L- Here is the second chapter of our beautiful creation, LONG in the making.
K- I wanted to make it one chapter, but like that it was 24 pages. Most people would get bored during that, so I decided to split it up.
L- Cool! Now we need to think of something to put here...
K- I know! We can put an FAQ thing here.
L- How can we? We don't exactly have an expanse of questions from our readers.
K- So? We'll come up with a few off of the top of our heads.
L- Ok...
K- Our first question: What happened to everyone who Kathleen saw standing outside of the office?
L- What did happen? Did they really fall through a black hole?
K- Basically. All of them just fell through portals by accident to begin with. So Apollo, who's stuck having to do all of the hard work most of the time, had to track them down and get them back. They were being lectured by Sister Karen on the evils of jeans, and he decided that most people thought that she was crazy and wouldn't believe her if she said some people disappeared right in front of her.
L- What about the others?
K- Well, we were talking to then and the teachers were watching, so they couldn't just make then disappear.
L- Ok. Now my turn. Why was Bakura's Ring pulling him towards us?
K- Well, we did have all of those millennium items.
L- True. But why wasn't it glowing or pulling him around or anything?
K- I think some god or other thought it was a bad idea for him to figure out what our power was.
L- Too true.
K- ...
L- ...
K- I think it's time to start the story.
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Chapter Six
In Which Feh Makes Its First Appearance
As Bob and Laura exited the plane, pulling their carry-on bags behind them, Kathleen stumbled behind them, clutching her stomach. She at least was in a little bit of a better mood. Bob looked back at her and grimaced.
"If you're going to hurl, please don't do it on me," he muttered as he tried to put some distance between himself and the presumably (well, he presumed) sick girl.
"She isn't sick, she's hungry," Laura corrected him, not even having look at her friend to know that was wrong, knowing too well that she had one of the fastest metabolisms and biggest appetites on the planet. In some ways this was a good thing, but it tended to just get her in trouble
"How can she be hungry?" Bob asked, "She just ate a foot long sub an hour ago!"
"Emphasis on hour," Laura commented dryly as she snatched Bob's wallet, which had been sticking out of the back pocket of his black dress pants. "Here," she said, handing Kathleen two bills, "Go buy yourself something to eat. Meet up with us at baggage claim, I'll take your carry-on for you. And bring me back a soft pretzel, I love those things." Kathleen squealed in delight and sprinted off towards the closest source of food.
"Why did you give her forty dollars?" Bob asked, not quite sure whether to be glad that the food crisis was solved, or angry about the amount of money Kathleen had just been handed.
"I was going to give her more, I've seen her eat through sixty-seven dollars worth of food at one time. You didn't have any fifties, so I just gave her forty," she paused and looked up at a clock, "Now let's go meet this protégé of a cousin of mine; he's just too perfect not to be here by now," Laura muttered sarcastically.
"Don't speak of your cousin like that. I would never have to put with this sort of thing with him." Laura just rolled her eyes and followed him to the baggage claim. The sight that met them there was without a doubt the complete opposite of what Bob had been expecting.
One of everyone's two favorite people with white hair was stealing the wallet (and various other valuable items) of anyone unfortunate enough to walk by him, and was managing to do it without attracting the attention of the three dozen or so guards stationed at various positions within a short distance. Gee, I wonder which one it is? Nearby, but completely unnoticed by Bob, the other white haired person, whose head was in a trash can, was completely unaware of what was his Yami was doing.
"So...where's this cousin of mine?" Laura asked, trying to refrain from running over and glomping Bakura, so instead just speculated about why Ryou was...well, you know. She turned to repeat the question, and saw Bob's retreating back heading towards Bakura. Shaking her head, she headed over to see the result of the showdown between Bob and the Thief King. "This should be very amusing."
"What do you think you're doing?" he hissed, snatching the wallet that Bakura had just taken from a particularly rich looking man. Handing it back to its bewildered owner, Bob turned back to the smirking Yami. "Ryou, what is the meaning of this? Don't you know what you're doing is illegal? You could be put in jail!"
Bakura's smirk grew. "One, I'm not Ryou. Two, even if I were, why should I do what you say?"
"Don't start playing these games again, young man. I knew perfectly well who you are, and you are Ryou Bakura, cousin of the girl standing behind me," Laura took this as her cue to wave. "Now, is there anything you would like to say?"
"Feh."
"Feh?"
"Feh," Laura repeated.
"Feh...FEH...feh...feh...feh..." the next ten minute or so consisted of Bob trying every possible pronunciation of "feh," most previously unknown to man, trying to jog some memory. If Kathleen was there, she would say it was like listening to someone list all of the obscure ways to pronounce her last name. Or chipotle, either one works. Kathleen wasn't there, though; she was off stuffing her face with soft pretzels and sour gummy worms. And ice cream, can't forget that. But since she wasn't there, it really doesn't matter. So back to Bob's butchering of feh. "Feh..."
"Feh," Bakura and Laura repeated in unison for the five thousandth time.
"Feh. Is that French?" he finally asked. Bakura just raised an eyebrow and Laura burst out laughing. Bob had just come to the same conclusion as Annie.
"Feh is not French and it doesn't mean anything, so just stop before you hurt yourself," Laura said with no emotion, so she had obviously finished laughing. Then, with a grin, she attacked Bakura with a death hug. "Bakura! It's sooooooo good to see you again!" she squealed.
"Crap, it is you. I thought I recognized the blue hair. Let go, I can't breathe," he growled as he tried to free himself from Laura's hug.
"You two know each other?" a once again bewildered Bob asked, yet another thing in his perfect and orderly world falling apart.
"If I say yes, will you shut up?" Bakura asked. When he didn't answer, he turned back to Laura. "At least it's only you who's here. If Kathleen's here, too, I'm going to go insane. I suppose Ryou's your cousin...you look kind of different."
"That might be because I'm two years older. Don't ask; it's really complicated. And just to let you know Kathleen is here. She just went to get food."
"Great. Just great. Just to warn you, Ryou, not knowing who you were, decided that we are all going to meet up with Pharaoh, friendship girl, and the other geeks. But we might not get to go, seeing as what sort of state he's in," he said, inclining his head in the direction of the discussed.
"So what's wrong? Is he sick or something?" she asked, looking over at him.
"No. He ate chicken; he's allergic. I tried to warn him," he said, shaking his head, and then smirked, "But it isn't really my problem. He's the one who ate it. Well, they are my pants..."
Laura looked at Ryou for a second more, and then back to Bakura. "I thought leather seemed more like your thing." Ryou, if you're curious, was wearing a pair of black leather pants and a vintage tee-shirt. The outfit was actually ok, it just really wasn't his sort of thing. Bakura, on the other hand...
Bakura grinned. "He made the mistake of saying that if I came along, I could drive, choose where we eat, and what he wore. I knew that he would never wear leather willingly if his life depended on it, so that's what I made him wear. I hope he doesn't ruin the pants; they're my favorite pair..."
Before he could finish his rant, Kathleen came skipping over, somehow managing to carry six ice cream cones and four soft pretzels without dropping anything. Spotting Bakura, she grinned, and gave him a death hug (If you're wondering, Kathleen and Laura rarely do any type of hug other than death hug), managing to still not drop anything or get food on his shirt. Releasing him, she held out a pretzel to Laura, and Bob took this as a cue to take one as well. Kathleen snatched it back and glared at him. "Bad dog. Sit."
"B...but I thought that would be for me. You do have three left," he stammered, to worn out to put up a good argument.
Kathleen rolled her eyes, and started counting off on her fingers, using the hand that was holding the weird carrying thing for the ice cream that looked strangely like a drink holder. "One: for me. Two: for me. Three: was going to be for Laura, but Bakura can have it," she said, shoving a pretzel at him.
Laura looked up from her mustard covered pretzel. "That's not nice," she said, making sure to swallow first.
Kathleen just raised an eyebrow. "I have two ice cream cones for you. I'm having two, so one can go to Bakura and the other to Ryou," she said before taking a huge bite of pretzel.
"I don't think that's a very good idea," Laura said motioning over to the trash can.
"Wa ta well appan to im?" Kathleen asked, about to start cracking up.
"Kathleen, we can't understand..." Laura began before she was cut off.
"Tithin," Bakura said, looking up from his half eaten pretzel.
"Ryou's allergic to chicken? Bummer. I love chicken," Kathleen said, about to start in on the second pretzel. "Let's call him over. He has to be done barfing up his last few meals by now. Hey! Ryou! Get over here!"
Ryou looked up, his face paler than usual. Clutching his stomach, he trudged over to them. "I don't feel so good," he muttered, leaning over towards Bakura.
Bakura put his hand on his shoulder and pushed him an arms length away. "Oh, no you don't. You are going straight home. I do NOT want to deal with this any more," he said, picking a backpack up off the floor that held dozens of credit cards, dollar bills, pearl necklaces, and the like. Hmm... I wonder were he got them?
"But what about Yugi and..." Ryou's stammering was cut off.
"Tell them that you got sick, and we'll have to suffer through them bringing the friendship to us."
"Ok, then. Let's go! But first we should finish the ice cream, and we still need to get our bags," Kathleen announced, who, magically, was already done with her ice cream. Handing everyone the last of the food, she skipped over to the baggage claim area. If you haven't been in an airport, or at least not in a very long time, it's the area with the shiny metal things that work like conveyer belts that snake around with all of the luggage on it so that when you see your bag you push your way through the throng of people to the front and pull it off. Rather boring, actually. You have to stand around a lot.
"Matthew? Are you ok? You look a little dizzy," Ryou asked, looking over at Bob, who was swaying on the spot.
"There...there are TWO of you!"
"Yes, there are. I tried to warn you on the phone," Ryou said with a sigh. He had a feeling he knew what was going to come next.
"What are you wearing?" Bob gasped before fainting, and fell to the ground with a dull thud.
"Oh, no! Matthew! What should we do? Should we take him to the hospital?" Ryou gasped, looking around frantically.
"No, he should be fine. Probably just got too much of a shock. He's going back on the first plane to England, anyways," Laura said, taking a bite of her chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream. They were silent for a few minutes, and then Kathleen came over, pushing a cart with five suitcases on it.
"What happened to Bob?" she asked when she stopped, the cart's wheels inches from his face.
"He saw Ryou, fainted. It could have been that there were two of them, but it's probably the fact that his perfect little protégé wasn't 'putting his best foot forward' like he had been expecting. Rather sad, actually," Laura answered as she loaded the carry-on bags onto the cart. "Now let's go. I'm getting bored of the airport."
"I couldn't agree more. Plus, I am sooo tired it's not even funny," Kathleen muttered, leaning on Laura.
"How can you be tired? It's two in the afternoon?" Bakura asked as he wheeled the cart around and towards the automatic doors that led outside. He really didn't mind that much, seeing as he was expecting at least ten times this number of suitcases per person.
"Every heard of jetlag?" Kathleen asked as she and Laura followed the two white haired people outside. "This is sooo awesome! I get to hang out with three people who sound like Brits!"
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The authors were all for ending it here, but then Marie kicked Kathleen off the computer and typed up what was happening to her. So, if it wasn't obvious enough already, what follows is Marie's creation, which she partially typed herself and partially dictated to Kathleen, after she was forced to add descriptiveness, correct punctuation and the like. We hope you enjoy!
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"I wonder what Marie is up to! She is so wonderful and is a genius in every way!" Laura said in a cheerful voice as she skipped off after having pushed Kathleen off a cliff.
Or at least that was what Marie thought was going on when she woke up and found herself muttering in a wonderfully tweaked Aussie accent, "Shut up, you," and then she shrieked and started ranting about her Aussie accent, "Oh my GOD! I may not have Kaiba, but I have this!" Her rant was soon ended by an appearance of 'the Australian dude.'
"Hurry up, you lazy bum, we've got to go. And no buts, you're coming. You need to get out of this house and meet people," said her idiot brother, whose name Marie hadn't bothered to remember.
"I have an Aussie accent," Marie said angrily, "I am much too good for these mere 'people' you speak of!"
There was a long silence, in which he blinked several times. "I never thought having a sister was going to be like..." there was a pause in which the idiot brother stared off into space, "...this."
Marie said something again in her wonderfully tweaked Aussie accent, "Well get used to it. What do you plan to do? Take me to a motorcycle convention in Egypt? I'm not going. And nothing you say will make me go."
Idiot brother said through gritted teeth in his not so wonderfully tweaked, but still 'awesome', Aussie accent, "Do you like cotton candy?"
Marie replied in her own wonderfully tweaked Aussie accent, "Yes. Blue will do."
Idiot brother sighed, than said in his not so wonderfully tweaked Aussie accent, "There's green, purple and pink."
"Well, I POSITEVELY WILL NOT GO WITHOUT MY BLUE COTTON CANDY!"
Then the idiot brother grabbed her by her arm held onto it while he threw random clothing into a bag. "Will it be necessary for me to hold your arm all the way to Egypt or can you manage on your own?" Idiot Brother said, breaking the sulky silence.
"I guess I can go...after all, maybe India produced more blue dye than usual this year." The two of them walked out into the sun. There was that nice kind of silence where everything seems peaceful and right in the world, until Marie suddenly shrieked, "I AM IN AUSTRALIA, AND I HAVENT SEEN THE PLACES WHERE THEY FILMED LORD OF THE RINGS, AND I DONT HAVE A TAN, BBBBBBBBBBBBBUUUUUUUUUUUTTTTTTTTT, MOST IMPORTANTLY, I HAVEN'T BEEN TO P. SHERMAN, 42 WALLABY WAY, SYDNEY (Note to Katie: I remembered that on my own)!"
Idiot Brother just stared at her and then continued toward his ride. Marie looked upset but got on the motorcycle being careful not to get a third degree burn from her leg hitting the exhaust pipe, and settled with staring at the back of his helmet.
When they got to the airport, Idiot Brother took off his blue helmet revealing amusing helmet hair. Marie smirked her copyrighted smirk and said, "Nice helmet hair," then wandered off like she knew where she was going. Idiot Brother trailed off after her. When he finally caught up she was staring wide-eyed at a display advertising portable DVD players.
Idiot Brother leaned down to her ear and said in a loud voice, "No."
"But Idiot Brother! It makes flights melt away with only you and Tad Hamilton in the movie!"
"My name's Valon. And I can make your flight quite enjoyable with complimentary snacks and a TV."
"That'll do, brother. That'll do."
So they went off and magically found the right helicopter or something like that. It just so happened to be the one they...'borrowed' from Dice. (K- That's Dartz. M- Dice is better. And they're both in games anyways.) When they got onto the helicopter, idiot brother handed her a rock hard power bar and some condensed milk. Marie savagely looked around, trying to find the TV. Then she turned and glared at her Idiot Brother.
"You tricked me! Where's the TV?" she shouted.
"They're on the windows. When we take off, a show called 'Discover Life from the Sky' will come on," he said sarcastically.
"I've always wanted to discover life from the sky," a guy with maroon hair and a belly shirt said approvingly, "I didn't even know we had cable!"
Marie raised an eyebrow, and stage whispered to Idiot Brother. "Who's the sports bra dude?"
Accompanying him was a man with blond hair and strange sideburns. So the helicopter magically took off without a pilot, and Marie sat in the front watching "COPS: Air Edition."
"Cool! The military planes are closing in on the unidentified helicopter! This is awesome!" She paused for a second, and then shouted, "My hair hurts; stop doing that!"
"Doing what?" Sideburn Guy asked, momentarily stopping banging his head against the wall in frustration. He looked over at Valon, who looked like he was seriously contemplating jumping off the helicopter.
"I don't know. I just felt like saying that." The rest of the flight was uneventful, seeing as Sideburn Guy taped Marie's mouth shut with duct tape.
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Next time on Pure Insanity...
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"OMIGOSH! This is sooo AWESOME!" someone yelled from the living room.
"What's awesome now?" Bakura asked poking his head out of the computer room.
"You have cable," Kathleen stated matter-of-factly.
"So? It's only standard. It's not like we have 500 channels or something."
There was silence for a few minutes, except for the occasional special effect sound or some song coming from the TV as Kathleen flipped through the channels. The silence was broken by a high pitched yell of "UBER AWESOME!"
"WHAT NOW?" a seething Thief King yelled.
"You have the infomercial channel," she said innocently.
"I thought you said something about hating infomercials," he said slowly.
"I do. It's just that you actually have... LAURA! GET IN HERE!"
"What is it?" Laura asked as she walked in, sketch pad in hand, "Omigosh! This is SOOO AWESOME!" she shouted as she vaulted over the back of the sofa and onto the spot next to Kathleen.
"I thought she hated infomercials, too," Bakura stated with a glare.
"I do. It's just what they have an infomercial for!" Laura answered.
"What is it for, pray tell?"
"The Akito Praise Package!" they cheered in unison.
"What the...Akito Praise Package? What in the world is an..." he was cut off when the two girls began to sing.
"My master has a first name, its A-K-I-T-O. My master has a second name; it's S-O-H-M-A. I love to praise IT every day, and if you ask me why, I'll SAAAAAAAAAAAY: Beeeeeeeeecause Akito has a way with being absolutely GREAT!"
"Idiots," he muttered under his breath as he slammed the computer room door, and turned up the volume of Windows Media to drown them out.
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L- Another chapter done, and once again it's time for our plead for reviews. To get our point across about how much we want reviews, Kathleen has written you a poem. Be glad, she was originally going to sing. You don't want that. You REALLY don't want that.
K- I'm not THAT bad at singing.
L- Yes, you are. And just read the poem already.
K- Fine. Here is my beautiful creation:
We like reviews,
Yes we do.
When we don't get them
We feel blue.
So if you want
To be very kind,
Click the little button,
And state your mind.
We will answer
Every one.
It's actually
Kind of fun.
We appreciate
any view,
And will always say,
"Thank You."
It won't even take
That much time,
So click the button,
It's no crime.
L- You know, that poem really stunk.
K- Come on! It wasn't THAT bad.
L- Yes, it was. It STUNK.
K- You're mean. And that isn't a good thing. I'm supposed to be the mean one.
L- You're right, you are. But you aren't doing a very good job of it. You're even begging them to review.
K- Fine. If you people don't review, I'll make Laura start doing a Ritsu rant.
L- What if I don't want to do one?
K- I'll make you.
L- Ok, you're evil again. Every thing is right with the world again.
K- Thank you. It's nice to know that an evil genius like myself is appreciated. Now, can we get at LEAST three reviews? I mean, this chapter is, like, nine pages long. Nine is sort of short, but we did post two chapters. Altogether that's probably twenty pages. TWENTY!
L- Actually, right now it's twenty-six. If you count both chapters, that is. Page nine is when Marie's thing starts.
K- Wow. I knew I had typed a lot, but not that much.
L- Yes, you did. The part I came up with doesn't even take up a quarter of the story!
K- It took up 4.7163412127440904419321685508736 percent of the last chapter.
L- Shut up.
K- ...
L- ...
K- ...
L- Did you use a calculator for that?
K- Yes, I did.
L- I see...
K- ...
L- ...
K- ...
L- Well, review.
K- Yes. Only people who review get muffins from now on.
L- But that's mean.
K- Fine. Everyone who reads gets muffins. Only people who review get cupcakes. So we will probably have a pathetic number of cupcakes sitting around.
L- Won't they get stale?
K- Yup. When they do, we'll just make more.
L- OK!
K- You know what, I've noticed that we've gone from having barely any conversation to talking a whole ton.
L- You know, you're right. Maybe it's because you just got bored and started typing up whatever.
K- You're probably right. I'll have to tone it down a bit in the future.
M- You two really are REALLY weird.
K/L- We know!
