I do not own Naruto. If I did, would I be writing fanfiction?


First Person!

The piercing sound of something crashing ripped me out of my sleep. I gasped, shooting up in my bed, looking around frantically for the source to no avail.

"It was downstairs," Sasori's voice cut in from the floor next to my bed. I stared at him in shock, somehow completely forgetting he was there. The look on his face conveyed his annoyance as he laid on the air mattress, glaring at the ceiling. Then, I noticed the large bags under his eyes.

"How did you sleep?" I asked, pulling my legs over the side of my bed as I mentally prepared to find out what had been broken. His head turned slightly to look at me fully.

"I could've slept better," he mused. He pulled himself up into a sitting position, also seeming to prepare to get up. I glanced down at the air mattress that had very obviously lost much of its air through the night.

We both stood, him walking into the bathroom that was attached to my bedroom, and I rushed downstairs.

As soon as I made it down the stairs, I saw Itachi, Kisame and Kakuzu lounging around the room. I cocked an eyebrow at the annoyed look on all of their faces.

"What broke?" I wondered, already stepping towards the kitchen.

"Those idiots smashed something," Kakuzu growled. His green and red eyes stared into mine. "They were arguing and then we heard the crash. I tend to ignore their stupidity."

Kisame laughed at his bluntness and Itachi smirked, his focus not leaving the TV in front of him.

I swung the door open quickly, my eyes landing on the trio of misfits surrounded around a pile of shattered glass.

"Fuck you Deidara!" Hidan snarled, his finger pointed in said bombers face. "If you didn't fucking trip me I wouldn't have smashed those damn plates!"

"I didn't trip you, hmm!" Deidara hissed, his finger now jabbed in the Jashinist's face. "Tobi did!"

The masked man was crouched on the floor, attempting to sweep all of the glass together with his hands as he exclaimed things to himself like "Sharp!" and "Owie, Senpai!"

"Tobi," I giggled, walking further into the room. All three ninja looked at me as I handed Tobi the broom and dustpan. "You'll hurt yourself if you try to clean it up like that."

Tobi shot to his feet, grabbing the broom and dustpan excitedly, "Thank you Zoe-chan!"

I smiled warmly at the eccentric man as he bounded around the kitchen, sweeping everything around in different directions. I let out a small sigh and reclaimed the broom, ushering him out of the room for myself to clean.

"You don't fucking gotta clean that," Hidan mumbled. I glanced up at him from my squatting position on the floor while I swept the glass into the dustpan.

Deidara agreed, cocking his head to the side, "Why are you doing so much for us, un?"

"I enjoy helping people," I admitted. I straightened up to my feet, though I still wasn't very tall at all.

I was 5 foot 2, the second tallest out of my small group of friends. Beth was the tallest, 5 foot 5, always seeming to tower overtop of myself and Onyxcia. That left Onyxcia who was 5 feet and a half of an inch.

"Well thanks, hm," Deidara grinned, grabbing the dustpan out of my hands. Hidan grabbed the broom, shoving it back into the designated closet.

"I didn't think they'd be the helping types," Onyxcia mused as she waltzed into the kitchen. Sasori followed closely behind, looking around curiously for the broken object.

"What did you break, brat?" Sasori wondered, looking at Deidara with a semi amused look on his face. Deidara huffed out in annoyance, crossing his arms and turning his head to face the other direction.

"It was Hidan and Tobi," Deidara glared. "Don't always blame me, Danna, hmm."

"Fuck you blondie," Hidan hissed out, glaring at the blonde man. "I'll fucking kill you!"

"No killing in my kitchen!" I gasped out, pointing at Hidan. "If you want to kill something, go outside. Otherwise, there will be no killing here."

Hidan clearly didn't enjoy being scolded, his glare turning towards me immediately as the words escaped my lips.

Rolling my eyes at him, I placed my hands on my hips, turning to Onyxcia. "Is everyone up now?"

She nodded at me, cocking her head to the side, "What's the plan for today?"

"I think we should bring them to the mall," I shrugged, noticing all of the men give a confused look at the word mall. "They can't live in those clothes forever."

She nodded, crossing her arms over her chest, "We'll have to take two separate cars, but that's no problem."

"What's a car?"

We both snapped out of our conversation to look at Sasori as he looked at us, eyebrows furrowed. I grinned as I grabbed his wrist and pulled him into the living room where Itachi, Kakuzu, Kisame and Beth all sat. Hidan, Deidara and Onyxcia followed closely behind me as I walked in front of everyone, blocking the view of the TV.

"Okay," I started, looking around to make sure I had everyone's attention. "I've decided that today, we will bring you to the mall."

Beth glanced around the room, clearly also noticing the confused looks everyone continued to give. "The mall is a big building in town, in public," she stressed, turning to me with slight hesitancy, "where everyone goes to shop. We need to get you all new clothes, since you don't want to wear the same ones forever."

I nodded in approval, turning my attention back to the criminals and murders, "I need you all to be on your best behavior. Please don't make me regret bringing you all out."

Onyxcia and Kakuzu gave pointed looks to Hidan.

I grinned, turning to walk up the stairs quickly to inform Konan and Pein of our plan. As soon as I turned, however, I noticed them standing directly behind me. Gasping, I stumbled backwards slightly.

Pein let a small smirk spread on his lips.

Asshole ninja.

"Pein, Konan," I smiled after regaining my balance. "I assume you heard all of that?" They nodded, so I continued, "unfortunately, we can't bring Zetsu or Tobi. I don't want too much attention focused on us."

"I understand," Pein nodded, glancing around the room. "How will we travel?"

"We will use cars," I mused, staring at the confused look on his face. "It's easier to show you," I assured.


I walked outside, Onyxcia skipping over to her car with a large grin on her face. I sighed, turning towards Beth slightly. "Please make sure you explain to them what they're allowed to do and what they're not allowed to do."

She nodded, giggling at me, "Of course mom," she grinned.

I huffed out at the nickname before turning to the large group of people looking around outside curiously. A car drove by, causing a few of them to tense.

"What the fuck is that?" Hidan demanded, his violet eyes wide.

"That is a car," I laughed, looking at everyone. "We will be traveling in two groups. My car will have Pein, Sasori, Hidan and Kakuzu, and Onyxcia will have the rest of you."

They all nodded, seemingly uncertain on whether or not to trust the cars as we approached them. I opened the passenger side door for Pein, gesturing for him to climb in. He gave me a look, not budging and I huffed out.

"It's not going to hurt you," I assured, opening the back door as well. He climbed in the seat, looking around at the controls curiously as I ushered Kakuzu, Sasori and Hidan in the backseats.

Hidan hit his head on the ceiling of the car, not failing to yell a few cuss words as he did so, however Kakuzu punched him in the back of the head for him to shut up. As soon as I climbed into the front seat, I heard Onyxcia speed out of the driveway.

"Is this safe?" Kakuzu asked as I clicked my seatbelt, showing Pein how to do the same. I was less concerned with the men in the back wearing their seatbelts since they were ninja, but a cop would pull me over if he saw someone in the front without one.

"The way she's driving or the way I drive?" I laughed, pulling out of the driveway before heading towards town.

"The way you drive," Kakuzu clarified. I could tell the large stitched man was tense as his eyes flashed around him.

"Don't worry," I smiled, "I'm the safest driver out of the three of us. You got in the right car."

"How is the other girl unsafe?" Sasori's dull voice wondered.

I snorted, "Onyxcia. Onyx for short," I said, looking back at him in the rearview mirror. He cocked an eyebrow at me. "If she heard you calling her 'the other girl' she'd probably freak out. And, she's just a fast driver."

"I can fucking run faster than this thing," Hidan scoffed, his arms crossed over his chest. Pein pinched the bridge of his nose, clearly already annoyed with the zealot.

"I can't," I shrugged, pulling into the parking lot of the mall. "We're not all ninja," I reminded him as I pulled into a parking spot close to the doors. I saw the other group walking towards the mall and I grinned, knowing Onyx definitely got caught up in traffic and was annoyed.

We all stepped out of the vehicle, save poor Kakuzu who essentially jumped out before I was parked, and walked towards the other group of people. Hidan laughed at Kakuzu's expense, to which the greedy man slapped the back of his head with an annoyed grunt. Sasori and Pein each chuckled at this as we approached the other group who were waiting directly after the doors.

"He was driving so slow," Onyxcia hissed to Beth, her hands planted on her hips.

"I know, I know," Beth smiled gently to the angry girl. "I was there too, sweetheart."

Onyxcia snickered at the rare sarcasm that escaped Beth's lips, turning to face the rest of us. "How was your drive?"

I smiled at her, "Probably better than yours."

Her expression snapped from amused to annoyed, a sigh escaping her lips as I snorted at her.

I turned to the Akatsuki, "Please try to keep yourselves around one of us at all times. Don't steal," I ordered, giving particular looks to Deidara and Hidan before continuing. "Don't cause a ruckus, and don't talk to strangers. In this town, you don't know where they've been, or who's seen their genitals."

Deidara, Hidan and Kisame laughed at my statement, Kakuzu, Sasori, Konan, Pein and Itachi deciding to chuckle/giggle.

"Let's fucking shop!" Hidan cheered as Deidara grinned excitedly, enticing looks from people walking by. Pein sent Hidan a glare but he didn't notice it, looking around eagerly from store to store as we began to walk.

I sighed putting my hands in front of me and cracking my knuckles before striding next to Sasori quickly.

"I don't know how you deal with them," I admitted, elbowing the redhead slightly.

"I don't either," he grumbled. He turned to me slightly, a smirk spread across his features despite his tone. "It takes a lot of patience."

"But, Danna," Deidara interjected, turning back. He cocked his head to the side, "You're the most impatient person I know, un."

"Shut up, brat."