A/N: Thanks so much to everyone who has read and reviewed, and apologies for the long breaks in between updates!
ooo
The image of him before me left me stunned. I quickly realized that the illustrations in the fairy book had done him no justice. No, Char in the flesh stole my breath away. What I would do to just step up close to him and trace the slope of his jaw, or catch a tendril of his hair. To brush my thumb against the bottom curve of his lip, or to gingerly trace that ever-present furrow between his brows that had seemed to grow deeper since I saw him last. I would bless every pore on his skin if he would let me.
"Is it really you?" Char said. His face was so serious. I wanted to kiss it and never stop.
My mouth felt achingly dry. It felt like an eternity before I could answer. "Yes."
We stared at each other. His jaw was clenched – this much I could tell, even in the low light. I could only wonder at the thoughts coursing through his mind. I watched the emotions flicker across his face, like the moon in phases: confusion, hope, hurt, anger.
"What brings you to Ayortha?" I asked, feebly.
He turned his head, diverting his steely gaze away from me. "While we were passing through, my knights and I caught word of the Sing. We're on a short trip through the coast. On business."
I heard movement behind me. I had forgotten about James.
"And what a commotion you've made," James said, lightheartedly. He bowed. "T'is an honor, your Highness."
Char stared at him, as if seeing him for the first time. His expression changed. It was like watching a stone veil come down over his face.
"Is this your husband?"
I knew he was playing along to the last lie I had written him. It stung me more than I had been prepared for. I reminded myself that he had no idea I had been keeping up with his recent discoveries of the truth through my fairy book.
James slapped his knee and guffawed. "Husband!"
I wished I could swat James away like a fly. My voice emerged small and full of shame. "No, he's not."
Char fixed his gaze on me again, and this time I couldn't read him. I felt my throat tighten as the frantic urge rose inside me to explain. But what could I possibly say? All I wanted to do was tell him how much I loved him. That this was something I had to do, to keep him safe. But I knew I was better off making him think that I was indifferent to him.
Out of all the maidens in the kingdom, he had to go and choose to love me. The cursed one. I wanted to laugh. I wanted to weep.
"Were you ever married, Ella?" he asked. I caught it, this time – the lilt in his voice. The agony seeping through the façade. It rightly broke my heart. "Tell me the truth."
An order. My answer came out a broken whisper. "No."
I prepared myself for the hatred and the disgust. Char would never be so unkind to call me foul names, but that did not mean I didn't deserve them. I expected to see the love he had for me die in his eyes in an instant, but instead I saw nothing. He simply looked at me with his jaw squared and his eyes dark and impenetrable. There was no rage like I expected.
The absence of a reaction left me to stare back at him, dumbly.
"Thank you for your honesty," was all he said. His voice was somber but diplomatic, devoid of feeling.
He nodded to James, who bowed again, and then he began to walk away.
Something hot bubbled up my throat. I clumsily ran after him.
"Char, wait," I said. Unbeknownst to me, tears had started running down my face. I could feel the aching tightness in my chest, and I knew that once he was out of my sight, he would be gone forever. I reminded myself over and over that this was for the best. This was what I had decided on all along. He needed to forget about me, and move on. But not like this. Never like this.
He stopped, but didn't turn around. The moonlight hit his armor perfectly, illuminating him in the shadows of the eaves of the tree branches that swayed back and forth in the wind. I wiped the tears from my eyes with the hem of my filthy sleeve. I stared at his back, his beloved neck, the broadness of his shoulders. Was this truly to be the last memory I would have of him?
"I'm sorry," was all I could say. The salt from my tears stung my chapped lips. "Hurting you was the last thing I ever wanted to do."
One of his hands clenched into a fist by his side.
"If you didn't want me," Char said, "all you had to do was just say so."
And then he kept walking, until he was gone.
ooo
When I woke up, my head ached. The tender throbbing moved from the front to the back of my skull. I winced when the sunlight hit my eyes.
I smelled soil, and leaves. I looked to see that I was lying down on my cloak, underneath the shade of a large tree. There was another cloak on top of me, a larger one made of stiff, heavy fabric.
I sat up, taking deep breaths. Last night came back to me in agonizing waves. My headache worsened, and I groaned, laying back down.
"You'll never get anywhere that way," a voice said.
James. Oddly enough, I was quite proud of myself for no longer managing to be surprised.
"Where are we?" I asked, my hands still over my eyes.
"A few miles away from Ayortha. We rested here for the night. Well, we did at least – and managed to get you to lay down long enough until you cried yourself to a nice, deep slumber." I heard more rustling. "I think you quite frightened the boys, actually. They'd never heard real weeping from a woman before."
When I opened my eyes, he was crouched down next to me. In his hand was his canteen.
"Drink. You look awful. Even ogres would run away in fright."
"Maybe I'll be of some use to you yet," I quipped hoarsely. Parched, I took it and drank. I had to stop myself from drinking its entire contents. When I thanked him for the water, and he only nodded, walking back to where he had been sitting. The others' things were still around; they must have gone out hunting.
"So," he said, sitting down on the thick, exposed roots of a tree just a few yards away. He steadied his eyes on me. "You're in love with the Prince."
I looked away. If I had been capable of feeling anything other than heartbreak and self-pity at the moment, I knew I would have felt embarrassment that he'd had to witness last night.
"You'd be hard-pressed to find a female in our kingdom who wouldn't profess undying love to him in a half a minute," I said flatly. It was agonizing how true that was. Char was kind, intelligent, and handsome. He could have anyone in the entire kingdom. Why did it have to be me to be so cursed that I had to be the one to break his heart? What had I done in my short life to deserve such spite?
He snorted. "But I would be hard-pressed to find a female in our kingdom that the Prince would chase so ardently after."
I didn't say anything. I just stared numbly at my shoes.
"Why did he think that you were married?"
"Because I told him I was."
He folded his arms across his chest, amused. "Now, why would you go and do such a thing?"
I stood up. I shook out his cloak to get rid of the leaves and dirt before folding it up neatly. I walked over and handed it back to him.
"I don't want to talk about it," I said. Far be it for me to entertain him by telling him about how my biggest heartbreak came to be. Besides, it was over now. It was done. I would do anything to forget the night even happened.
Much to my relief, he nodded, conceding. "Very well then. I respect your wishes. However, it does behoove me to inform you that in all of last night's dramatics, you forgot to curtsy to the Prince. Which happens to be punishable with a day in the stocks, had one of his knights caught you. Just so you know."
He was grinning at me playfully again, which did little to lift my spirits, but which I appreciated a just the same.
"The boys were also very impressed with your bravery at the Sing," he continued. "But kindly asked me to pass along the request that you never sing in public again."
I laughed. "If they're so disgusted," I said, "why are you still with me?"
James shrugged. "After last night, we thought you could use the company," he replied. "And so could we, perhaps. After so long on the road, it's been refreshing to have fresh blood among us. Even so," he said, pausing, "if ever you find we hinder your journey, you are free to dispose of us anytime you wish. All you need to do is say so."
I nodded and thanked him although I had a niggling feeling that it had been more so James's idea than the others.
"Besides, the weather's been pleasant, which means people will be traveling," he sighed, leaning back against the trunk of the tree with his hands behind his head, his elbows pointed outwards. "I suspect this will be one of our more fruitful plundering seasons yet."
Much to my chagrin, he winked at me.
ooo
Over the next fortnight I realized that there was a great deal you don't learn from being a Cook's helper. One of them being squirrel traps.
"You've got to wrap the twine tightly so that when it springs up, it stays intact," Sam was instructing me. Sam had taken the lead in teaching me how to create my own squirrel traps, since the general consensus in the group was that he made the best ones. Over the past few days he'd shown me how to best pick out the right types of twigs for the traps – skinny but still sturdy – and how to finger weave the nets. So far I'd made three, but none had been particularly successful.
Today I was determined to finally catch a squirrel with my squirrel trap. It had proven to be a good distraction, but I was growing hopeless. What hope did I have of surviving in the woods without the boys if I couldn't catch my own food? I didn't want to rely on them forever.
We set my finished squirrel trap over by a large tree and walked some distance away to wait. Sam took a nap while I flipped through my fairy book. Fortunately, I happened upon an entry in Cecilia's diary.
My brother has returned from his trip! A bit unexpectedly, too. We had expected for him to be gone at least another week, but his knights had sent word that they accomplished their mission earlier than expected. Only Mother, Sir Stephan, and Char's most loyal knights knew what the real mission had been - to find the girl Char had been searching for. Father and the rest of the court had been told they were simply going on a trip to survey the lands that had been affected during the heavy rains. That part had been Mother's idea in an effort to shield Char from gossip, as well as the skeptical eye of Father and his royal advisor. I'll admit I only managed to know the full details by pestering Mother with questions until she finally relented.
I told Mother I had never known Char could be so romantic - searching our kingdom far and wide for a maiden who had captured his heart. Mother only laughed. "You'd be surprised, my dearest daughter, how much being in love changes the anatomy of your being," she said.
I was returning from my languages session when I saw Char and his knights riding into the castle gates. I ran ahead and greeted them, eager to be the first to hear the news.
"What news from the kingdom, brother?" I asked.
Char only smiled and playfully brushed the bottom of my chin with his thumb. I could tell from his face that he was exhausted. There were dark shadows under his eyes. But I could also tell those shadows were not solely caused by fatigue and lack of sleep.
My spirits dampened when I realized from his expression that he had not come back with good news, after all. I stole a glance at Sir Stephan, who only nodded at me somberly, as if to confirm my disappointment.
"The flooded lands are recovering smoothly. I have made sure to let the farmers know they have our support and that they can come to us if they need further help replanting their crops. I'll have the full report tonight." He gently rested his palm on my cheek. His hands were rough and callused. "It's good to see you, dear sister."
I watched as Char and his knights headed into the castle, no doubt looking forward to a nice bath and some rest. I had a million questions I knew I could not ask my brother. Had he found her? Had she not wanted to marry him after all? Who exactly was this maiden who had managed to capture his heart and yet eluded his affections?
I ran into the castle to find Mother. I knew Char would want to clean himself up before presenting himself to her. I found her in the master chambers with Grinilda tending to her hair and told her that I feared Char's broken heart had not been mended as we had hoped.
Mother smiled sympathetically at me and held my hand. "I am sorry to hear that. Perhaps Char will be able to give me more detail tonight, if his pride allows. But Char is a good man, Cecilia. I have hope that his heart will find its equal, sooner or later."
Mother is an eternal optimist. How I wish I had inherited that from her too.
I cannot convey how disappointed I am that my brother did not return with the one he loves. Even in his absence, Father has been quietly scheming with his advisors on how to get him married off. Char has been vocal and firm that he would never marry without love, but I also know that if circumstances were dire and his kingdom depended on his being wed, he would do so without complaint.
I sighed as I leaned back and closed my eyes, hugging the fairy book to my chest. I was glad to know Char had at least returned home safely. I longed to know more - to see an image of his face, or see an entry in his writing - even though I was not entirely sure my heart could take it. I could only imagine what he would write about me now that he had heard from my own mouth that it had all been a lie.
And yet... he hadn't asked me why. I had been afraid he would order me to tell him the truth about why I had lied, but he hadn't. Instead he had collapsed inwards and believed that I had lied and run away to save him from the rejection of his unreturned love. And as for me, I had no choice but to let him.
After Cecilia's journal entry, I flipped through a few more pages and only managed to find the week's menu drafted by the castle's royal cook. I was not surprised to see it bore no mention of roasted squirrel. I quietly closed the book and leaned my head back against the tree. The image of Char's face the night of the Sing flickered through my mind. It made the tender parts of my heart wince.
Then, suddenly, I heard it – the loud snap of my squirrel trap. I stood up, looking over to where we had placed it. There was something wriggling in the net. I squealed and began running over.
"Sam!" I called out, behind me. "Sam, I think I've caught something!"
James had been nearby and had also heard the trap. He met me there and helped me get the trap down. We both stared at the helpless little squirrel trapped in the net, frantically trying to get out.
James smiled at me. "Looks like we've finally got a winner."
Worry not, fair readers, for this is not the last we've seen of Prince Charmont! But, admittedly, it'll be a few chapters before we see him again. Hang in there! Please review if you feel so inclined!
