almost killed her she was sure she didn't deserve it. Now it was a totally different story. She'd hurt her friends, made some of them carry an unbelievably heavy burden, the burden of the truth. It wasn't fair to them, they shouldn't have been caught in the middle of her gigantic screwed up life. She should have quit. If she had the chance to keep them safe, at least from Doyle, she was doing it, whatever it took her.

Standing and brushing the dirt from her pants she turned and walked back to her room. She was giving herself willingly to Ian Doyle. Just how stupid is that?

Two days later, deadline, she'd told him the deal was on, she would keep her word. She had to. He'd brought a minivan, modified one. He'd eliminated all the seats save for the driver's and passenger's, in the back there was a small kitchen, microwave over a tiny fridge right next to equally tiny sink, a very very small bathroom made of toilet and shower, and in the far end, were the trunk would have been, a bed just a tad smaller than a double bed. She'd packed all her stuff, as per his instructions, dumped her cell and documents. He put her bag, definitely not big, as all her possessions were a couple pair of jeans, sweatpants, a few tees and two sweatshirts, under the bed where his had already been laying for quite sometime. She got into the vehicle, destination Ireland, nothing too specific in case something happened.

She'd considered contacting her handler, JJ. Telling her she would be safe even though she wouldn't be able to check in as she'd done the past weeks. She'd thought about telling Clyde, so he wouldn't worry too much. She knew they were going to worry either way. She genuinely didn't know on what she'd based the decision to fall off the grid, it wasn't safe, not to mention someone was probably going to start looking for her. She just wished Doyle was good at covering his tracks more than he'd been in the past.


A/N Starts to get interesting, finally. Hope it was any good, I probably have changed it a million times to fit the rest of the story, which is mostly planned, by the way. I might be having internet problems over the next few days, not to mention school starting on Monday, BUT next chapter should be up within a week.

Huge thanks to romiross, MeGkAtHeRiNe and mlw217 who reviewed the last chapter. It's weird to think people really actually read what I write. Anyway, stay tuned peeps.