Hey guys, sorry this took a little too long but here it is. Chapter 7.
Thank you for the favorites and alerts. And I also noticed how I've been forgetting to thank the people who reviewed for the previous chapters. I don't know how I did that, but THANK YOU for reviewing. And, I hope you guys like this one.
Also, you can listen to this during one part of this chapter. You'll know which part, when you get there.
It's Smile by Glee Cast (Charlie Chaplin Cover)
Here's the link: youtube watch?v=hJFiMPYjnmw
CHAPTER 7 – Always
Puck, Quinn and Santana made their way out of the classroom when they saw Rachel walking towards them.
"Hey." Rachel greeted, "Um, Quinn? Can I talk to you for a second?"
The three looked at each other and back to Rachel.
"Yeah, sure." Quinn said unsurely.
"We'll wait for you round the corner, Q." Santana said as she and Puck started walking away. "If Gay-Berry here tries anything on you, just saying something like you'll punch her in the schnoz."
"What do you think that was about?" Puck whispered when they were out of earshot.
"I don't know. And I could say the same thing about you, and Abrhams. What's that about, Puckerman?" Santana asked as she leaned on one of the lockers.
"Like I said, Mario game stuff." Puck answered as he leaned on the lockers opposite the latina.
"You think I'm gonna buy that bullshit?"
"What." Puck said while he nervously fixed his boutonniere.
"Fine. Don't tell me, it's not like I care anyway." Santana answers, hoping that reverse psychology would work on her friend –and it did.
After sighing, Puck told Santana why he spent talking to Artie for some part of the night. He told her that there was supposed to be a "surprise" video tribute for Brittany, and he was trying to tell Artie that it might not be a good idea to surprise her because he still wasn't sure if it was even okay to talk to her about Brittany. He told Artie that he didn't know how she would react if she were caught off guard by the whole thing. After some talking sense into Artie, Artie gave Puck the go signal to inform her about it.
"Why didn't you just tell me all about it, Puck?"
"What did you want me to say? 'Hey Santana, there's going to be a video displaying your girl tonight. Hope you like it.' I wasn't even sure if you were going to come down the stairs when we picked you up." Puck answered placing his hands in his pockets.
"I wasn't. I didn't want to." Santana answered truthfully. "But I made a promise to Britt. So here I am…"
Puck walked towards Santana and leaned his should on the lockers next to hers. "So do you regret coming?"
"Honestly?" She asked looking at him. "I don't know. It's like I'm here, and I don't feel anything about me being here. All I do is miss her; everything I see, or hear, or do, remind me of her. And I just… I just wish she was here, you know?"
Puck nodded and gave Santana a hug. "I wish she was here too, Santana." When he pulled away, he smiled at her.
"What?"
"Nothing. I just remembered talking to her about graduation when I stayed in the hospital room, waiting for you to get there."
"Yeah? What about graduation?"
"It's not really a happy conversation, but like we were talking about how we probably wouldn't graduate with you guys. And if that would happen, we'd probably drop out of McKinley and just follow you guys out of here. We can always finish our high school somewhere else; we just wanted to be near you."
"Oh come on, Puckerman. As if the Glee Club would allow you to graduate a year later. And I wouldn't let it happen to Brittany, either. The glee club would probably sing you some silly song about memorizing places and shit like that." Santana joked. "But seriously though, graduating on time shouldn't be you guys' worry. "
"Yeah, well I'm failing Geography."
"Then we'll tutor you." Quinn said when she finally came back from her talk with Rachel.
"So what did Berry want?" Santana said pushing herself off of the lockers.
"Something about Finn, jealousy, being friends. Just Rachel Berry being Rachel Berry, and how she voted for me to win… Stuff like that…" Quinn told the two absent-mindedly.
Santana snickered, "Maybe that was the one vote that made you Prom Queen."
Quinn laughed, but fell silent.
"What are you thinking about, Quinn?" Puck asked.
"I don't know. I just thought about something."
"Yeah? What about?" Santana asked, looking a bit confused.
"About Prom Queen. I know I won but—"
"But it's what you've always wanted. Plus, you kind of won fair and square..." Puck interrupted her.
"Yeah, I know." Quinn turns to Santana, "But don't you want to leave this place having made a difference?"
"What are you trying to say, Q?"
"I'm not really sure, but Rachel said some things about how she used to want to be like me… And I was just thinking that why don't we give her this."
"And by this, you mean?" Puck asked, looking clearly confused.
"This. This prom. I won Prom Queen and like I told Santana, it doesn't feel different. And I know that this might seem crazy, but why don't we just giver her, this –being this year's Prom Queen. " Quinn told the two.
"I don't know, Q. But what about the other candidate?" Santana asked.
"Well, Kurt won last year's Prom Queen and it was through write-in votes. Why don't we just do the same thing this year? We'll be the only people in the school who'll know about this."
"I'm in. I'm all for a fellow Jew winning the votes anyway." Puck said walking back to one of the classrooms.
"Where are you going?"
"To get a new paper thing for the result. We gotta change the name on it. Be right back."
The two girls nodded. "Are you sure about this Quinn? I mean hasn't it always been a family thing? Being Prom Queen?" Santana asked.
"Yeah but it was also in the family to get pregnant after marriage." Quinn chuckled, "I'm kind of a fan of family breaking traditions."
Santana laughed. "Guess you're a rebel now, Ms. Yale?"
"Haven't you heard? I'm also one of the Skanks now…" Quinn said linking one of her arms in Santana's.
"Oh. Don't remind me." Santana playfully removes her arm from Quinn's but Quinn linked them again. "So, Puck told me that there's going to be a video for Brittany tonight. Did you know about that?"
"I heard talks but didn't know if they were going to push through with it." Quinn said honestly. "Are you going be okay with it, S?"
"I don't know. Maybe?"
Quinn was about to say something when Puck arrived and showed that he already wrote in Rachel's name on the paper. Puck asked Quinn again if she was really sure about this decision, to which she said she was. He told the girls that the tribute video would be shown before the announcement of this year's Prom King and Queen. He asked Santana if she would be able to watch it. After some time just thinking about it, Santana nodded saying that she would try.
"You can stand next to me. I'm going to have to sing "Take My Breath Away" anyways. Which reminds me… will you be able to sing with me?"
"Yes." Santana answered too quickly.
Quinn looked at Santana for a few seconds and slowly nodded. "Okay, let's do this."
The three friends made their way towards the stage to where Principal Figgins was waiting. When Puck handed him the envelopes for the result, he thanked them and made his way to the center of the stage.
"Students of McKinley, may I have your attention please?" Figgins said as his voice boomed inside the whole gymnasium. He waited for the noises from the students to die down before speaking.
"It's almost the time we've all been waiting for. The result for this year's Prom King and Queen!" The student's cheered and once again, he waited for the cheers to stop before asking the nominees for King and Queen to come on stage. They were, of course, missing one nominee –Brittany.
"Before I announce this year's winners, some students have asked permission to show you a video of one of the most magical students McKinley was so lucky to have."
The lights of the auditorium were instantly shut off, and the only light source was coming from the projector that was pointed to one, that is now an empty wall. Nobody even noticed that the decorations on that part of the room were slowly being taken down and moved throughout the night just for this special moment.
Santana was still standing on the stage with the nominees, and didn't notice she was holding Quinn's hand until she felt Quinn squeeze hers. Quinn gave her friend a soft smile and asked if she was ready.
Santana shook her head, "No, never."
"You'll be okay, Santana." Quinn said. She waited for some reaction from Santana, and when she slowly nodded, she turned to look back at the wall in which they had a perfect view.
When the music started, Santana thought she couldn't squeeze Quinn's hand any tighter, but she did. It was one of the songs the glee club wanted to sing to Brittany while she was still unconscious but it didn't make the final set.
Smile, though your heart is aching
Smile, even though it's breaking
When there are clouds in the sky, you'll get by
If you smile through your pain and sorrow
Smile, and maybe tomorrow
You'll see the sun come shining through
For you
The video showed Brittany being Brittany, and occasionally they showed her with Santana. Some videos were from their performances, random glee club songs, or from Jacob Ben Israel's videos. Brittany with the glee club, or Brittany's Fondue for Two. It was a whole lot of Brittany, and Santana was feeling overwhelmed.
Light up your face with gladness
Hide every trace of sadness
Although a tear may be ever so near
That's the time you must keep on trying
Smile, what the use of crying?
You'll find that life is still worthwhile
If you just smile
Santana watched the video and felt like she was seeing Brittany alive, again. It felt like the first time she had laid eyes on her. The first time, she looked at Brittany and realized that she was in love with her. The moment, she opened her eyes after kissing Brittany for the first time. The first time she looked at Brittany and said, "I love you" and meant it as more than a friend. The feeling she had when she saw Brittany again, after they had their first disagreement as a couple. It felt like the morning after they had first made love. It was like the first time she saw Brittany awake from her accident. All of the feelings from all of their firsts and in-betweens; Santana was feeling them all.
That's the time you must keep on trying
Smile, what's the use of crying?
You'll find that life is still worthwhile
If you just smile
Quinn turned to Santana when she felt the girl beside her shake. She let go of Santana's hand and wrapped an arm around the girl's waist. Quinn looked across the stage and made eye contact with Puck who was looking at them nervously. Puck immediately made his way to Santana without drawing any attention to them, and held her waist while Quinn took Santana's hand again.
Smile, though your heart is aching
Smile, even though it's breaking
When there are clouds in the sky, you'll get by
That's the time you must keep on trying
Smile, what's the use of crying?
You'll find that life is still worthwhile
If you just smile
Santana let a tear fall from her eye and knew that it wasn't a sad tear. There was a small smile on her face by just looking at Brittany from the video being shown. It was a smile of acceptance. Acceptance for the fact that Brittany was hers, and that even if Brittany is gone, nothing could ruin what they have had. Santana was absolutely sure that nothing would ever compare to what she had with Brittany and it would always be something that she would be proud to have had experience that kind of love.
You'll find that life is still worthwhile,
If you just smile
The video ended, with: "Ms. Brittany S. Pierce. Magic."
The lights in the auditorium were turned on and it was clear that the students in the gym had tears in their eyes. Everybody knew Brittany, and in some way, Brittany has touched each and every one of their lives. After a few seconds of silence, the crowd started to clap their hands and cheered. Maybe it was for the people who were responsible for the video tribute, or maybe it was for Brittany. But Santana clapped her hands for Brittany. For the girl who has changed her and her life for the better, by just existing.
Principal Figgins made his way back centerstage and thanked the students who were responsible for such a moving video and said a short speech how everybody in this room is so lucky have had Brittany S. Pierce in their lives. Puck took this as his cue to leave the stage because it was just about time to announce the results.
"And now, for the moment you've all been waiting and voting for. Prom King and Queen." Just like expected; another cheer from the audience erupted.
Santana lightly tugged on Quinn's hand to get her attention.
"What is it?"
"I gotta go, Quinn."
"What? Now? They're just about to announce the winners?" Quinn whispered quickly, and turned to the audience to give a small smile. She turned to face Santana when she felt her hand being tugged again.
"We both know who wins, Q. I just- I've got to go. Now."
"But—Can't you just go after prom? Where are you going anyway? You never mentioned anything earlier…"
"I just have to do something." Santana answered looking at the ground.
"Can't you just go later? We're leaving after the Prom King and Queen's dance anyway. You're going to sing with me, remember?"
Santana was silent for a while, but answered. "Yeah, but the video… Quinn, I just. I've got to go. Please?"
With a sigh, Quinn hesitantly let go of Santana's hand. "But text me for anything, okay?" Santana nodded and slowly backed away. She made her way down the stage but was stopped by Puck.
"Hey, where are you going?"
"I have to go…" Santana moved to the side to walk past Puck.
Puck quickly caught up with her and asked her where she was going. And he was only met with the same answer.
"I'll come with you."
"No, Puck. I've got to do this alone. Quinn knows I'm going. So please just let me leave?" Santana pleaded.
"Fine. Okay, but just text me if anything happens, or whatever. Okay?"
"Okay." And with that, Santana made her way out the gym.
Santana, for the whole time, just continued on walking with one destination in mind: The cemetery. She made her way to where she knew they buried her girlfriend, took of her corsage and placed it atop the tombstone. It was the first time she made it this close to the tombstone. For the past few weeks, whenever she would go to the cemetery, she couldn't get past the entrance.
Santana remembers not being able to step inside the cemetery on the day of Brittany's burial. She just couldn't bring herself to make another step thinking that maybe if she didn't see them bury her girlfriend, it wouldn't be real. But she knew better. It also was a very clichéd burial day, everybody was wearing black, and it was raining. And with Santana's luck, she forgot to bring her umbrella. So while the rest of the people were inside the cemetery with their umbrellas, with someone consoling them; she was outside, without an umbrella, and was alone. Well, she was alone until Quinn came back out with an umbrella. Quinn stood there outside the cemetery, hugging Santana while the smaller girl cried in her arms.
But not tonight; this night, Santana walked straight inside the cemetery. Santana didn't care about making her dress dirty, or even ruining it but she just took a seat in front of the tombstone.
"Hey, B." Santana said softly. "It's me, Santana…" She shook her head and gave a small chuckle. "Of course you know it's me. I don't even know why I had to say that. You probably see me from wherever you are right now," she looked up at the starry sky then back to the tombstone in front of her.
"As you can probably see, I wore the prom dress you chose. And yes, I went to prom just like I promised." Santana paused, and thought of what to say to someone who isn't actually there. "I brought you a corsage. Well, it's actually mine, but we can share. Hmmm, we didn't win. Q won by one vote, but she decided to give the crown to Berry. I don't even know why, but she said something about making a difference or something like it. They're probably having the first King and Queen dance right now, I left early so I can talk to you."
Santana pulled out a few pieces of grass thinking of other things to say when one thing came to mind, "B, I'm so sorry I wasn't able to come when they buried you. I stayed out there, when I should've been in here saying my goodbyes. But I couldn't say goodbye. I won't ever because you will forever be a big part of me and if I say goodbye, it will seem like I would close that phase. And I just won't…"
She wiped a tear that fell from her eyes. "I don't know what's going to happen now, B. I mean, I didn't know where I'm gonna go after what happened. If I'm just gonna go to New York or go to college in Louisville. I really really want to take a shot at being somebody in New York, you know? But after some thinking, I think the smarter decision here is for me to go to Louisville…" Santana shook her head, "I still can't believe you helped Sue get me that scholarship, you sneaky little bi-corn. But, thank you for that. Really. I never had someone who believes in me as much as you do. But now, I don't know if there's anyone else in this place who's gonna believe in me just as much."
Santana started to trace the letters on the stone in front of her. "I miss you a lot, B. We've been through so much, but we got through them together. And I know, and you know, that I act all tough but you're the reason why I got through a lot of them. You. You, your positivity; and you bright outlook on life. I wish I had that. I wish I still have you, here. With me, right now."
"They made a video of you. They played it before the announcements and honestly, I don't know what to make of it. I know they mean well but it just felt like such a reminder that you are gone." Santana paused from tracing what was written on the tombstone.
Loving daughter, sister, friend, and girlfriend.
Chuckling to herself, Santana said, "Hey B. They put 'Girlfriend' on here. I didn't think they'd do that, unless like it's 'Husband' or "Wife'. But I didn't think they'd put that there. So anyway, there's a glee party tonight, an after prom thing that Berry put together when her Anti-prom escapade sucked. I hope we could go there together, but I don't know I'm going though. I'm not really in the mood to party. What do you think, B?"
"I know, I know. You don't have to tell me, I know you'd want to go to the party. But we probably both know that I shouldn't drink given my condition that I just might break the dam in my tear ducts if that happens." Santana paused, "I really am sorry for not being able to come here. I just, I couldn't bring myself to walk past the gates. Every night since the burial, I come over here and just stand outside wondering when I'm going to get the courage to walk past it. But I guess, after they showed your video, seeing your face again –and this time not just in my dreams- it gave me the courage to walk past those stupid rusty gates."
"You know people are telling me that I should move on. Can't I just linger for a while longer? I don't want to let go yet; it's only been a few weeks, B. And everything seems so raw. I feel like someone cut me open and just left me there; and I don't know how to sew myself back together. Everything hurts. It hurts, to breathe; it hurts to wake up in the morning. It hurts to think about you, but it hurts even more not to think about you. It hurts to feel nothing but sadness, but it also hurts when I feel like smiling every now and then. It's just that everything hurts so much, B. Everything." Santana leans on the tombstone and let's herself cry.
"People tell me it's not healthy, not moving on. But I don't think they know how not moving on so quickly helps. How I need to feel hurt knowing you're on a permanent vacation. How I need to feel the pain of knowing I won't be able to have the lady babies that we both planned, and how I will never be able to marry you. I need to feel all of those, and more, before I can really accept everything that has happened. I can't just up and leave and act like nothing's changed when something like this happens. It's like a huge setback to everything. I need to move at my own pace, and they just don't get that. I will move on, I promise, just- not yet. Okay?"
Santana's one-sided conversation came to a stop when she heard the sound of leaves being stepped on. She turned around and saw two silhouettes of people leaning on each side of a tree just a few feet away from where she was, and immediately knew who the two were.
"We thought you'd be here." The girl said as they got closer to Santana.
"Actually she knew you'd be here, I just drove the car."
Santana faced the stone in front of her, "Yeah, I uh, just came by to say a few things." She stood up a little too quickly which made her lose her balance. But fortunately for her, the guy had quick reflexes and caught her before she hit the ground.
"Hey, you okay?" he asked.
"Yeah, I just stood up too quickly. Thanks Puck."
"Not a problem."
"How long have you guys been here?" Santana asked as she wiped her cheek and then proceeded to dust off soil form her dress.
"A while." Quinn said softly.
"So you heard everything?" Santana asked softly as she looked back at Brittany's tombstone.
"No, not everything. But we didn't mean to eavesdrop… We were coming in to see if you were really here, but then you were. And we didn't know if we should walk closer or walk away, so we stayed by the tree." Puck explained.
"It's okay. Didn't you guys finish prom?"
"No, we left a few minutes after you did. We left right after the first dance of Finn and Rachel." Quinn said.
Santana just nodded, and then shifted her weight on her other foot.
"You wanna go home, S?"
"Nah, I think we should stop by the after party first."
"You serious?" Puck said, trying so hard to contain his excitement.
"Yeah, I mean I did say I'd stop by. So what the hell…"
The two gave Santana a hug, Quinn told her that she was glad Santana was coming. When the three were half way towards Puck's parked car, Santana stopped walking.
"I, uh, I forgot something. I'll meet you two in the car. I'll just be quick." She said as she turned around and quickly walked away.
When she got to where she was earlier, she knelt down and placed her palm on the face of the stone.
"Quinn and Puck picked me up, we're on our way to the after party…" Santana said. After which she placed her fingers on her lips and placed them on Brittany's name. "I'll come by again, tomorrow. I love you, Britt. Always."
With that, she slowly stood up and made her way back outside. When she was nearing the car she only saw Puck standing outside waiting for her, so she figured Quinn was already inside.
Santana opened the door and slid in the back seat, "Let's Go!" She finally said, looking at a smiling Quinn. Puck then, stepped on the gas and drove them to where the after party was.
This was supposed to be the final chapter, but I have a small "Epilogue" that actually came to me in a dream I had a few weeks ago. So let me know what you guys think! :)
