If Its Over: Chapter 7 By ShadyGreySteele

"Anastasia please wait" he shouts, it's a plea

"What?" I murmur and face him as my hand grips the doorknob behind me.

"I Love you, I never stopped loving you" he whispers halting me in my tracks.

And he swoops down and kisses me hard with desperation. My eyes pop open and his hands grip tightly to each side of my face. He forces his tongue into my mouth and before I can say no I just surrender to his kiss. He tastes like heaven. I need this just one more time one last kiss goodbye.

I reach up and brush my fingers through his soft copper hair as he kisses me furiously, devouring me. He groans as I tug harder and it sets me on fire. Oh how I have missed this and I want to savor every moment before he lets me go. His pulls out my hair tie and tangles his fingers through my hair and my hormones go into overdrive.

"Oh Anastasia, I have missed you so much" It's a sad confession and I see his tears stream down his face. He kisses my neck and up and down my jaw, tasting me, inhaling me like I'm his drug. I'm so confused but I want him. I don't want to let go. I thought I was stronger that I might be able to resist him.

This is a revelation; maybe he does still love me. I don't care I just want to kiss him, hold him, taste him and feel him. I have longed for him every minute since he's left me. He lifts me into his arms cradling me like a baby and carries me back over to the couch, pressing himself into me digging his erection into my sex so I can feel him.

His kiss is softer now, gentle as our tongues slowly caress each other finding our once familiar rhythm.

"Ahh" I cry as I feel him there, his mouth molding mine as his hands explore me. I want to be strong and run away and not give in but my heart is telling me to love him and let him love me.

"Anastasia I need you so bad please let me make love to you" he begs and without thinking I lift my hips to meet his and give in to my fantasy that I've had every day for 18 months now . I don't care anymore I can't resist him. I don't want may be the last time I'll get this chance to make love to my husband.

"Not here, in our bedroom, please Ana I need you so badly" as his fingers trace my nipples through my shirt.

"Yes" I whisper desperately and he takes my hand and starts walking me through our apartment.

It's felt like an eternity since I have held my husband's hand and it reminds me of the coffee morning after the photo-shoot when we walked out of the elevator in the Heathman Hotel. He took me by surprise when he took my hand; I remember the thrill I felt at that moment.

I had never held a man's hand before and I wore a face splitting grin as we walked four blocks to the Portland coffee house. I've held his hand hundreds of times after that but it's been so long that it feels brand new, and I grin.

I haven't been here in our apartment in over a year and it feels so unfamiliar. As I walk out of his office and head towards our old bedroom I am suddenly gripped with sadness and the loss of my once familiar home and I just break down falling to my knees as we pass the kitchen and I see his piano in the family room. This is the place that I fell in love with him, the place where we made love for my very first time.

"Ana baby no" and he bends down and wraps his arms around me.

"Oh Christian, why? Why did you leave me? Why don't you love me anymore? I sob overwhelmed by the home I once shared with my husband when he used to love me.

"I do love you Anastasia, it was never you. It was me I just had so many demons I couldn't get past them I was afraid I'd hurt you. I had to let you go"

"You still love me really, I don't believe you?"

"Yes Anastasia of course I really love you, I never stopped loving you and seeing you today like this, like the day I met you brings it all back to me. I was so selfish so foolish, I need you, I want my wife back please Ana, let me love you" he says hoarse and I nod

He sweeps me up into his arms and I rest my head on his chest as he carries me to our bedroom. It looks exactly the same not a thing out of place. My books still on the nightstand, my robe hung over the chair, my clothes still in the closet. Our wedding portrait hangs over our bed. The only thing that has changed are my portraits from Jose's gallery opening are now hung on the wall in the sitting room just off the master suite with one chair facing them and a small side table. Why?

"I haven't slept in here since you left Ana, not once. I stay in the guest bedroom. Mrs. Jones just comes in here to clean and dust but she's never touched your things. I just come in here sometimes to feel close to you and to look at your portraits back when you were happy and free"

"Why? I ask stunned or shocked I don't know how to react. He broke it off with me. He left me after I went to Georgia and never came home.

"Because it's all I have left of you. The scent of your skin on the sheets and the scent of your hair on the pillows." He confesses

"I was happy with you, I was waiting for you Christian at our home, and you knew that. You knew how I felt, I begged you to come home so many times" i shout at him

"Ana, I've told you I didn't want to hurt you. I had no choice. Flynn was no help. I tried everything for a few months but couldn't reign in my anger. Then I had to deal with the pain of losing you and letting you go. I knew I didn't want to hurt you and I also knew I didn't want any part of my old lifestyle. I guess I wanted to see if I still held what I thought I needed and it didn't so I stopped and I have just been working hard and focusing on business. I didn't want to divorce you because I had hope for us Ana." He sighs

"Please forgive me about what I said. I'd give you everything if you wanted it. I'm sorry I know I don't deserve you or anything after what I've done or what I've said to you. I just want you, please Ana"

"Want me? What do you mean? like just for sex?"

"No baby I love you I mean I want my wife back. I want my kids I want to be a family I want to come home. I want to see your face before I fall asleep every night and the moment I wake up Please give me another chance. I know I don't deserve it but I want to try. My folks have the kids for the next few days. Let's spend time together just us and get to know each other again"

"It's been really hard Christian, really hard. I don't know. As much as I love you and want you I'm afraid to be hurt again. I don't think I could live through it if you left me. You broke our vows you promised you'd never leave me and you did. You made me feel worthless of your love ,of you"

Is it his heart talking or his body? Continued...