Shakespeare disco inferno
A/N:
This
chapter is a filler, really. It's not that exciting but I couldn't
skip immediately to the action.
Lalala, I have the 'Ghostbusters'
song in my head. Lovely.
Sunday
29th
2:00
pm
For some reason, I cannot stop thinking about Dave the Laugh
One minute later
He is now a single man.
Err…boy. Whatever. Bloke, chappie, lad, call it what you will. But the point is, he is now free to snog whoever he wants. Not that that stopped him before, mind.
One minute later
And not that I care either. Our snogging days are over, officially. Dave said, "We'll just be matey type mates."
He also said, "I like you, and I always have and I always will." But obviously he meant that in a matey way.
Two minutes later
Didn't he?
2:30
Mates. Just mates. Ahoy, matey. What? Shuttup, brain, you're not on a cruise on the Titanic. Though my life does feel like a bloody sinking ship. What with Masimo huffing off, my crap Italian teacher, the whole Wet Lindsay scenario, and now, as if Big G still wasn't satisfied with the poonosity of my life, Emma may know about me and Dave the Laugh's secret snogs.
2:35
What if she comes round to my house and duffs me up?
What if she has a black belt in karate?
Or she might have an Uncle who is in the Mafia, and he will come and sort me out. Oh, God! I'm too young to die, I still have a spectacularly poo and crap life to lead!
One minute later
I will do anything to live, I will even snog Signor Bertollini!
One minute later
On second thoughts, I will take death instead.
2:50
Rang Jas.
"Hello, Jas speaking," she said.
"Jas, my pally, are you there?"
"Of course I am here, otherwise I wouldn't have said, 'hello, Jas speaking'," she huffed. "What do you want?"
"Don't say it like that, Jas."
"Don't say what like what?"
She is incredibly twitty and annoying.
"You know full well what I mean. You don't need to be so rude."
Jas got all upset. "You are ALWAYS rude, Georgia. Am I not allowed to have an off day?"
This was getting ridiculous. "Nevermind, Jas. We are calling an emergency ace gang meeting. Oh, and, just so I'm sure – Ellen IS completely over Dave the Laugh, isn't she?"
"Yes, she is pretty serious about Dec now. Hey, why - "
"Jas, all I can say is, I have some emergency news regarding the pantsmeister. That is what the meeting is about."
Jas said, "Oo-er. Have you been doing knutcshen with him?"
But I put the phone down.
3:30
Jas'
house
Being suffocated by owls
Jas has a new owl in her collection. It has incredibly starey beady eyes. Very freaky deaky. It was a gift from Hunky. Aaaaw. What an incredibly sweet way to express your love: 'My darling, you are my one and only, I would like to offer you this token of my love – a stuffed owl.' How romantic - NOT.
However, I managed to refrain myself from commenting on Hunky's owl. The last thing I needed at this moment was for Jas to get all Miss Huffy Knickers on me.
One minute later
"Right, I will get to the nub and gist of things right away," I declared. "There will be no beating around the bush, I will bite the whatsit and begin immediately. No dilly dallying. I will be quick and straight to the point – "
Rosie lobbed an owl at me. "Get on with it, I'm s'posed to be at Sven's house making Herring Cake."
Herring Cake? What was she on about? As always, I will be the last to know. Do you know what, I am not going to ask; the answer will just be something utterly ludicrous, as always.
One minute later
I began properly this time. "My pallys, I am in a bit of a fandango. Err…well, remember the camping fiasco?"
"Who could forget? Remember when we rustled sheep?" Jools said.
"Erm, yes. That was comedy gold, that moment," I agreed. "But, anyway, then the lads came, am I right?"
I was aware Jas was staring beadily at me, looking freakishly like her owl. The others were nodding like those nodding dogs you put in the back of the car.
"Well, Dave and I went for a walk - "
"Oo-er," said Rosie, with a wink.
"Yes, yes. We, well we were just talking as mates, and - " suddenly it all came tumbling out. "Well we ended up snogging and it was just a number five and it was quite Phwoar! But then Dave said we were still just matey mates, and then the other day he called me because Emma had broken up with him because she thought he was cheating and I think she might know about our forest snogging sesh."
One minute later
All the Ace Crew are just staring at me. Is there something on my face? Has my nose grown even bigger? Oh, bugger, bugger.
Eventually Ellen said (heaven help us) "Er….what…you, but Dave, number five? But, like, erm…you don't, erm, like him… err, do you? What…isn't…why? What? What?"
Ellen was getting into a really big dither; her face was turning quite an odd shade of pink. I think she will spontaneously combust if she keeps this up.
Two seconds later
"Do you want me to repeat it for you, Ellen?" I asked kindly. "DAVE AND I SNOGGED AND - "
Unfortunately, Jas' mutti chose that precise moment to walk into the room, with impeccably poo timing.
"You snogged Dave? I thought your boyfriend was Masimo, that Italian bloke?"
Thank you, Radio Jas.
Then Jas' Mum said something that was, quite frankly, disturbing. "What number did you get up to?" Absobloodylutely unbelievable.
Not only does my Mutti seem to know about the snogging scale, but now Jas' mum does too?
One minute later
Jas got her mutti to leave, finally. Then she turned to me and said, "You really are a tart of the first water, Georgia."
Jools said, "But it's not really a surprise, Gee. Everybody knows about you and Dave's secret snogs. In fact, they are not exactly a secret."
This set Ellen off, of course. "What, er, I mean – you have, like, snogged before then? I – er…. why…everybody knows? I, you know, didn't?" She made it sound like a question.
Jas sniffed. "Georgia has no pride. She flings herself at any boy that comes her way with gay abandon. She needs to get her horn under control, or learn to deal with the consequences of having about a million boyfriends."
Rosie got out her beard and began stroking it. Oh, Lordy. "The Wise One makes a fair point. As the old saying goes, 'Ye who snogs those whom they are not courting, will, alack forsooth, payeth the price.'"
"Erm, is there a saying like that?" I asked, full of deep confusinosity.
"There is now," declared Rosie.
Fifteen minutes later
The general mood of the gang is that it was wrong for me to snog Dave the Laugh, as I was not 'courting' him, so now I will have to face the music.
"But," said Ro-Ro, "Emma may know nothing about the incident, so don't mention it. Pretend it never happened, or you could end up accidentally telling her. And that, my friend, would just about top the list of stupid things you have done – including gluing your eyelashes together." Wise words, coming from someone wearing a fake beard and sidies (though I was hoping to forget about the eyelashes incident.
11:00
pm
My Bed of Pain
Oh, oh, I can't stop worrying about the whole Emma situation. Does she know? If she does, can she hurry up and duff me up soon? I can't stand the tension. Oh, I will never get to sleep (Libby's cold botty doesn't help either). I will be awake all night –
Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz….
Monday
30th
6:46 am
I was woken when something fat and furry suddenly squashed onto my face. It was, of course, Angus. Furry Freak – what if he had done that in the night and I hadn't woken up? I could have suffocated!
Angus' bandages come off in just one week. He still hasn't regained his balance – he tried to jump out of the window into the tree the other day, and somehow ended up on top of my wardrobe instead. But it will be nice to see him back to normal again soon. You know, rounding up the Prat Poodles, terrorising the postie, licking Naomi's bottie…the usual cat stuff.
10:16
pm
Froggie
Still worrying. I said to Ro-Ro, who was sitting next to me, "Do you think Emma knows? Could we find out?"
"Drop it, mate," Rosie said. "Just chill. Keep grooving, groovster. Don't let the stress, er stress you out. It's cool, bro, peace." She had drawn a peace symbol on her cheek in biro.
I knew Rosie was mad, but this just takes the cake. Her insanity has gone up a whole new level. Why was she being a hippie?
"Why are you being a hippy, Ro-Ro?"
"I find it is very soothing to the mind," she said, and tried to get herself into the lotus position. This did not work, mainly because she was sitting on a chair, and she just ended up in a heap on the floor. Vair amusante.
Unfortunately Madame Slack did not agree. Rosie has got a bad conduct mark, and detention. Which is a shame because it means she will be missing Rom and Jule Rehearsals. Miss Wilson has said we will have them on Monday and Tuesday now, because, "We have so much work to do, girls! We've got to have a good game plan!"
But I think she just gets lonely, and wants to fill up all her free time.
4:10
pm
Rehearsals
Dave and all the lads were already in the hall. When we came in they all cheered and yelled, "Nungas!" Dave came up and gave me a peck on the cheek. Very, erm, friendly.
"Wazzup?" he yelled. "Ready for some more Billy ShakesPANTS?"
We all cheered and high fived eachother. Miss Wilson was already all in a dither – she was trying to sort out the lads in the corner who were attempting to squirt eachother with the fire extinguisher, and Nauseating P. Green, who was doing what she does best, i.e making a prat of herself. She had been cast as Lord Capulet, and she was waving a prop sword around. Unfortunatley, she managed to whack some poor girl in the face, and then when she turned around to apologise, she knocked over someone ELSE. We were all cracking up – Rollo even had his phone out and was filming her as she elephanted about, knocking people over, apologising, and then knocking more people over. It was like human dominoes or something.
4:30 pm
Miss Wilson has managed to (sort of) get us under control. We are doing my death scene. It is vair moving and touching. Mercutio says some beautiful lines, they bring a tear to everyone's eye: "I am peppered, I warrant, for this world. A plague o' both your PANTS! 'Zounds, a dog, a rat, a mouse, a cat, to scratch a man to death!" (Mercutio must have had a cat a bit like Angus).
The best bit, though, was when we choreographed my death. Tybalt (Mabs) and Romeo (Ellen) stand facing each other. I stand behind Ellen, and then Mabs stabs under Ellen's arm with her prop sword, and strikes me a blow. I then collapse to the floor. But we made it like a little disco inferno:
Stab to the left
Stab to the right
Shimmy
to the ground,
All around
Shake your botty,
Stab in the air,
Circle
each other
Death stare,
Stab under arm,
(Mercutio) Falls to
the ground with a cry of "Alack Forsooth!"
Comedy stuff.
5:30pm
Walking
home
It was a triumph, darling, a triumph. Our dance went down a storm – Miss Wilson liked it so much she is going to have it in the actual play!
Dave the Laugh said, "You could be a choreographer when you are older, then."
I said, "I am going to be a backing dancer."
And Dave said, "Yes, you can choreograph your own moves."
Excellent! I now know what I am going to be!
Ten minutes later
When we got to my house, I said, "Dave, do you think Emma knows anything?"
He looked a bit worried. "I tried talking to her, but she refused to speak to me. She's obviously very angry."
"Oh, she must know then!" I groaned. Dave patted my arm.
"Hey, don't stress, OK? Look, whatever happens, whatever comes of this, I don't hold anything against you. I like you Georgia, and it's going to stay that way."
And suddenly I really, really wanted to snog him. His eyes went all soft, and I really thought he was about to kiss me. And then I don't know what happened, I just sort of sprang up and kissed him right on the mouth! Blimey, what was wrong with me? Had I no self control?
Dave stiffened, but then he sort of put his arms around me. He gently pushed me away.
"Er...I know I'm gorgeous, but try to show some self restraint, will you?"
I gave a little gasp. "I'm – I'm so sorry, Dave, I…"
He smiled. "It's cool. I, er, I have to…go. Bye Georgia." And he hurried off.
One minute later
Oh, god. What have I done? My horn has got the better of me!! Remember, Masimo, Masimo, Masimo!
Two minutes later
Oh, that is so freaky! The phone just rang – and it was Masimo!
I was so surprised to hear his voice, I jumped and banged my head.
He said, "Ciao, Caro, it is Masimo."
"Ow! HI! Err.. Ciao!" I said breathlessly. He was probably calling so he could break up with me officially.
"Listen, Miss Georgia. I am needing to speak with you."
"Si? What about?" I asked. I didn't want to hear it.
"It is quite, how you say, urgent."
Urgent? Was he that desperate to break up with me?
"Can I meet you after school tomorrow? Is good?"
"Oh, um, OK." Well, at least he was going to break up with me in person, not over the phone.
"Goodbye, Miss Georgia. And, tomorrow, we will talk about what happened, si?"
What? "Er, si. Good, yes, good. Well…bye."
And I put the phone down.
Two minutes later
Oh, bugger all.
Everything has just gone downhill.
Crap, crap, thrice crap, and also merde.
