Peter was worried about the Neal situation. Neal wasn't being subtle. Even by Neal-Caffrey standards.
In some ways, Peter was amused. It was a bit like being wooed by a Nineteenth-Century gentleman. With a dirty mouth.
Neal was being extra considerate, even... chivalrous. It really should have bothered him more, the way he would try to take Peter's coat before being shooed away.
Leaving Neruda poems on his desk was kind of heavy handed.
Opening doors when Peter's hands were full of case files... well, that was just useful.
It was a bunch of little strange things Neal did, though. Romantic, sweet, but odd things.
But none of Neal's words were sweet and innocent, as he laced every comment with double meaning.
Peter was careful to shut Neal down when he got like this. Which was often. It had gotten to the point where Peter could just give Neal a look, or say "That's enough, Neal," and Neal would back off. For a while.
Because Peter was going to have to be the one with sense.
It finally occurred to him though, that Neal should really be better than this at seduction.
Not that Peter was admitting that Neal was capable of seducing him.
Just that Neal was being almost clumsy in his pursuit of Peter. And Peter wasn't sure why.
Obviously, Neal was up to something. Not necessarily something malicious or even illegal. But something.
And it was Peter's job to find out before Neal wrecked his own chance at a better life.
So it wasn't with all that much guilt that Peter bugged Neal's apartment at June's house.
The sordid activities between Neal and his guests were not that interesting. Especially since guests meant Haversham and sordid activities meant conversations about their Top 9 favorite thefts in history, (Top Nine because nine is a square number, and to Haversham that's apparently important).
One night, their conversation turned to the subject of Peter.
He knew that he should feel bad for listening in, but, predictably, he didn't.
"So what about Peter?" Haversham asked.
Neal sighed, loudly enough for the bug to pick up. "No progress, I'm afraid."
"You're obsessed. Seriously, Neal, I think you have it worse for Peter than you did for Kate."
"You're not helping, Moz."
"Honestly, I have never seen you pine like this for someone who isn't even-"
"He's interested, Moz. I'm sure of it."
"He doesn't act like it. And it's a good thing he isn't, by the way. Not too smart to jump into bed with the guy who can send you back to prison if you don't feel like blowing him that day."
"Come on, Moz, you know Peter's not like that."
"Lots of suits seem nice at first. Remember Emile?"
Peter frowned as he listened in. Peter had no idea who Emile was. Sounded French, though. Peter hated Neal's time in France. A big giant hole in his knowledge.
Neal continued arguing, "Peter is NOTHING like Emile. Don't even say that, Moz."
"Fine, fine, Agent Peter Burke is all sunshine and rainbows. His heterosexual wife must really appreciate that."
Neal didn't answer, but Peter could guess the look on his face from hearing Mozzie's answer, "Yeah, that hit a nerve, didn't it?"
"Elizabeth's great," Neal said.
"I know. I like her too," Mozzie answered, "And how do you think she'll respond if you tell her you want to screw her husband?"
"I'm hoping she'll say the more the merrier," Neal said, trying to get a smile out of Haversham. Peter could tell that it didn't work.
"Neal, that's what you would say. Not everyone responds that way."
"A guy can dream, can't he?"
"That's just it, Neal," Haversham insisted, his voice taking on a paternalistic tone that Peter was annoyed to realize he used often as well, "You are acting like your dream is going to become a reality, that there will be no consequences, and that-"
"Mozz! Relax! It's just a little infatuation." Neal said.
Peter frowned. From the sound of the answer, Haversham frowned too.
"Neal, don't try to play me. It's insulting. You are in love with a man and you have no reason to believe he remotely feels the same way."
Neal paused before saying, "I know."
Peter let out a breath he didn't realize he had been holding.
Haversham's voice was kinder now, "Neal, I'm sorry. I wish you could have your happy ending with Peter. But if you get involved with him-"
"Nothing to worry about, Moz," Neal answered, sounding annoyed and frustrated, "Nothing I do is working anyway, so you don't need to lecture me on the disadvantages of workplace romance, okay?"
Haversham paused and then asked, sounding confused, "What do you mean nothing is working?"
Neal sighed. "Nothing I do makes him like me any better. Every time I try to show interest, he gives me this look, like he wants to tell me to go to hell or something."
Peter closed his eyes. He felt a wash of guilt hearing the bitterness in Neal's voice.
Haversham, though, just repeated, still confused, "What do you mean nothing is working? Did you try the Looped Deloux? That would make anyone fall in love. No, wait, he's law enforcement. He might go for the Couer de Courage scam."
"Mozzie. I'm not doing that. He's too smart to fall for that."
"What then?"
"I'm not doing anything. I'm just trying to be nice. I'm like purposely not using what I know about him to play him. I don't want him to think... I mean it would kill me if Peter thought I was just conning him. So I'm just..."
"Being yourself?" Haversham asked.
"Yeah," Neal said.
"Oooh. Bad move. Even straight-laced folks are basically running a con when they try to date someone."
"Yeah. I know. But I don't want him to look back and think he was tricked into it."
Mozzie sounded confused again as he said, "You don't want Peter to look back? So you think this ridiculous plan is going to work and that Peter will look back on your bad seduction technique as a sign of your sincerity?"
"Sort of."
"Neal, you are a hopelessly deluded romantic. And a fool."
"What's that Moz? You think I'm very very romantic? Thanks."
Peter could practically hear Haversham's eyes roll. But as Neal changed the subject to avoid pursuing the argument, Peter thought about what he had heard.
Neal was in love with him. Not a crush. Not a scam. Actually in love.
Peter felt a tightening in his throat. Not just because he was starting to admit how much he wanted Neal, how much he ached for Neal. But also because Peter was worried. More worried than before. Because Peter had never met anyone more unpredictable than Neal in love.
And that made it all the more important that Peter remember every reason that this was a horrible idea. But it also reminded Peter that even when setting boundaries, he could still do his best to protect Neal.
The next day, when Neal tried his hand again at clumsy flirting, Peter was careful not to roll his eyes or give him that shut-up glare. He just smiled sympathetically.
He laughed at Neal's innuendos as if they were locker room banter. He thanked Neal politely but uninterestedly when Neal did little chivalrous tasks.
Finally, Neal burst out, "Why are you being so nice?"
"Why would I not be nice?" Peter said, innocently, then thought, oh shit, as he saw Neal's face fall.
Neal swallowed in anger. "Do you - know something? Did you - bug my place? June's place!?"
"Neal, don't be silly. Bugging you would just produce inadmissable evidence."
"You could bug me for your own information. Did you - did you hear what I said to Moz yesterday?"
Peter wanted to say no. But the hurt and resentment and anger in Neal's eyes made him not want to lie and make it worse. Besides, something was wrong when Peter lied to Neal more than vice versa.
So Peter just nodded and waited for the explosion.
There wasn't one.
Neal just thinned his lips and walked out.
Peter sighed, wondering what the effect of this would be.
Neal strode to his desk and started planning.
Peter was nice to him, he thought. After weeks of acting like he was one government form away from charging Neal with sexual harassment, now Peter was letting him down easy. Because poor sentimental Neal was so in love and Peter just felt so bad for him for having such a silly crush. Peter, Neal thought, feels sorry for me. He pities me.
The thought filled the back of his throat with bile.
Because if Peter thought Neal was just a criminal lowlife or a dumb kid or a bad seed or unattractive or not his type or not worth the trouble, well, that would suck, and it would be beneath Peter to think it and beneath Neal to let Peter keep thinking it. But Neal could handle it.
But pity? Pity for Neal Caffrey? Not because Neal had manipulated someone into feeling sorry for him, just plain old, real pity? From, of all people, Peter?
Hell, no.
So Neal decided then that fair play - fumbling honesty instead of con artistry - was no longer a necessary rule. He would be happy to play dirty; after all, Peter the privacy-eater had played dirty by bugging him in the first place. And Neal was willing to bet he was a lot better at playing dirty than Peter was; he had a hundred tricks to make sure Peter wouldn't be able to get him out of his head, to make Peter obsessed with imagining all the things Neal could do with Peter's cock. And every other part of him too.
Normally, being so aggressive would backfire. A con usually means making the mark think he's chasing you.
But then Peter literally did chase him, so that wasn't really an option. Neal remembered then for a moment the fervor with which Peter had pursued him years ago, when Neal was the young wunderkind who embarrassed the Feds by escaping again and again. Peter respected Neal then, saw them as rivals or equals or opponents, maybe as enemies, but at least on the same ground.
That's it, Neal thought. That's the key to Peter. Peter only thinks he wants new, straight-arrow Neal. Really he wants the man he chased.
Peter likes competition. Peter likes smart. Peter likes people who play to win.
And Neal was definitely going to win.
