Chapter seven: The Traditional Threats
Kougaiji seemed unsure how the conversation had turned to this point.
'Why,' he asked carefully, 'would we be required to threaten either Gojyo or Hakkai?'
Doku gestured impatiently. 'Because. It's traditional. You gotta warn the other guy not to hurt…well, him.'
Goku stared. 'Why?' the heretic asked blankly. 'Who's going to hurt who?'
'Nobody,' Dokugakuji said. 'It's just the done thing, that's all. See, I'm Gojyo's brother, so I have to threaten Hakkai. Just to, you know. It's a gesture. Traditional,' he said again, not seeming to realise that nobody in this house had had anything remotely approaching a traditional childhood except, perhaps, Yaone.
'Oh.' Goku pondered. 'Well. I don't know. I like them both. Can I think about it?'
'Sanzo?'
'Based on past idiocy,' Sanzo droned, 'the answer seems obvious.'
'Ooooh,' Gojyo said. 'I feel so afraid. So very, very afraid.' He dodged even before the gun fired.
'What about you, Kou?'
Kougaiji looked plaintively at him. 'I,' he floundered. 'Well.'
'I'm on Hakkai's side,' Yaone volunteered.
'I'm flattered you think so highly of me,' Hakkai said politely.
'You're a girl,' Gojyo said dismissively. 'You don't count.'
'Excuse me?'
'And why him, anyway?'
'Because he's very sweet and kind and handsome, and if you break his heart I'll have to console him and it won't be pretty.'
Kougaiji cleared his throat loudly.
'Don't worry,' Yaone said, and patted his arm fondly. 'There's nothing for you to be jealous about.'
Kougaiji looked less than reassured.
'Okay, I'll threaten Gojyo too, then,' Lirin said. Gojyo looked accusingly at her. 'What? Hakkai makes the food around here!'
'Goku?' Gojyo said desperately.
'Uhh,' Goku said, uncomfortable. 'I don't know.'
'Et tu, monkey?' Gojyo said theatrically.
'You shouldn't try to act like you have a brain,' Sanzo said helpfully. 'It only makes it more obvious the other times.'
'Now, now,' Hakkai said mildly.
'I don't believe this,' Gojyo declared and flounced off.
