War Bride - Chapter 7 - Piteous Realties of Home and Family
A/N: Glad everyone enjoyed the wedding night chapter, and now to the morning after. Once again, thank you to everyone, you guys rock! :-D
Tom's goodbyes to his children, and his very new wife, had been emotionally sorrowful and demonstrably loving, in both public and private. No one observing either would ever have looked upon those scenes and believed Rachel to be anyone else but the wife of his heart.
She knew that.
And yet she still doubted herself, could not avoid it.
Those anonymous observers didn't know what she did.
And they would never suspect what she didn't.
They didn't know of the great doubt filled void that existed from so many unsaid words. They were probably all naturally assuming the existence of many love filled assurances…rather than the soul destroying none she had received.
That morning had been quiet, the morning after the night before.
The morning after their marriage.
The morning after the consummation of their marriage.
The morning after their first time.
It was all these things.
But Rachel preferred to remember it as the morning after he had made love to her for the first time…because oh god, that was what it had felt like.
It felt so much like love, just like waking up cradled in his strong arms had.
Yes, since they had become man and wife, for that brief time, Tom could have been described as extremely expressive in his actions towards his new bride.
Again, both in public and in private, so she, with much relief at least, knew it had not only been for appearances sake.
But still his breadth of words to her had been minuscule!
Completely non-existent when it came to the subject of 'them'! Though she suspected her husband had considered 'the question of them' something of a moot point after they were married…and in any other situation he might have been correct.
They had woken early, naked in each other's arms, and while both their eyes had clearly communicated the desire to 'make the most the situation' they had not had the time or the desire to be that selfish. And as their lust clouded minds seemed to simultaneously defog and realize the exact same thing at the exact same time…their ardor had lessened significantly, as the harsh light of day and the harsh realities it brought with it had dawned upon them both.
The day before, their wedding…had been a time for them to forget what was coming, as much as was possible.
The night before, their wedding night, a night of loving….as she liked to believe it and remember it, their single night together...it had also been a time out of time that was just for them.
But no such reprieve from time and circumstance had existed that morning.
Their reprieves had been fleeting and surreal but as dawn broke they had ended, and they both knew it.
They had run out of time.
His ship was to sail before midday…and there had been much to do before. Not least of which had been spend some of that precious little time with his children. She knew that and she had not begrudged it for a second.
In fact she had felt guilty at the realization, as she knew she had stolen a significant portion of his children's last few days with their father…something that she doubted was insignificant in the eventual bumpy road she was to travel as new mother to her new family.
She remembered their few family moments, before they all had left for the docks. Of course she had not yet even been moved into the family abode, that it had been voicelessly assumed she would inhabit. The moving of her meagre possessions had been an uncomfortable task that had awaited her the next day.
Tom had taken her 'home' that morning from the hotel. Two female crewmembers had kindly taken home and stayed with Tom's children the night before, but both were to ship out with Tom that morning, so they have fast taken their leave after she and Tom had arrived 'home'.
Home. It had been such a foreign concept to her then.
And it was still a somewhat strange one now. For her 'home' situation could hardly be called in any way normal, even thought it was much improved from its earlier days…
Family. That was another strange concept to her. Very much then, and unfortunately still now.
All her preexisting notions and experiences of the meaning word had been far from ideal to that point. And they had hardly grown by leaps and in her current situation.
Yes, her family situation was still, all these months later, quite unconventional and still somewhat uncertain. Regardless of the great strides made, she was still mother to children who had had her presence thrust upon them. She was still the questionably real wife of an absentee husband. And she was still about to add to the number of her husband's offspring…significantly…without either his knowledge or his presence.
She dearly hoped both those last things could be resolved before the birth, but she held distressing doubts…her time was fast approaching. And there had been no word in months…
Most uncomfortably of all, she continued, on a circadian basis, to receive the saddest and most pity filled looks…from everyone!
The looks had started immediately upon Tom's departure. Sympathy at being parted from her beloved, no doubt.
They had got considerably worse as news of the James' 'missing' status had spread…and it had spread fast.
They had been damn near intolerable when news of her condition had spread, almost immediately following the first revelation.
And she had basically been in hiding, as much as was possible, since her belly had started to grow, as the looks she was being assaulted with these days made her want to both cry and scream, all at the same time. And with much embarrassment she had to admit there had been times that she had done both…in private, of course.
She knew people were sad for her, to have lost her true love…as they believed.
Too be about to birth his offspring, that he was never to even meet…as they believed.
She was sure she was a pitiful sight to behold if one believed all that…but she refused to...not completely.
She couldn't.
She simply couldn't afford to. At this stage, hope was the only thing keeping her together, and she had to keep it together. She had no other options. Too many people relied on her already and things were about to get a whole lot more…exciting, on that score…
And all these embarrassingly wretched looks she was receiving from every direction was while she still largely held her heartbreaking secret fear, that she was not in fact truly the wife of her husbands heart at all.
Though she wondered if that would make things better or worse in the eyes of her many unrepentant sympathizers.
Worse probably…
TBC
