An Infinity of Love
roxanne, they call
come inside
come see your family
they're here to visit you
it's your birthday, darling
you're eight years old
and something's wrong
inside your head
because you see stars where others see darkness
and you see love when others see –molly-
and you look at :girls:
the way you're supposed to look at =boys=
once you've figured all of this out
of course
you keep
very
quiet
so you don't go inside
until they call you
for the third time
brash, outspoken Roxanne
you're nine now
and not so loud
freddy's noticed
but mum and dad are too busy yelling
and crying
and shouting
to care
(you thank your lucky star*
that you weren't named
after your mother's dead sister
if she had one)
(poor freddy)
double digits
one more candle
one more year of m-i-s-e-r-y
to your name
your name means bright
or dawn
but these days you feel
that sunset is much easier to live with
because it's another day that
you don't have to pretend
eleven candles, darling
a very special letter
in special green ink
but not so special
when there's two of you,
is it?
freddy, older by a minute
named after your dead uncle
gets all the praise
'just like your uncle, freddy!'
'we're so proud, and so is fred!'
'you'll be the prankster of Hogwarts!'
'oh, congrats, roxy'
'we knew you'd get in'
'very nice'
twelve times three hundred and sixty-five days
makes for
a very long time of hiding your love
she's at Hogwarts now, too
molly molly molly
a little too perfect
you teach her how to live
thirteen is boring
you're not old enough yet
to do the things you want to do
you want to get out
and you want to escape your family's name
honey, fourteen is only a year of mistakes
and fifteen is nothing much
(except your first kiss)
(but it was with a boy who used you—nothing special)
(there's nothing special anymore when you live your life
hiding from her)
sixteen
everything turns around
for good
'I might love you'
'I might love you back'
a trip to the greenhouse with
molly molly molly
and a blood promise to never tell
you're wrong together
because she's too perfect
and you're too ruined
by your family
by things that should have been and things that can't be
because your vision of life was one of
flowers
and love
and cloud watching
and books on rainy days
and roasting marshmallows
and someone there to wake you from your nightmares
but no one's woken you up yet
and seventeen is the year when all the flowers die
and love breaks (because she has to be perfect)
(for her family? or for herself?
is she ashamed?)
and the clouds don't look like stars
and the rainy days make you run for cover
and you've gotten burned by the fire one too many times
eighteen
but all that matters
is that she
is seventeen
and she is free to love you
will she come back?
sitting at the window
watching the leaves kiss the ground
and the snow settle in
you realize that nothing changes
unless it has to
so you change
a knock
an answer
two cups of tea
one kiss
three cookies (each)
fifteen laughs
and four hours later
you've changed.
you're not broken anymore
(maybe a little cracked)
you're perfect
because you tell yourself there's nothing wrong
with being in love
with molly
nineteen
twenty
twenty-one
twenty-two
married
twenty-three
twenty-four
twenty-five
an infinity
of love
A/N: This was written for the ever-amazing Cassie, who happens to be my twin. Cassie: more Moxy for you, because there's never enough Moxy in the world! ILY forever, and thank you for being absolutely lovely. I want that rainbow scarf, and I baked you cookies!
Please drop a review on your way out :3
Allie
