Author's Note: As per anonymous's reminder that I haven't written for this story for a while, here's another chapter! This was suggested by Nitany on AO3! Read, review, and enjoy!
SSSSSS
Steve heard cursing over his comms, spreading throughout the rest of his team as they all took in the situation. He felt his usual admonishment – "Language," – rising on his tongue, but couldn't force himself to say anything. His team had a legitimate reason to curse this time.
Standing there in the military base in front of them was Tony Stark. Tony Stark. Splayed out behind him in a resplendent burst of color was the rest of his team, Vision, Rhodey, and… and Spiderman? Spiderman was here? Steve couldn't help his own curse from tumbling out. With wide eyes, Steve watched as Stark shook hands with the head of the military base (and, from the research Steve's team had done, suspected Hydra member), smiling charmingly with that hint of barely disguised boredom-disgust-superiority-distraction that was trademark Stark. Spiderman was bouncing on the balls of his feet behind the group, head practically on swivel, huge bug eyes contracting and expanding depending on where he turned his head.
Steve hadn't really gotten a good look at the young hero during their only interaction. He'd been busy fighting people he knew, trying to figure out a way to get himself and his team out of that mess, away from the airport and away from the Avengers, towards the people they were trying to stop. It hadn't even occurred to him to take more notice of the tiny hero beyond a moment of idle conversation. Sure, he'd noticed that the kid had insane reaction times (something that Spiderman called his 'spider sense') and an impressive amount of strength (it's not that easy to catch a truck like that).
Now, though, Steve could watch and notice and look. Spiderman was even smaller than Steve remembered, limbs thin and still slightly gangly through the suit. There was definitely a layer of muscle, but also a hint of boniness that spoke to his age. The suit hugged every part of him perfectly, sculpting out an image of what lied underneath. The mask was the worst part, though, completely hiding his face from view. Based on Spiderman's tendency to ramble, Steve felt like Spiderman would have an expressive face and he wanted to see the emotions play over Spiderman's face. Although, to be honest, he really just wanted to see Spiderman's face in general. Or learn his name. Or actually talk to him instead of writing to him. Or hold his hand. Or go on that date they'd been talking about. Or be able to be with him and not be stuck in opposite places in this messed up conflict. Or anything.
It was Falcon's hand on his arm that broke Steve out of his near trance, "You doing okay, man? We need you in the game for this."
Steve took a shuddering breath, "Look at him, Sam."
Sam's eyes flickered towards the tarmac, his lips pulled downwards in confusion. Then, he apparently saw something because his mouth fell open and he cursed again, "I didn't even think about that. God, I didn't make that connection. I'm sorry, man."
Wanda's voice was sharp over the comms, "What connection?"
It was Natasha who answered, "Spiderman is down there. It's going to be hard for Steve to go against Spiderman."
Wanda's curse was, at least, in Sokovian. Steve took a deep breath and shook his head, "Let's just ignore that. I'm being ridiculous. Obviously, we need to rethink our plan. First step to reorganizing our plan is to see what the Avengers are doing." It hurt to say Avengers and mean someone else, but Steve had gotten used to it by now, "Let's hope that they don't decide to stay at the base. I don't think they will because Spiderman's still got a secret identity, but they might anyways."
Everyone gave a soft affirmation, Falcon squeezing Steve on the shoulder before heading back to his location.
They watched for a long time, the afternoon slipping by in a lazy swirl of muttered conversations and ambling personnel. The Avengers had followed the suspected Hydra member (and that had raised Steve's hackles, made him want to burst out of cover and go protect what was his from Hydra; he'd lost enough to them already) into the compound, disappearing for hours.
It wasn't until twilight that they finally reemerged. Steve's gaze immediately moved to Spiderman, checking him out for injuries, trying to read how the day went through Spiderman's expressions. He was prevented from doing both of things by the suit and distance, but Steve consoled himself with the fact that none of the Avengers looks particularly alarmed or angry and Spiderman wasn't limping or favoring any limbs. Steve might not have the best impression of Stark, but he still respected the man. Stark was scared and guilty and doing what he thought was right. Steve really believed that they all would have been able to work it out if they'd sat down and talked about it. There was no time, though. No chance to work it out through the threat of other super soldiers and the machinations of a madman and Bucky's confusion.
Steve shook the thoughts out of his head. This wasn't the time nor place. He needed to focus on seeing where the Avengers went. If they left the compound instead of heading towards the barracks, then Steve's team could attack that night. If not, well, Steve would have to rethink everything.
Thankfully (or maybe not because the sight of Spiderman flying away burned in a way that not a lot of other things did), the Avengers left immediately after that, flying away in a high tech helicopter. Steve didn't know where they were going or how long they were going to be gone. He waited a half an hour to make sure that they wouldn't be able to get back in time if they were brought in for help, then he struck.
The team moved magnificently. After the time they'd put in together with the rest of the Avengers and the time they'd had to get used to working in a smaller team with a more select group of abilities, they were a well-oiled machine. Steve didn't think he'd be able to work together with a team as smoothly and flawlessly as he did with the Howling Commandos, but that was okay. They were from another time, a simpler one with less grey and more concrete goals. People trusted the heroes to get things done the way they needed to be done. There was no need for the Sokovia Accords, no need to take away the rights of the people who were trying to save the world. Steve knew that the rest of the Howling Commandos would be just as indignant about the Accords as Steve was. He knew that they'd make the perfect team, one he could trust implicitly, could understand. They knew everything about each other. There were no secrets and no judgement. Just… Captain American and his Howling Commandos.
Still, they were gone, dead, left behind with the man that Steve used to be, used to be able to be. They didn't belong in this new world any more than Steve and Bucky did. The didn't deserve to be put through the trials and horror of this world the way Steve and Bucky had been.
That logic, that knowledge that he didn't want the Commandos in this time (he wanted to be in their time) was what allowed him to work with and lead the Avengers and this new team. They were different, but that didn't always mean worse. And maybe they'd never work as well together as Steve did with the Commandos, but they had a different strength, a different point that made them an amazing team. And Steve was okay with that (he really wasn't; he wanted to go home and bring his best buddy with him. He wanted to find his old friends and fall apart with them and celebrate the end of the war. He wanted to bring his soulmate with him, introduce the gangly hero to his team and watch them accept him, watch them treat him better than he was being treated. He really wasn't okay…).
Steve had to physically shake the melancholy away again, sighing into his arms.
They were back at their temporary base, getting in a few hours of rest before they headed out to a new location, this mission labeled complete and compromised. Steve was too wired with emotions to properly go to sleep. Instead, he sat on his mat and brooded.
The feeling of a pen over his skin jolted him back into the moment. Spiderman was writing, So, Mr. Stark just said that the Secret Avengers made an attack on the military base that we were checking out. You okay?
Steve stared down at the words, irrationally upset and frustrated and lost in the past. There was resentment and grief and anger swirling around in his mind and Steve took the only outlet he had (and probably the worst one to take). He wrote back roughly, Why do you stay with Stark?
The pause that followed his question was lengthy. Steve wondered if he'd scared off his outlet before he'd even really gotten started. It was a valid question, though. Why would Spiderman stay with Stark when he knew what the man had done, knew what the Sokovia Accords were, knew everything?
Spiderman's answer was shaky and obviously hesitant, I mean, he makes my suit. And he makes sure I have enough money to make my web fluid. You know that I don't really have all that much money just sitting around. It's hard to get the supplies to make my web fluid without stealing from Chemistry class in school. What else would I do, anyways? We live in the same city. Even if I tried to avoid him, I wouldn't be able to. I'm not exactly low profile and he knows where I live.
Steve could feel the anger mounting at Spiderman's words. The worst part was that Steve recognized that the anger wasn't directed at Spiderman at all – the other hero's words were nothing but logical. They made sense and were obviously meant to appeal to whatever mood Steve was in. Spiderman had neglected to bring in his massive heart which wouldn't let him leave the self-destructive Tony Stark alone. He neglected to mention the loyalty he had to the man that made sure that Spiderman had enough money in the house to pay for enough food to eat without becoming a charity case. He neglected to mention the responsibility he felt to prove himself to Stark because the man had helped Spiderman with so many things. Spiderman didn't mention those things, probably realizing that they would set Steve off.
Trying to bring himself under control (and not quite managing it), Steve scribbled out, You could join my team. You know roughly where we are right now. I could go and find you in New York, no matter that it would mean that I'm closer to Stark for a brief moment of time. I could find you in New York and take you with us. We could be a team. We could get to know each other. You don't have to stay with Stark. He doesn't need you like I do. Steve recognized that his handwriting was atrocious, that his mother probably would have come after him with a cat o' nine-tails if she'd seen him writing like this. He recognized that what he was asking was entirely unfair and cruel. He couldn't bring himself to care.
The pause before Spiderman's response was even longer than before. Again, Steve wondered if he was going to answer at all. This response was a lot slower, words almost neat as Spiderman carefully (Spiderman was never careful unless he was upset and trying not to show it because he had this need to not let others see him upset) thought out the response, Steve, you know I can't do that. I have school and my family and my best friend. Besides, you know why I turned down being an official Avenger. I want to be there for the little guys, be the friendly neighborhood Spiderman, you know? My home needs protecting and if I'm not there, then who'll protect them?
I can find a safe place for your family, one where they'd be treated with a lot more respect than they seem to be finding in New York, Steve desperately explained, I can get you schooling there, too. We can do missions when you're not in school there. They probably have a better education system than America does.
There was obvious amusement in Spiderman's words when he wrote, Blasphemous! Captain America says that something is better than America?
Steve didn't mean to snap (but he didn't really mean a lot of what he was saying), I'm not Captain America anymore!
There was another long pause that Steve was beginning to associate with Spiderman feeling hurt before the slow, careful words showed up, Right. I knew that. Sorry.
Steve didn't address the apology, instead continuing, And I'm sure someone else can look after New York. There are the Defenders there, right? They can deal with a little bit more of the city. New York has the Avengers and the Fantastic Four, too. The X-men aren't all that far away. One of them would take over for what you did if you left.
The words weren't just slow and careful and hurt anymore. There was a hint of coldness to it when Spiderman answered, So you're saying that New York doesn't need me, that I'm easily replaceable.
Sick to his stomach that Spiderman could ever think that way and angry that he would pervert Steve's words like that, Steve scribbled back, You know that's now what I meant! Why are you so resistant to this idea? Do you not want to be with me?
The pause that occurred after that was the longest that Steve had ever experienced with Spiderman. Sure, there had been times where one of them had written something and the other had taken a while to get to a point where they could look at and respond to the comment, but that was about it. If one or the other had to leave in the middle of a conversation, they always left a little note of warning first. They never left each other for really long periods of time.
Except, apparently, this time.
Two hours after his latest outburst, Steve was completely ashamed of his actions. What had he been thinking? This was just as hard on Spiderman as it was on him and he shouldn't try to pressure Spiderman into something he couldn't possibly do. What was wrong with him? And now he'd gone and run off the only good thing in his life (Spiderman wasn't really the only good thing. He was certainly the best, the perfect person to match to Steve's personality, but there were other things. Steve had a great team and a lot of good friends. He had a roof over his head, a bed to sleep in, and food to eat. He had Bucky waiting for him in Wakanda. He was just feeling melodramatic and depressed.)
He was about a minute away from breaking down into tears and about two away from a full blown panic attack when Spiderman answered. The words were still being carefully written, stern and bold, but it was still an answer, I want to start this by saying that I'm sorry if I've done something to upset you. I don't know what it is or when I did it, but I'm sorry. That being said, this was an unnecessary low blow. You know that I want to see you and meet you properly. I want it as badly as you want it. You also know how I feel about where I am and the responsibilities that I have here. You know that and have accepted that. I will not leave my family to fend for themselves and I will not bring them along with me to become an international war criminal either. We talked about that. The same way we talked about smuggling you into the country to come live with me and my family and vetoed that. The same way we talked about you coming back and trying to change things the way the government wants you to so you'd be at least in a jail I could theoretically visit you in. We vetoed that too. We talked about this and we agreed. If you want something that I can't give, then we can't be together at all.
Steve wrote back desperately, words a shapely and proper cursive instead of the angry scrawl they'd been earlier that night, No, no! That's not what I want at all! I want you, Spiderman. Please. I'm sorry for what I said. All of it. I just… I saw you at that base today. I looked right at you and couldn't do a thing to get your attention or talk to you or be with you in the way I so desperately wanted to. And then, fighting with my team reminded me of fighting with the Howling Commandos. Seeing the Avengers reminded me of when I was an Avenger. Today was just endlessly being reminded of the things I can't have and the things I've lost. I took it out on you and I shouldn't have done that.
No, you shouldn't have. But I'm kind of glad that you did. I would always rather you take stuff out on me than someone else. And you apologized, so it's all good, Spiderman paused before rushing out, You know, when I went to the Captain America exhibit at the museum, I pretty much only payed attention to the stuff that was only about you. I didn't really learn all that much about the Howling Commandos. Could you tell me more about them?
Steve felt himself calming further, closing his eyes and pressing his fingers against his soulmate's words. Spiderman was too good for him. Too good and too perfect. Hesitantly, not wanting to break the moment, Steve wrote, I'll tell you about them in a second. I have to ask something, though. This was, I guess, our first real fight. Are we alright?
There was no pause, no hesitation this time, We're alright. At least, from my point of view. Are we alright from yours? I know it had to have been hard to have seen me like that, standing there with the team that fought you, not being able to come to me. This was a sucky situation for you and I didn't help any. We good?
Absolutely, Steve wrote back resolutely. There was no way he was going to let this get between them. He loved Spiderman with every fiber in his being. After a second, he found a relatively large patch of open skin and started writing, Now, the Howling Commandos. Whatever history says about us, we were not dignified in any way. We were insane. All over the place. We were a bunch of guys in the middle of a messed up war. We were a complete mess. But they were amazing. I will always respect them more than anyone else. We were brothers in every sense of the word. There was obviously Bucky. Then there was Dum Dum Dugan. His name was something like Timothy or something like that, but everyone always called him Dum Dum. There was Jim Morita. He was pretty nice. Gabe Jones, Jacques Dernier. There were a lot of Howling Commandos in the end. Apparently Dum Dum took over after Buck and I were presumed dead and a couple people left and a few joined up.
Steve spent the rest of the night and long into early morning writing up everything he could about the Howling Commandos. Spiderman threw in questions here or there and Steve occasionally drew a quick image of what he was talking about. In the end, Spiderman had to deal with the aftermath of Steve's team's attack on the military base on zero sleep and Steve had to deal with a quick retreat from the country on zero sleep.
But it was worth it.
Author's Note: Always looking for more ideas! Thanks for reading!
