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Warnings: mentions of past abuse, possible OoC-ness, yaoi in later chapters.
I know I suck at erasing all my mistakes, so if you see some that bother you, please tell me, since I seem to have a talent of over reading them when I proofread the chapter. But aside from that, I hope you enjoy this chapter! I wish you a great time while reading!
Judar felt like his body had been crushed by the Chibi-Magi's Djinn again. As if a heavy, painfully strong pressure had grabbed his body, practically smashing his bones and lungs. He felt cold and tired, his body too weak to really move. Still, he tried, groaning soundlessly when pain flared in his limbs.
His mouth felt dry, his tongue almost sticking to the roof of it. Slowly, he remembered what had happened.
He had found Sinbad's treasure rooms on pure accident, immediately digging around the various chests and shelves. And then he had seen that thing. It looked like a slim, strong hook. Long and thin enough to try to rip the necklace off without touching his throat in any way. It was worth a try.
What he hadn't expected was the pain that had flared in his body, so strongly, his hands had jerked and that the tool had slipped off. When he had tried again, he had tried to make it fast, thinking that if it hurt anyway, he would aid the whole process with his free hand. He had planned to rip the necklace off in a very strong and very fast movement.
He had failed.
Slowly balling his hands into fists, ignoring the sore feeling in his arms, Judar felt anger and bitterness well up inside of him. WHY? He was so, so sick of it! He – Judar froze when he heard quiet, but oh so nostalgic chirping. He knew that sound.
Ripping his eyes open, he quickly tried sitting up, only to have his arms give out under him right away. He stared ahead at the Rukh, he could hear them again. The black little birds fluttered around him, so close. He felt them touching his skin for tiny fragments of time, almost as if they were trying to push into his body to lend him their strength. They chirped and sang to him. Judar felt such an overwhelmingly strong relief and happiness welling up inside of him, that he felt hot, wet tears stinging his eyes.
But then he stilled. Why didn't he feel his magic in his own body? And…did that mean…quickly he looked down and his eyes widened when he saw that the blue, cursed, hated necklace was gone. He was free of it.
The sudden sound of quiet steps made him snap his head around. He saw Sinbad entering the room, balancing a plate with cut fruits on one of his hands. Then the High King turned around and upon seeing Judar awake, a relieved smile formed on his face. Hastily, Judar tried to suppress his tears, succeeding only partly, his sight still slightly blurry.
"How are you feeling?" Sinbad asked, quickly stepping towards the magi and setting the plate down. For a moment, Judar didn't know what to say, and then he opened his mouth and winced when he heard how rough his voice sounded, cracking slightly while speaking.
"The necklace…" Damn, he still had tears in his eyes! He only hoped that Sinbad wouldn't see them.
"I took it off. On today's meeting we decided to remove it from you." So he had pulled that dangerous stunt for nothing? It was almost a laughing matter, wouldn't it leave such a bitter taste in his mouth.
"Why…why don't I feel the Rukh?" Judar tried sitting up again, Sinbad quickly helping him. The raven didn't even feel uncomfortable with being touched for once.
"It will wear off soon. You had the necklace on for such a long time, it still must affect your body." Sinbad was about to offer Judar the plate with the food when he saw how the Magi's ruby eyes started to glisten.
"Damn!" Judar cursed, roughly lifting a shaking hand up to cover his face, but it didn't help much. Tears started to roll down his face, quickly being wiped away so that Sinbad hopefully wouldn't see too much of his weakness.
Carefully and slowly, the High King stretched his hand out, gently wiping a stray tear away. Judar froze up as Sinbad caressed his face, the larger man sitting down on the edge of the bed. His golden eyes were kind and understanding.
"It's okay." He murmured, slowly brushing black bangs away with the tips of his fingers. Sin wished he had known how much that necklace had affected Judar. It must have been really and truly bad if the Magi was crying now. The raven avoided his eyes, his trembling hand pushing slightly against Sinbad's.
"No…" Slowly, the king let his hand sink back to his side. Judar's ruby eyes were still suspiciously wet, but he clearly had his emotions somewhat back under control. His whole body was rigid and tense.
"Forget what you saw." The raven's voice was quiet and still a bit rough. Sinbad shook his head.
"There is nothing to be ashamed of." He said while reaching for a goblet that sat on the bedside table, offering it to Judar. The Magi took it, drinking the water with large gulps.
"Did I lose consciousness?" He asked after a moment. Sinbad nodded.
"Yes, but you weren't out for long. I took your necklace off then and went to fetch something for you to eat." Judar shot the fruits a short look, but found that the thought of eating made him feel nauseous.
Then all of a sudden, he felt the Rukh slowly flow into him. Perking up, Judar sighed without meaning to, closing his eyes halfway. He had missed this. Oh god, he had missed this so much!
It was so soothing. Without meaning to, another breathless sigh escaped him. The heavy wariness and lasting pain in his body, the exhaustion seemed to slowly drain away. Instead, he felt filled up with strength and life. Closing his eyes completely, he listened to the chirping of his Rukh, to them reflecting his own feelings of almost choking happiness. For a short moment, Judar felt like hugging Sinbad, simply because he felt so overwhelmingly glad and relieved, he barely could contain it. He opened his eyes again and looked to the High King.
Sinbad had a gentle smile on his face, his eyes filled with quiet happiness at seeing Judar truly relaxed and at ease. For a moment, they just silently looked at each other.
"Thanks." Judar's voice sounded deeply grateful and Sin slightly shook his head.
"There is no need for gratitude, Judar. After all, I promised you I would take it off, didn't I?" Sinbad's golden eyes seemed alive with a strong, gentle light. And this time, when he lifted a hand and softly brushed it through Judar's hair, the Magi didn't flinch from the contact. Instead, he felt safe, leaning a bit into it. He started to believe it. Started to truly believe, that Sinbad was a good person, that it was safe to be around him. He started to believe, that he could trust his words.
Carefully, even though his hand felt shaky, Judar rested his fingers over Sinbad's, gently feeling the warmth of his skin. With a slow, long breath he exhaled. Everything would be fine from now on.
Gasping, struggling for breath, his lungs aching, Judar jolted awake from his nightmare. He flinched, when he realized that Sinbad was looming over him, a worried and concerned look on his face. Judar slightly relaxed. It was Sinbad. Sinbad had proven himself to be safe.
"Judar?" Judar met the eyes of the High King. It was then that he realized that Sinbad was a bit too close for his liking. Sitting up, Judar forced Sinbad to lean back, coming to sit on his haunches, still kneeling on the mattress beside him.
"Judar, we need to talk about this." Sinbad's voice was gentle and quiet as soon as the Magi's breathing had returned to normal. Still, he noticed the shaking hands of the raven and the haunted, restless look in his ruby eyes.
"No, no we don't." As if he could talk about it! It made him sick just to think about it, how could he even voice it out? Judar shrunk away from Sinbad, pulling his sheets higher and wrapping himself in them, as though they could protect him from his memories.
"Yes, we do." Sinbad's voice was firm, but still gentle. He sat against the headboard without looking away from Judar. "You have nightmares and I see how they affect you." He lifted a hand, effectively cutting off his Magi. His eyes were serious and Judar swallowed slightly.
"You look tired and you pick more on your food than you eat. It got better for a few nights after you got your powers back, but now it seems just as bad as before." Sinbad was right. Judar had slept blissfully peaceful after his powers had returned, but then the whispering of the rukh hadn't been enough anymore. Slowly at first, and then with rapt speed, the voice of his nightmares had overpowered the small birds, swallowing their comforting chirping completely. Judar shook his head.
"I can't, Sinbad. I can't talk about it." His hands fisted in the sheets and he drew his knees up to his chest, a subconscious gesture of trying to protect himself and of trying to make himself smaller.
"Judar, please look at me." Reluctantly, the Magi lifted his head. Sinbad's eyes were as gentle as his voice, but still very serious with an underlying tone of worry. "I cannot help you, if you don't let me. So I ask you, not as your king, but as your friend, please at least try to talk to me." A first step would be a first step with more to follow. Judar swallowed, shaking his head.
A sudden thought came up in his mind. Would Sinbad find him disgusting, if he discovered his secret? Judar wouldn't blame him. He himself sometimes couldn't stand his own skin, feeling filthy and defiled, utterly disgusting. In those times, he always wished he could claw right out of his own body and just leave it all behind, as if it never happened.
"Judar?" Sinbad's soft voice drew him out of his dark thoughts and Judar slowly shook his head, suddenly feeling tired and drained.
"Alright." He was slightly surprised. Judar had thought that the High King would be far more persistent. "But you will eat more, alright? You can also take your meals up here, if that makes you more comfortable." Judar just nodded. What else could he do or say? He already knew that Sinbad would argue the whole night with him about that topic if necessary.
Silence settled between them, until Sinbad laid back down and put his hands behind his head, staring up at the ceiling. He seemed somewhat deep in thought, his eyebrows slightly drawn together, and the look in his eyes absentminded.
Quietly, so not to disturb the king, Judar shifted until he was lying on his side, with his back turned to Sinbad. Staring out of the window, the Magi listened to the slow, steady breaths of the High King. Sleep was still far from his mind. He knew that his nightmares wouldn't leave him alone tonight and probably also the next nights. Judar didn't know what to do anymore. Whatever helped him calm down in the past wasn't working this time around and he hated it. After all, he wasn't even in the Kou Empire anymore – and probably would never be again, at least not as their Magi.
Slowly, he closed his eyes and exhaled a quiet, long breath, before he felt and heard Sinbad shift behind him. Freezing up, Judar felt a small touch on his shoulder. Carefully turning his head, he looked back to his king. Sinbad was looking seriously at him, a hand stretched out.
"Do you want to try something out?" Judar blinked in slight surprise. Try out what? He frowned slightly. What was going on in this idiot king's head?
"What?" Judar asked hesitantly. He wasn't sure if he would like the answer.
"Turn around." Sinbad's voice was quiet, but strong. The young Magi hesitated for a long moment, until he carefully moved to face the king. His body was tense and he couldn't help but feel uneasy. He…yes, he trusted Sinbad, but did he actually trust him enough to just do as he asked? Judar actually started to grow afraid of what he would want. No. Quickly, the Magi banned those thoughts from his head. Sinbad wouldn't do anything. He didn't before and he wouldn't now. Right?
Judar snapped out of his thoughts when the king stretched out both of his arms, slowly drawing the smaller male closer to him. It wasn't an embrace, just the barest resemblance of a hug. Swallowing, Judar found his head laying on one of Sinbad's arms. He was close enough to the king to feel his body heat and smell his scent. Still, they weren't touching anywhere else. Sin's free arm was draped over his own hip and the High King slowly closed his eyes.
"Better?" He asked quietly. Slowly, Judar exhaled and felt his body relaxing by the second as nothing else happened. Was this better? Was he alright with this? Taking a deep breath, the raven haired Magi closed his eyes. The soothing chirping of the Rukh was reaching his ears, easing him further. They may have been pitch-black, but they still reassured him. He was safe.
"This is fine." Judar answered after a few minutes of silence. He actually felt somewhat…tired again, but in a drained, worn out way. His eyelids started to feel heavy and his body relaxed further. Sleep was still far away from him; his mind was too awake to rest now, but it still…felt better than the past nights. He felt more unwound and eased.
Shifting a bit, Judar slightly curled into himself and into the radiating warmth of Sinbad. The next second, he heard quiet, relaxed breaths, almost snores from the High King. The idiot was asleep. Judar smiled dryly for a short moment, before he felt the smile turn into something…fond.
He would never tell Sinbad, but for the first time, he was glad to share a bed with the king. Why they still did it was actually kind of beyond him. The generals of Sindria started trusting him after all. But somehow…Judar hadn't addressed the matter of getting his own room and Sinbad hadn't either.
A part of Judar had been afraid – a childish fear in his mind, but it still was there – that he would find out that his life in Sindria would be nothing than a dream. He had been afraid to wake up in a dark room, in a bed with heavy, thick silken sheets and a heavy, disgusting body beside him. He was afraid to smell the odd scent of strong, dizzying incense and feel a thick, fleshy hand on his thigh, touching him even in his sleep.
Judar shuddered and before he realized it, he had shifted again, almost in direct contact with Sinbad's body now. He took a deep breath, smelling the scent of jasmine, the sun, and ocean around him. He smelt warmth and kindness. He was safe. As safe as he could be.
Carefully stretching his body out until he felt like a lazy cat, Judar pulled the bed sheets over his shoulder. Maybe he could dare to fall asleep a second time this night.
