I know you can't believe your eyes, but I'm back. Yes, really back – and I'm about to update every one of my stuff (plus two one-shots I thought about, so stay tuned). I'm sorry, I'm terribly sorry. I suck. I'll try to do better! But I'm not going to quit and I'm not going to leave any of my story unfinished.

Two quick thank you before the update: the first one to Nicole, aka Paisley Mae, who helped me with this chapter. The second one is to Patsy – she always, always reviews everything I write (minus my Addie/Mer story but no one actually reads it, LOL) and when I get lost she immediately review again to remember me that I have people who's actually waiting for my stuff. And it's amazing. So, thank you!

Back to Meredith and Derek… This update (which I'm not entirely happy with, I'm still suffering a writer block) is a little angsty and totally Mer/Der. From the next one, Addison, Mark and Ellis will be back. Right now, Derek needs to sort out a lot of things and Meredith… Meredith is longing. Anyway, don't panic: I always do happy ending, so have faith in me!

Enjoy this and let me know what you think!


Chapter 7

There's nothing that I wouldn't do
to make you feel my love.


Somewhere outside of Boston, Massachusetts

Derek had stressed all night long about his beach day with Meredith.

Usually, he would have been entirely happy spending a day between sand and water away from Boston, chatting with his best friend, relaxing and playing with their dog. He had had such a stressful winter, but now summer was here, Meredith was there and he simply couldn't wait to live it with her, enjoying Boston and, later, New York. If life with Meredith Grey was happy, life with her, Mark and Addison would be simply perfect.

But then, the night before they had complicated everything.

He had been so mad seeing her with that classmate of hers, laughing and talking with just that alluring white t-shirt on. And later, it had seemed so natural to hold her close while kissing her lips. Kissing her had been amazing – she was a great kisser and her lips fit perfectly against his, but there was more; she had been sweet and passionate, giving herself to him so freely and affectionately. If he could consider giving them a chance as a couple, Meredith will probably make an amazing girlfriend. There was more, obviously. Ellis Grey being the first factor – he was slightly terrified of her and suspected she would expose his head on the wall of her living room. Plus, he actually didn't know if Meredith was actually a virgin – she probably was, when he had tried asking Addison she had babbled something and changed the subject immediately. Even the mere possibility freaked him out, and he didn't know why. He cared for her, he had feelings for her, he would have taken her virginity with all the sweetness he had in him. He was sure of it, but still. And then, there was the last factor – the mysterious boy Meredith was in love with.

How could she be completely in love with someone else and have kissed him like that the night before?

He sighed deeply, parking his car in front of the Grey house and waiting for Meredith to come out. He had promised her, and here he was, waiting for her. Despite everything, and the confusion he was feeling, he wasn't going to treat her any different. She was his best friend, and even if they had met just a couple of months before, she had been his rock through everything. He wasn't going to cause her any pain.

Immediately, Derek sort of knew how to sort things out. They were going to spend the day together and he would try to talk to her about everything. At least, he would try. She was his best friend, first of all, and they deserved to be at least honest with each other.

"Hey!" Meredith greeted, appearing at the door and Summer barking behind her. She was wearing a pair of green shorts and a white crop top which hugged her breasts perfectly. Her hair was up in a bun and a big pair of sunglasses covered her face. She was carrying a big green handbag, which ended up in the back of the car with Summer. She let herself slide in the seat beside him and grinned widely.

"Good morning." he smiled back, and despite everything, he felt the need to kiss her again. She was perfect – beautiful, classy and sassy, but most of all, he couldn't get enough of the light in her eyes and smile when she looked at him. Nobody, in twenty-eight years of life, had looked at him that way until this weird and gorgeous girl.

Boldly, Meredith leaned forward to wrap her arms around him. Gladly, he hugged her, deeply breathing her lavender scent. Without thinking, he kissed the corner of her mouth and Meredith shyly brushed her lips against his.

When they parted, he just smiled and said, "Let's go."

Meredith had fully expected him to bring her to the usual beach, where she used to go with her mom and Richard (rarely, of course. Ellis Grey wasn't exactly a woman who had time to waste on beaches) but he had other ideas. She didn't know how, but he had find them a secret spot hidden by trees. There was nobody near – just rocks (Perfect for sunbathing, Meredith thought grinning), trees, and water. Summer immediately ran as fast as her little legs could carry her, and Meredith and Derek, laughing awkwardly, began to strip from their clothes.

She felt his eyes on her when she stood there just in her black bikini, and she offered him a smile. She had spent most of her night at the phone with Addison, and then she had just stared at the ceiling, smiling like a goof thinking that finally, he had maybe realized she was a woman. Right now, anyway, she can see the excitement in his eyes, but she even realized they were awkward. She sighed deeply and offered: "Do you wanna talk about yesterday?"

"Sure." He nodded. "You are my best friend – we can't just pretend nothing happened."

Derek sat back on a rock, offering her a hand to do the same. She sat down beside him, their hands immediately searching for each other.

"I like you," he offered. "I mean, I've always have – you're my best friend."

"I'm just your best friend?" she interrupted, holding tightly on his hand. He shook his head no. "No, lately my feelings have changed a little. I didn't care that I broke up with Rose, you know? I don't care that your mom hates me, I just want to be near you. It's like… I don't know, but I feel like me and you are enough."

"I feel like that since the first time I saw you," she whispered, looking down. She know what was happening – he seemed ready, their relationship was probably about to change. She was about to offer him her heart. She had never been this happy and this terrified in her entire life.

He drew her close to kiss her lips, his arms wrapping tightly around her waist. Every doubt seemed to be gone: he didn't care about her mother or her virginity or anything else. He just wanted that sweet girl for himself. The rest, they will figure it out with time.

She kissed him back with all her love, her shy hands caressing his naked shoulders. His hand went to her head to free her blonde locks from the ponytail holder, and without knowing how, she found herself with her back against the rock, Derek leaning on her. His hands were caressing her hair and waist, and she felt like laughing, noticing how much he wanted to avoid looking at her breasts.

They kissed some more – he kissed her lips and her nose, along her jawline and to her neck. She shivered, her eyes closed. She had been kissed before. Clearly. A random guy she had gone to prom with had even got lucky and touched her butt (thanks to a few shots of tequila). And then, there had been Finn, who had tested his boundaries. Meredith had never felt like this before, so safe and calm in the arms of a man, even If half naked. She just needed to look into his blue eyes to know that he would never hurt her on purpose. Derek wasn't a random boy – he was the man she loved. She felt loved and treasured so when he kissed a path down her throat to her chest she just breathed deeply.

"I don't really know how to handle this," he confessed, laughing softly as he rested his head against his breasts. Her fingers went to stroke his curls.

"I like to be with you like this," he murmured. "You are beautiful and passionate. But I'm also a little afraid. You aren't a random girl. I mean – you're my Meredith. I can't date you for some weeks and then dump you 'cause I prefer to spend time with my best friend."

She kissed his head and laughed gently. "I guess we're lucky I'm your best friend, then."

"I guess we are," he agreed, turning his head and kissing her breast without thinking. Surprised, she gasped, and Derek in that moment had the confirmation he has been waiting for: his Meredith was definitely a virgin.

"Sorry," he murmured, hoping he hadn't scared her away.

"Nothing to be sorry for," she breathed. And, after a few minutes: "Der?"

"Mmh?"

"This can't be a fling for a reason."

"Besides your mom scalping me?"

"Yes, besides that."

He sat up, but Meredith didn't move, her eyes closed.

"Do you remember that night, when I had a fight with my mom and came to you?"

He nodded.

"I told you I didn't want to stop seeing you 'cause I loved you, and you answered that you loved me too and I was your best friend."

"Yes, I remember."

"I didn't mean it that way." She breathed deeply. "I'm love with you – I've been in love with you… forever."

She opened her eyes and saw him staring at her speechless. She sat up, sighing. She didn't know how he was going to react – maybe she wasn't supposed to tell him so soon but she was tired of lying. He was in love with him, and he deserved to know.

"The boy you talked about that night at your place, at Dartmouth…" he breathed.

She nodded. "Yeah, that was you."

"I'm shocked," he confessed, and then smiled. "But I was jealous so I'm happy to hear it. But, Mer – I'm not there yet. I can't tell you that I'm in love with you before I really am."

"Neither I'd want you to," she shook her head. "I felt like I need to be completely honest with you, because like you said, we aren't random people. We have history, and I wanted you to know how much I am in this. I don't want you to do things you aren't ready for, I don't want to pressure you, but I love you –" tears rushed to her eyes and she laughed hysterically for a moment. "God, it feels so good to say it! I've loved you since day one, I loved you when I saw you holding hands with Rose, and I'm tired of hiding and lying. You're the man I want and while I don't expect you to want me just as much, I expect you to be completely honest with me."

He wrapped her in his arms, bringing her close to his chest with a smile. "I don't know what I did to deserve such a great girl," he breathed in her hair. "I want you, too, Mer. I just need time to figure out all of this, ok?"

She nodded, awkwardly drying her tears with the palms of her hands. "I'm not in any rush," she replied. "And now I'm totally embarrassed. I need a moment to collect myself, I'm going to go for a swim, okay?".

She stood up, and calling for Summer ran to the water, away from him.

Even if he didn't like that she felt embarrassed, Derek was grateful for a few minutes to himself. Meredith was in love with him and he was happy and totally terrified at the same time. She was twenty, and so she loved – freely and completely. Would he be able to make her happy? Would he live up to that love's expectations?

Had had just broke up with Rose, he was a resident. He didn't want complications with the premed, twenty-years-old daughter of his terrifying Chief of Surgery. But at the end of the day, it was Meredith he looked for. Maybe it was a reason to give all of this mess a chance? She was a beautiful girl, and in any other situation, she would have dated her for a bit before making any rushed decision. But was it enough? She was ready to put her heart in his hands and he didn't know if he could take care of the gift. The pressure was almost impossible to handle.

Derek sighed deeply, thrusting his fingers in his curls.

He left the rock to join her in the water. When he smiled, as he walked to her in the cold Ocean, her features relaxed.

"I saw a pretty girl swimming and I thought she might give me a kiss," he said, winking. Before she could reply, he slip an arm under her butt and picked her up. Laughing, Meredith wrapped her arms around his neck and his legs around his waist. Derek felt clearly her moist center against her pelvis, her sweet tights to his hips, her full breasts on his chest and he just hoped he could control himself. He wasn't going to start this thing scaring her off. He was going to talk to her before he did anything remotely sexual.

Anyway, she felt like pure magic between his arms.

"You're so beautiful," he told her. "I want you," he said again, trying to give her something to hold on. "I want you in my life. Always have, always will. I'm sorry that I didn't realize before, and I'm sorry I don't know how we're going to handle this. But I promise, I'll figure out."

"We will. Together," she whispered, and he thought that in that moment she looked so adult and wise. She wanted to tell him everything – she wanted to confess how she had spent night awake dreaming of this, she wanted to tell him how him don't knowing was enough for her, because finally, they were together. Instead, she just told him "I love you" and hid her face in his neck.

The day passed slowly, between swimming, playing with Summer and more kisses, trying to push the confusion and the worry away.


It was sunset, and even if they needed to head back, Meredith was laying in the sand, her blonde waves on Derek's lap.

"I didn't notice you have this," he murmured, his finger gently stroking the white pearl on her navel.

"Did it when I was fifteen," she confessed. "My mother didn't talk to me for three week. It was the only thing I ever did without her permission."

"I like it," he said. "It's sexy."

"I think so too." She smiled.

To anyone watching them they would look like the perfect couple: young, beautiful and in love. But Meredith felt something off – Derek simply wasn't her Derek at all. He was trying, but he felt it. He stroked her belly, and she felt that he wanted it, but his gesture was controlled. There wasn't anything spontaneous in it.

She sighed deeply.

"Der."

"Mmh."

"Tell me what's up."

"Nothing, Mer," he promised, and his hand travelled up from her belly to her shoulder.

"I don't believe you," she breathed. "You're off, we're off. I thought we had sort everything out but I can tell there's still something you're not comfortable with."

This time, it was Derek's turn to sigh.

"Mer, I really don't want to make you feel bad…"

"I don't care. I want you to be honest to me, like I was to you."

She wanted to sit up and look at him straight in the eyes, but she couldn't. She had the terrible feeling the thing between them were about to finish, and she wanted to feel wrapped up in his warmth as much as she could.

"It's not like I don't want this," he started. "I want this. I swear I do, but… I expected you to start with me from zero and try to figure it out together. But you… with how you feel, you are in a different place and…" he sighed again. "And maybe I just need some time to figure it out, you know?"

She sat up: "Derek, no one expects you to- "

"No, hear me out. I need to know how to handle all of this because I can't hurt you, okay? I can't do this wrongly. I need time."

Meredith felt tears come up to her eyes, but she desperately tried to hold them back. She wasn't going to cry in front of him. She wasn't going to let him hold her and comfort her. She believed his intentions were the best, she really did, but she had exposed herself too much.

"Tell me you're gonna give me time," he begged quietly.

"I need sleep," she confessed, apparently diverting the subject. "After a good night's sleep, we will see everything differently. Can we go home, now?"


When they reached Meredith's street, Derek parked the car a few metres before the house. Silently, they got off the car and Derek offered Meredith her bag.

"Thank you for the day," she said, and Derek sighed and wrapped his arms around her waist, bringing her close.

Pushed from an invisible strength, his lips searched hers and they kissed – just like that, in the summer night, guessing everything and hoping for the future, tongues stroking each other, Meredith's soft sighs and Derek's guttural moans, her soft body against his strong one.


New York City, New York

The following day, in jeans and a tee shirt, no make-up, a bag full of tears she wasn't about to cry, Meredith Grey flew from Logan to JF Kennedy, right into Addison Montgomery's arms.

As soon as the older girls wrapped her arms tightly around her, and said "Everything is gonna be all right." Meredith breathed her vanilla scent, and even if in that moment nothing was okay, she actually believed it.