"Time for a Scoobie meeting," Buffy announced, coming over to the table where they were finishing breakfast. Willow had been feeling better until that point. Tara had forced her to eat nearly half of a bagel and the food had settled in her stomach well enough that it would likely not come back up. When Tara was holding Olivia, Willow was much more comfortable talking to the baby, knowing how hard to was to make her cry when she was safe in Tara's arms.
However, Buffy's declaration swiftly deflated her mood. She moved to stand up, murmuring, "I'll just go over there."
"No, Willow, I want to here for this," Buffy said firmly.
Willow looked up to see her own resolve face clearly coloring Buffy's face. There would be no leaving until the Slayer said she could.
Buffy began, "I just got off the phone with Giles. He and the coven in England have determined that the magick forces are gone for Sunnydale. However, basically the hellmouth is pissed that they tried to destroy it and the demony forces are at full strength. I need to get back there soon to fight stuff." Willow could detect a hint of adrenaline in Buffy's eyes and knew that on some level the Slayer was excited. Though she was not match for powerful magicks, demons were something she could handle.
"Willow, where do you think Rack and the others went?" Buffy asked.
Willow was startled to hear a question directed at her. Although it shouldn't have been a surprise. Buffy had wanted her to stay, and for what reason other than to give them information. It's what I have always done. Research Gal, even now.
"Whose side are you on, Will?" Buffy insisted, and Willow realized she had gone silent.
It was a fair question. For two years, she had clearly been on the other side, even though she had never come into direct confrontation with any of the Scoobies. Still, ever since that fight with Buffy, things had never been the same.
It was one of those rare days when Sunnydale did not live up to its namesake and the clouds hung low over the town, threatening to release the water that they contained. Willow walked at a quick pace to the Magic Box, hoping to avoid the inevitable rain. She almost made it, but the clouds released in a downpour when she was a block away, and she entered the shop, shaking water from her hair.
Only Buffy, Xander, and Tara sat at the table in the back. Anya was no where to be seen, though Willow could not imagine what could have tempted her to leave her precious money. It was better this way, though. It would be easier with only the presence of those who deserved to hear this from her.
"Willow!" Buffy exclaimed as her Slayer senses kicked in. "What are you doing here?"
The question was warranted. Willow hardly seen any of them in nearly three months, since Buffy had kicked her out of the house. "This isn't the end of our friendship. I will still be here for you," Buffy had said. But it had been an end of sorts, and things were never the same.
"I have an announcement I guess," Willow explained, hesitating before finishing with, "I'm having a baby," and moving aside her jacket to reveal the roundness of a stomach that was nearly six months pregnant.
The news was received by a painfully long silence, until Xander got up and gave her a long, close hug. "I'm so excited to be an uncle."
Willow almost smiled, but was stopped by the stern expression on Buffy's face. "We haven't seen you in months, but you come by to tell us this?" she said with a harshness that made Willow shake a little.
"Buffy, please," Xander begged, "Let's not chase Willow away."
"It's ok, Xander," Willow assured him. "I know this is unexpected, and I know we are not close anymore. However, at one point we were and I want my baby to know you."
Before they could answer, a choked sound came from the table, and Willow was forced to acknowledge Tara's presence. Her face was deathly pale and there was a hurt present that could have brought Willow to her knees in shared pain if she would have let it. Willow had known Tara would be hurt; after all, the baby had been conceived only weeks after their relationship had ended, and that was obvious enough from the size of Willow's stomach. Tara would surely assume Willow had laid with another, and Willow was not going to correct that assumption, whatever pain it would bring to the woman who had once been the center of her world.
"I want you to be part of the baby's life too, Tara," Willow had to say. And it was true. Completely.
Tara jumped up from the table and ran back into the training room, quickly followed by Xander. As soon as the door slammed behind him, Buffy rounded on Willow.
"How could you?" Buffy seethed. "Flounce in here and tell Tara you've been knocked up, and then asking her to help with the baby? It's completely unacceptable. She's been a mess since you left her and this will destroy her."
Willow had been feeling guilty until the last line provoked her anger. "I left her? She's left me! This was her choice!"
"No, Willow. You left her long before she was strong enough to walk out that door," Buffy claimed.
Willow had no response to that, and instead returned to the subject of the baby. "It's fine. I don't need you guys. This baby and I will make it on our own!"
Willow had left the shop that day before Buffy could response, but she had never been on her own. Xander had checked on her weekly during her pregnancy to make sure she eating right, Buffy had been present at Olivia's birth, and Tara of course had taken in the baby as her own. And even now they had saved her life and taken her with them out of Sunnydale. They've always been on my side, Willow realized suddenly. And her loyalty would always lay first with the Scoobies.
"They said they would fight the hellmouth to the death. So they are probably dead," Willow said quietly.
A warm hand covered hers, and Willow smiled at her daughter, stroking the baby's hand. She never would have guessed someone who couldn't even talk could be so comforting.
"Ok good," Buffy said. "If they aren't, we'll deal with them accordingly."
She gave Willow an intense look, as if daring a contradiction. Willow remained silent, unwilling to stand up for Rack and the others in this setting. She had agreed with Rack's original plan. Using the magicks to harness the power of the hellmouth and seal it forever would have made her and the others more powerful than anyone could imagine and permanently closing the hellmouth could hardly be considered a bad thing. However, she had been betrayed and would never align herself with Rack and his crowd again. He had lied to her about when the plan would be carried out, risking her daughters life, and she had serious doubt as to whether that blow which had knocked her out had been entirely accidental. He's worried that I'm more powerful than he is. And he should be. She momentarily forgot that she currently had no access to the magicks.
"So the Xander-mobile is headed to back Sunnydale," Xander concluded. "Let's go."
Tara stood up, settling Olivia on her hip. She caught Willow's frail arm as the others started to leave, holding her back.
"Can I talk to you?" she asked the redhead quietly.
Willow gave her an inquisitive look.
"About last night…" Tara trailed off, not entirely sure what she wanted to know.
"I only remember pieces," Willow muttered, letting her red locks hang over her eyes in a gesture more characteristic of Tara than herself. "But I can feel what you did."
"I'd like to keep doing it," Tara told her. "I'm stronger now after sleeping and I could give you more than last time. I think it could help. Help you. Get better."
Willow shook her head slowly. "That's not what I want Tara. I'm not like you anymore. As soon as we're back and I'm away from the baby, your binding spell won't hold. I can make it until then."
Their eyes meet and Tara felt the pricking of tears, even as she stared into those expressive, green eyes. She knew Willow could see them as well.
Willow broke the gaze first. "I'm sorry, but I'm not going to be that weak little girl who thought floating a pencil made her a witch."
Tara felt the fury rise within her at the insult to her type of magicks. If only Willow had half a clue she would see how she was letting the darkness was destroy her. Only Willow had the power to make her feel such strong emotions, and she surely would have lashed out at her if not for the innocent little girl in her arms that didn't deserve to hear them scream at each other.
"You are incredibly selfish," Tara whispered harshly, before brushing past her to go back up to leave.
The hours back to Sunnydale were horribly long for Willow. Since the fight with Tara, she found herself in the position where the only person who wasn't mad at her was ten months old and not big on conversation that involved actual words.
Though the time with Olivia was quickly reminding Willow why she had stayed away. The baby was absolutely adorable, though how could she not be?, and her babbling was entirely endearing. Olivia was almost enough to convince Willow that she should let Tara take control of the magicks within her. Almost.
But eight hours is not long enough to change the habits of two years, so when they reached the Summer's house, Willow gave Olivia a quick peck on the cheek before giving her up to Tara once again. She was careful not to meet Tara's gaze again, knowing that the pain and love she would find in those crystal blue eyes would push her close to the breaking point.
"Where to, Will?" Xander asked once the girls were all safe inside the still standing home.
Willow bit her lip. She had been staying with Rack lately, but she was not desperate enough to go back to that hellhole. Plus I won't be able to find it right now. Tara's binding spell had not yet released, which was to be expected, given that they were still parked right outside her home.
"My parent's house, I guess," Willow finally decided, crossing her fingers that they would be out of the country as usual. Seeing them always lead to too many questions and too much psychoanalyzing. She had lost perfect child status the moment she had dropped out of UC Sunnydale and she didn't think she could stand listening to her mother lecture her.
The van stopped, and Willow was stopped from getting out by Xander's voice. "I hope we see you around a little more, Willow. That beautiful little girl of yours deserves to know you."
Willow gave him a tight nod that did not indicate any type of commitment and climbed out. She walked up her singed lawn, and felt above the doorframe for her spare key. Letting herself into the thankfully empty house, she walked in her childhood bedroom and collapsed on her bed. Even with her magicks bound, Willow could sense that Giles had been correct in staying that Rack and the others were finished. The town was quiet, though surely the cemeteries were teeming with dark creatures of the hellmouth. The destruction of the town was evident, but not as complete as Willow may have anticipated. Trying to quiet the many thoughts fluttering about in her head, she closed her eyes and tried to sleep while waiting for the binding spell to break.
