There was something good about this compromise thing, and Victor was going to use it to his advantage, or rather as an insurance policy of sorts. He had done everything but beg Nikki to let him join her when she told Victoria and Nicholas about their plans. He knew if he was with Nikki, their children would not dare utter their true feelings about the situation, but Nikki protested. Rather than get into an argument, Victor suggested since they were already at Nikki's place, they should just simply pack up her things now, and then he could take them to the ranch where she would meet him later, to which she agreed. Victor took solace in the fact that regardless, she would have to come back to the ranch, back to him, even if just for her things.
Nikki decided to go to Victoria's first then stop and see Nicholas on her way to the ranch. As she pulled into Victoria's drive, she was surprised to see Nicholas's car there as well. She was happy that the two were finally spending time together, maybe things would work out after all she thought as she rang the doorbell.
"Mom! Hey,"
"Hey sweetie" Nikki said as she hugged her daughter, as they broke apart she asked, "So, were you going to invite me over to the party?" Inside, sprawled over the living room, were Nicholas, Reed, Summer and Faith. Victoria laughed, "It was kinda impromptu. Nick wanted to talk about a few things, and we just got started and couldn't stop so he had the sitter bring over Summer and Faith, and. . . Well, we had a sleep over." Nikki smiled, "Do you know how happy that makes me? What were you two talking about? Just catching up?"
"You, actually."
"Me?" Nikki asked with a nervous laugh, "Oh," she remembered, "Yesterday. Nicholas got an eye full."
As they walked into the living room Summer, Reed, and Faith all jumped up to greet Nikki with hugs, as Summer explained they had no sleep at all because Reed had told them a very scary story, that Reed swore up and down, wasn't very scary at all. Nicholas was last to follow, and after they all had sat back down she said, "Listen, the other day. . . I'm sorry you saw that, we weren't. . . I wasn't expecting that to happen either, but. . . Um . . .Do you think maybe?" she cleared her throat and gestured to the kids, then the stairs.
"Oh, gotcha, yeah" Nick clued in, "Hey guys, why don't you go on upstairs for a bit."
"Ohhh , grown up talk" Summer said smugly as she led everyone up the stairs. Nick laughed and shook his head at his daughter and said, "Yeah, I wasn't planning on seeing that either."
Nikki took a deep breath, "In light of your current revelation, I think it goes without saying that your father and I have been spending a lot of time together." She paused, then continued, "Listen, there is really no easy way to get to this, so I'm just going to say it. I'm quite certain you won't like it and I'm not asking you to, but I do want your support," she pleaded before she finished, "Your father and I have decided to . . . Move in with each other." She looked at their faces, she saw shock. Quickly she added, "You know, just take it slow, . . . Nothing serious."
"Jesus," Nick groaned, as Victoria looked down.
Nikki was baffled by the silence that followed, "Come on. . . Really?"
"Are you sure?" Victoria asked her mother with concern.
Nothing serious?" Nick asked, "Mom, living together is serious." Nick was not taking the news well and was becoming agitated.
"Nicholas, your father and I are hardly strangers . . " she was cut off as Nick continued, his voice rising, "All the more reason to stay away from it! You've spent all this time getting out from under his control, why would you go back now?" and he stormed out of the room. Nikki sank back deeper into the sofa. Victoria could tell her mother was trying her best not to cry, and so she moved over closer to her.
"I thought you would take this worse than your brother,' Nikki tried to joke.
"Mom, we know Dad is the reason you left, we just want you to be happy, and you are now. . . Without him."
"What?" Nikki asked as she shook her head in confusion and continued, "The reason I left?"
"Mom, we know what happened. The truth about Deacon came out, then you were drinking again, and Dad told you off again, couldn't deny himself of the "I told you so" speech he loves. . . We confronted him on it. He didn't deny it."
"Oh my God. . ." Nikki trailed off as she struggled to find the words and the courage to say them.
"Victoria, that isn't what happened at all." Nikki ran her hands over her face, closed her eyes and then opened them to meet her daughters. "Before I left, your father and I. . . we got back together, sort of. . . I stayed the night. The next morning Deacon came over, probably trying to explain to me the truth before someone else did, but then Kay came over and beat him to it. I was devastated at the news. . .then I was mad. I was so angry with myself for being so gullible, I mean you all tried to warn me about Deacon, and I refused to listen. I made another bad choice and then went ahead and made another and went home and tried to forget it all with a bottle of vodka. Victoria, your father found me in my house beyond drunk. He took me to the ranch, let me sober up, tried to help me. . .I wouldn't let him. I was still so angry with myself. . .I mean, why did I keep doing this?"
Nikki paused and reached for a glass of water, drank, and continued, "I don't know if this will even make sense to you. . .maybe I was still drunk I don't know, but when I got back home, I saw this lamp that I had broken in my little stupor. I don't know, somehow it resonated with me, like that was my life. It was so beautiful, and then in a moment of carelessness, it's broken into a hundred pieces. The pieces may still be beautiful, but the edges are sharp and painful to touch." Nikki sighed, and looked down into her hands. "Someone had to clean them up. . .I had to clean it up, the lamp, my life. . .everything. I couldn't wait for someone else to do it, to save me from myself. . .from this vicious cycle I keep repeating."
"After two weeks away, I was starting to loose my resolve. . .but then I saw him. Your father. He was sitting on a rocking chair on my front porch, of course he didn't see me. . .I was out walking. . .I spotted him a few houses away. Victoria, when I saw him, I knew I loved him, I always would. It reminded me of how important it was for me to do this for myself. To find something that could give me confidence, happiness. . . Your father has always been so supportive of you to become something, to do something with your life, but never with me. . .I became so dependent upon him, I couldn't function without him, and if I was without him, I'd turn to the bottle or. . .another man."
Victoria looked at her mother, tears running down her face. She couldn't recall a time her mother had ever been so honest about herself. She knew the struggle she had overcome. Nikki broke the silence, "I don't suppose this changes your mind about things, I'm not expecting that. . .I just thought you should know." She turned to leave but Victoria stopped her. "Mom. You are always telling Nick and I how proud you are of us, but uh, I think maybe now we should reverse the role. I am so proud of you, for what you've done. I only wish you would have told me sooner. You are the only person who has supported me, listened to me, trusted me, fought for me unconditionally and without strings because you love me that much." Victoria paused as her own words sank in, "Mom, I love you that much." Tears were running freely down Nikki's face as she pulled her daughter into an embrace, "You have no idea how much that means to me. I love you."
Victoria closed the front door behind her mother as she left, and turned around to find Nick sneaking back in from the kitchen. She glared at her brother, "You're such an ass Nick! If you would have stayed here and not stormed off like some 5 year old child you would have heard. . ."
"I heard" he interrupted, "I was behind the kitchen door the whole time." They both sank onto the couch. "Nick, you really owe Mom an apology."
"I know. And you know what's worse?"
"What?" Victoria asked with questioning eyes.
"We owe Dad one too." They both groaned at the truthfulness of it.
Nikki drove to the ranch feeling light as a feather. It was as if a large part of the baggage she carried had been unpacked, dropped off. . .gone. She had told her daughter things a mother would never wish to tell her child, but she had too. Victoria deserved to know, and she could handle it. It wasn't as if it came as any true surprise, Victoria had seen most of it with her own eyes.
Victor paced around nervously anticipating Nikki's arrival. He glanced down at his watch and noticed three hours had passed. It was taking far too long for anything good to come. He jumped at the turn of the door. Nikki entered the house nonchalant. She took her time taking off her coat, hung it up, then strolled into the living room enjoying the torture she was inflicting upon Victor before she finally spoke, "Are my things unpacked?"
"Yes, they are upstairs. . .Nikki?" She turned to him with an infuriating smile, "Yes?"
"For God's sake, what happened?" She gave a laugh of satisfaction and said, "It went better than expected. . .well sans Nicholas storming out of the room" she finished with remorse in her voice. Victor was shocked, "Nick?"
"I know right? You would have thought Victoria. . ." she trailed off, lost in a moment of thought. "Victor," she said as she came back, "I. . .sit down with me?" she asked and he obliged. A look of concern crossed his face as she said, "Victoria told me something, she said that she and Nicholas blame you. That you're the reason I left." Victor looked down and she went on, "Don't deny it!" He looked at her, eyes torn, "What could I say? What did I have to defend accusations with? You left. . No word, nothing! They already hated me, so I gave them another reason." Nikki's heart broke.
"Victor, I. . ."
"Why did you leave like that? Do you know I went after you, to Charles. . ." he cut himself off not wanting to reveal that bit of information. Nikki hung her head and whispered, "I know."
"You know!" his voice raged.
"I saw you. . . At my door only I. . ."
"You saw me and you said nothing? We made love, we were back. . .and you say nothing!" his voice booming as he stood up.
"Victor" she pleaded as she reached for the lapels of his jacket to pull him back down to her, "Let me finish, please?" Her hands loosened as he sat back down, "Victor, I love you. . .so much it frightens me. I need you like I need air, like a damn drink. That's what I do. If I can't have you, I drink, or find someone else. I depend on you for everything and when you get bored or you get busy, I get lost. I don't know what to do! Can't you see that? It's not healthy. . .it's not normal" she finished with a shake of her head.
"Victor," she continued, "You have such passion and ambition for Newman, and such power from it. . .I used to think, if I could only get you away from that damn company. . .But I realize that I love all those things about you. I don't want that to change." Not without a struggle she went on, "Victor, I need that. It's not something anyone else but myself can give me. I need to know at the end of the day, I have something that I can feel a sense of accomplishment about. . .something that I can feel confident about. . .a feeling that isn't derived from a person or a bottle." Understanding hit him, as he said,
"And that would be a job, a career," his had reached for her face, running a soft finger down her jaw to her chin.
"Victor, I can't live without you, I know this" she paused and gave a melancholy laugh, "but we can't seem to live with each other. I'm taking part of the blame, I'm trying to make myself better so that this time. . .we can make it last." He looked into those familiar blue eyes, the eyes he loved so much, and said "I can't live without you either. " He softly kissed her lips. "Victor?" she whispered, "Lets go to bed."
"It's not even seven. I may be getting older, but that's too early to go to sleep, even for me."
"Who said anything about sleeping," she murmured and walked towards the stairs.
