Mark's conversation with Lexie had left him curious and he was desperate for a second shot at prying some details out of her. Her unwillingness to open up shouldn't be a shock when he considered how bad things were between them before, but he'd been open with her and was hoping for a similar response.
She had also said that she wanted to keep things private until they were friends again, which surely meant that she was keen to build bridges. It wasn't that he was sticking his nose in and trying to get gossip out of her or even that he wanted to get close to her again, he just needed to be sure that her life in New York was as good, if not better, than her life in Seattle. He needed to know that she wouldn't resent him for being the one to push her to leave. He needed closure.
The fact that she wouldn't disclose names of any friends worried him. At least here she'd had close bonds with a large portion of the staff and had found her half-sister. Even after she lost Mark, she had them. One week wasn't enough time for her to heal. She never gave herself a chance, she just decided almost instantly that being around him was too much to handle.
She'd moved on and was living a happy life without him. Good for her, but Mark couldn't say the same. Lexie had moved forwards and he'd moved ten steps backwards.
He smacked his golf club against the ground in frustration.
"You know you're supposed to hit the ball? Not the concrete." Derek gave him a cautious glance.
"I know, Derek." He didn't mean to snap at his friend, but he was deciding if he wanted to talk through his concerns or bottle everything up. He should've seen the therapist that everyone kept recommending, Callie and Arizona especially. In fact, he should've done it out of respect for them.
"You spoke to Lexie." It wasn't a question. Derek knew it for a fact.
"Did she tell you about it?"
"Last night? No, she came home and went straight up to bed. She did come looking for you yesterday morning though, and judging by your aggression towards that poor golf club, I'd say she found you." Mark looked down at the club which was bent slightly out of shape. He grabbed another one and switched it out, lining up to take a swing at the ball itself this time.
"Oh yeah, Lexie found me." He hit the ball with force, watching it hurtle off the rooftop.
"Well, that's unfortunate." Mark didn't have to be specific for his friend to know what he was implying. Over the last year, Derek had been the one picking up the pieces. Between him, Callie, Arizona and Meredith, they had somehow stopped him from getting to a place where he was beyond help.
"How much do you know about New York?"
"You mean Lexie's time there?" Mark nodded in response. "Not much. She hasn't even told Meredith anything, which is even more frustrating. I don't expect my wife to tell me personal details about her sister's life, I mean, it's not my business, but she really knows nothing."
"Wait, Mer knows nothing? At all?"
"We get basic information about where she's been and cases she's worked on, that's it. She always turns the attention on us and Zola. Did she tell you anything?"
"Just that she doesn't get much sleep and she doesn't eat in much."
"Well the sleep part is no surprise, but the eating part? She used to love Friday night pizza and dinner parties."
"And eating popcorn on the couch while we watched surgery videos." Mark smiled fondly at the memory before sighing. Throwing the club to the ground and this time not picking it up, he yelled. "Fuck!" Derek jumped, but didn't say anything. "I thought she was the one, Derek, you know? We were supposed to have what you and Meredith have."
"What we have isn't perfect either. The start of our relationship was hell and we handled it all wrong, and we still have problems. It's not all sunshine and rainbows, Mark. Look at Callie and Arizona, too. Every relationship has obstacles."
"Obstacles? She left the state to get away from me. She refused to talk to me when she came home, and the thing that made her leave is still here."
"You don't know the new Lexie Grey. Until you two have a real conversation, who's to say she isn't ready for all that?"
"If she was ready, don't you think she'd have run into my arms and told me that? You know Lex, she gives her whole heart to everything and everyone. If she wanted me, I'd be with her right now. But she doesn't. She stopped wanting me the second I betrayed her and moved my daughter into our apartment."
Derek put his own golf club down now, taking a seat on the ground next to where Mark had settled. The two of them weren't sure what to say next. Mark didn't want to mope anymore, he wanted to find a way to get over her, and Derek wanted to encourage him to stick it out.
"I don't think she ever stopped wanting you." Mark's frustration turned to tears as he listened to his best friend. "She didn't want the family that you suddenly created, but that doesn't mean she didn't want you. You were all she ever talked about, Mark. No eighteen year old daughter was going to change the way she felt about you. Besides, she doesn't know half of what happened after she left."
—
Lexie had just been to dinner, alone, and was walking back into the hospital to meet Meredith. Her conversation with Mark had left her with a lot to think about, and she was feeling uneasy. She wasn't sure how much longer she could keep it together, especially with Meredith already being able to read her better than she'd expected.
She'd never been good at keeping secrets, always finding herself getting carried away in conversation and saying the wrong thing to the wrong person.
Her best kept secret had always been her relationship with Mark until things got too serious for them to hide. Her family, friends, even the hospital staff finding out had been a huge relief. She could talk freely about him and she didn't have pressure on her shoulders, weighing her down.
New York had eventually taken her freedom away when it was supposed to give her even more. She didn't like hiding things, but the thought of anyone back in Seattle finding out her new secret was too much of a risk. It would crush the people who loved her. The nature of the secret was bad enough, but the fact that she was keeping it a secret in the first place? She couldn't do that to them.
Seeing that both her sister and Derek were in an emergency surgery, Lexie opted to head to the cafeteria. It was likely to be a people-free zone late in the evening but she was aware that sometimes her friends would head here for a post-surgery snack before going home. She was hoping for a familiar face or two, just not Mark's. But even being around her friends made her vulnerable.
She'd missed them and wanted to be around them every second she was here in Seattle, and yet she knew that one question would lead to hundreds more. They were curious, perhaps even worried, and they had every right to the juicy details.
She couldn't last the next few weeks sitting in restaurants by herself, of which her and Mark had been to most of the local ones, waiting for her sister to drop everything to hang out with her. She could busy herself with patients or sit in Chief Webber's office like she had immediately after the breakup, but it was clear that she needed to get over her insecurities and put on a brave face.
Walking into the almost-empty room, she spotted her closest female friends at a table in the center of the room. She'd been right in thinking that they might be there, and right that nobody else would be.
"Lexie, hey!" April's enthusiasm was endearing but terrifying. These girls loved drama and gossip and would do just about anything to force information out of each other.
"We were just talking about you!" Arizona smiled, pushing a chair out and inviting Lexie to take a seat. Talking about her? That wasn't a good sign.
"You were?"
"Yeah, we were betting on how long you're staying for." Jo chimed in. When Lexie had first started out at Seattle Grace, the likes of her and Jo Wilson wouldn't have found themselves sat at the 'grownups table' as they called it. When her and Mark had gone public, Lexie had made it her mission to form real friendships with these women. She wanted to be viewed as an equal and she wanted Mark's friends to be her friends.
She was thankful that they'd been welcoming upon her return rather than icing her out. Not a single person had given her the cold shoulder, come to think of it.
"I'm only here for a few weeks."
"Have you told Derek and Mer?" Callie frowned. "Because, uh, pretty sure they're about to go all out and throw some wild party."
Lexie's heart started racing. With their obvious excitement at her return, she should've known better than to keep that from them.
"Hey! Let's do girl's night this weekend. We all have Saturday off, right?" Arizona pulled out her phone and opened up her calendar app. "Callie, we can host it at our place."
"I'll come over early to help with dinner!" April was practically bouncing in her chair, and Lexie didn't have the heart to turn them all down. This was what she needed; time with her friends.
Maybe if she confessed everything to Meredith beforehand, she wouldn't feel like her secret was such a big deal. Telling one person might be enough for her to stay sane and prevent her from letting slip. One thing was for sure; the idea of getting drunk and letting alcohol do the talking was off the cards for Lexie Grey.
