Chapter 6: Stained
The Lucavi...
A force so evil, so despondent, yet so intelligent. A force of the netherworld that preys upon the weaknesses of humankind, using our faults as stepping stones for their twisted schemes. So secretive they were, going about their business with no mind paid to them whatsoever. Hidden behind the shadows, shielded from the fires of war, simply biding their time, waiting for that one ripe moment to strike...
We as a species never stood a chance. We were much too caught up in our own squabbles to begin to fight back. As our war of the kingdoms raged, the unknown war of the worlds slowly began to devour our people whole. We were fated to inevitable destruction at the hands of the Lucavi.
But then, he appeared, our hero.
Never grandiose in title as those of the time, he sought justice and nothing else. The visions of a savior, brought forth in the physical form of one man. The true hero of the Lion War, naturally unsung, but forever revered. He is the bearer of our way of life, the epitome of all that is pure.
However...
No one is without their other self. We all bear a side that we never even know about, it goes unknown throughout most of our lives, until one key incident brings it into its own. As it is a part of our very being, it shall not be denied its turn, its given right, to be allowed the opportunity to exist.
As I have found, my other self is one of frailty. A side I never wished to have, but had anyway. I'll not deny it, it frightens me to know I can be the strongest soldier, but at the same time, the most pathetic of human beings ever created. I will stand up to anything, but also cower in fear at the consequences of my actions. I'll fight to the last drop of my blood, but I am also afraid of what lies beyond the realm of mortality.
These two feelings of strength and weakness are a part of who I am, they are what makes me, me.
Will I ever show this other side to anyone else? Is there any reason to do so? What point would there be in revealing my own weaknesses?
Some say that heroes are not very far apart from madmen.
The malleable views of a hero are easily mistaken for tyranny, and though their actions be just, they are still feared.
To be used, tortured, and then thrown away by history and its followers can take its toll. To know that one's efforts were in vain is crushing to even the strongest of heroes. When a savior and his efforts are detested by all those around him, even they can become filled with another self. One borne not from justice or compassion, but from hatred.
The demons within all of us lie dormant, waiting for the perfect time to awaken. They could arise at any time, only when we are brought to the end of our will can such a restrained side of hellish intention be released.
If this demon is let loose, it will mean the beginning of a new war, brought about by the savior of the old.
I will not let it happen. No, it will never happen, not so long as I continue to draw breath. There is too much at risk here, the hero, my hero, will not become what I have long despised.
If there is no one left to quell the fires of his rage, it shall be me who does it.
I will not lose him to the darkness, I have sworn this upon my very life.
I must lift my battered body from the ground. I cannot perish like this, I refuse to.
For my people, for my country, for myself, and for him.
I will not die!
Agrias felt a drop of water fall onto her cheek. The liquid slowly slid down her face, causing her eyes to shoot open. Still feeling a tremendous ache in her side, Agrias looked down with reluctance to see what had happened.
"What...?"
Her wound, it had been cleaned and bandaged. Sitting up, Agrias inspected it carefully, seeing that the wrapping job was quite inferior, with the bandages falling loose in certain places. Even with the mediocre craftsmanship, Agrias' wound had finally stopped bleeding. Upon looking at herself further, Agrias saw she had been stripped of all her armor, leaving her in nothing more than the leather gear she wore under the plate mail.
Another drop of water fell onto her hair, which too had been washed clean of the blood stains. It was untied and now hung freely about her shoulders. Agrias looked up and saw that the building she was in had no rooftop, open sky met her upward gaze. Clutching her side carefully, Agrias pulled herself to her feet. She scanned the area around her, and noticed that the room she was in was burnt heavily. The wooden structure still singed in places, almost as if the fire that consumed it was recent...
"Ramza!" Agrias shouted.
Limping her way around, Agrias went through each room in the domicile, hoping to find a trace of Ramza. However, she was met only with abysmal emptiness, Ramza was nowhere to be found. Thinking of him made Agrias remember the last time she saw him, before everything went dark. He was soaked in blood, his own and that of his enemies. As he collapsed onto her chest, Agrias could feel Ramza fighting back a sadistic laugh, trying to mask it under his meek sobs of despair.
"Where is he...?" Agrias asked herself, trying to force any dismal scenarios out of her head.
After finally exiting the remains of the building, Agrias had to sit down, her body was screaming at her to continue resting. Agrias dropped into a sitting position, wincing and grimacing all the while from the pain of the stab wound.
"I can hear your heartbeat..." Agrias pantomimed herself. She placed a free hand on her chest and felt her heart steadily beating. While not as strong or rigorous as normal, it was still pumping. But this confused Agrias quite heavily.
Agrias remembered feeling the sword being pulled out of her body, which in turn caused her heart to slow down to almost a standstill. Already without any sense of vision or sound, Agrias could only sense the kind of bloodshed that was going on around her. A sort of a sixth sense she picked up during her time as a knight, it allowed Agrias to know what was going on in battle without actually being a part of it. But this was no ordinary fight, it was a massacre.
As the feeling of the slaughter finally faded, Agrias remembered hearing Ramza's voice.
"I'm here...Agrias..."
She thought everything was going to be alright, until the ruthless hands that brought about the brutal killing clamped around her throat, choking off her last gasps. It was then Agrias finally felt herself beginning to slip away. She could almost feel the cold touch of death upon her, and responded in the only way she could think of.
"Bring...him...back...return...Ramza..to...me..."
A bloodcurdling scream ripped Agrias right out of her brooding. She sat up with a start, eyes scanning the horizon for the direction the scream came from. When she determined what she thought was the source, Agrias started into a half-run, half-hobble. Another scream rang out, and Agrias was now sure that this was the right way. She was led into a small thicket of trees. Upon entering the brush, Agrias heard something scuttling about. She slowed to a silent creeping pace, not wanting to be discovered. The sounds got closer and closer as she inched forward.
Peeking quietly from behind a tree trunk, Agrias saw what was making the sounds. Her mouth dropped in shock.
"The blood...it won't come off...!"
"Oh my god..." Agrias whispered to herself.
It was Ramza, huddled near a small puddle of rain water, washing his hands and face furiously in the clear liquid. Time and again he dipped his hands into the water and ran them across his arms and face. He was stricken with panic and despair.
"No, no, no!" Ramza repeated like a broken record. "Get it off!"
"Ramza." Agrias finally made her presence known, stepping from the tree trunk's cover. Ramza's head snapped into attention, looking with a grimace at her.
"Get away from me!" Ramza demanded, curling into a ball.
"What is the matter Ramza?" Agrias inquired.
"Just go!" Ramza shouted again.
Agrias took a step towards Ramza, and the young man uncurled from his protective position and backed away.
"Ramza...?"
"I don't..." Ramza choked out desperately. "I don't want you to see me like this..."
"You're ashamed because there are bloodstains on your hands?"
Ramza nodded.
"We've been through countless struggles, and many times before we have stricken down human beings, their blood splattering onto us. What makes this any different?" Agrias poised.
"It's not like before..." Ramza said. "They were defenseless, but yet...I slaughtered them anyway...it was no different than the Lucavi..."
"Don't you ever say that!" Agrias shouted angrily. "You are nothing like them!"
"I felt no sense of mercy whatsoever..." Ramza muttered. "I actually...enjoyed it..."
Agrias gasped.
"Unbelievable..." Agrias said in disbelief.
"Please Agrias..." Pleaded Ramza. "Just leave me be...I'm slowly becoming the one thing I've feared the most..."
Ramza got to his feet and raised his blood-stained hands to his face.
"I've taken lives before, yes, but never as heartlessly as I did just now. I couldn't control myself...it was almost as if my body were acting out my heart's orders..."
"Your heart's orders?" Questioned Agrias.
"Rage..." Whispered Ramza. "The darkness within the hearts of men, one that cannot ever be defeated. I'm no different than any other person...I'm no hero...heroes have a sense of chivalry and grace, even when it comes to defeated opponents. I showed that I'm nothing like that, and my hands are now drenched with an everlasting reminder of how pathetic I really am..."
"Preposterous..." Agrias spat.
"I know..." Ramza nodded in agreement. "I don't know why I'm so weak...I just..."
"That's now what I meant." Agrias interrupted. "Where is the Ramza Beoulve I know? He would never be reduced to such a self-loathing knave like the person I see before me."
"He never existed..."
"I don't believe a word of that." Agrias said.
Before he could object any further, Agrias walked over to Ramza and clapped her hands on both of his shoulders, looking at him face-to-face.
"You're stronger than this, and you know that, just like I do." Agrias told Ramza.
"I'm not..." Denied Ramza.
"I'll not hear any more of this nonsense. Ramza Beoulve, you are the hero of Ivalice, whether you believe you are or not. As our hero, you must remain vigilant. You're not the kind of weakling who would so easily give into desperation, are you?"
"...I..."
"We share many battle scars, you and I." Agrias began again.
"Agrias...?"
"Now we both have one in the same area, from a single sword that almost took both our lives. I've no regrets of my decision to try and shield you, just as you should not regret doing what needed to preserve your life, and mine. Let these stab wounds be your reminder of who you are, and not of what you may become. You are Ramza Beoulve, savior of Ivalice, one who threw away everything he had for the sake of justice."
"But I..."
"If your hands are stained with blood, then so be it. I too know those same lingering feelings of remorse. But I have never given in to them, what kind of comrade would I be if I did? I would be of no use to you. By that same token, I require that you be strong as well. I cannot do this alone Ramza. I...need you."
Ramza looked into Agrias' eyes once more. He could tell her words were very true and heartfelt. Agrias really did need Ramza. Ramza's feelings of despair slowly began to fade away, replaced with a sense of calm and serenity.
"Okay..." Ramza mumbled to himself.
That was all Agrias needed to hear. She let go of Ramza's shoulders and gave an approving nod.
"Much better." Agrias complimented. "Already you're starting to look more like the Ramza I know."
Agrias made her way over to a nearby log and took a seat, holding her side.
"Sorry, I'm not really good at bandaging wounds..." Ramza admitted.
"Heh, don't worry about it." Agrias snickered. "After all, I am sure it was Alma who always took care of injuries, am I right?"
"Yeah..."
"I knew it. I swear, where would you be without a woman around Ramza?" Said Agrias with a chuckle.
Ramza felt a light snicker escape his lips. He then walked over to where Agrias was positioned and carefully sat down himself, trying not to aggravate the wounds in his lower side. Unlike Agrias', however, Ramza's stab wound was not nearly as serious, so it had already clotted up and the bleeding had stopped.
"Hmm?" Agrias looked over and saw that Ramza's wounds were not bandaged at all. In fact, the only thing that remained of Ramza's attire were his trousers, which were tattered and only covered him down to his knees, and a few strands of his shirt that hung loosely on his torso. Ramza saw Agrias staring at him.
"There were only enough bandages left for one person..."
"Typical..." Agrias mused. "But we should get that treated right away, before it becomes infected."
"I'll be fine." Said Ramza.
"When I said I needed you to be strong, I also meant I needed you to be alive. Going on with such a seriously untreated wound would not bode well for either of us." Agrias poised.
"I guess not..." Ramza said sheepishly.
"Then come." Agrias said as she got to her feet. "If we start now, we can make it back to the barracks by nightfall."
Ramza nodded and also got to his feet.
"Where are the stones?" Agrias asked.
"Uh...well..."
"You didn't...lose them did you?" Agrias said nervously.
"Wark!"
The familiar cry of a chocobo was heard, and seconds later the two were joined by the same yellow bird that had brought them to this place.
"Whew..." Ramza sighed with relief as he saw the wool pouch still tied on the saddle of the chocobo. "There they are."
"You left them with the chocobo?" Agrias asked.
"I had to go back and help you." Ramza said boldly. "Did you really think I was just going to abandon you?"
"I suppose not." Agrias agreed. "I really do know you all too well. Somehow I had a feeling you wouldn't escape, even if it was foolish and suicidal to come back."
"It's just how I am." Ramza said.
"Had it been anyone else, I surely would be fodder for the worms by now." Agrias said with a grin. Clearly she meant it as a joke, but Ramza did not perceive it that way. Instead, his face lit up with shock.
"I'll never let that happen!" He blurted out.
Agrias raised a brow in confusion over Ramza's sudden outburst.
"I was only kidding you realize..." Agrias said slyly.
Ramza's face changed from shocked to embarrassed in the blink of an eye.
"Oh!...I mean...!" He stuttered, trying to form a complete sentence.
"Ha ha ha, this is priceless." Agrias said with a guffaw, trying not to laugh so hard that it hurt her side. Ramza shook his head and turned away, mumbling incoherently to himself.
"I'm flattered Ramza, but I'm not like your sister Alma, I don't need a knight in shining armor to protect me." Agrias said.
"Um...yeah..." Mumbled Ramza.
"But, I do need a friend who will stand alongside me."
Ramza turned around to face Agrias again, his face finally turning back to its normal color.
"I wonder how the chocobo found us?" Ramza changed the subject.
"It just comes naturally with a chocobo and its master." Said Agrias. "A sort of unspoken bond, if you will."
Pulling herself into the saddle, Agrias offered her hand out to Ramza.
"It'd be best if I steer this time." Agrias said. "I will block most of the wind, we can't have you catching your death of cold, we've still much to do."
"You're right." Ramza said as he took hold of Agrias' hand and was helped into the saddle.
"Right then," Said Agrias. "Let us return to the barracks!"
With a swift kick to the sternum, the chocobo started into a dash, and the two were off once more...
