Ranger walked into the lounge room to find his daughter lying on the floor with her face extremely close to the wall fiddling with something. As he crept up behind her he saw that she had a drawing compass and pencil in her hand and was attempting to draw a semicircle on the skirting board. After a moment she picked up a knife and put the point to the line she had just drawn.
Leaning down close to her Ranger whispered, "What are you doing?"
Peigi jumped so high she almost stabbed herself with the knife. "Uncle Bobby told me to do it!!" she exclaimed. "He said there was a fine if we didn't have a semi circular hole in the skirting board!"
"Is that so?" Ranger asked, removing the knife from his daughter's hand. "And why is that?"
"He said that under the Tom and Jerry Law of … 1938… every house must be… be fitted with… a semi circular hole in the skirting board."
Ranger shook his head. Bobby was gonna be in for one hell of a hard time for a while. He was going to be pulling all the all nighters that were needed and he'd be stuck on monitors for months on end.
"I think we'll just have to pay the fine, Piggy, I'm sure we can afford it."
000ooo000
LIE #32
"DADDY!" Peigi exclaimed at her sleeping father, "WE HAVE TO PUT THE MILK AND COOKIES OUT FOR SANTA!!"
Ranger awoke with a start, spilling his beer in the process. He hadn't even realised he had fallen asleep, as most people don't. "Aww, Piggy, didn't I tell you?"
"Tell me what?" Peigi asked jumping up and down in anticipation.
"Father Christmas uses Amazon for the whole deliverin' presents thing now-a-days."
Peigi frowned. "What about the reindeer?"
Ranger shrugged half-heartedly. "He don't need them no more, must have let them go."
Putting her hands on her hips she glared at her father. He picked her up and placed her on his lap. "What are you drinking?" Peigi asked, sniffing his bottle.
"It's beer, it makes Daddy sleepy, why don't you go off to bed?"
The little girl shook her head. "I'm waiting for Santa."
"Baby, I told you, he's not coming, he uses will come! He will!"
000ooo000
LIE #33The family sat on the picnic rug, soaking up the pleasant afternoon sun. Emmet was dozing against his father's knee and Peigi was dropping crumbs for ants to pick up. Stephanie was sitting watching her daughter with amusement as she started counting the ants as they went past.
"… 33, 34, 35, 36, 37…"
Ranger, who also happened to be watching piped up, "Every ant you see has to be named." This received a grin from his wife and a curious look from Peigi.
"Are ants boys or girls?" she asked.
"The ones that we see are boys, now quickly, you have to name them all."
"Harold, Harry, Ron, Gerald, Seamus, Albus, Draco… Daddy, they're going to fast! Tell them to slow down."
"Sorry, Piggy, I have no authority over ants, only the Queen Ant does."
Peigi crossed her arms over her chest and continued as best she could, a frown on her face. "… Severus, Jeremy, Neville…"
Stephanie leaned over to her husband and enquired, "Has she been watching Harry Potter again?" All Ranger did was nodded.
"…Crabbe, Goyle, Fred, George…"
000ooo000
LIE #34Peigi sat in the lounge room watching "Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire" with her Uncles (Tank, Lest, Bobby, Paul and Joe). It was amazing how the little girl could make them all sit and watch it without complaint, but Stephanie had grown tired of Potter. Coming into the room she exclaimed, "I just heard on the six o'clock news; Harry Potter's been burned at the stake!"
Peigi and the men in the room all burst into tears. Stephanie hadn't intended it to go quite like this; certainly she hadn't expected the guys to react this way. After a few moments they all stopped crying and the room was filled with sniffs.
"Ya know what," Lester said, "We should have a Potter Marathon to celebrate his life! And pulled out all the other Potter movies that they had not yet watched that day." Winking at Steph, he continued, "I'll go get the popcorn."
