Chapter Seven
Surprisingly, Christmas wasn't all that bad. I lost the argument about Ruby not visiting me and, rather than being alone all day, she, Leah, VJ and Elijah all came to the hospital with food and presents. It was so much fun. I could barely breathe by the end of it because I spent so much time laughing but that's really just a case of getting used to the longer term damage to my lungs.
A specialist is meant to be coming round before they release me so that I can learn to work with the breathing difficulties and stuff that I'm likely to be stuck with for the next forever. On the one hand, it's kind of depressing to think about it and if I'm allowed to stay on the force, I don't know how it will affect my lungs. I can't hardly chase after a criminal and ask them for a timeout so I can catch my breath! But I'll cross that bridge when I come to it.
I can't really feel low about any lasting damage when I know how easily I could have died. I'm lucky to be breathing at all, never mind complaining about doing it badly. The shooting has taught me a lot of things, not least of which is that you have to live for the moment. You have to live your life as if it's you're last day and you have to make it count. There's no point wasting time with mistakes and sadness. You just have to enjoy everything that you can. I'm going to do my best to do that from now on.
It's New Year's Eve and tomorrow, I get to go home. I have to have an oxygen tank and take several inhalers around when I am out and about. It feels kind of nice to start afresh on 1st January 2012. I have so many things that I want to do; so many things I want to achieve.
Ruby has pledged her support and she says she is going to stand by me, no matter what. She and Casey are struggling though, which I feel bad about. She told me that it's not my fault and I'm relieved to know she doesn't blame me. I think once upon a time, she might have attacked me for it but it seems like we have both learnt a lot from the last few weeks.
According to Casey, Brax is drinking all the time and out on bail for the theft. Inspector Joyce came in a few days ago and told me that I will be formally reprimanded for what happened and it won't be easy but the only long lasting damage to my career will be a step back down to Senior Constable. I'm also to be supervised for my first six months back at work and I'm not to have anything to do with any case involving the River Boys.
To be honest, I think I've got off pretty lightly! I'm very grateful. Watson also visited and reassured me that she didn't think Brax would do time for any of the bad things we did together, although the guy he attacked is adamantly pressing charges. She thinks that he'll get away with everything else with just a fine, which is a relief. I still care about him, even if I am a bit scared of him now. And I know I'd feel terrible if I got away with it all and he didn't. Our punishments should be evenly matched, I think.
I'm looking forward to escaping this place and starting again. This time, I swear I am going to get it right. I'm going to change my life and make it count. I'm going to do whatever it takes to find Joey and tell her exactly how I feel about her. I can't make her fall in love with me but I'm going to work hard to see if it's possible.
The chances are, she'll never forgive me for what I did but I hope that if I can find a way to prove that I have changed and that I can be whatever she needs me to be, then at least I'll know I've tried. I failed to keep her two and a half years ago and I'm not going to make that mistake again. This time, I really will fight for her. I just hope I can win.
Next time… Charlie goes home, plans an engagement party for Liam and Bianca and finds out where Joey is…
