Half of Heart

Summary:

The moment Thorin Oakenshield took on the mission of taking back Erebor with twelve other dwarves, another stepped up and took the mantle of protecting the people. It was Lirin Bladedancer, Wife and Queen to Thorin Oakenshield. Lady of Sieges. "Lie a promise then! Just for me!" (Mix of Book and Movie Verse) Thorin/OC

Chapter 6: Forgiveness Given.

TA 2770

Thorin: 24 years old

Lirin: 20 years old

Grief, weariness and fear hovered in the air like a choking grip more than a breathing supplement. The last weeks were spent counting the numbers, trying to feed the people, fleeing from Smaug and grieving for their losses. Thorin swiftly and willingly took up once again the mantle of being the 'keeper' of the people. Weeks on end he roamed the tents of families and dwarves and caught up with however he could help them with. He counted the number of soldiers and warriors, the number of orphans and youngsters and the disabled among them. He led them when his father couldn't or his grandfather. He took work and jobs wherever he could. Eat as little as possible for his siblings to have more. Their numbers dwindled considerably and the news of Erebor's fall came as a horn cry to other nomad dwarves to join them. It also called unto enemies, for indeed they were in their weakest points of their lives. There were days of naught and in blind automaton they walked, ran and searched for safety.

This was the first day of relative calm the survivors had in long. Thorin collapsed on the stone floor in an undignified heap in a corner of an abandoned hallway. He leaned back on the wall with his eyes closed and breathing deep. At last, some rest for him. He could feel his muscles throbbing in exhaustion and the seductive lure of sleep weaving its spell.

"Brother?" He opened his eyes tiredly and his sight showed him only a fuzzy haze. "Brother?"

"Dis." Thorin offered his hand and pulled her to his lap, arms around her in an affectionate hug. "How're you?"

"Fine." The lass leaned to her brother's chest, listening to his heartbeat through all the layers of cloth. She was so much like their mother. Late mother. Thorin's arms tightened even just a little. No tears threatened him now, his eyes dry and body plainly spent from his grieving. "Do you think we can see the lady now?"

Thorin's thoughts halted and where whirled sharply another way. Images, sounds, smells and emotions gathered like a hurricane and composed memories as clear as daylight. It was always the same, always triggered by Dis' request to see the lady.

Adrenaline rushed through his being like a fire unleashed. (Ironic because his land and home is being destroyed by such.) His legs demanded movement and the moment he set his grandfather and father to safety, he walked off to find the rest of his family. His eyes roved quickly, heart pounding like a hammer to metal. Painful as his conscience stabbed him for his bias choices of who to rescue first. His mind whispered to him in dark voices, saying how he loved his father more. How he was no different from those dwarves who degraded women, the ones he promised never to be. Whispers of macabre and ashes, sang to his ears. Tragedies were cackled like it was the happiest comedy. Panic grabbed and mingled with his adrenaline, dancing a deathly dance, and they made horrific images flash through his mind.

"Frenin! Dis!" His voice was hoarse and the smoke was like gravel in his throat. "Mother!"

Possibilities, bad ones, sped through his mind like fired arrows, swift and many. It clenched his heart and twisted his gut. His hands were white fists as he continued to call out. His pace was going faster and his steps as long as his legs could give him. The names he called were prayers that they be safe.

"Brother!" Frenin's presence when he approached him with a limp was like a taste of water in a desert. A relieved smile was mirrored between them, their blue eyes brightening even if a little. "Father? Mother? Granfather? Dis?"

"Father and Grandfather are fine." The clenching loosed a little, and Thorin felt like he could breathe again even a little. "I am seeking our girls."

Frenin immediately proposed a split and before he could even agree, his brother was gone limping away asking questions to passing dwarves. Thorin immediately continued his search, pinpointing children because surely his mother and sister would be together. Blackened figures he could barely recognize were huddled together and all of them were grieving and searching like him. One that took his attention was a girl being hugged by an older one. Sisters they seemed. He decided he should go imitate Frenin and start asking questions. He inched closer and with every step, familiarity buzzed like a bee to his ear. He could hear murmurs and that even egged him closer. Anguish, grief, sorrow, despair and loss reverberated like strings with every murmur. When the girl looked up from the lady's shoulder, relief and a seed of hope continued to grow, fighting its way from barren heartache.

"Big Brother!" Thorin immediately crouched beside them, glad to see his sister safe. In his joy, he kissed Dis' forehead and turned to the one who surely saved her. Poor lady was gripping on his sister's hands and they were shaking. She was slumped looking on the ground as if waiting for her punishment. Her hair covered her face from his view, yet he could see the tears dripping to the ground. He leaned closer and tried to listen.

"Miss?" He reached out and touched her shoulder. She immediately flinched and bowed lower, her murmurs getting louder.

"I am sorry… Please forgive me… Please, I am so sorry." The words tumbled out in between shaking sobs. She didn't let go of Dis' hands and Dis just held on too. It confused and disturbed Thorin. Why was she crying forgiveness? Her words continued in a cycle. Her broken state was so desperate that it struck a chord in his soul. He held onto her arms and forced her to face him. She didn't. He tried harder. She turned to him, head still bowed and hands like vice-grip around Dis'. "I am sorry."

"I should be thanking you Miss!" He squeezed her arms, wanting and needing to get her out of her stupor. She scared him. Pained him. Her grief was like doom has happened and there was no more hope for her. "Thank you for saving her!"

"No!" She struggled to free herself, a futile attempt with how he held fast. She looked up to him and sobbed. "I didn't save her! She… if only…Then…"

"I could! I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" She was in hysterics. Tears made a waterfall on her face. Her brown eyes were filled with immense pain and guilt. Thorin could see it, she was seeing and witnessing again and again whatever it was that made her a wreck. Again and again. She looked like a Valkyrie fallen from grace. Struck down by the very hope she held onto. It was unnerving, how she looked at him and saw nothing. "She's dead!"

He didn't know if he was shaking because she was or he was shaking wholly by himself. She was so broken and he needed to know why. "Lirin!"

She snapped a look at him, recognition of a split second before she passed out into his arms.

Lirin. One 'mother' from Dis said it all and he understood what Lirin was saying. What he did not understand was the effect it had on her. What did she witness for her to break down? It was disconcerting to see someone not even family, grieving like the heavens have fallen for a lost loved one she wasn't even past acquaintance to. It left him speechless. What did she see that made her beg for forgiveness?

She was deadweight when he scooped her up in his arms. Various bruises and burns marred her arms and legs. Her bare feet were embedded with stones and splintered wood. It surprised him that it didn't even bleed. One must be really light footed to achieve such feat, especially in a time of calamity. Her hair, long lock now black with ash, was burned unevenly. Already some locks were falling away.

Amidst the smell of smoke and ash, she smelled of rain.

"Thorin, can we?" His surrender came in a sigh and he felt, more than saw, Dis brightening. She hopped off his lap and waited for him to stand up. "Can we?"

"Let's ask Father first, shall we?" He stood up, summoning as much strength as he could. He treaded his fingers through hers and started walking slowly. He relished the smaller hand in his and indulged Dis in making the hands sway to and fro. He let his mind wander and have Dis lead the way to where their father was. He took comfort in having her close to him. She was their sunshine, like their mother was. Smiles bright and hope light. "Dis!"

She slipped out his fingers so easily that he thought she vanished. He even had an epiphany of some sort as he watched Dis running away. "Dis!"

"Lady! Lady!" The little princess ran. She ran to Lirin and with this Thorin paused in his approach. Lirin just came out from the 'royal wing' and he deduced that his father had summoned her. Thrain had promised Dis that he would reward her in some way in which she wished to. Yet as Thorin watched her, he saw no mark of honor. What more was that she looked like the walking dead. Her locks were chopped unevenly, only the burnt parts were taken away. She was also out of reality, it seemed that she could not see or hear anything. What happened? "Lady!"

He continued walking the moment Dis hugged Lirin's legs, almost sending her tumbling to the floor. He saw the horrified expression that fell over Lirin's being so clearly that he couldn't push the thought away. Dis wasn't aware of it, thus she continued on calling her attention and for her to look down at her. He was already by their side when the small smile that stretched her lush pale lips won an internal struggle.

"Your Majesty." Lirin greeted him with a small bow then she turned to Dis, patting her head. "Little princess."

Her tone was light yet in her eyes he saw apathy and not even a sign or flicker of recognition. It confused him. Was she too deep in her hysterics and guilt that she didn't recognize the girl she saved? What of the horrified expression earlier? Was it a natural reaction now to any little girl she encounter? But surely she must know, Thrain just talked to her as the situation seemed to imply. He couldn't deny the dark shadow that was on her. Still, he kept his lips sealed, watching and waiting what it was that Dis was really intending to do and if his sister would truly go with her word.

"Come! I need to tell you something!" Dis tugged at Lirin's hand, pulling her to her level of sight. Lirin followed her request and half-sat, half-kneeled in front of her. Dis immediately engulfed her into a hug, burying her face on her shoulder and started whispering. Thorin knew what she would be saying and so he watched Lirin's countenance. It was a revelation. The darkness dispersed and the black in her eyes leaked out like invisible tears. Then they twinkled like gems, even if it was a little dim. The smile on her lips wasn't even faked and as if the burden she lifted for weeks on end was lightened like air. Dis stepped back when she was finished, an infectious smile on her lips. "So don't be sad.'lright? Smile?"

"I am." Her tone was bright and like tinkling bells. Thorin realized that the matter did bear her down and that Dis' forgiveness was greatly and immensely needed. It was a guiding torch to the darkness she was lost into. His admiration to his sister heightened, yet his intrigue to Lirin was no amount dissolved. Now, Dis held Lirin's hands and there was comfort, not desperation, in the action.

"Wider!" At this demand, Lirin chuckled, soft and breathless of one who found hope in a fruitless journey. How many sleepless nights did she endure? How long did she traverse the dark abyss? His musings were cut short when Dis' own exuberant laughter rang across the halls. "There!"

"Thank you dearest." Lirin spoke with an affectionate voice. She stood slowly and Thorin saw that at the very least her wounds and burns were healed nicely. "I am in your debt."

"And I, yours." Dis said with the same tone, her face a sunny disposition even in the darkness of being underground. "You will keep it a secret, yes?"

"As you wish my princess." Lirin made a low curtsy to both of them and turned to leave the two alone.

At the following events we turn to Lirin's perspective. She was relieved and freed. Dis' words saved her from the darkness that engulfed her in the past days. It cleared the haze in her sight that made the word a bleary and dreary place. She could feel and breathe again. She wasn't completely healed. No, definitely not. Even then she could see the haunting blank gaze that calls out to death. She wished that maybe dear Time would heal the wounds to a dull ache. The moment she turned her back to the others, her smile sobered her eyes darkened once again.

If only in some way she could exorcise the images in some way.

"Wait!" With a gasp she whirled around. Too deep in thoughts she was that again she was caught unaware. She admonished herself in this matter. She should stop spacing out in situations like this. Thorin was the one who called her, his hoarse voice a giveaway as it was. Lirin observed him curiously and Dis was doing the same. He was patting his clothes and pockets, obviously searching for something. She approached with a pasted smile of amusement and intrigue, the slippers her mother threatened her to wear hindered her connection to the cold floor. Her steps were glides and the smile was still brighter than before. Slowly, she will be back to the Lirin she knew, but in some ways she would also be better.

"What is it, my Lord?" asked she in a polite tone.

"Hmmm." She heard him mutter solemnly, then retrieving something from his pocket and he held it out to her in an open palm. The way he offered it to her was a reverence at itself and it she was touched. If the day wasn't so full of surprises already, she would have deemed herself an emotional wreck of a dwarf! "Forgive me for the very unpleasant timing. I should have returned it much sooner."

In his hand was a paintbrush. Her paintbrush and The paintbrush. It was the one that she threw at him on their first meeting. One action she didn't regret and found in herself that she was thankful of. Emotions churned and her ears buzzed in an almost otherworldly song. Her hope flared as the smile on her face widened. She took the brush with such devotion that her hands trembled. The glinting sharp handle end was a comfort at its own.

"Thank you." She meant it. It was the only one which survived through the Fall. It was her only link to her artistic past, to her works and to her ideas of old. "Your timing is perfect."

And in an act she was sure she would regret and would kill herself quite gladly, she hugged Thorin with a big smile, almost laughing. She even squeezed him before letting go. Then with red cheeks she turned and fled running.

-TBC-

I forgot to ask you who the girl was last chapter, oh well. Enjoy and you have my thanks