Chapter Seven
When I made the sacrifice, I thought that I, Max Caufield, could have actually been a hero for somebody. I thought that I could have been a hero for a girl that wasn't suppose to die, an innocent girl that got mixed up in the wrong crowd and suddenly disappeared. Now, I realize how fucking stupid I am. No, Max, you can't be a hero; you have traded one life for another. Rachel Amber for a girl named Clementine, she probably had a family, people she needed to support and a happy life. I despise myself, I hate myself and I loathe those who have no memory of what happened. Victoria. Chloe. Warren.
Snoring pulls me from my thoughts and I see Warren, he's poised on the floor, his head leaning against my bed, with his mouth open. I, for a moment, am able to smile but then the anger returns and so does the guilt. I'm never going to be able to get over what Jefferson did to me and I haven't got real revenge yet; I have changed, become bitter and I don't want Warren - or anyone else - to see me this way. I'm not Max anymore, I'm a girl who is more angry than sane. No one should have to see me like this, even I'm afraid of myself.
There are days where it's hard to get out of bed and there are other days, perhaps I have them more often now, that I'm so angry I isolate myself and break everything in my sight. When that happened, I'd always have Warren. Now I'm left with him and it's both a blessing and a curse; he doesn't remember everything I told him so it's a fresh start, but I'm also lying to him. And the longer it goes on, the more I'm going to feel guilt. I know, rationally, that I can't tell him everything because I'm not ready and Warren would do anything for me.
Reaching over him, I get a sticky note from my desk and start to scribble a note.
Warren,
C U later. Thanks for the film.
Max.
The thought that I should wait until he wakes up to say goodbye crosses my mind, I am always the one to be polite, but I can't. I just want to take a shower and clean all of this crap off of me, I've touched things in the dark room and I feel tainted. "Alright," I whisper to myself and get up, gathering clothes and the things I need before heading out. In the hallway, slightly further up, I see Victoria and I realize that she's going to be the biggest bitch she can on the one day I can't handle it.
When she sees me, a wide, cruel smirk goes across her face. If only she knew that I saved her from most of the horrors that I had faced, if only she knew that I had taken hits for her when I didn't have to... If only she knew all of that, maybe she'd be nicer to me. Feel sorry, feel empathy or fucking something. "Max," she says and I glare at her. "Going to school like that? I have to be honest, it's better than she normally looks."
She turns to her friends and they all snicker, caught in their moment of malice and forgetting the destruction that follows. "You know what," I smile, anger visible through my clenched fists and hard eyes. "Eat shit, Victoria."
They shout something as I walk into the shower rooms but I really couldn't care less, they deserve every insult that I give them and some. I quickly undress and feel the water caress my skin, everything bad has now been washed from my body but not my thoughts. I rub soap into my skin, watching the bubbles quickly run towards the drain. I can't rinse away the name Clementine from my mind, it's all I can think about.
When I'm dressed in my casual attire, I wander back to my room and debate whether class, which I am suppose to show up to, could be ditched today. I'm surprised when I open the door and see Warren, looking outside of my window. I clear my throat and he jumps, turning around to face me with a goofy grin on his face. "Max," he breathes and straightens his shirt. "Sorry I didn't go, I wanted to catch you first."
I shift my weight from one foot to the other, leaning on my white door's handle, as I watch him; as usual, he wears the goofy grin that is contagious and his eyes are bright with happiness. The guilt comes back, creeping its way through my wind and onto my face. I grimace slightly and thankfully, Warren doesn't notice. Can I really be with him? Dammit, I'm losing everything. "No," I say through gritted teeth. "You're always welcome here, Warren. Thanks for the movie, I needed a distraction."
"Anytime," he says and I can't help but laugh, does time really have to be involved in everything I do? "Why are you laughing?" He is grinning, too.
Shaking my head and waving him off, I wonder what would be the best way to explain something that technically doesn't exist. "No, it's just," I begin, smiling to myself. "A long time ago, you made a joke that sounded like that. It's almost like deja vu following me." The day that we kissed that doesn't exist for you, Warren, but always will for me.
"Oh," he smiles, probably unsure of what to say. I would be the same. "Glad I can make you laugh or provide distraction."
For a moment, he seems to be knowing. His eyes search mine and I feel the old Warren again, the one who is more considerate because he knows of the crap and the dirt that I've been through. I nod, he's always been a person that could make me laugh. I miss the old Warren, I miss my old life. Everyone here seems happy but I'm not. "See you, Mad Max."
Our shoulders brush together as he leaves, his eyes on me until he closes the door again. I turn around and search the desk for the polaroid he took, the one in another timeline. At first, I panic because I can't find it. However, with a second glance, I see it staring at me. My eyes and his eyes are happier, they seem more knowing, in that picture despite the situation, we were just happy to be kids again. I turn it over eagerly to read the message he wrote me and I realize I wasn't prepared in the slightest.
When you come back, I can say I love you too.
A/N: I'm sorry this chapter is so, so short! I'm busy but I still wanted to upload another one. A bit of fluff for the Marren shippers finally! Please review because it encourages me to write, any constructive criticism is welcome! :3
Thanks for reading.
