Heroine
"As I saw it everything was perfect," his tears hadn't stopped, but they had definitely slowed and his breathing was half way to normal, "I had everything. A five year old doesn't need much to be happy: a home, a family, and friends. My mom and dad lived where they worked; in the jungles surrounding the Congo River in the Équateur territory. They went as researchers and ended up getting married and raising me there, cliché huh?" He joked trying to lighten his mood, Raven continued stroking his hair and gave an amused hum; she knew him better than he thought he had let her. "We even lived in one of the relatively peaceful times there; I won't say the county was a happy one, Zaire, never was but the common people lived mainly free of violence and so did we."
"Zaire?" Raven asked seemingly confused, he had referred to the country as its current name.
"That's what it was called until the end of the First Congo War; I never saw the fighting up close but I heard the fights going on from the jungle." He realized he was diverting from what he had promised to tell, and when he looked back to Raven and saw a stern, but curious, warning in her eyes and he nodded in response. "We lived next to a small village that surrounded the Congo River, north-east from Mbandaka. My parents had lived there since the seventies and my birth was as a full tribe member, even after turning green they still regarded me as one of there own children." His tears began to regain momentum as he remembered the life he had lost, and the fact it was because he had been weak didn't help him right now.
"What happened, Garfield?" Rae's voice remained soothing and contained a level of understanding of his loss, "No matter the events that happened you were too young to possibly have any control in them."
"Always protect the ones you love from harm." His raised his ungloved hands so he could face the reminders of his failure, his tears gaining in number. "It was the one absolute rule my parents taught me, not out of strict discipline; it was their way of life, and it's my way of life, Rae." His voice didn't faulter despite his tears, he could not and would not allow it, and he meant those words. "My dad saved me from certain death, Rae, even though everyone told him I would die from Sakutia. Only my mom believed in him, but I doubt he even needed that, he would have saved me anyway. My mom had already saved me from just dying at the hands of the ape that attacked me because it was finally dying from Sakutia. That's who they were, Rae: heroes."
"So, are you, Garfield," Raven cut in, "You risk your life night and day for people you don't even know, as well as the ones you love." Her voice now containing worry at his words, fine, if she wanted to know why he saw himself the way he did.
"For my fifth birthday my parents took me for a boat ride down the river since my favourite game was to explore the shores for miles each way with my friends from the village. When we came back..." He lost his voice at the memory, Raven remained silent realizing the subject he had changed to, "It was burning; everything was burning. Our home, the village, the surrounding jungle, even the villagers themselves! I could see what looked like an army shooting the villagers, my tribe, and setting new fires. I simply froze and cried in fear; I just couldn't do anything else! My dad went to help the tribe, while my mom hid me from sight and told me to be quiet before following. I just remained frozen by my fear I just watched as my whole world was burnt or shot in front of me."
He sat up still glaring at the lines of his palms; re-living a nightmare that he had refused to face in years. His voice became loud and raspy; his tears written into his words. "Even when my mom stumbled back into my sight bleeding; I just remained frozen. I watched as he walked up behind her and shot her in the back, all I did was look into her eyes as she screamed at me to run! Then, I just ran! How could I just do that!? I let him destroy my whole world, while he laughed in front of me. I left my mom to die! I never even saw my dad again! I ran because I was too scared. I was scared because I knew I was too weak!" He still couldn't bring himself to say his name; he was still too weak to face that man without fear. This was why he knew the world would hate him: he was a monster. "It was first time I ever changed: my fear drove me to any resort to getaway, that's how weak I was! I tapped into my powers that bring me physical pain so I could run, even after that I still didn't try to save anyone I just kept running! And when I couldn't do that anymore I just sat down and cried into my palms." Raven seemed to make no response to his words from behind him, but the barrier of aura dissipated.
"My age has nothing to do with it! I can remember every detail of my hands on that night: the scratches from trees and earth, the natural lines. Every time I see my hands I remember those details. Each one reminds me of the truth: I let the ones I loved die! I'm nothing but a weak mon-" He was cut off by Raven's smooth hand clasping over his mouth from behind. He felt her chin rest on his shoulder which caused her breath to tickle the nook of his neck, while tears that weren't his landed on the said shoulder, her over arm wrapped around his torso.
"Do not finish that sentence." Her voice was quiet and tearful, but her proximity made it the only thing he could hear; this was a reaction he had not expected. His surprise caused his tears to finally lose intensity but it didn't soften the sadness he could smell from her. "Garfield, let me remind you of a truth. You were an infant; no infant is expected to even be able to protect themselves, let alone the ones they love. The ones they love, or rather the ones that love them, protect them. That's exactly what your parents did. From what you describe; it sounds as if they achieved this right up until their dying moment. Do not hate yourself, Garfield. Your mother gave her life for you, as I am sure your father did. I won't say it's something to be happy over, I am not happy my mother sacrificed her life for me, but I do not hate myself for her death. Do you know why?" He turned to face her now; she had never spoken to him of her mother. He only knew from Nightwing that Trigon had killed her mother before the demon's resurrection, because her mother had attempted to halt the prophecy. Her eyes were glowing with tears of sorrow, but it wasn't from her memories, he could sense it was from his words and his feelings. "My mother wanted me to live. She did not hate me for what my conceiving and birth had brought her. She loved me enough to risk her life for me, as you all did. I can't say I don't feel responsible but I refuse to hate myself because of it."
"How could you hate yourself for that, Rae? If I was the one who lost my life for yours I wouldn't want you hate yourself for that, I'd just be happy that I dyed for something as good as that" His voice now an instrument of sincerity, he didn't even understand of Trigon could hate her, other than maybe the fact Trigon hated everyone. Raven's eyes and voice took on a stern tone as well as the sadness they already possessed.
"Stop being a hypocrite, Garfield. You are doing exactly that." She brought her hands behind his neck and pulled his face to hers so their foreheads met, so he could only see her eyes, even though he could have sworn he had seen several random objects begin to levitate. Which he now became hopelessly lost in, they were simply mesmerizing and her soft voice only helped that effect. His tears finally stopped. "Your mother, your father, your tribe. They all died protecting the ones they loved. If that includes you then you should not hate yourself, you should enjoy living for them, not suffering. Just from what you said you should realize that is exactly what your mother wanted."
"Why-- would she want that? Why would any of them want that?" He whimpered as he continued to gaze into her eyes, "He even said I was part of the reason." He hadn't told her that; it was what made his family's lives his responsibility. "He killed them all because of me!" His tears began to flow again. "He told me he wanted me and the villagers wouldn't tell them where I or my parents were. He just came because of me. If I hadn't ever been there the village wouldn't have even been attacked. He may have even not hurt my parents if I hadn't survived Sakutia."
"STOP IT!" Raven's eyes now personified sorrow itself, and he heard the, now confirmed, randomly floating objects explode. Her voice was now a yell, and filled with a sadness Star showed when one of the team was seriously injured, "Who is 'He'?" He refused to give that answer, to which Raven quickly lost her patience and continued. "Even if you were part of a mad man's motive it doesn't make you responsible! Did you blame me for my father!?" He winced under gaze, "No! You did not! Did we blame Starfire for Blackfire's actions!? Did we blame Robin for Slade's persistant mind games!?" That one hurt him at the thought of what she meant, her voice returned to normal volume but she didn't return to monotone, "Stop blaming yourself for something that you could not possibly control, please, Garfield. It doesn't make you weak or ugly." Her tears escaped her eyes once more, and she was the one to break the current stare they shared, removing her forehead from his. He instantly cupped her chin, making sure not to scratch her smooth skin, and brought her brilliant eyes back to his.
"Do not cry, Rae, please. Otherwise I really won't be able to stop hating myself." He meant that with every fibre in his body, her tears were a sight he could not bear just for the pain they showed within her. "Can we save your second question for our next 'talk'?" She nodded in his palm. "Thank you, tonight you have been a hero, or rather heroine, to me, Rae." He leant forward and kissed lightly on the forehead. He knew how big a step that was and was rather surprised, but pleased in a lot of ways, the only reaction was complete stillness and an obvious blush. He swiveled and put his feet to the ground on the left side of the bed; put on his boots and left to return to his own room without another word.
He felt lighter. The knowledge Raven did not hate him was an incredible boost to him, the memory wasn't his only pain but it was one of the biggest. The fact she was still willing to share his past, and the fact she was willing to share hers, felt like an incredible weight off his mind. Not to mention she hadn't thrown him into hell for kissing her, even it was just the forehead.
As he fell down to rest on his bed he was the happiest he had ever been in years. He had no idea where he had gained the resolve to kiss her. Ever since Terra he had been afraid of letting himself care for anyone in that way again, and he was sure that Malchior still affected her resolve in such matters as well. But he now felt he could trust her with everything and he wasn't ashamed to admit that. He could shout that admission to the heavens, if Cy wouldn't use it against him. However, Cy's extortion abilities were worth being weak over when faced with them.
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A/N: I first have to apologise to anyone offended by the mention of The First Congo War in this story. I simply want to keep to real world history, since any history I make up for a region would be disrespectful in my opinion. I use it on the basis of the country I chose as BB's origin and the fact he is meant to be 20 in the story which is set in the current year. Read the history and check the dates if you want, but I assure everyone I mean no offense only aiming for accuracy.
Anyway, I want opinion's on this because I'm not sure if it works so please tell if anything should be changed because I will definitely consider it.
Repost due to very bad metaphor in original
