Chapter Seven:
James was silent for the entire walk to Dumbledore's office, knowing enough not to do anything that would upset Lily any furher. He had already learned from past experience not to piss her off when she was already at boiling point. He even had the scars to prove it- not that he would show just anyone- they were in a place which he generally did not display to puublic.
When they reached the stone gargoyles flanking the the staircase leading to the Headmaster's office, James supplied them with the password (Fizzing Whizbees). The gargoyles took on a life of its' own (literally) and hopped out of the way, permitting them entrance. Together, they mounted the spiral staircase until they reached the top landing. They knocked on the heavy oak double doors- which opened immediately of their own accord- and the entered the familiar circular room.
The room was lined with shelves of books and a number of strange objects of which neither of the two had even the slightest idea as to what they were. Comfortable armchairs were placed here and there, and desks were piled with an array of parchment, quills, and various bottles of different-colored ink. Fawkes the phoenix stood on his golden perch proudly, as magical and beautiful as ever, and bizarre silver instruments hung from the ceiling, emitting loud noises and large puffs of smoke.
Portraits of the past Headmasters- whom pretended to be sleeping, or otherwise slyly flitting in and out of their frames when they belived no one was looking- chanced raising their eyelids, half-way, and listening alertly, trying to catch a glimpse or sound of what was currently going on in their school. And- more intriguing than anything- was the tall winding staircase leading to the second floor of Dumbledore's office- where no one, not even James, nor any of the supporting members of the Marauders had ventured, but only guessed that it was where Dumbledore lived.
The Headmaster was not seated yet, nor was he in the office at all, apparently, and James was strongly tempted to ditch Lily, find his way upstairs, and explore the confines of Dumbledore's underwear drawer. Think the school would be interested to know what their Headmaster wore under his robes? You bet. Better yet- forget the school's newspaper- that would surely be worth the front page of the Daily Prophet. James could imagine it already: "Famed and Loved Headmaster of Hogwarts, Albus Dumbledore, Sports This Seasons' New Line of 'Butt-floss!!'" James didn't know if he should be repulsed or amused.
James cast a deprived, longing glance up at the staircase again and hung his head defeatedly- he was in enough trouble as it was, and he didn't want to add to it, especially if Lily was there to witness it. However, he did not have much longer to dwell on it- as a distraction in the form of a tall, thin old man dressed in long wizards robes of red velvet. But- despite Dumbledore's awkward appearance, he looked even more odd than usual with his long silvery hair tied into a loose ponytail at the back of his head with what appeared to be lacy, black woman's lingerie.
Lily and James exchanged an awkward glance as Dumbledore- the bottoms of his robes lifted above his pale, knobbly shaved knees- descended the stairs, can-can style, screeching: "Vouz-les vous couches avec moi? Ce soir? Vouz-les vous coucher avec moi?" James and Lily stood rooted to the spot, obviously stunned by their Headmaster's even-more-than-usual behaviour, as he danced his way down the stairs, completely oblivious of their presence.
"He met marmylade down in old Moulin Rouge, strutting her stuff on the street..." Dumbledore continued singing enthusiastically. "...Gitchi, gitchi, yaya dada! Mocha choca- haaa...ba...da...bahhh..." Dumbledore stumbled over the lyrics when he spotted James and Lily, still awestruck, freezing for a moment, shocked. Then, quite unexpectedly, upon gathering himself- he smiled welcomingly- as if they hadn't walked in on him, singing and dancing to Lady Marmylade- and said kindly: "Morning Ms. Evans... Mr. Potter...again."
"Lady Marmylade... I must say- I find the song quite exhilerating. Ahh, yes, the French are highly amusing." he said conversationally, his tone, as ever, light and casual, his blue eyes twinkling kindly. "Do you know it?"
"No," James said automatically. Not only did he not know the lyrics, but he had no idea what a Lady Marmylade was. Was it the bands' name? Was it the song? And who on earth gave a gitchy-gitchy yaya, or whatever it was called about it, James thought, perplexedly. He didn't spend too much time thinking about it. As far as James was concerned, the only band worth knowing was the Weird Sisters- an exremely popular and famous wizarding rock-band.
Lily, on the contrary, did know it. Quite well actually. Whenever her Aunt Sadie got drunk, she'd take off her wig, swinging it round and round, as she sang to the song and danced on the table. "Yes," Lily said, with a giggle, smirking slightly. James raised his eyebrow at this- apparently, Lady Marmylade did not satisfy his taste in music.
"Marvelous song...marvelous..." Dumbledore ranted on, before changing the subject. "Ahh, yes! So, to what reason do I owe the honor of your presence?"
"James started a row with me and my friend in Potions, Sir!" Lily said accusingly, glaring at James ignorantly.
"Did not!" James protested furiously.
"And you kissed me!" Lily snarled disgustedly. "I'm going to spend the rest of my life washing my mouth out to get rid of your scum!"
"You're the one being all buddy-buddy with that Slythergit Snivellus! It's not fair!" James complained, color rising in his cheeks from anger.
"Don't call him that!" Lily snapped angrilly, her wand rocketing out of her pocket of it's own accord, sending a shower of red sparks in her frustration.
"Ohh...what are you gonna do?" James sneered, rolling his eyes sarcastically. "Give me a bit of your Flower-power? You couldn't hurt me- or anyone for that matter- you don't have the guts for it!"
"Wanna bet? I've kicked your sorry hide before, and I'll do it again." Lily shot back, her brilliant green eyes reduced to narrow slits.
"Woow," James drawled, his tone casual, though his expression fluctuated, revealing slight anxiety, knowing very well that she could hurt him if she was provoked- but that's only because he refused to harm her. Too bad the feeling wasn't mutual. "I'm soo..scared."
Lily was just about ready to lunge at him, when Dumbledore intervened, raising his loudly as they fired insult after insult at each other, and they both fell silent immediately. "As amusing as I find your little spat, I don't believe that Professor Slughorn, nor any of the rest of the staff would agree. In accordance to this, your disrupting the class is becoming too regular and undoubtedly, as much as I hate to say this, cannot go unpunished."
"You're not going to take my badge away, are you?" Lily whimpered, her eyes glazed over, and her voice weak- it looked as though she were about to cry and lips trembled as she waited for his response.
"No- of course not." Dumbledore said dismissively, smiling bemusedly down at them with such calmness and amiability that it was almost annoying. "No, my punishment is much more effective than that. I daresay you might not be very happy with me for a while, but in the long run, you'll be grateful for it."
Lily turned pale as a ghost as all the blood drained from her face. Her stomach plummeted and her heart felt as though a metal fist has clenched around it. She waited on baited breath for the sentence of their punishment, knowing that it would'nt be well. All of Dumbledore's mad schemes made her nervous, and this one wasn't any less worse. She glanced at James, who hadn't spoken a word since Dumbledore had silenced them- a great feat for someone like him.
Dumbledore raised his elegantly-designed, highly-polished wand, and flourished it gracefully, a long rope of shimmering blue-white flames flickering from the tip. Lily's eyes widened with with shock and fear as the Binding Spell shot towards her and James, winding itself around their wrists, drawing them closer together, until their wrists were invisibly conjoined by the magic, and they stood shoulder-to-shoulder.
"A-A Binding Spell?!" Lily stammered, her lips trembling as she struggled to bite back a moan of despair, tears leaking through her eyes. "Professor, no! Please just take away my badge!" Lily wailed mortifiedly, hurting James' ears.
"Oh no, no, no..." Dumbledore insisted, smiling. "Ah, yes- the circumstances! You two.." he said cheerily, "will have to do everything together-eat, sleep, study, attend classes, visit Hogsmeade- "
"Use bathrooms?!" James injected excitedly, breaking his silence.
"No!" Dumbledore said at the same time that Lily began hyperventilating. He spoke with such sharpness that James nearly flinched- almost. James hung his head disappointedly and the Headmaster continued. "All of your every-day activities will be carried out with the exception of activities which require privacy- so there are no confusions: showering, using bathrooms, changing."
James cursed under his breath, but with a stern look from Dumbledore, he silenced, and gave him his most winning grin- with uneffected results.
"Consequences are reasonable- the good and bad of which you will have to discover for yourselves." Dumbledore said smilingly. "So, now-off with you!"
Lily, by now, had already skated past shock and self-pity, and was seriously pissed off. Too angry to say goodbye, or anything to the Headmaster she so adored for that matter, turned on her heels with snap, and dragged James along out of the office. He didn't bid Dumbledore farewell, but mouthed the silent words: "Thank you!" as a beeming Dumbledore waved them off, blissfully ignorant as always.
"I want to study," Lily growled, wanting-needing anything to keep her mind off of what she had just endured. She highly doubted that would be able to concentrate, or read at all with how angry she was at that moment, but it was better than nothing- just being so close to James made her skin crawl with disgust and annoyance.
"Well I'm supposed to be meeting my friends outside- you can study there." James said happily, his grin broader than ever, as he rushed down the stairs, trying to keep up with Lily's quick pace.
"Whatever," she muttered in response- she had to meet Lauren there anyways.
