The introduction to this story lists it as a humour/parody. You've had the humour, this chapter is the parody...


Sleep left her slowly. Stretching, Scully became aware of a naked body pressed the length of her back. Mulder's hand traced lazy circles on her bare stomach. She could tell he'd been awake for sometime.

'Morning, Scully,' Mulder greeted, unfazed by the level of casual intimacy given they'd only become lovers last evening.

'What time is it?' Scully yawned, still tired after their exhausting night.

'Just after eight.' Waiting for his statement to sink in, Mulder bounced off the bed and headed for the shower. 'Better rise and shine, sleepyhead. You don't want to be late for breakfast. Everyone will put one and one together and come up with three.' Stopping to turn around and give her a full frontal, he added, 'that's right, everyone already thinks one into one makes three.'

'I said I was sorry,' Scully called to his retreating, naked, wonderful backside. After making love for the second time, Mulder had laughed with her at the Agent Smith bathroom story. The whole situation seemed comical at three in the morning after sharing so much with each other. They still hadn't come up with any ideas on how to stop the circulating rumours, even though part of them proved true.

Hearing the water splash against the shower cubical, she waited two minutes. Evil Scully's mind suggested, save water, shower with a friend. Before she could think better, Scully stepped into the spray behind Mulder.

'Nice of you to join me,' he mocked, pinning her against the wall and impaling her. What followed couldn't be described as gentle, but it left both partners blissfully satisfied, for the moment at least. They walked into the dinning room a few minutes later than their colleagues, sat at a table for two, rushed through breakfast, and hurried back to their room.

'Don't look so worried, Scully,' Mulder teased, turning her to face him at their door. 'We've got half an hour before today's session's start.'

'You really think half an hour is enough, Mulder,' Scully returned, now the line had been crossed, she wanted this man, all the time, 'you've been watching too many of those movies you swear aren't yours.'

'Come on, Mrs. Spooky,' Mulder added, 'I have to do research.'

'Is that what you call it,' sarcasm coloured her words.

Grinning, Mulder chose that moment to open the door. Scully fell through it. Only Mulder's embrace stopped her from landing on her butt.

'Got you,' he smirked.

Scully felt his body language change. Standing her on her feet, Mulder swung the door closed while pushing Scully behind him in a protective gesture.

'Explain to me,' Skinner didn't attempt to hide his ire, 'in ten words or less, what the hell's going on here.'

Oh, I knew this day would come, Scully cursed. Breaking away from Mulder's hold, Scully went to her case. Digging into a secret compartment, she took out a laminated sheet and a small plastic bag. Hiding the packet in her left hand, she gave Skinner the paper.

Letting out her breath, Sully explained, 'college friend, spring break, Martha's Vineyard, gorgeous guy, drunken dare.' Counting in her mind, Scully thought, yes, exactly ten words.

Mouth gapping wide, Skinner didn't hide his astonishment. He looked from Scully to the evidence in his hand several times. His mouth opened and closed like a goldfish swimming in a small bowl. As his jaw moved from side to side, Skinner rased his hand to comb his non-existent hair. Examining Mulder's expression, he felt sorry for the man. If he guessed correctly, from Agent Scully's avoidance of her partners enquiring look, Mulder knew as little about this as Skinner did.

Passing the document to Mulder, he asked, 'Ever seen this before?'

'You got some explaining to do Mrs Spooky,' Mulder couldn't believe the evidence he'd been handed.

'When you've got through explaining this to Agent Mulder,' Skinner couldn't help but smile as he brushed passed his agents and swept out of the room, 'we can sort this mess out in my office, first thing Monday morning.'

Taking Scully's left hand, Mulder extracted the second object from her grasp. Inside the little plastic evidence bag, two gold rings shone in the morning light. Astounded, Mulder look back to the marriage certificate in his hand making sure he understood. How can I have been married to Scully for the last ten years and not remember it, he wondered.

Then her words made sense. Scully had been with her college friend on spring break from Med School. They came to Martha's Vineyard. At a loss, Mulder had flown home from England to lick his wounds from the Phoebe Green fiasco. He gotten drunk, hence the gorgeous guy which almost made Mulder smile. Finally, the wedding bands and certificate formed the drunken dare.

Scully knew the instant Mulder's mind made all the connections. 'You're not mad,' Scully couldn't believe it.

A slow, menacing smile covered Mulder's face. 'I wouldn't say that, exactly, Mrs. Spooky Mulder,' he pronounced, a gleam in his eye sending a shiver of apprehension down Scully spine. 'You've still got some explaining to do, but it gets us out of this situation.'

Taking her hand, Mulder slipped the smaller, inexpensive ring on her finger. He made a promise to replace it with something more suitable in the future. 'Your turn,' he smirked wickedly handing her the larger of the two gold bands.

'Do you even remember the last time we did this,' Scully hedged, knowing how inebriated he'd been. 'Mulder, we where so drunk you couldn't consummate your wedding vows,' she remembered, 'and after last night any hope for a secret annulment now gone.'

'Let's just say, I had a premonition, or maybe a flashback, yesterday,' he replied, wiggling his digit at her. Swallowing hard, Scully did as he asked, thinking this could only get them further into trouble.


I'd planed to leave this here, but if I get enough of a response, I could continue. Maybe the meeting with Skinner, Scully's parents reaction and, of course, the response from their DC colleagues. Tell me what you think.