Admitting It
She tightened her grip around the collar of her wool coat as she moved her other gloved hand to rap on the door three times.
The second she felt the wood underneath her knuckles, she believed it was a mistake.
What was she doing here? Oh, this was definitely a bad idea. Merlin, why did she keep making such dumb decisions?
But she didn't have long to think her mistake over. Within seconds, the door creaked open and she was greeted by the awfully nasty face of Draco Malfoy – the sneering, bitter one that she had known all through school.
Upon seeing her, though, his face seemed to soften immediately. He smirked a little with one side of his mouth – that signature smirk – and then opened it to say, "Hello."
The shy tone of his voice made her smile slightly, and she greeted him back the same way.
"Umm – oh, come in, of course," he stammered as he moved out of the way for her to come through the opened doorway.
"Thanks," she said, not making eye contact, but examining the floor instead. "I umm – "
"How did you – sorry, keep going," Malfoy gave a little chuckle. They had spoken at the same time once again.
"No, it's okay," she insisted. She didn't need to tell him that she didn't know why she was there, anyways.
"Well I was just going to ask how you knew I was here," he said, not seeming particularly angry that she was able to find him, however.
"Oh, I guessed, actually," she smiled. "I figured you'd have gotten out of the house as soon as you could, and this place just came to mind. The receptionist told me which room you were in."
"Oh," he nodded.
They both fell silent.
Hermione was sitting on his bed (a dreadfully uncomfortable one, she noticed as she shifted her weight a bit), and Malfoy was seated in a wooden chair near the corner of the room. They weren't that far apart, but still, Hermione reckoned they were far apart enough to not hear each other breathing. But she could hear him very well indeed, and it was making her uncomfortable.
She looked up at him and saw that he was intently examining his dark gray socks. For absolutely no reason, she examined them as well. Maybe – or it was what she hoped – it would distract her from the painful silence in the room.
"I – um – I dropped by your office today," he admitted. Hermione let out a breath that she didn't know she'd been holding, now that they were finally speaking.
"Really?" she asked. She wondered why he would have gone there. "Did you need something?"
"Oh, no I just – well, I wanted some company," he said.
"Oh," she nodded. She noticed a very light blush creep into his cheeks and felt a slightly deeper one creep into hers at the sight of it.
She was very unaware that Draco Malfoy ever blushed.
"It's Saturday, though," he continued about a minute later.
"Yeah," she agreed. Oh, Merlin, this was a painful conversation. Why were they so awkward around each other?
Well, then again, it would be rather strange if they weren't. Seeing as they hated each other all through life and had suddenly decided to become friends.
"I sent a letter to Scorpius today," Malfoy began a new conversation. She was grateful that he was good at starting conversations, because as soon as a silence began in the room, she was entirely unable to say anything.
"Really? I sent one to Rose a few days ago. She's in Ravenclaw – funny, huh? I always thought my kids would be Gryffindors for sure, seeing as I was one and so was Ron…"
He nodded. "He's a Slytherin," he said.
"Yeah, makes sense," she nodded too.
His head jerked up and his eyes caught hers. He smirked just a little bit before asking, "What's that supposed to mean?"
She chuckled. "Oh, nothing," she teased. Suddenly, she was in a very good mood. She would never say that it was because she was enjoying the fact that he was looking at her.
"Well, anyways," Malfoy continued. "I told him about – ahem – about Pansy and I." His voice seemed to have caught a little towards the end there. Hermione felt a pang of sadness for him, and was very surprised indeed to be feeling bad for the man who'd given her so much trouble all her life.
"Do you think he'll have a hard time with it?" she asked. Suddenly, she was imagining telling her kids that she was splitting up with Ron. She imagined that Hugo would have a very difficult time.
He shook his head. "Unfortunately, I was never very good at shielding him from her problems. I think he's known all along that we're unhappy together."
"Yeah," she nodded understandingly. She felt like Rose knew, too, how unhappy she was with Ron.
Suddenly, a jolt jarred her senses and she realized that she'd just admitted it to herself.
"Wow," she breathed out loud.
He looked over at her. "What is it? Is everything okay?"
"Umm, yeah, sorry, I just realized something," she stuttered. "It's nothing though, never mind."
Her mind raced so fast that she didn't even realize the room going silent once again.
She was unhappy with Ron? Well, she couldn't really say she was happy… Oh, Merlin, was it true? Was she truly suffering in the situation she was in?
She felt close to tears suddenly.
"Umm, Hermione?" he said awkwardly. She noticed that he was watching her, and therefore could see the plain look of horror that she knew must be on her face. She was touched, however, at him using her name. "Are you okay?"
She nodded, but felt a tear slip down her face at the same time. She brushed it away, hoping he didn't see it, but immediately one replaced it. She let out a sob despite her will to remain calm.
Draco was terrified. He had never, ever been in the presence of Granger (No – it's Weasley now. Hermione Weasley) crying, let alone actually feeling something akin to sorrow for her.
He froze, completely unable to move, as she spiraled out of control. Suddenly, he felt himself get up and move to the place next to her on the bed.
"Don't cry," he said, trying to be comforting. Please don't cry! he added in his head desperately.
His hand found her back, and he patted her softly. She let out another sob and began shaking uncontrollably.
Merlin, was this scary.
He moved the hand from her back to her waist, pulling her close to him. He tried not to feel the exhilaration that came with the feeling of her so close to him, and he tried even harder not to accept what it could mean.
She settled into him, crying into her hands as he held her tightly, and he couldn't help but feel like crying himself.
Oh, to feel a woman's body in his arms again was like heaven. It had been so long since he'd felt the soft curves, the gentle touch, the silky skin. His heart beat quickened.
He noticed that she was settling down, and took the opportunity to release her, no matter how much he didn't want to. He knew it would be a bad idea to let himself feel any more of what he'd already felt too much of.
"I'm so sorry," she said, drying the tears from her cheeks. "I better go."
She made a motion to leave, but he grabbed her wrist instinctively.
"Please stay," he said gently, hoping so much that she would agree.
She chuckled sadly. "Why? So I can cry all over you more?"
"I don't mind," he said truthfully. "Hermione, sit down."
He knew that using her name would help. And he was right.
She looked at him with her shining eyes, hinting greenly because of her freshly shed tears, and lowered herself back down beside him.
His hand didn't leave her wrist, and they sat in silence once more, this time not feeling so uncomfortable with the fact that there was nothing to say.
