Chapter Seven: Dipper vs. Manliness

My stomach let out a loud growl.

"Ugh, I'm so hungry!" I complained.

"Same here," Emil admitted, holding his stomach. "I'm gonna ask Grunkle Stan if we can go to the diner."

"Alright, let me come with."

"Hey, Grunkle Stan?" Emil started, but Grunkle Stan seemed to be attending to a customer. He glanced at me.

"He seems busy," I stated, but my stomach growled loudly again.

Emil then suddenly ran over and began circling around Grunkle Stan, shouting, "Grunkle Stan, Grunkle Stan! Dipper and I wanna go to the diner!"

For a second he reminded me of the actual Mabel. Is this that thing he had been mentioning to me recently? Something about having a Mabel Mode? I ran over too and followed in circling him.

"Diner! Diner!" we both shouted.

"Ah! Okay, okay! Soon as this yahoo makes up his mind," Stan answered, gesturing over to the customer he had been talking to. "I'm fine locking him in if you are."

Emil and I nodded.

When the waitress Lazy Susan came, Stan said loudly, "Lazy Susan! There's my little ray of sunshine! Where were you yesterday?"

"I got hit by a bus!" she responded.

While they talked, I glanced over at Emil who was looking at the floor with a downcast expression.

"What's up?"

Emil glanced up then looked back down with a sigh.

"I meant what's going on," I said. "Something's definitely bugging you."

"It's nothing, really," he said, putting his head in his arms. After a while he looked back up so he could breathe then something seemed to catch his eye. He was looking at the manliness tester.

"Oh, this episode," I uttered. "It's the first one I watched. You wanna try beating that manliness tester?"

Emil frowned a little then said, "No."

"Maybe I can do it," I said thoughtfully.

"You?" Stan said in disbelief. "Beating a Manliness Tester?" He burst out into laughter, banging on the table several times. Between fits of laughter he wheezed, "He says he's…he says he…"

I looked at Dipper's scrawny arms and frowned.

"Stop laughing!" I huffed, getting embarrassed.

"Look, face the music, kid. You have no muscles, you smell like baby wipes, and let's not forget how many times you're singing those annoying girl pop songs!"

"C'mon! They're not that girly! Right, Mabel?" I turned to Emil, but he was looking out the window, spacing out or something. He had been like this ever since a few days ago.

"Whoa, what's wrong with her? Hah, I bet she also hates it so much she doesn't even know what to say," Grunkle Stan said triumphantly.

I then noticed Manly Dan at the Manliness Tester. He pushed on the handle with his pinky and the machine immediately shot up to Manly Man. The machine exploded and sent free pancakes onto everyone's plates.

"Yes! Pancakes for everyone!" he hollered.

Everyone at the restaurant cheered.

"Why aren't you like that?" Grunkle Stan asked me, gesturing over at Manly Dan.

"Why aren't you like that?" I retorted. "You're actually just a softy, aren't you?"

"Ha! Nothing in here but a cold, dark, empty, soul," he declared, patting his chest.

Lazy Susan placed food onto the table and said loudly, "Food!"

"Thanks there, sugar pot. I-I mean, I mean uh, honey wasp, kitten baby, b-baby cow…" Grunkle Stan stuttered.

"Haha! Silly!" Lazy Susan laughed as she walked away. "Silly man."

Grunkle Stan looked at me only to see my knowing smile.

"That was nothing."

"Heheh."

"That was nothing," Grunkle Stan insisted, putting his hand on his forehead.

I glanced over to Emil, but he was still looking out the window.

Feeling less happy, I nonetheless turned to Grunkle Stan with a grin and said, "You like Lazy Susan! You freakin' softy!"

"Keep it down, will ya?" Stan huffed. "Alright, I admit it, okay? It would be nice if she liked me, but I've been out of the game for so long, I wouldn't know where to start. I mean, look at her. She's so classy."

I looked over and saw her smacking the broken pie trolley, shouting, "Spin, ya dumb pies, spin!"

"Very classy," I remarked sarcastically. "Don't worry about it, Grunkle Stan! I'm sure I can do something about this situation!"

"You? Girls do their best to avoid you!" Grunkle Stan scoffed.

"What? Really?" I asked worriedly, then coughed. "A-Anyways, how about help from an actual girl then? Mabel?"

Emil didn't respond.

"Yeesh, what's up with your sister?" Grunkle Stan asked.

"I dunno. She's also your niece, you know," I pointed out.

"Well, do something about her!" Grunkle Stan said, waving us away. "I'm not about to try consoling her about whatever emotional issues."

"We'll meet you back at the shack then," I said as I grabbed Emil's wrist and dragged him out.

As we were walking down a street, I noticed Deputy Durland and Sheriff Blubs running around a broken hydrant, spewing out water from all sides.

I dragged Emil over in range of the water. When he got sprayed, he jolted backwards then turned to me and exclaimed, "Hey!"

"It's your fault for being so out of it! I've been trying to get you to talk but all day you've been brooding and brooding over something that you won't tell me about!" I shouted in irritation.

Emil frowned down at the ground. "It's nothing."

"So you only trust me to such an extent that you won't tell me about something that is obviously bugging you."

I stomped away angrily, getting a bag of beef jerky on the way.

"Stupid Emil," I muttered once I found a nice spot alone in the forest. I couldn't find the spot Dipper had gone mostly because I wouldn't remember it, but I still wondered if I would be approached by a manotaur with my beef jerky.

Just as I began wondering about it, the ground began to shake violently. Animals began running away from something, and I barely escaped a falling tree. I stared frozen in where the tree had fallen.

Then out of the trees and bushes were little familiar elves.

"Oh, I remember you," I said in surprise as they crowded me.

I kneeled down and patted their heads. Then the ground seemed to begin trembling again and they all hid again. Then out came the manotaur who seemed to be sniffing out my beef jerky. I let out a shout of surprise when he abruptly turned to me.

Pointing at me, he roared, "YOU!"

Before he could finish what he was going to say, a tall man suddenly jumped in front of me as if guarding me.

"Leave this area, beast. You're in elven territory," the man said calmly yet fiercely.

The manotaur backed away from the elf with a face of distaste, but he left either way.

"Oh uh, thank you?" I said.

He turned to me and helped me up. He laughed lightly, "You say it as if you're not sure you are thankful. Don't worry. I'm a friend."

"Okay."

"I'm glad you weren't hurt by that horrible Minotaur. They are always so vulgar."

Remembering Rhovanen, I eyed him cautiously. He was also beautiful, and looked very kind, but Rhovanen had seemed the same. The little elves then came back out and crowded me again.

The elf man looked at them in surprise then smiled softly. "So this is why you all ran off so suddenly. This boy is a friend of yours?"

They stared up at him blankly until he began speaking in a different language that they seemed to understand. They then all began nodding or responding in some way that said 'yes.'

"Oh right, my name is Norui," he said, holding out a hand.

I shook his hand and said, "Dipper."

When I was about to pull my hand away to end the greeting, he suddenly tightened his grip as if he seemed to notice something.

"You seem troubled," he finally said, letting go of my hand by then.

"Oh? Oh… Yeah, kinda," I shrugged.

He neatly sat down on the fallen tree and folded his hands in his lap. "What is the issue?"

"Nah, it's nothing really. I'm just annoyed by a friend of mine, you know. It's nothing big."

His eyes prompted me to go on.

I sat down next to him and sighed, "Well, he's been spaced out lately, and anyone could tell something's bothering him, but whenever I ask what's wrong he'll just tell me it's nothing even though it's obviously not nothing! Does he not trust me or something?"

"Sometimes people have problems they'd like to deal with themselves," Norui suggested.

"Well, it's been going on for quite a while! I wish he would confide in me!" I grumped. "Argh, I just…I don't feel like going back home now otherwise I'll just see him again and get annoyed even more."

"Hm, then why don't you come with me? It would be unwise to stay too long, but maybe I can help put your mind away from this for a while," Norui assured.

He then got up and began walking somewhere. The little elves then grabbed my hand and began pulling me with them. We came to a part of the forest thick with trees, so thick it would be impossible to get through. Norui simply touched the knot of trees and they suddenly untangled to reveal a village of elves.

Once we passed through, the trees tangled again and the little elves ran off somewhere.

"They are of a slightly different species from us," Norui said to me while staring in the direction of where the elves ran off. "But we still both call ourselves elves and join in homes."

"I see," I murmured, following him through the village.

Looking around, everyone was beautiful in some respect, but I had to admit that Rhovanen was so far the most enchanting one I had seen.

"Say, once there was a guy Rhovanen who came up to me and my friend…"

The moment I had mentioned the elf's name, Norui had turned to me with a look of alarm. Some others passing by seemed perturbed by the name but pretended they didn't hear me and moved on.

"Ah that one," Norui said, quickly regaining his composure.

He brought me into his home where no one would disturb us before he mentioned more.

"So he came up to you and your friend. How did you escape him?" Norui asked curiously.

"Escape? Why do I get the feeling you guys don't like this guy?"

"Elves have a certain erm, power, if you will," Norui began explaining. "Beauty and understanding. I, for one have understanding as do all the others here. The other half that lives elsewhere but unbearably near has beauty which they use to seduce generally humans. They feed off of desire and other feelings of the like."

"Oh? So what happens to a human that's being seduced?" I asked in confusion since Rhovanen hadn't done anything to me or Emil.

"Well, once the elf tires of that human, he or she usually just leaves them to their confused selves. In leaving, the human generally goes crazy in some way. Strangely, the residents of Gravity Falls don't seem to take on this effect so this became a favorite spot of those elves," Norui explained. "Now, I'm even more curious about your encounter with Rhovanen. If he wasn't seducing you, what was he doing?"

"Oh he was trying to seduce me," I said with a nod and a frown. "It was gross since – well, I don't have a thing against gays but…it was gay, and I'm not gay. Also he said something about not wanting to be involved with us when he realized his charm or whatever wasn't working on me."

"Oh?" Norui let out in surprise. "His charm didn't work on you? Rhovanen is the most infamous with his charm."

"Yeah, apparently some other strong spell –" I then covered my mouth when I realized I was being too trusting of this guy. I had unwittingly followed this guy to his home and everything without being suspicious of anything.

Norui narrowed his eyes at me and murmured, "Some other strong spell?"

"Hey, I think it's about time I go back home now," I said loudly, my voice cracking badly out of nervousness.

"Yes, you're right. It only makes sense that you don't trust me if you can't be put under other magical influences," Norui said. "But I don't want to leave it at this. You have piqued my interest."

He began walking around me, inspecting me.

"Maybe we can help you out by taking out that spell you're under. You yourself don't seem to want it," he said to me.

"You want to help me?"

"You've simply piqued my interest and the little ones seem to like you," he chuckled. "And this does get your mind off that friend of yours."

"Oh…right," I said a little quietly upon remembering Emil.

Emil

"Alright, so Dipper has left me – an actual girl – to help you with your hopeless love life," I said to Grunkle Stan with fake confidence. "And because I'm a girl, I know what girls like!"

I don't know crap! I'm freaking awkward around girls! Darn it, Lavender! I need your help!

"Okay," Grunkle Stan responded, waiting for me to say more.

"Uh, okay, so uh, Soos! Let's get you dressed as Lazy Susan. Grunkle Stan, you'll pretend he's Lazy Susan and uh, I'll help you from there?" I instructed.

Once Soos was dressed up, he rubbed his stomach, saying, "I'm soft, like a woman."

"Uh, okay, uh, first things first! How would you uh, talk to uh, Lazy Susan?" I said, gesturing to the dressed up Soos. "Go up to her!"

Stan walked up to Soos then spit to the side and holding out his hand, said gruffly, "Can I borrow some money?"

"No! No! No!" I shouted disapprovingly.

Argh, Lavender probably has it worse at the man cave. Training to be a man. Manlier than me…

Lavender

"Ack! Yah! That's a tickle spot! Don't touch me there!" I exclaimed, trying to hold a laugh. I looked at Norui. "Is this really necessary?"

One of the elderly elves was doing some ritual to try casting away the spell on me. Apparently, a lot of skin contact was necessary to understand the spell on me. She then plucked one of my hairs and put it into her bowl of water and other random substances.

Norui was too busy laughing to answer.

Once we were out, he said with a forced sigh, "That didn't work, huh?"

He cracked a smile as I hit his shoulder roughly and huffed, "That was just a fake, wasn't it?"

"No one really talks to Old Lady Lolani much anymore. Any chance to give her more of a bounce out of life, I'll give to her. New and exciting company like you is nice!" he explained, patting my head.

I crossed my arms and asked, "So how about we get down to business?"

I turned to him to see him holding his hands out as if he was reading my air or something with his eyes closed. He seemed to be seriously concentrating.

"I think I'm getting something," he mumbled after a while. "The spell you are under…"

I blinked and listened intently. He opened his eyes and stared at me with eyes full of concern.

"The spell you are under…" he repeated more quietly, "it ensures you to be a stick in the mud who, ack!" – At this point I was jabbing him a bunch – "who can't have a little fun!"

Even though I was trying to be serious, he was doing really well in forcing laughter out of me.

I stopped jabbing him and said with a light laugh, "Funny, I'm usually the one teasing my friend to stop being a stick in the mud."

Suddenly, Norui began poking me back, and we began a poking fight.

Emil

"Alright, Grunkle Stan, what do you think of your new look?" I asked, pulling him over to a large mirror.

"Ugh, it's like I'm dressed for a funeral – some weird, goth funeral," Grunkle Stan grumped.

"Girls like cool guys of supreme style! Those leather pants are killing it!" I declared.

"If you say so," Grunkle Stan said, standing awkwardly.

Soos was then passing by.

"Soos!" I called out.

He came over and greeted, "'Sup, hambone."

"Do you think Stan is looking good?" I asked, gesturing over to Grunkle Stan who was having trouble sitting down on a chair.

"Urgh, stupid…leather," he grunted.

Suddenly there was a loud rip and Grunkle Stan froze. Soos and I stared with wide eyes as Grunkle Stan straightened back up and used a pillow to cover up his behind as he left the room as quickly as he could possibly go in that attire.

Soos opened his mouth to say something, but I just held up my hand and said, "Yeah, I know."

I got the Training Mix out and started playing it in the CD player.

"This is gonna take a while."

Lavender

"Scare the spell right out!" Norui shouted from the other side in encouragement.

I stared down the ravine and yelled, "There's no way I can jump this!"

"That's it! The fear! Now you just need to jump to give it that last oomph!" Norui said, gesturing me over. "Just look at me and jump over! I'll catch you so don't worry about falling!"

I looked at him with a glare then backing up first, I charged over. My feet left the ground, but did not meet the ground again soon. Panic surged through me. Norui reached out his arms to catch me, but missed so I ended up falling through the ravine, cursing his name.

"NORUI, I'M GOING TO KILL YOUUUUUU!"

Emil

"Wendy suggested just cleaning you up a bit," I said as I got out a shaver. "So let's shave off that unsightly chest hair, Grunkle Stan."

Grunkle Stan took off his tank top, revealing the tangles of hair. I unintentionally let out a scream and ran away.

Lavender

"You okay?" Norui asked.

"I have scratches and bruises all over because of that fall," I growled. "I don't think spells work like hiccups! No more scary stuff!"

"That's why my friend Silef here, has an idea she'd like to try," Norui announced, gesturing over to Silef.

She took out a test tube full of some murky purple liquid.

"I partake in some witchcraft," she said quietly with too wide of a smile.

I took the small glass and glanced at Norui who drank an imaginary one then nodded at me to do it. After staring at the purplish guck, I quickly downed it. It tasted like lukewarm water, but more thick and that's what grossed me out.

"What is this?" I asked with a frown.

Norui bit back a wide smile then said, "Maybe it's best you don't know so we're not cleaning up after anything from your stomach."

Soon after he said that, my stomach began to make weird noises and I could tell I was turning green as the contents I had drank bubbled back up my throat. I ran off to the bushes just as Silef and Norui realized I was going to throw up. They chased after me shouting out in panic.

Emil

"Are you taking that shower properly?" I called from outside the bathroom door.

Grunkle Stan shouted over the running water, "I am! Let a man shower in peace, would ya?"

"Okay-ayyy," I responded doubtfully.

Lavender

"Why're we at the broken fire hydrant?" I asked Norui.

"Washing off the spell," he said just before pushing me into the water.

The force of the water current easily flung me off the ground and away.

"NORUIIIIII!" I shouted angrily, half drowning as I was washed away.

Emil

"Okay, now that you're clean, you have to learn to stand up straight – hey, are you listening?" I exclaimed hitting Stan's face several times since he seemed to be looking elsewhere. "Eye contact, man! It's rude to ignore a person!"

Lavender

"NORUIIII!" I shouted as I ran after him as fast as I could with my tiny legs against his long ones.

He easily and gracefully jumped over the gorge that I had fallen off of earlier that day.

"YOU'RE DEAD!" I shouted, jumping off the ground and towards him.

My feet were off the ground for a while then landed just on the edge of the other side. Norui gaped in surprise when I made the jump then even more frightfully began to run away.

Emil

"Okay, how much have you improved?" I sighed.

Wendy and Soos came to my side to see the improvement too. We looked at his picture before the training started then lowered it to compare it to Stan now. We all narrowed our eyes at the picture and Stan.

"Huh, there was no change at all," Wendy remarked. "Well, except for his swelling cheeks from being hit so much."

"I may have overdone it in that respect," I said sheepishly. "I just couldn't get Stan to pay attention!"

"Face it, Mabel," Wendy said. "Your uncle's unfixable. Like that spinning pie thing in the diner."

"Right! But she doesn't give up on that pie thing, does she? Because she's got nothing else going for her! Stan, come with me! Just as you are is fine!" I said, running out the door.

Lavender

"Face it, Norui. This spell is strong," I sighed. "You don't even know what the spell is."

"Wait, there's one last method we can try," Norui said, taking a bite of the jerky I had left in his house.

"No more methods," I huffed. "You're going to kill me before you help me."

"No, I'm serious! Last one, and it won't kill you," Norui said. "I have a friend, his name is Arrad. If I can just find him, I know he'll help you."

"Well, where is he? Let's get this over with," I sighed.

"Yeahhh, that's the thing," Norui muttered. "Arrad is a wanderer. I'm never really sure where he is. We've always asked him for a way to contact him if we need him, but he would always say he would come to us when we really do need him."

"And I keep my promise."

"Ah!" Norui and I both shouted in surprise when an elf suddenly appeared beside us. He looked to be just a bit older than Norui but still what you'd call a youth.

"Hello, Norui," he greeted with a small laugh.

His polite manner reminded me of how Norui had acted when we first met. Now Norui was nothing but a jerk when he could be.

"Arrad! It's been so long!" Norui exclaimed. "This boy needs your help!"

"I can see that," Arrad said, glancing down at me. "She's under quite a strange predicament."

I blinked in surprise.

He kneeled down and patted my head, chuckling, "What was it like learning a new way to use the bathroom?"

"Awkward," I mumbled, wanting to hide my reddening face.

Norui shouted in surprise, "Wait – you're a girl?"

"How did you know?" I asked the elf.

"I've learned much about ways to use the power of understanding," he said. "To understand is to know, but to know doesn't always mean to understand."

"Your point?" Norui asked, crossing his arms.

"Norui was always conscious of you as you are, for example, but couldn't comprehend the information his power let him receive. Now then, let me see…" Arrad began patting me down. "Your real body, do you know of its location?"

I paused then shook my head.

Arrad slightly frowned then said, "I'm sorry. I don't know how to help then. If you had your other body, we could have Silef create that body transfer potion."

"But isn't Silef just faking witchcraft?" Norui asked.

Arrad only smiled at Norui who blinked in surprise. I then realized it too. Silef has more to her than what she shows.

"These past couple hours have been really nice, but I think if you can't help me any more than this, it's time I go back home," I said to Arrad and Norui. "You have helped me somewhat, both of you. Thanks."

Norui frowned a bit and said, "Once you leave, you can't come back without an elf's help. It'll be rare for us to cross paths. People here aren't difficult or give you trouble like your friend does."

I blinked in surprise then asked in disbelief, "Are you suggesting I stay? Haha, he's my best friend so I can deal with it. I mean, for the most part, he's always the one who has to deal with me."

Norui nodded and led me back to the tangles of trees. "Then this is goodbye."

"Haha, nah, I don't like goodbyes. You said rarely but not never, right?" I said as I stepped through the slowly opening trees. I stared at the other side where the beautiful people lived then I turned to Norui. "See you later."

Norui blinked and was silent before he repeated, "See you later."

The trees then knotted, closing off that other world.

Emil

"Lazy Susan! My great uncle Stan likes you! And I don't think you'll be getting many opportunities like this one! Seriously, so what do you think?" I said.

I cannot remember what Mabel actually said, but I felt my improvisation was good enough since I failed to clean up Grunkle Stan.

Lazy Susan looked Grunkle Stan up and down before turning to leave. I blinked in surprise then began to panic a little.

Grunkle Stan slumped over in disappointment and turned to leave the diner, but then Lazy Susan came back with a piece of paper and pie, calling, "Hey! Here's my number! Why don't you give me a call some time?"

"Really?" Grunkle Stan asked in surprised delight.

"Really!" Lazy Susan replied. "Haha! Also, here's some pie! On the house. For YOU!"

She then left. Grunkle Stan sat down to eat the pie.

"Yay! I did it! I mean, we did it!" I exclaimed. "Nah…I did it! Yes! Yes!"

I began jumping around happily. Then, when I tired of that, I began punching Grunkle Stan's arm excitedly.

"Mabel! Let a man enjoy his pie, huh?" Grunkle Stan huffed, pushing my face away.

I then noticed Lavender passing by the window. She looked strangely pensive. I threw myself against the window, making a loud thud just to startle her. It was a success because she let out a shout of surprise and her hand flew to her chest as if she was about to have a heart attack. I laughed and waved at her. She responded with a soft smile.

I sat back down in my chair, wondering why she wasn't as hyper as she usually was.

Once she sat down beside me, I asked, "Is something the matter?"

She shook her head and replied, "Nothing really bad happened, but I guess I'm…sad."

"Was it the manotaurs?" I asked sympathetically. "It must have been horrible."

"Manotaurs? That's a bunch of bull," Lavender snorted. "Haha, bull. No, that wasn't it. It's just, I made friends with this person, but it's just that we had to say goodbye. I won't get to see them again."

"Dipper…" I murmured.

Lavender shrugged. "It's fine. I'm fine."

I sighed, "Okay, this is going to be cheesy, but I like cheese so oh well."

Lavender quirked an eyebrow at me, but I saw I was able to get her to smile just a little bit there.

"It doesn't matter how much you hang out with someone. What matters is how much you think of them. Then they'll be there," I said, pointing at Lavender's chest, "in your heart."

Lavender seemed to seriously listen to my words and nodded. Then, she began laughing her head off and smacked my back. "That was seriously cheesy, Mabel! I've never heard you say stuff like that!"

I tried frowning, but Grunkle Stan was laughing too so I gave up on trying to be angry and joined into the happy chorus.

Grunkle Stan then began coughing and huffed, "It was worth it."

While he was distracted by his pie, Lavender surprised me by leaning close to whisper, "Thanks, Emil."

It wasn't the fact that she thanked me that surprised me, but the fact that it wasn't Dipper's voice I heard from her.

It was Lavender's voice.