THE TOWER OF THE SKY
Truths
Chapter 7 - Part 1 - BPOV
"The View (Pt 2)"
-*- All was golden when the Day met the Night -*-
I want to keep looking at him, only him, but that's ridiculous and he's so insistent on my looking out towards the giant tree in the distance, so I do.
I'm shivering inside because the heat between us has built in the moments we've been up here, alone. I lean with him against the cold stones of the open window he's led me to and I think it's funny, in a very unhumorous way, how I feel so chilled and warmed at the same time.
I stare at the tree, waiting, while concentrating completely on how close his arm is to mine. If I were to move just an inch to the left I'd be pressed against him, only by the innocent arm, but I feel like that small touch would be enough to explore for now.
Before I suck in a breath and make my move something happens.
The tree does come alive.
"Whoa," I elegantly gasp before I can help it.
Tiny lights have started errupting from the inside of the tree, moving about it's leaves and branches freely and frantically.
The tree is rather far off in the distance so I cannot see every separate leaf but it's not so far that I can't see the details of each of the fine lights that dashes about it's perimeter and within it's limits.
It's beautiful and alive and magical. It's like nothing I've ever seen before. It's something I've dreampt of seeing ever since I was twelve years old and first heard of this very tree that comes alive in the night only once a year.
"What are they?" I ask softly, hoping that I already know the answer: Paladins.
"Paladins," he responds in a voice just as quiet. "They are little pixies that live in the cherries of that tree. But you've heard of them before, haven't you?"
Even his voice feels insanely close to me. I want to lean into it, too, to touch it. But that's just more of the ridiculous coming through.
I focus again on the tree and the lights and the Paladins that I wasn't convinced existed until now.
"Yes, I've heard of them," I say as I remember very distinctly the first time I read about them in a book I picked up years ago when I was still just learning about the world of the Tower. "I wasn't sure they were real, though."
"Most people aren't since they only appear once a year and they only live here, in this tree, guarding the barrier to the Tower Realm."
"I know," I sigh as I quietly continue to admit how amazing this experience is for me, "I studied them a lot when I was researching the Tower World after my Incident. They are such a little part of the magic in this world, but they caught my attention. They sort of fascinate me."
"I know."
I feel him staring at me so I turn my head away from the beautiful sight of the dancing tree and look back at him.
His eyes are so dark up here with only the light of the moon to illuminate them. They look almost black and that makes his gaze more intense than usual, which at this moment is almost too intense for me to handle.
"I brought you up here because I wanted you to see them. I wanted to show them to you, if I could, since I saw them before, last year. Aro informed me of their appearance tonight and of your inclination to them so I just thought... well I thought it would be a nice reason for us to spend time together, secluded, since their celebration is kept under wraps. It's all just an excuse in the end, I suppose, to spend time with you. But I thought it'd be nice if I knew we were doing something you'd enjoy, at least."
His rambling is cute. He smiles shyly and it looks odd on him. As if he reserves his smiles for rare, rare moments and they are never meant to be shy. His words warm me and encourage me and I cannot help but analyze them. I realize three things.
One. He knows of my odd fascination with the Palidins. I've never told anyone about that because it's just something small and unimportant about me. So how does he know?
Two. He wanted to show me them himself. To be alone with me. To give me something I'd enjoy or to make sure I spent time with him, or both.
Three. He thought he needed an excuse to hang out with me.
I turn my head back towards the tree, towards the sprite celebration that is happening there, and swallow hard, ridding my mind of any hesitancy. He made the first step in conversation, admitting that he thought up this whole thing as an excuse for us to spend time together. Now I felt I could be open with him about the thrill I had of being here with him, at the thrill that shoots through me at the thought of being anywhere with him.
"You didn't need an excuse, just so you know, Edward," I say quietly into the night as I make a point to concentrate on the tree whose inhabitants are glowing a soft orange color.
I can still feel him looking at me. He does not pause before he responds. The shyness of his smile is completely abandoned and instantly replaced with the conviction in his voice.
"I know now. And until you tell me otherwise I'll asume I don't need one when I wish to steal you away in the future."
I like his boldness. I like that this feels more like the boy who first spoke to me outside of the Platt cabin. I think that maybe, hopefully, this is the real version of him while the version of him that walks me to class is a nervous facade that I will not have to endure again.
I turn back to him and am faced with a more proper smile this time. It's confident and slightly cocky and crooked.
It suits him.
I feel my cheeks heat and clear my throat a bit.
I try to remind myself that I'm not afraid of anything. That I haven't been since I was eleven years old.
"No. No, you definitely don't."
He nods once and things, the air between us, begins to heat even more than usual. I feel as if the invisible particles swirling between us are turning into tiny embers. I want to look down, to see if maybe they are so that I can catch the space between us alight in a brilliant glow, but I don't look because again I'm choosing his gaze over anything else.
I have forgotten the magnificent tree and the Paladins. Before I met Edward I probably would have said that the one thing I wanted most, the best treat I could receive was watching a Paladin celebration.
A lot of things have changed since I met Edward, though, so I am not surprised to add this to the list.
"What do you think the heat means?" I ask in a quiet voice, knowing he will know what I'm referring to. The air between us, then pencil, the hotness in the connection between our eyes.
"Aro thinks that it has to do with a special connection within The List-"
"Edward, what do you think it means?"
"I agree with Aro."
I clear my throat and remind myself: I am not afraid of anything, not even what I feel for this enigmatic boy.
Make him say what you want him to hear, Bella. Make him admit that this is something special.
"So you think that whatever is going on between us has to do with our placement on The List. Nothing more?" I push.
It's clear in my inflection that I do not think this is true. I think it is more and I think he thinks that, too.
"Yes."
He looks like he means what he says. His stare is hard. It's not unkind but it's guarded. Hesitant.
The rejection is hurtful.
"Ok," is all I respond with, because everything else I want to say is too revealing of my disappointment.
I don't believe he's telling me the truth, but I have to accept that he doesn't want to speak of what's going on between us out loud. He has to know that whatever is happening between us is more than The List connection. It's unique and mysterious and intense. But I'm not going to pry that much further, because pushing for the truth and exposing desperation for what you wish to hear are two things that lay on opposite sides of a very fine line.
A moment of hot silence passes between us. I decide that I cannot look at him anymore so I turn back to the tree. There are fewer lights flying about, but they are still there, dancing and celebrating.
I feel like crawling into bed and breaking the sacred pencil that I guard with my life in two because I'm feeling miserable that the reason why I ever pushed that small piece of wood off my desk for a week straight doesn't even want to acknowledge what's going on between us.
I turn to tell him that I'm tired and want to go to bed (a lie that will grant me the wallowing I'm craving) but before I get any words out he speaks again.
"Yes. All right. Yes. I do think there's more to it. Between us. I think that there's more than just our connection to The List. I think the connection is deeper. I don't have anything like this with anyone else, on the list or off."
I smiled and sigh at the same time at his rushed admittance.
Thank you, Edward.
"I just wish I knew what it is that's happening. I don't feel this for any of the others either. This heat, or pull, or whatever else."
"Attraction, Bella. You don't feel attraction to them, that's your whatever else."
I pause at his bold, sure word. Attraction. So we're admitting it, then? Out loud. That we are attracted.
He is throwing me for a loop again, making me feel once more like I'm not enough for him, because he is almost too much. He fights against himself constantly, within the same moment it seems. But I'm slowly breaking the barrier he has put up around him and I am pulling out the self-assured boy who wants to talk about being attracted to me with lips that are twisted into the most egotistical smirk I've ever encountered or swooned over.
Again, I like it far too much how he looks when he's being cocky.
"Ok. Yes, then, I don't feel attraction to anyone else like I do to you."
I don't like how quiet my voice is or how pink my cheeks feel, but he's still smirking at me so I think that maybe he does and that's enough to keep me from launching myself out of the window in embarassment.
"Anyone else on The List specifically, or any one else at all?" he asks seriously.
"Anyone else at all."
He smiles and it's beautiful. And then it's gone.
"What's wrong?" I ask.
Clearly something is. His eyes have changed and his mouth is in a sad line. Again the mood has shifted. He looks down at his hands and then back up to me. It's all done very dismally.
"You don't know what hearing those words from you does to me. It's... overwhelmingly satisfying. But I have to tell you the truth, Bella. About me. Before this gets too far. Before you get in too far."
I snort a bitter laugh quietly.
He doesn't know that it's too late already. I'm in too far. My days are composed around him, around the attention he gives me and the thoughts I have about him. I do function perfectly fine when he's not around, I laugh and smile with others that are not him, and if he never spoke to me again after this night I would be able to continue with my life, even if I would always keep him in my mind.
But my feelings about my life are starting to center around his reactions to me and that's definitely getting in too far.
I nod for him to continue before I admit all of that, though.
"I cannot have normal relationships," he says slowly, giving each word time to form, to float, and to fade away.
"What does that mean?"
This sounds all right to me. He is not a normal boy. I don't want normal with him. I want to kiss him and live with him and make him so happy his electric hands shoot lightening into the sky every single night.
"It's all part of my Remarkability," he begins with a heavy sigh. He runs his hand through his hair and looks at me from a downcast stare.
He's sad.
And from this one look I'm sad and I don't even know why.
And then he speaks again and I do know why.
"Basically, I cannot be touched. By anyone. Probably ever. If I ever come in contact with another human's skin I'll lose my Remarkability and my placement in the Tower Community. I'll lose everything."
"What? Why?" I ask. I'm curious and upset both at how unfair and unnatural this is for him and for the many fantasies this is requiring me to give up.
This definitely ruins things for me and my hands that want to run up and down his arms.
"I don't know why, exactly. It's just... it's sort of a long story but it's something that Aro knows to be true. His brother Marcus was the strongest prophet that the world has ever seen before he disappeared after his wife died. When I was born Marcus phrophecized my powers and with it my stipulation. I cannot have physical human contact. Most Remarkables have stipulations, it's not uncommon, right? This is mine. It's harsh, and isolating, and drastic-"
"And unfair," I interrupt harshly.
I feel rude for doing it but it's too late for manners on my part. This is unfair. To me. To the boy I want to touch. To this poor man before me who has been deprived of any basic form of human connection for who knows how long.
"It's my reality. I've grown used to it," he says, resigned.
"How long has it been since you've been touched, Edward?"
"My mother hugged me the night that my parents died. The night of my Incident."
Ten years. It's been ten years.
"I'm sorry, Edward," I whisper. And now, more than any of the days in the short few weeks I've known of him, I want nothing more than to reach out and grasp him.
"No, I'm sorry," he argues, the fire coming back into his eyes. "Bella, I'm standing here telling you that I think the connection between us is something more, something stronger than I've ever felt before but that I cannot physically act on it. Ever. You need to understand that before you get too involved with any sort of relationship with me. I cannot give you what any woman deserves. It doesn't matter what I feel or how much I enjoy being with you. I meant what I said about our attraction being mutual; it's more than I could have hoped for. But it's just a fantasy in my reality. Relationships aren't plausible for me. You have to walk away. I'm a dead end for you."
His voice is strong and sure and my eyes sting with the threat of tears but I hate crying so I hold them in. This feels horrid. This feels wrong. This feels like the end of something that never even had the chance to begin.
"I would never call you a dead end, Edward," I manage to say through strained breath because I just want him to look happy again.
"You don't even know me. Not truly."
This statement makes me mad. I know him more than he thinks. I watch him in moments when no one else is watching him. I study him. And I really do feel like he's given me more glimpses of his true self than I think he has given anyone in the past ten years, even just for seconds at a time.
"I know that I like being around you. I know that you make me laugh, and blush, and second guess everything about myself because I want you to like what you see."
"You shouldn't concern yourself with what I think, Bella. I cannot ever act on what you make me want to do."
The air around his words hangs thick and for a second all I want is to know what I make him want to do.
"Well, I still want to get to know you," I say with conviction. "I know that you cannot be happy living so isolated. And I don't think I can just walk away from you now that I've found you, no matter what you can or cannot give me. I'll take whatever I can get, whatever you're able to give. I don't care about anything else."
"You will."
I shake my head and bite my lip in frustration.
None of this is fair.
I feel like he's too used to being pushed away. Or he's too used to doing the pushing. Either way, I do not see that as an option for me, for us, not now, because reguardless of whether or not he can ever kiss me or hold my hand, I'm addicted to him.
I do not think about the long term ramifications of getting emotionally attached to Edward Masen. I do not think about how painful it will be to potentially fall in love with a man that I have to stay away from, literally. I do not think about how soft his hair looks, or the redness of his lips, or the broadness of his chest.
I stare into his eyes and only think that the sadness, the lonliness there is wrong and horrible and I want to help it disappear. So I smile and lean my head against the edge of the stone window and try to look calm as I resign myself to be a part of this fate. To his untouchable fate.
"Edward, something you are going to have to learn about me, quickly, is that I make my own decisions. If I want to get to know you, I will."
The sadness doesn't leave his eyes but he chuckles and nods, and it's a start.
"Don't say I didn't warn you," he murmurs under his breath as he sighs.
I turn towards the view out the window and notice that the tree has gone dark except for two small lights dancing around each other in the outter limits of the branches. The moon is high in the sky, and the sun's light reflecting off of it has turned it golden. This is how the night of the Paladin celebration is marked, by the gold hue that streaks through the sky. It marks a new Tower year, a new beginning for the Realm that none of us can get into. It's a beautiful, rare sight, and I try to appreciate the subtle beauty of the golden glow in the sky and the two innocent lights dancing in the shadowed branches of the tree.
But I'm too obsessed with sealing my fate to Edward's despite any frustrating stipulation so my attention quickly turns from the golden night back to him.
"Thank you for being honest with me," I tell him, truly grateful.
He simply nods once and smiles sadly.
"Can we promise to always be that way? With The List, and with this attraction... it would just be nice to know that we mutually agree to be real with each other, no matter what. One hundred percent."
His smile widens and brightens a bit and he nods again, this time sighing, "Of course. I adore honesty. And I would really like to get to know you, too, Bella, please don't doubt that despite how hard I've urged you to stay away."
It's my turn to nod and thank him and we stand at the window in slince for a time, stealing glances at each other and the glowing night. I do not know how long we stand there for before he recommends that he walks me back to my dorm. I do not know how I make my feet move and my heart stay whole as my time with him tonight comes to an end.
All I do know is that I've probably began my whole entire relationship with Edward based on a lie, despite the honesty pact I've asked him to enter into with me. I do not just want to get to know him. I want to fix him, and love him, and defy reality with him.
And so help me, I swear up and down the almighty Tower of the Sky itself that I will, some glorious day, figure out a way to touch him.
Chapter 7 - Part 2
"The Stall"
Oh, Reader! These Characters, they are certainly on the move, aren't they?
These are not the bold moves we wait anxiously to see them make, but they are signifigant motions none-the-less. While our guarded Edward and our fated Bella descend the stairs of the Viewing tower The Arrow stands in the shadows, admiring what he has sprug into action.
Our Arrow is a strong man. He is a leader and prophecised ruler. He is calculated and learned and proper.
He is also extremely tired of watching Edward Masen remain isolated and cold to the rest of humanity, especially since so much of what he has yet to learn centers around love.
So what if he had to pull a few strings to get the boy into action?
Now, he is not a meddling man. But Aro: The Arrow will never, ever regret telling young Edward of miss Isabella Swan's fascination with the Paladins, nor will he rebuke himself for encouraging the boy to give her the gift of watching them dance in the tree.
Because even The Arrow has a heart and even he, the one being on earth that knows more of any sort of magic than any other, can attest the the unyielding magic of young love.
"You just cannot resist pulling strings around this place, can you?"
The voice of Jasper Whitlock pulls Aro from his hidden musings of how his non-meddling seems to be turning out.
It's a bit entertaining, isn't it, Reader? Seeing The Arrow jump a bit from his hiding spot, having been snuck up on by one of his subordinates.
"Sneaking around is not a healthy habit to form, my boy," Aro tells Jasper in a way that momentarily makes our Whitlock character fear that his most frequent form of sneaking with young Alice has been discovered by the one person the sneaking has been put in place for.
"You are speaking a contradiction, old man. How can you stand here in the shadows spying on Edward and Bella and lecture me about sneaking?" Jasper deflects, feeling the air for any suspicion Aro has of he and Alice, but thankfully finding none.
"I was not spying. I do not have any need for spying. I was just curious. When I'm around I like to see things unfold for myself. They are good kids. And I have a right to know what's going on in the hallway of my own school after curfew."
See that look that he is giving Jasper, Reader? It is the look of a powerful authority figure in the middle of a reprimand, and it is a practiced look between Aro and the Whitlcok boy, but Jasper has earned the right to smirk at it so he does.
"You are still so bothered by the fact that we sneak out of here and pow-wow at the Platt's cabin, aren't you? It's all right. I've told you that I have those meetings under control. Besides, it gives the others a thrill to think that they are breaking the rules. Carlisle mostly, I think. I've thought of tolding him that we aren't actually breaking the rules, that you know all about our exploits on more than once occasion because his saintly heart can barely handle going against authority."
Jasper chuckles and it's so easy to see why people enjoy his company. His face lights up and his eyes scrunch. These kinds of Characters are always fun to be around. We are lucky to have one such as him, even if Aro is disapproving of his mirth in this moment.
"You are far too amused by good behavior, my boy. They are all fantastic students so of course I trust that these secret outtings to Perso will keep from spiraling out of control. That's not my concern, though it does comfort me that you are on The List, that you are there at these premature meetings to keep and eye on things while I cannot. I sincerely dislike keeping them all in the dark about my involvement but it's just not time to officially begin our work together."
The Arrow's features grow dark, concerned. We have surely never seen him like this, have We?
Jasper has. Though it's very rare that Aro shows this level of concern freely while in the company of others.
In a state of curiosity Jasper leans further into his trusted mentor's consciousness and soaks in the feelings swirling about him. We can see Jasper grow in concern, too, even after Aro remembers the Remarkability he is in the presence of and expertly wipes away his dark feelings.
He was too late, though. Jasper caught a glimpse, a taste of Aro's forboding concern and he is now so curious, he will do all the questioning we hope him to.
"Tell me the truth, Aro. Why aren't you taking the place as our Leader yet?"
"I told you already, it's just not time."
Aro begins taking steps into the hallway, away from the shady corner he was resting in while Edward and Bella passed on their way to their rooms. We follow Jasper as he trails The Arrow. The hallways are deserted and silent. Just right for this type of hushed, late night conversation.
"Well, when will it be time? I'm not going to lie, keeping quiet about what I know, how much I know about The List, and the Tower Realm, and you... it's getting tiring. I'm not sure how I'm supposed to grow close to all of them when I'm keeping all of these secrets about myself."
"They know of your place at this school, do they not? Use your status as a pretence for your distance. At least for now. At least until I can take my place and assemble us all together officially. Then we can all talk freely of everything."
"I will not flaunt my status as a Professor, and you know that. They are all a bit younger and less experienced than me, yes, but I will not be daft enough to assume they are beneath me. We are all on The List together, Aro. That makes us equal. To believe that I would act as if it were any other way is insulting."
"Do what we are all called to at points in life then, boy: just do what needs to be done for the time being. Only you can figure out what that is, sometimes moment by moment. I do not know what else to tell you; what else you want from me."
"I just want the truth, Aro. As a professor at this school, and a member of The List, and someone who trusts and loves you, that is all I want. The truth."
We almost run into the back of them as they stop, abruptly, in the middle of the cold stone hallway.
Do not worry about the darkness in Aro's eyes, Reader. His inky, troubled stare is caused by the very things working around us, creating the story. If he did not look so troubled we would not have anything to look forward to.
Jasper feels the concern begin to fold around the elder man once again and he knows that what is coming he does not particularly want to hear.
"The truth, Professor?" Aro asks quietly, with a sour attitude he normally holds in check quite well. "The truth. The truth is that I'm stalling."
"Excuse me?"
Stalling is not anything that is ever to be associated with Aro: The Arrow, the leader of the Tower High School. Stalling is for those who do not know which step to take next. Stalling is for the unprepared and the frightened.
Jasper does not like the sound of this stalling business.
"Something is off, Jasper. Everything has begun far too soon. The Calling, the Composition... it's all come well before it should have. I mean, look around you! You are the only qualified Remarkable on the List. Isabella and Alice, why, they are first years. Babies-"
"They are grown women."
The conviction in Jasper's voice reveals what We know about him, about his opinion of "Baby Alice". She is no baby to him. She is everything. Luckily, though, our Aro does not sense this deeper connection between Jasper's words and heart. He has too much more going on through his mind in swirling patterns that cloud his usually keen sense of suspicion.
"Even so, they are infant Remarkables."
"So, what are you saying exactly, old man? We were Composed wrong? We won't be as effective?"
"No, I'm not saying that. The List is as it should be, there is no way that could ever be tampered with. The names are correct. The timing is not."
"Well what went wrong? How could the Calling have been triggered early?"
"Truthfully? I don't know. But until I do know more things need to stay as they are. They all need to get as much training as possible and you all need to get to know each other. You need to be my eyes and ears in the meetings with the Platt girl. I don't know how long it will take, Jasper, but I will find out what is going on and I will take my place as Leader when the time is right."
A few more words are exhcanged between them. The younger man comforts the older, and it's a nice moment for all of Us to see as We pull away and let Our Characters be for the night.
Let us take a glance around, shall We?
While Jasper turns down the wrong hallway (The one Aro would disapprove of, the one that leads to the courtyard outside of the gir's dormitories) Alice waits patiently there for her love who is twelve minutes late, shortening the little time they have together.
Carlisle and Esme both sleep soundly in their separate locations: school and city. They are happy and content and truthfully the Characters who have the least to worry about, at least for now, at least until their unrest is required for the thrill of the story.
Emmett stalls sleep as much as he can as he lays in his bed, worried over the state of his Rosalie who can no longer sleep with the window open.
Edward and Bella hesitate outside of her doorway, talking quietly about nothing of true matter, as they both wonder to themselves how long they can put off the hurt this risky relationship will inevitably cause them. It's not wise to push off such things that you know will come to pass, but the way they look at each other helps convince Us that they are ultimately doing what is right. It is not good to keep such Characters as these apart, for they will only be forced to be more violently pulled together again. They promise to tell each other something new, something true about themselves each day, and that is enough for now. That will stall the hurt.
As we pull away even further, Reader, to give our Characters room to rest, we see the last two Paladins still swirling in the tree, still celebrating a new beginning with their dance. If it seems that they have been dancing for too long, my friends, it is becuase they almost have. They will stall the end of their celebration for as long as possible, until all of the gold has faded from the moon and the sky. These two tiny beings will push their time together until the very end of possibility, for the end of their dance is also the end of their glow, the end of their lives.
Isabella has never read about this tradition in a book before, but it would be good for her if she had, my Reader.
For then she would know more of how the Tower Realm works. It is a world of give and take. It is full of beauty, and sadness, and ultimately of balance.
Every new beginning requires an end. Because the only way to begin to live truthfully, is to kill the life full of the lie.
This took long, I know. I just cannot force this stuff to come out when I'm not in the right state of mind.
Remember that this is a fantasy story as well, so the world I'm creating and the things that live in it are simply what come from my imagination. This story was always intented to be something I wrote as a release for the fantasies in my head, and I will always stay true to that.
Thank you to those of who you are coming along with me :)
LOVE YOUS
-Car
