As Ryan pulled into April's driveway, he could see the girl sitting on the porch, smoking a cigarette. He had called her earlier that morning, after finally dragging himself home and out of Taylor's bed. She knows what's about to come, Ryan told himself as he cut off the ignition.
How had it happened so fast? Only a week ago he had been with April, happy and content with his relationship with her. It was true that he had never fallen in love with her, but so far that hadn't bothered him. Even knowing that Taylor was coming back to America had not really bothered him; he suspected that seeing her would be at first awkward to be sure—but Ryan had been confident that he and his ex-girlfriend would have fallen into a casual and easy friendship.
Now however, as he got out of his jeep, Ryan was on his way to breaking up with April. It had to happen because of what had taken place to evening before. After leaving that final apartment, Ryan and Taylor had gone first to get a drink to celebrate Taylor's new apartment; that one drink that turned into three more so by the time they had met with Summer and Seth, both Ryan and Taylor were feeling buzzed and affectionate. Summer had been overjoyed when she had spotted Taylor and Ryan enter the café hand and hand—Seth had shown considerable more hesitation but had still welcomed the new couple with a smile.
A new couple; yes, in Ryan's mind that is what they were. After dinner Taylor had taken him back to her hotel room and they had slept together. It had not been making love, it was not tender. She had kissed him and scratched and clawed at him as if she had not tasted a man in years. When their lust had been spent, she had lay in his arms and asked him what it had meant for him and April. Ryan had pronounced simply that it was over for them; Taylor had only smiled and kissed his neck and fallen asleep. Ryan wasn't exactly sure what he was getting himself into, but he felt propelled to take the steps necessary to secure a future with Taylor.
"Hey." April flicked some ash from the tip of her cigarette and attempted to smile up at Ryan. Her eyes were red from crying and Ryan felt a rip at his heart as he beheld the redhead.
"Hi." He felt horribly awkward in front of her; Ryan hated break ups by there was nothing to stop him now. Taylor's taste, her perfume and those brilliant hazel eyes commanded him hither to her bed.
"So you wanted to talk—talk."
"I called you yesterday morning."
"I know—I just didn't feel like talking." Taking a deep drag, April closed her eyes and reopened them to watch the smoke flutter into the air. "I guess you were with Taylor all day?"
"I was."
"And I guess that's what you want to talk about now?"
"Yeah." Ryan opened his mouth to speak but she cut him off.
"You know—I had a lot of time to think yesterday and do you know what I thought about?"
"I think you're going to tell me without having me guess."
"Why you never fell in love with me. We were together for awhile, weren't we?" She made sure to accent to past tense of the relationship. "But yet in that time you never told me that you loved me."
"You never loved me either."
"Wrong—I did once."
"You never told me." She watched him wordlessly for a while and for a moment Ryan almost thought she had not heard him.
"No—I didn't. For a few weeks I thought I was in love with you, and I thought that you loved me too—but you never said anything to me and the feeling passed." April shrugged her shoulders and threw the cigarette to the ground. "I didn't really mind that you didn't love me—we're both young and I don't think either of us are incredibly romantic people." She pulled out another cigarette and before she lit hers she offered one to Ryan—he refused. "But the reason that I speak of love is not to blame you for not loving me—I don't regret for a minute having fallen in love with you. No, I realized yesterday that one of the reasons you never fell in love with me is because you were still in love with Taylor—always have been in love with her; I just don't think you realized how actively in love with her you were until you saw her again." She stopped and smoked and waited for Ryan to reply; he said nothing, her words were holding him in his place, striking him silent. "You are silent and I think the reason you are is because you can't defend yourself—you do love her and your time with her yesterday proves it. I could tell at dinner—she completely memorized you."
"I'm sorr"
"No—I don't want to hear it." She stood up and her blue eyes were suddenly bright with anger. "You don't regret what's happening—you called me this morning with the intention of breaking up with me."
"You don't know that."
"Oh Ryan please don't be an ass. You can barely look me in the eyes and when you called me this morning I could tell in your voice that you were ashamed about something. You slept with her last night, didn't you?"
"April—things happened last night—it's complicated." Ryan didn't know what to say to her, all what she was saying was true but he couldn't find the words to make his side of the story. Maybe it didn't matter; he had behaved poorly of this girl and whatever blows she managed to inflict she no doubt deserved.
"No—it's not so complicated Ryan. I'm going to make it easy for you—we're finished."
"Just like this?"
"Oh so you wanted a scene? You wanted me to try and fight for you Ryan? Is that what Taylor would have done if there was another girl in the picture? No Ryan—I'm not going to fight for you—I'm not going to waste time on a guy who is so hung up on his ex-girlfriend."
"I didn't want it to end like this—so bitter." The words seemed hollow in his ears; had he really ever expected something different? Ryan had known her relatively calm reaction from the other night had just been a way of April not showing her hurt and disappointment. That's why he had tried to call her in the morning. Ryan had wanted to reach out to her, but at the same time, he asked himself, how much effort had he really wanted to make? If April had asked and pleaded for a second chance, would Ryan have caved in? Looking at April now, he told himself that no, he would not. He would still be doing the same thing he was doing now.
"If you want to see bitter, go talk to Emily about you." April laughed and looked at Ryan with a fleeting moment of fondness. "You were a pretty nice guy Ryan—I hope that it doesn't end in disaster for you." With that she tossed away what was left of her cigarette and turned away from Ryan. Before disappearing into her doorway, she turned and gave him one last look. "Take care of yourself, all right?"
"Sure."
